I just want to encourage you the God loves you and he is going to use you, and perhaps not being healed is part of that!
I suffer from severe Rheumatoid Arthritis. It has been under control more or less, again for a few months because of very strong chemo drugs. Three of them! But the 2 year med failure left me with a lot more deformities, plus I was not able to keep up exercising vigorously, so I have other issues as a result of the muscles not being strong enough to support the joints.
Last night the pain was so bad, I began to long for death. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy with my life. God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, children and grandchildren, a beautiful home and garden, a caring church, and so much to live for. But in the night, sometimes, the pain is so excruciating, I just want it to stop. And God understands, although he doesn't stop it. I know he has his reasons, but he has not shared them with me.
My testimony of not being healed, which I have shared here many times, is how this evil, destructive Word Faith heresy is a lie from the pit of hell! When I first got sick, 20 years ago, before I even had a diagnosis, I was prayed for by several Word Faith friends who "claimed" healing for me, when I was not healed, they judged and condemned me for my lack of faith. At least I had the wisdom to know that a Christian cannot be possessed by demons.
The lack of healing, the pain and condemnation drove me into a terrible depression. I turned away from God. I stopped going to church, and reading my Bible, which I had read daily for 17 years. I turned my face to the wall, like Hezekiah. But God was faithful. He never left me, and started urging me to read 5 Psalms daily. At first, I was so angry at God, I would not do it. But the urging was so strong, I finally picked up a Bible, and started reading!
What a joy to find real people in those pages. People who were hurting, but praised God anyway. People who cried out to God but did not demand or claim healing. God gave me so many verses, including some on depression, and that God is utterly in control. Then God called me to seminary, where I learned about hermeneutics, or Bible interpretation, and how wrong my Word Faith friends were in their petty, shallow and wrong interpretation of the Bible.
For instance, healing is not in the atonement. Isa. 53 has been wrongly pulled out of context! (I did a thread on this a while back!) But God also comforted me, and helped me begin real growth in character.
"More than that, we rejoice in our suffering, knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out by the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
As for my Word Faith friends who prayed for me, then, judged and condemned me, one got cancer, claimed healing, refused meds and died, the other got severe prostate problems, ended up getting emergency surgery when a non Word Faith friend fiubd him on the floor dying in pain, and took him to the hospital. He is alive and doing well at age 87, and has regular check ups with his doctor!
I hate people who put God in a box. Either they say God must heal, or he does not heal. Those are extremes! I think God sometimes heals when it is for his glory. And sometimes he does not heal for his glory! When I was in seminary, there was a man who graduated a few years ahead of me. He got ALS. Everyone prayed for him. But he was not healed! But, he used his time in prayer and intercession, and to lead his caregivers to the Lord. He is with the Lord now, and there is a scholarship in his name, at the seminary. God was gloried!