What would you do if...

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a friend uses you to tell all the bad stuff happening in life? Everyone else gets the happy news. You get nothing but the horrible stuff. And it doesn't matter what's going on in your life, whether you're having a good time or bad time. When the person contacts you it's about the horrible stuff only.

(And, this has absolutely nothing to do with anything on CC. I'm just seeing what others would do.)
 
Can you change the subject? OR IF not, just keep talking and don't let them get a word in :p. Or start reading them something that you just HAVE to read to them.

Seriously, when this happens, I bring up the fact that when they talk about the "bad", they are just reliving it in their feelings. That I want their time with me to be a feel good time - and a reprieve from all the gunk.

Or I just dump them. Some people like the role of victim. And want the attention it brings. And I don't have time for that!
 
I'm asking what others would do to see if maybe there is another choice I haven't considered yet.
 
It would be very, very hard not to just ignore those people or shut them down. So, my intellectual response, at any rate (I'm not sure I'd be able to keep it up in practice) would be pray for strength and light? :)
 
New to Finding Jesus and pray all the time but struggle with demon's. Tempting me and I need HELP!
 
markhere said:
New to Finding Jesus and pray all the time but struggle with demon's. Tempting me and I need HELP!
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I don't understand what kind of help you need, but you might want to check out the different forums on here, find the one that seems to fit what type of help you'd like and start a new post. More people will see your request, and you'll give more info so folks can help you. Here? All they're deciding is if they can answer my question, and then if they want to. But your post is down the thread further, so most people won't notice it.

Welcome to CC though.
 
Hi Lynn, it's a difficult one really.

We are to bear each other's burdens and I think that is the way forward most of the
time. But sometimes if our own burdens are too much to bear then we do not have the
strength to help and support another. There are times when our mountain can seem like
a molehill to another person and vice versa.

You could try explaining and setting out your own issues and struggles and points for
prayer. Maybe swap prayer points for example with the other person. It might open up
a better understand between you both of each other's needs.

If the other person is not a Christian then the average person is still usually able
to support and help, encourage another even if they don't feel able to pray.

If however the other person can't see, lacks empathy for anyone else's position but
there own, or is incapable of understanding but continues to load you up. Then you
will have to decide how best to cope with this based on own judgement and circumstances.


If you can let it just roll off you and put it to one side that is one coping mechanism, I have
to do this with my aunt fairly often.

If that is not possible then for the sake of your own mental health and well being, you may
have to distance yourself from them so as not to get physically drained by them.
Yes we are to be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves but no where does it say
we are to be dogs bodies and allow ourselves to be trampled all over.

If you have anything you would like me to pray about for you then please feel free to
pm me :)
 
My problem is I'm not a roll-off kind of person. I'm very empathetic, to the point I can only go to the prayer forum when I can take on someone else's load. Same thing with Family Forum. I only go there when I have the emotional strength to do so. And, if you look closely, I don't hit every post. Some posts just break my heart too much to respond to.

Fortunately, on here, there are enough here that when one of us lacks the strength any particular day, there are others who will take it up. We don't get that all the time offline.

This person has been an email friend since our days on AOL. (Back when AOL was winning over Compuserve, so it's been a long time. lol) I ran out of strength 18 months ago, which, timing wise was a perfect time to do so. I simply stopped responding. I didn't want to be cross, but I felt like boulders were placed on my shoulder so that person could walk away without the load anymore. And, in this case, that ends up being exactly what happened.

Then, in January, John wanted me to notify people on FB what was happening, since that's where our friends and family connect. (I kept it quiet for two months just because I knew the second I told anyone they'd want constant updates, and well, you know how much time we have for that sort of thing.)

Bonus on notifying everyone: This friend PM'd me with a quick "sorry to hear that" before 20 screen fulls of "whatever happened about ME." It broke my heart again, and the situation resolved itself in a bad way, but I had to get the long details exactly at that moment when John was having problems with delirium and his family and my family were aghast that I kept this secret from them. Again, I said nothing.

Yesterday, I got a long PM describing the death of the person that had (past tense, because it had been over before I broke off responding to the friend) caused that much pain in my friends life.

It's my Dad's story in shortened form. What took three years to happen in Dad's life (dementia, alcoholism, hoarding, danger to self and others, etc.) took three months in that person's life and that person was out of friend's life already. It hit WAY to close to home. And out of all that, the closest thing I got for "how are you doing and what's up with you" was "Hope John's better" as a closing remark. I didn't tell what's going on with John or Dad because there was no time in this friend's life to listen.

The camel's back broke. I'm just interested in if I missed something. Out of all the suggestions given so far, I've tried them all. And, nope, not-a-Christian at all, but I'm supposed to respect the friend is "spiritual."

I told this friend I don't have the strength to be a personal dumping ground anymore.

Guess how that went over.

I still feel bad, and now... guilty. (What a horrible way to die.) I'm trying to figure out if it's guilty of sin or just a feeling.
 
Hi Lyn,

It's up to you what you feel you may want to do.

Maybe a brief. "I'm sorry if I spoke out of turn but I just need some time right now to deal
with my difficulties"

Or "please understand this isn't personal but I'm under a lot of pressure also" etc

Or maybe it is just time to move on from that person.

Most reasonable people would understand, if they don't then maybe they are not
the person you thought they were.
 
Ps I know the feeling about not always having adequate words to help of
pray for another, but as you say, there is always someone else on here who
does and has been in that situation who is more able to help. :)
 
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