when your wife will not help mend the marriage

  • Thread starter Thread starter jknotts2
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LRG said:
I'm kind of old school and I think it is the man that chases the woman and not the other way around.
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By wanting to be chased, a woman improves her perceived value. That's why she does it. The man won't think she's cheap and easy. Men wanting to win back an estranged wife need to do things to improve their perceived value, and chasing the woman doesn't do that.

You mention nice guys finish last. That sounds kind of dysfunctional to me.
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Nice guys really do finish last. Part of the reason is dysfunctionality, where people can't appreciate niceness in others. Sometimes bad people feel bad (guilty) in the presence of nice people, so they don't like nice people. But, another part of it is that by being nice, someone might be coming up short in other areas. It's not dysfunctional to not appreciate someone who's niceness equates with being a doormat.

 
Jamal said:
By wanting to be chased, a woman improves her perceived value. That's why she does it. The man won't think she's cheap and easy. Men wanting to win back an estranged wife need to do things to improve their perceived value, and chasing the woman doesn't do that.



Nice guys really do finish last. Part of the reason is dysfunctionality, where people can't appreciate niceness in others. Sometimes bad people feel bad (guilty) in the presence of nice people, so they don't like nice people. But, another part of it is that by being nice, someone might be coming up short in other areas. It's not dysfunctional to not appreciate someone who's niceness equates with being a doormat.

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Well, they need to figure out why the estrangement happened in the first place. It is kind of like fixing something that is broken. Each situation is different and there is no secret formula.

I agree with your comment regarding bad people not liking nice people. But when you choose a mate you should be choosing someone who basically has the same value system and faith so that really shouldn't be an issue.

Being nice is not being a doormat. You can be nice and still have boundaries. Ever heard of tough love?
 
jknotts2, I'm sorry this is over two years after the original posting but I can relate to this. After all I have been through with my wife, she still does not want to participate in the "rehab" of our marriage- she says she is not about to go into a marriage counselor (Christian or secular) who is going to judge her. I have not been able to get her to join me in marriage counseling, even though she continues in her adulterous affair with alcohol. Like you, I don't believe in divorce- as long as she is not being abusive towards me, we will tolerate each other. It's hard, but I believe that if we as men stay true to God's Word we will see a reward at the end of the day. Please let me know how you are doing- I'm new to this group.
 
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