When You Can't Pray or Hear God

ThereRoseaLamb · Jun 20, 2023

I don't know about sharing such a personal issue here in the forum. Some of our family don't even know this has happened. But I feel so torn up about it that I'm not sleeping. I cry when I think about it and I can't seem to hear God as much as I pray for wisdom. Right now I don't see a way out or how God can use this mess.

About three weeks ago my husband and I took my mother to my oldest nephews graduation. My husband took the day off work. We were so proud of him. We have always always been very close all of his growing up years. Just before graduation he visited my parents and we met his girlfriend.She seemed like a sweet girl. But my husband and I felt they seemed overly close for a couple only dating six months. And I had some concerns from what my sister had told me when I asked if she was a Christian.

Since then, around a week ago, my nephew called and said he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Devastated. They seem very happy and said they planned it that way to keep the relationship together. None of this sounds the least like my nephew. He was a very level headed young man. Didn't want anything to do with girlfriends. He was in JORTC and looking to head into the military to become an officer. Out of nowhere this girl appeared and he was smitten beyond reason. She isn't a Christian and my sister tried everything to wake my nephew up about the dangers of the situation. She sat them both down and talked to them both very openly and frankly. But it seems my nephew was bewitched. I understand they are both to blame but it seems so far out of character for my nephew. They are 18 yrs old.

I had a talk to my sister and it worried me even more. This girl is from a broken home. Her mother lives off the gov't and has basically a horders home. She also has been accused of stealing money. She is into demonic activities along with her boyfriend. My nephews girlfriends closest friend is gay who likes "older men that abuse him". She has another gay friend that she was pretending to date so his parents didn't find out he was gay. She does not know how to care for her own hygiene and health needs. Now they have a baby on the way. Neither of them will agree to adoption. My nephew has never had a job. My BIL got her a job and she decided she didn't want to go one day and left to go to a restaurant with my nephew. This is so far from how my nephew was taught and brought up. The home was always clean, the boys were always clean and they were caring for themselves as teens, showering and wearing clean clothes. We just don't see what it is that made my nephew turn from all he has known and been taught to fall for this girl. She is overweight and ill all the time. She is very manipulative of him and the moment he gets any money, she has it.

I just feel so devastated. I've prayed for these boys since they were babies in my lap. But it seems somehow the devil got a foothold. I'm at a loss. They are too immature to bring up a child, but I can't imagine giving up the child. My sister wants them to adopt, my BIL wants them to keep it. That is causing intense stress. It's clear this girl was not a virgin and I think it was quite easy to manipulate my nephew who was green as grass. But he made this choice, went against his mothers wishes and advice and seems to have left all sense and God behind. I guess I just needed to get this out and vent and maybe ask for your prayers. I don't know of any advice anyone could give in this situation.

Redcars · Jun 20, 2023

Sorry this is happening and it does sound awful. This entire story is mainly blaming the girl for everything. She herself is lost and a product of her environment. On the other hand the boy had a great upbringing yet they both ended up in the same place, if there was any blame to place it will be the boy. However, I don't think anyone should be blame. I would see this as an opportunity to try to win the girls soul and win her over to God. The baby could be raised in a good christian household instead of risking becoming of the devil. I think there is opportunity for them to walk with God. If they don't want to give their baby up and are forced to by peer pressure, either could end up self destructive behavior to cope with the loss and may further away from God. I'm just thinking of how to lessen the fighting or tension, maybe approaching this with love rather than blame may help. God bless you and help you

presidente · Jun 21, 2023

I have a nephew who was raised in church who went a bit wild in his teens, wanted to do online school, took a long time to complete that, stole money from his parents, got in financial and legal trouble for it. Finally he got a GED. I think he's 18 now, but he managed to get a night shift factory job that pays $22 an hour. I would imagine a young single man or even a small family could get by on that.

When I was a kid, an 18-year-old who had neither degree or a decent trade stood little chance of getting a decent-paying job and getting married at that age. I heard such tales from those who came of age in the 1960's, though. Inflation is crazy, but there is a labor shortage, and an 18-year-old might be able to work hard and support a child or a wife and child.

I would not be eager to tell a young man to give a child up for adoption. Paul said that he who will not provide for his own has denied the faith and is worse than an infidel. He was talking about providing for female relatives like mothers, and letting the church support them on the widows list. But should we encourage a young Christian man to give his kids up for adoption?

I know you are concerned with this girl, if you think she's promiscuous, has friends that hold to some of these evil ideas promoted by LGBT about sex and indulge in that kind of activity, and the practical side of coming from a filthy home.

Ideally, she would put her faith in Christ, they could both repent, get married, and she'd be open to some instruction on how to run a home.

I've got another relative who, many decades ago, got a divorced woman pregnant who had kids by her ex-husband and her then-imprisoned boyfriend. She'd leave the baby in a diaper too long. She indulged in drugs, which is what she was doing with this relative of mine, probably, after work. The 19-year-old who got her pregnant was from a Christian home. His mom prayed that God would show the mother that the baby would be better off with them. Then, she mother told the Christian grandmother of the baby, I know this baby would be better off with you. Then he was raised in a Christian home by his father, in his grandparents home for his earlier years.

Your post started off as being about hearing God. Have you asked God to speak to you about this situation? Do you think your not hearing might have something to do with this not being your decision?

I remember when I got a job teaching overseas many years ago, the school put me up for a month in a house that had pretty much all the teaching staff living in this neighborhood where they had recently opened the school. I was uncomfortable living with male and female coworkers, mostly female, but it was for one month. Then I had to find a place--- in this foreign country I had only spent maybe two months in.

So I was praying for God to speak to me and direct me about where to live. While living in this house, I had a disagreement with a female co-worker in the kitchen about something obvious-- that the spread on the local currency and dollar was widening as the currency fluctuated, and the way we were being paid a salary supposedly based on dollars, but not at the rate we bought at, cost us money. It didn't seem to be an argument to me. So I go to pray about stuff and I perceive the Lord wants me to go back and smooth things over with this woman. I thought why? I didn't say anything bad to her. I went in there, and we talked, and sure enough she was upset about it, but realized she shouldn't have been.

I noticed with all that praying about where to live, when I listened and perceived I was hearing something about settling a matter with someone I lived with. I can be praying for direction on something, and not hear anything, but get a word to encourage someone else. Sometimes I have prayed about where to move to and perceived that I was hearing God, but sometimes not. If God doesn't speak to us about decisions, we can apply Proverbs 3:5-6 and trust God to direct us. We can also trust God to provide for food, drink, and clothing whether we hear God or not. We have the Bible and we can also get direction from God through the written word.

ThereRoseaLamb · Jun 21, 2023

presidente said:

Thanks brother, there is a lot of wisdom here. My feeling is the child shouldn't be given up for adoption. I don't want to go against his parents, but at some point I expect he will come to my husband and I for advice. I guess maybe I'm not "hearing" God because Im afraid to make a bad situation worse by giving him advice against what his parents want.

My sister has made it clear she doesn't want to raise another child at her age. I understand that. But I have friends that had an adopted daughter. She had two children and walked away from them. At an older age, and with health issues, they decided to keep their grandchildren. Both of those children have contacted me on Facebook. One is married and a minister with a little one of his own. His sister has just contacted me and is a Christian also and seems very mature. I believe God honored their grandparents for the sacrifice they made.

My nephew has never gotten in trouble before. Went to church, school and seemed mature. My sister did insist that she go to church with them. My sister is the song leader at her church but feels because of this she must step down. She has tried to talk to this girl about God but says she freezes up when she tries to talk to her. The girl knows where the family stands on homosexuality but her constant friend is gay. She treats him like a girlfriend. My prayer for her is that she come to the Lord, whether they stay together or they don't. She has a social worker because her home life is so bad.

My sister has told them they aren't allowed to visit my parents because of the situation. She doesn't want them to stay overnight together. The problem is I feel that is closing a door for him to talk this out. We have found out that the baby has a "very weak" heart. I don't know how God is going to work here. It's like a tornado has torn through our lives. We are just grieved. We can't understand how he fell into this situation. He was headed in one direction and has totally turned back on it over meeting this young woman.

Thanks for your words, I will read this again, I appreciate your wisdom brother.

presidente · Jun 21, 2023

I wonder if sharing the 'not provide for his own verse' with your sister and asking what she needs to do to lead her son in the right direction might have an impact. Is it possible for you (and your husband if you have one) to offer to open your home.

The mother of the then 19-year-old with the baby, when she heard he got a woman pregnant said, "I have already told you I am not going to be one of those women who raises her grandchildren into her old age." But that objection melted away, certainly by the time she held the baby. I remember, he was a very sweet affectionate little baby, too.

ThereRoseaLamb · Jun 21, 2023

presidente said:

Yes, that verse stood out to me as soon as I read it. I think it might be better coming from her mother than me so I will share it with her.

Yes, my husband and I were blessed with a large home. But I live about three hours from them all. I have told them we are there to support in any way we can. I already have furniture, home items like dishes, pillows, blankets, towels etc that I can give to them. It's just the two of us and people were very generous when we were married. I kept it all and much of it is brand new. We have a yard sale that runs through our area in Aug. that would be a good start to find baby items. I understand my sister is still in shock and she doesn't want them to marry. She said they would be divorced in a year. But I believe with love, help and support we at least should try to help them. Whether they keep the baby or not they can't live together. So that means they need to be engaged and a wedding before Christmas. My nephew believes he is in love, he's now an adult. There is no going back from this. I don't want to push my sister, but I think she needs to admit that his boyhood is gone because of his choices. I know it hurts but she has to face reality now. She is hoping this girl will just go away, I don't see it happening. I think it's better to prepare. They don't have a dime to their name, they are going to need the help.

Oddly my nephew called my parents and me about the situation, she is 5 mons. now. But his fathers side of the family still don't know. Im afraid when they do know the situation is going to get worse. We spoke with his grandparents on his fathers side at graduation and they mentioned not liking his gf, so this is about to get a lot worse. I fear mostly that all this will hit my nephew and he, or both of them, might do something stupid on top of this. Im praying they don't.

ThyKingdomComeSoon · Jun 21, 2023

ThereRoseaLamb said:

I don't know about sharing such a personal issue here in the forum. Some of our family don't even know this has happened. But I feel so torn up about it that I'm not sleeping. I cry when I think about it and I can't seem to hear God as much as I pray for wisdom. Right now I don't see a way out or how God can use this mess.

About three weeks ago my husband and I took my mother to my oldest nephews graduation. My husband took the day off work. We were so proud of him. We have always always been very close all of his growing up years. Just before graduation he visited my parents and we met his girlfriend.She seemed like a sweet girl. But my husband and I felt they seemed overly close for a couple only dating six months. And I had some concerns from what my sister had told me when I asked if she was a Christian.

Since then, around a week ago, my nephew called and said he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Devastated. They seem very happy and said they planned it that way to keep the relationship together. None of this sounds the least like my nephew. He was a very level headed young man. Didn't want anything to do with girlfriends. He was in JORTC and looking to head into the military to become an officer. Out of nowhere this girl appeared and he was smitten beyond reason. She isn't a Christian and my sister tried everything to wake my nephew up about the dangers of the situation. She sat them both down and talked to them both very openly and frankly. But it seems my nephew was bewitched. I understand they are both to blame but it seems so far out of character for my nephew. They are 18 yrs old.

I had a talk to my sister and it worried me even more. This girl is from a broken home. Her mother lives off the gov't and has basically a horders home. She also has been accused of stealing money. She is into demonic activities along with her boyfriend. My nephews girlfriends closest friend is gay who likes "older men that abuse him". She has another gay friend that she was pretending to date so his parents didn't find out he was gay. She does not know how to care for her own hygiene and health needs. Now they have a baby on the way. Neither of them will agree to adoption. My nephew has never had a job. My BIL got her a job and she decided she didn't want to go one day and left to go to a restaurant with my nephew. This is so far from how my nephew was taught and brought up. The home was always clean, the boys were always clean and they were caring for themselves as teens, showering and wearing clean clothes. We just don't see what it is that made my nephew turn from all he has known and been taught to fall for this girl. She is overweight and ill all the time. She is very manipulative of him and the moment he gets any money, she has it.

I just feel so devastated. I've prayed for these boys since they were babies in my lap. But it seems somehow the devil got a foothold. I'm at a loss. They are too immature to bring up a child, but I can't imagine giving up the child. My sister wants them to adopt, my BIL wants them to keep it. That is causing intense stress. It's clear this girl was not a virgin and I think it was quite easy to manipulate my nephew who was green as grass. But he made this choice, went against his mothers wishes and advice and seems to have left all sense and God behind. I guess I just needed to get this out and vent and maybe ask for your prayers. I don't know of any advice anyone could give in this situation.

confront ( gently ) the nephew with other family members then all of you help them on the right path;

Mat 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
Mat 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
Mat 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

This is what I personally would do.

Peace be upon you

Becky77 · Jun 24, 2023

Prayer is the only answer. God knows him, and how to speak to him. Daddy God we lift this young man up to you in Jesus name any plan the enemy has for him we rebuke it in Jesus name, and pray he walks in the path you have for him bring him back to you God. I lift up this young girl and I pray for salvation that through all this she will know you Jesus let your will be done in there life in Jesus name.

ThereRoseaLamb · Jun 24, 2023

Becky77 said:

Thank you so much! I spoke to him the other day, the first since he has spoken to me. He got himself a job that is good pay and he can learn some skills at. Also his gf is going to college, about an hour away. So those are some good responsible steps. My sister said she has taken her to church and gotten her involved with the womens group, brought her along to help. The more Christians she's around the better the influence. I appreciate your prayer so much. I spent all yesterday in total prayer. I was alone and I turned on one of the preachers and had the music going and just cried and prayed for them. Even when I don't see it, He's moving.

Becky77 · Jun 24, 2023

Yes He is always moving!! He truly is a good good Father!

Lanolin · Jul 3, 2023

You nephew has graduated from college so he can find a job that might be better paid..what was his degree in. He did not drop out. It just may take some time to find a home but they can either rent or he'll have to continue living with his parents with his girlfriend, until shes been trained up on motherhood enough to be able to handle looking after a house, baby and husband whos not going to ditch her.

I find the whole objection to raising grandchildren terrible. Your sister has an opportunity to be a blessing to this child and she wont take it. Pray for a change of heart.

ThereRoseaLamb · Jul 3, 2023

Lanolin said:

No, they are both 18, just graduated high school. He got a job he will start in a month or so, his very first. I have not yet had a chance to speak to him alone and see whether he's planning to get engaged or married. They told my sister they did this so they could stay together as a couple. Which is not something a young man says, it's obviously her idea. But just seem terribly immature, not yet understanding how life is going to change.

Lanolin · Jul 3, 2023

I recall when one of my co workers got pregnant with her boyfriend, both were living together but estranged from both parents (her dad abandonded her as a baby, he was a gambler) she was on only child, and he seemd to have this grudge against his own parents and quite athiest (dont know if they were religious) she had a job at the library and he was an artist type sparky whod lost his drivers licence.

We (co workers) really didnt like the bf as hed always make snarky comments and he acted like an immature boy she had to look after all the time. But anyway she chose him and wouldnt leave so yea they lived in a remote beach community

She had the baby a girl..but didnt really know the first thing about raising a child and got post natal depression. One time after the birth we went to visit and saw she didnt know how to settle the baby and had problems feeding. They did have a few basic items like a cot but no toys or much baby clothes and she looked exhausted

The only thing we could really do was pray for them, I couldnt do much and asked an elder at church to intercede iñ prayer and this was even before I knew she was pregnant. Anyway the next time we visited their place theyd left the house was empty and the landlord wouldn tell us where theyd gone. Last heard theyd moved downnthe country where it was cheaper to live but an aunt had taken upon herself to look, after the child and her , am not sure if the aunt was from her side or the guys side.

Thank God for that kind aunty!
we heard. nothing more from them as she didnt return to work and the baby would now be school age I think. Time flies. But I still believe God had a hand in her life and heard our prayers as I tried to be a friend to this workmate even when we didnt really like the bf! I felt she tried to mother him really as the way she talked about her bf was like he was her pet or something to look after and was too good for him, and it seemed like it was not her choice to have a baby, she just told me one day out of the blue while we were at the market, she was looking at baby clothes and said oh Im having a baby.
Relationships are funny things.

Anyway just wanted to share that with you as you being the aunty can make a difference I know you have a good heart. so be encouraged

ThereRoseaLamb · Jul 18, 2023

To those of you who have been remembering my nephew in prayer I thank you so much. He decided to visit with his girlfriend this week and they told us they are engaged. At my parents house I had a half hour to talk to my nephew alone and everything came rolling out. I didn't even ask a question, he started and couldn't stop. They are planning to get married and maybe moving to our town. My head is just spinning with all of this but I feel like even now God is answering prayer. Still trying to wait on Gods wisdom and timing in all of this. Please continue keeping this young couple in prayer.

Truth01 · Jul 29, 2023

Hi. There is a writer that wrote on this topic. If the lady has decided to attend church it seems God is working in your families lives, (which shouldn't be taken for granted), and your case is not exactly like the one described by the writer below. I am still posting this passage though ppossibly to help you get an idea of what a worse case scenario can be so you could identify quickly when your nephew starts heading that way and hopefully try intervene to bring things on a better course again. Eg if he starts to lose interest in religious things.

The thought of marriage seems to have a bewitching power upon the minds of many of the youth. Two persons become acquainted; they are infatuated with each other, and their whole attention is absorbed. Reason is blinded, and judgment is overthrown. They will not submit to any advice or control, but insist on having their own way, regardless of consequence. Like some epidemic, or contagion, that must run its course, is the infatuation that possesses them; and there seems to be no such thing as putting a stop to it. Perhaps there are those around them who realize that, should the parties interested be united in marriage, it could only result in lifelong unhappiness. But entreaties and exhortations are given in vain. Perhaps, by such a union, the usefulness of one whom God would bless in His service will be crippled and destroyed; but reasoning and persuasion are alike unheeded. All that can be said by men and women of experience proves ineffectual; it is powerless to change the decision to which their desires have led them. They lose interest in the prayer meeting, and in everything that pertains to religion. They are wholly infatuated with each other, and the duties of life are neglected, as if they were matters of little concern. Night after night, these young people burn the midnight oil to talk with each other—in reference to subjects of serious and solemn interest?—O no. Rather of frivolous things that are of no importance.

Truth01 · Jul 29, 2023

The author was a lady named Ellen G White. This is from a book she wrote called Messages to young people. If you can and are willing try get this book and get him to read this passage. It may help him to start seeing his situation in the third person.

ThereRoseaLamb · Jul 29, 2023

Truth01 said:

Thank you for that, I will look it up. This sounds very much like my nephew right now. The problem is that he came from a "churched" family but it was very unstable. My BIL has mental issues with anger and anxiety. My sister felt that she should try and stay in the marriage. I prayed with her, I cried with her, but I did not feel it was right for me to tell her to divorce. I knew it had to be hard on her boys, she didn't live close but when they came to our house we did the best to make them feel loved, to pay attention to them and take them places. But when it came time to go home, my oldest nephew never wanted to leave. From the time he was small he never wanted to go home.

The last time he visited with his now future wife, he exploded and started to talk about his childhood. And it just tore my heart in two. He said he had to carry everyones emotional baggage, but no one was there for him. I know many times it would get so bad my sister would leave and bring the boys up because her husband, a Christian, would beat holes in the walls, smash things and lose all control. When he said no one was there for him, this young man that is taller than me, I saw him as that little boy again. I reached out and grabbed his arm and said "I'm sorry we weren't there for you" and he said " no, you were the ONLY ones there for me!!" I know that my sister spent so much time and effort trying to save her marriage. In that mix, the children got lost. He is here this weekend visiting again. He's made a pretty firm decision to move to our town and leave his family behind, starting a new life with his future wife and child. I know this must hurt my sister. I haven't spoken to her and at this point I don't know what to say. Right now, prayer seems like the only right answer. My heart is broken for everyone and I wonder if I gave my sister the wrong advice all those years ago when I supported her decision to stay in her marriage. I do not know.

Truth01 · Jul 29, 2023

That situation sounds disheartening and much more complicated than i could ever give advice for. Its just very encouraging that his partner has shown interest in church and that he is trying to get a job. Shows that God is working. Will remember you and them in prayers.

ThereRoseaLamb · Nov 17, 2023

Truth01 said:

I can't believe time has passed so quickly. I was reading the responses again and saw your post. I have looked up that book and I have it bookmarked so I can turn to it. Life just got so busy.

The passing of time has not changed my sisters mind. I was hoping things were easing but she was talking to my mother today and she's as set against my nephew and his fiance as she was at the first, maybe more so. His father's family have pretty much turned their back on him. I am at a loss. Down deep I feel my sister somewhat replaced her husband with my nephew. I know that sounds odd, but I think that is why she feels such dislike of his fiance and is so angry with him. Just bad all around. It breaks my heart.

justahumanbeing · Nov 21, 2023

ThereRoseaLamb said:

I don't know about sharing such a personal issue here in the forum. Some of our family don't even know this has happened. But I feel so torn up about it that I'm not sleeping. I cry when I think about it and I can't seem to hear God as much as I pray for wisdom. Right now I don't see a way out or how God can use this mess.

About three weeks ago my husband and I took my mother to my oldest nephews graduation. My husband took the day off work. We were so proud of him. We have always always been very close all of his growing up years. Just before graduation he visited my parents and we met his girlfriend.She seemed like a sweet girl. But my husband and I felt they seemed overly close for a couple only dating six months. And I had some concerns from what my sister had told me when I asked if she was a Christian.

Since then, around a week ago, my nephew called and said he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. Devastated. They seem very happy and said they planned it that way to keep the relationship together. None of this sounds the least like my nephew. He was a very level headed young man. Didn't want anything to do with girlfriends. He was in JORTC and looking to head into the military to become an officer. Out of nowhere this girl appeared and he was smitten beyond reason. She isn't a Christian and my sister tried everything to wake my nephew up about the dangers of the situation. She sat them both down and talked to them both very openly and frankly. But it seems my nephew was bewitched. I understand they are both to blame but it seems so far out of character for my nephew. They are 18 yrs old.

I had a talk to my sister and it worried me even more. This girl is from a broken home. Her mother lives off the gov't and has basically a horders home. She also has been accused of stealing money. She is into demonic activities along with her boyfriend. My nephews girlfriends closest friend is gay who likes "older men that abuse him". She has another gay friend that she was pretending to date so his parents didn't find out he was gay. She does not know how to care for her own hygiene and health needs. Now they have a baby on the way. Neither of them will agree to adoption. My nephew has never had a job. My BIL got her a job and she decided she didn't want to go one day and left to go to a restaurant with my nephew. This is so far from how my nephew was taught and brought up. The home was always clean, the boys were always clean and they were caring for themselves as teens, showering and wearing clean clothes. We just don't see what it is that made my nephew turn from all he has known and been taught to fall for this girl. She is overweight and ill all the time. She is very manipulative of him and the moment he gets any money, she has it.

I just feel so devastated. I've prayed for these boys since they were babies in my lap. But it seems somehow the devil got a foothold. I'm at a loss. They are too immature to bring up a child, but I can't imagine giving up the child. My sister wants them to adopt, my BIL wants them to keep it. That is causing intense stress. It's clear this girl was not a virgin and I think it was quite easy to manipulate my nephew who was green as grass. But he made this choice, went against his mothers wishes and advice and seems to have left all sense and God behind. I guess I just needed to get this out and vent and maybe ask for your prayers. I don't know of any advice anyone could give in this situation.

This is out of your hands Sister. But God is there and is working in your life. As for the life of your nephew, he is still young. God will be with Him don't worry. It is all according to God's plan. Nothing is out of God's hands and nothing impossible for Him. Keep everything in prayer. This is not your battle to fight. God will fight this fight. He will redeem your nephew.

in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

When You Can't Pray or Hear God

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