When People Get in Circles

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CherieR

CherieR

Senior Member
May 6, 2017
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Sometimes it can happen for me if I go to a group or gathering that people will get in these circles and be chatting but I may feel lonely or left out and not exactly sure how to enter in. How do you join dicussions when everyone else in in their circle? When I used to go to this prayer group I felt the same feeling of feeling isolated but I would also have trouble focusing in.
 
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Sometimes, people just go towards familiar friends by habit. We just get self absorbed and forget to look around. When I feel like that, I look for someone else outside of those circles who might need a friend, like me.
 
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I normally feel the same... But I'm tired of superficial relationships... Even at the church: after service people just talk for half an hour and there is no deepness, you know?
I'm feeling alone and feeling that I'm not trusting completely in God. Somehow I'm pushing myself away from Him :(
 
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CherieR said:
Sometimes it can happen for me if I go to a group or gathering that people will get in these circles and be chatting but I may feel lonely or left out and not exactly sure how to enter in. How do you join dicussions when everyone else in in their circle? When I used to go to this prayer group I felt the same feeling of feeling isolated but I would also have trouble focusing in.
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I think that happens no matter what your age.

I go up and stand around see if I can join in. Or sit at a table in the coffee bar and
try to chat. Sometimes it’s fine, other times people look at me like I’m from another planet!
Even worse it’s when they continue to stare at their mobile phones!

It took me ages to be able to do that, at one time I would be too shy or lack the confidence.
Now I don’t really care what people think. At least im being friendly and trying to have
biblical fellowship. What they are doing or not doing,
is on their own conscience.

By the way I’ve met some really interesting people doing that. One was a lady
who was a nurse and had just come to the church for the first time and was feeling
lonely.
 
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Diva said:
I normally feel the same... But I'm tired of superficial relationships... Even at the church: after service people just talk for half an hour and there is no deepness, you know?
I'm feeling alone and feeling that I'm not trusting completely in God. Somehow I'm pushing myself away from Him :(
Click to expand...

Yep, but often times people may feel the pressure to appear like they got it all together. Yet when we are honest about struggles perhaps others may be more willing to share theirs. Still, there are many familiar faces I know but I don't share all my personal struggles with everyone I see. And that is fine. Not everyone is to be trusted with personal matters or wants to know about it. Yes, definitely can relate to trouble trusting God. People can tell you to trust God and preach on it but unless you have your own conviction about trusting God and learned how to trust him yourself, it may not be enough. And for people who are not prone to trusting in God because he cannot be seen and heard and perhaps were taught wrong about him, it may be this process of relearning and renewing as to what really is true about God.
 
CherieR said:
Sometimes it can happen for me if I go to a group or gathering that people will get in these circles and be chatting but I may feel lonely or left out and not exactly sure how to enter in. How do you join dicussions when everyone else in in their circle? When I used to go to this prayer group I felt the same feeling of feeling isolated but I would also have trouble focusing in.
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You need to purposefully position yourself in the group. Choose a target and invade his personal space, but within his line of sight, and in such a way he has space to back away. It helps if you look him in the eye while you do this. He will naturally step back, so as to regain his customary amount of personal space, and you're in the circle. Position your feet toward the centre of the group.

Have 60 seconds worth of questions or conversation to say to one member of the group. Either join in the existing conversation, or start your own questions/conversation. If you feel comfortable, continue the conversation you started. If you don't, go through your entire 60 seconds worth of conversation. Give opportunity for the target to say something. Listen. It's easier to listen than to talk. Try to ask questions about what the target tells. When your 60 seconds of pre-composed conversation expire, feel free to leave the group. You've made first contact.

Repeat the process, ideally with the same people, each gathering. By about the 4th or 5th time, the people you have selected will have grown accustomed to you, so will be more open to including you in the group. If not, these will still be more acclimatised to your presence. Continue the process with different people to make more friends, ideally changing the content in your 60 seconds of pre-composed conversation, and lengthening this as you gain confidence.
 
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