There’s a strange kind of loneliness that comes when you genuinely want love, but you know you can’t begin a relationship.
Not because you don’t want someone.
Not because you’ve stopped believing in love.
And certainly not because your heart has nothing left to give.
It’s because life is already asking so much of you.
Sometimes I think people assume that if someone is single, they must be waiting for the right person. And maybe that’s true for some people.
But sometimes you’re not waiting.
Sometimes you’re simply surviving, serving, caring, healing, and trying to be obedient to God in the middle of everything He has placed in front of you.
That’s where I find myself.
I would love to have someone.
I would love to have a man I could talk to at the end of the day. Someone who asks how my day was and genuinely wants to know. Someone I could laugh with, pray with, sit beside on the porch with, and eventually build a life with.
I want marriage.
I want a family.
I want the kind of home where Christ is at the center, where there is prayer around the table, Scripture being read, laughter in the kitchen, and a husband and wife who genuinely love and serve one another.
But wanting those things doesn’t mean I’m currently in a place where I can start building them with someone.
My life is complicated.
There are family responsibilities that can’t simply be put on hold because I met someone I like. There are people who need me. There are things happening around me that require my attention, my energy, and sometimes every ounce of strength I have.
And then there are the things nobody sees.
The emotional weight.
The grief.
The decisions.
The responsibilities.
The uncertainty.
The process of figuring out what comes next.
There are days when I barely have enough room in my mind to think about tomorrow, much less build a relationship with someone else.
And I don’t want to bring a man into my life just to give him the leftovers of me.
He deserves more than that.
I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry I can’t talk tonight because something else happened.”
I don’t want to constantly cancel plans because somebody needs me.
I don’t want a good man wondering where he fits in my life because I don’t even know where everything fits myself.
And maybe that’s one of the hardest parts.
You can meet someone who makes you think, “Maybe.”
Maybe this could be something.
Maybe this person could be different.
Maybe I could actually fall in love again.
And yet, sometimes the timing still isn’t right.
Because a person can be right and your life can still be wrong for beginning something.
That doesn’t make the feelings fake.
It doesn’t make the desire disappear.
It just means you have to be honest about what you are capable of giving.
I’ve learned that loneliness can make you want to rush.
It can make you want to grab onto the first person who makes you feel seen.
But I don’t want to build a relationship out of loneliness.
I want to build one out of peace.
I want a relationship where I don’t have to abandon everything God has entrusted to me just to make room for a man.
I want a man who understands that sometimes loving me means understanding that my responsibilities matter.
And perhaps most importantly, I want to be able to enter a relationship freely not because I’m desperate for someone to rescue me from my circumstances, but because I’m actually in a place where I can walk beside someone.
So for now, I’m learning to be okay with the tension between wanting love and not being ready for it.
I can want a husband and still wait.
I can desire a family and still trust God’s timing.
I can miss having someone and still refuse to settle for someone who isn’t right.
And I can care about someone without pretending that I have a life that currently has unlimited space for a relationship.
Maybe someday my circumstances will change.
Maybe the responsibilities that consume so much of my life right now will look different.
Maybe God will open a door I couldn’t have opened myself.
And when He does, I don’t want to have to wonder whether I was wrong to wait.
I want to know that I was faithful with the season I was given.
Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a future relationship is not start one before you’re ready.
Sometimes you have to let God finish what He’s doing in your life before you ask Him to add someone else to it.
And that doesn’t mean love isn’t coming.
It simply means that right now, there are things God has placed in my hands that require me to hold them with both of them.
So if you see me single, don’t assume my heart is closed.
It isn’t.
I’m just learning that having a heart that wants love doesn’t mean I have to force love into a season where there isn’t room for it.
I’m still hoping.
Still praying.
Still believing.
And when the time is right, I want to be able to say:
“I waited not because I didn’t want love, but because I wanted the kind of love worth waiting for.”
Not because you don’t want someone.
Not because you’ve stopped believing in love.
And certainly not because your heart has nothing left to give.
It’s because life is already asking so much of you.
Sometimes I think people assume that if someone is single, they must be waiting for the right person. And maybe that’s true for some people.
But sometimes you’re not waiting.
Sometimes you’re simply surviving, serving, caring, healing, and trying to be obedient to God in the middle of everything He has placed in front of you.
That’s where I find myself.
I would love to have someone.
I would love to have a man I could talk to at the end of the day. Someone who asks how my day was and genuinely wants to know. Someone I could laugh with, pray with, sit beside on the porch with, and eventually build a life with.
I want marriage.
I want a family.
I want the kind of home where Christ is at the center, where there is prayer around the table, Scripture being read, laughter in the kitchen, and a husband and wife who genuinely love and serve one another.
But wanting those things doesn’t mean I’m currently in a place where I can start building them with someone.
My life is complicated.
There are family responsibilities that can’t simply be put on hold because I met someone I like. There are people who need me. There are things happening around me that require my attention, my energy, and sometimes every ounce of strength I have.
And then there are the things nobody sees.
The emotional weight.
The grief.
The decisions.
The responsibilities.
The uncertainty.
The process of figuring out what comes next.
There are days when I barely have enough room in my mind to think about tomorrow, much less build a relationship with someone else.
And I don’t want to bring a man into my life just to give him the leftovers of me.
He deserves more than that.
I don’t want to say, “I’m sorry I can’t talk tonight because something else happened.”
I don’t want to constantly cancel plans because somebody needs me.
I don’t want a good man wondering where he fits in my life because I don’t even know where everything fits myself.
And maybe that’s one of the hardest parts.
You can meet someone who makes you think, “Maybe.”
Maybe this could be something.
Maybe this person could be different.
Maybe I could actually fall in love again.
And yet, sometimes the timing still isn’t right.
Because a person can be right and your life can still be wrong for beginning something.
That doesn’t make the feelings fake.
It doesn’t make the desire disappear.
It just means you have to be honest about what you are capable of giving.
I’ve learned that loneliness can make you want to rush.
It can make you want to grab onto the first person who makes you feel seen.
But I don’t want to build a relationship out of loneliness.
I want to build one out of peace.
I want a relationship where I don’t have to abandon everything God has entrusted to me just to make room for a man.
I want a man who understands that sometimes loving me means understanding that my responsibilities matter.
And perhaps most importantly, I want to be able to enter a relationship freely not because I’m desperate for someone to rescue me from my circumstances, but because I’m actually in a place where I can walk beside someone.
So for now, I’m learning to be okay with the tension between wanting love and not being ready for it.
I can want a husband and still wait.
I can desire a family and still trust God’s timing.
I can miss having someone and still refuse to settle for someone who isn’t right.
And I can care about someone without pretending that I have a life that currently has unlimited space for a relationship.
Maybe someday my circumstances will change.
Maybe the responsibilities that consume so much of my life right now will look different.
Maybe God will open a door I couldn’t have opened myself.
And when He does, I don’t want to have to wonder whether I was wrong to wait.
I want to know that I was faithful with the season I was given.
Because sometimes the most loving thing you can do for a future relationship is not start one before you’re ready.
Sometimes you have to let God finish what He’s doing in your life before you ask Him to add someone else to it.
And that doesn’t mean love isn’t coming.
It simply means that right now, there are things God has placed in my hands that require me to hold them with both of them.
So if you see me single, don’t assume my heart is closed.
It isn’t.
I’m just learning that having a heart that wants love doesn’t mean I have to force love into a season where there isn’t room for it.
I’m still hoping.
Still praying.
Still believing.
And when the time is right, I want to be able to say:
“I waited not because I didn’t want love, but because I wanted the kind of love worth waiting for.”
