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Dave1991
Guest
I first want to start of by saying this is my first post ever here . Before I give into details of my situation I want to start off saying I was raised Christian through my whole life , i served a great deal in my church never hesitated always willing . I was doing good in my faith , I had a promising job and my family consisting of my wife and 2 boys . That year I came down sick with Bell's palsy and chronic TMJ . It resulted in me losing my job , I got on pills and slowly started losing my faith . I spent two years basically in my room drowning in pills and in pain . I wouldn't leave the house because I was always drugged up or didn't feel good . Developed bad depression , anxiety and sucidal tendencies . Through out this my mom and wife were my support group but that slowly started fading after a long process of always hurting always drugged up. I started noticing that in the beginning they were there trying to bring me up and being helpful but after some time i became a burden . I can feel the lack of compassion and I can feel how bothersome I was being . So I did the stupidest mistake of my life , I decided that they already did enough for me that I would just disconnect myself from them and stop bothering them . In my head if I stop being a burden they would come around and want to be with me . After two years comes around I start feeling that my wife wasn't loving me and I was being hurt by it . So in march my wife (from her story ) says that she was sad and overwhelmed that she couldn't be of help to me and that she missed me and wanted more of me . Keep in mind we didn't really do much as far go out or even go to church . Sex was still something we did on a regular basis . But we both agree there was a great emotional disconnect in our marriage . She for some reason got hit on by three guys they offered her their numbers and from her story says that she didn't pay the numbers any mind . Till one day she saw them in her desk drawer and decided to text them. Her intentions from what she tells me is that she wanted to use them to think of me . She didn't text them much over all maybe 30 messages in a span of 3 weeks all together only out of all the messages two of them where sexual and from what she says they didn't even respond to them . Until the last days of the three weeks one guy in particular asked her " would you like to have sex" . And unfortunately she said yes . They planned where and she said the day she was suppose to meet him she didn't even remember where she was going she had dressed to meet her sister to work out . Her sister picked her up from the house and she tells me she had every intention to go work out . Till she saw his truck. Then she remembered she was suppose to meet him . She tells me her intentions was to talk to someone about her problems not to have sex and then she said she got in there and all of a sudden felt bad she didn't want to look at him didn't want anything to do with him but felt scared and decided to get in the back seat and took her pants off. She then tells me she gets on top of him and at that point she says she was so scared that she didn't know what to do so she says her reaction is to keep her self as high as she can to make sure he never goes in her . From what she says she was there maybe a minute or two and she got off because she felt disgusted from what she was doing . And after that she never text them except a few days later. Same guy wrote her . Are you married ? and she responded to him saying yes but after that when I found out she quit her job she never returned we moved cities and we did couseling with one of our church's leaders he was helping us get trough everything . All was good except for the fact that I don't believe the story , so here I am suffocating asking and asking and asking like a psycho to the point where we couldn't get a break. So our church leader suggested lay everything out on the table all the truth while doing fastening . So we did and for a few weeks we felt great but again in the back of my mind I felt something was up . One of the details she told me during that fastening was that his penis never touched her at all . So we go on and four months later she told me she was lying that the tip of his penis did touch her outer vagina and now I have no control over my thoughts wondering what else she's lying what else she could be hiding and it's driving our marriage to the point where we have tought of divorce . I have attempted to take my life twice at the pressure of not knowing and being sick still . I want to believe her because I want my marriage to work I've been with her since she was 14 (25 now and we married at 19 )and to make things more complicated through all our making up we have baby number three coming and this pregnancy due to all our problems keeps getting more and more complicated . Any help would be appreciated. I really want to move on we have too much at stake and she really is trying to do anything to make it work she's letting me have a app on her phone to track any messages and calls . She only goes any where with me and she has offered to go through any test , counseling and even has agreed to call him up and ask him in front of me what happen that night (but I don't want to her to hear his voice ). She's trying but this suffocation I feel about wanting the truth is to much I ask maybe 30 times a days if she's sure she's not lying and that's not healthy . Prayers would be appreciated too