Where do you draw the line on physical contact for singles?

[Ugly]

Our world stands on the pressapuss of ANHILATION? And you have the gull to accuse me over overstateing:

will check this out:
+https://www.healthfreedomusa.org/action/step3/petition-letter.shtml+

If you're going to try to make yourself look all wise and super spiritual... I'd avoid using words you can't spell. Just a suggestion, but it does very little to increase your credibility.

 

[Peepers]

It's not a myth, it's just not a factor for some people.
There are people for whom the emotional connection is more important than physical intimacy and only a minimal amount of physical intimacy is required for them to be strong in a relationship, but there are people who directly express their love physically, we are all slightly different in this regard, for the latter type of person knowing the physical connection or the 'chemistry' is right is extremely important, and if not established before marriage can cause big problems down the line.

I'm not trying to minimize the importance of physical intimacy or attraction, but in that area and with our sinful natures it's too easy to use someone to satisfy needs in ourselves which isn't putting others before us. Even something as simple as cuddling (could you define that?) could be sinful. It's not about how we feel the need to express love to others, we should respect each other enough that if it doesn't work out we're not living with regrets or causing someone to sin.

 

[Jullianna]

I am one of those people Matthew spoke about who is very affectionate. It's part of who I am. I'm a very quiet natured person and, to me, actions speak far louder than words. So, rather than speak, I find that a hug, touching someone on the arm, holding their hand, etc. says more to them about what I'm thinking than I could actually put into words. It's been eyeopening to see how misunderstood that can be and I've learned to be careful about it.

 

[Jullianna]

I am in a relationship right now.

This is her first relationship and I have oceans of respect for her. I respect her as I would respect my own sister. Her boundaries are the boundaries I would have for my own daughter. I will do nothing with her that would jeopardize my ability to look her father in the eye. For is it out of profound reverence for our God's creation; the way it is suppose to be, that I draw my lines.

Not that I am immune to temptation but, there is a time and a place for every purpose under heaven. Patience is a virtue and a fruit of the spirit. Good things come to those who wait. They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. To Christ goes all the credit for whatever good should come of this endeavor.

Awesome post.

 

[Jullianna]

Fencepost, I know you mean well, but it's important to stay on topic and be respectful to other posters. When we ask them how they feel about a certain thing, as I did in creating this thread, it's important that we give them the freedom to be honest about it, you know? If we have an issue with something they say, we most certainly should pray for them and perhaps offer loving responses that will guide them into a more godly way of handling certain situations if we actually have the God breathed wisdom to impart it. Otherwise, when we are talking about matters of the heart, the clanging gong thing only serves to wound.

 

[Cheekygrin]

Hi everyone
I'm here for the popcorn. *Grabs a handful then jumps on the couch and puts feet up*

Um, so Jullianna. Physical contact for single people huh. Kinda funny when you think about it. Usually folks have more of an issue with contact between couples. Just a thought.
But, I would have to say three's a crowd. Or is that too obvious???

Fencepost! Hey man Want some popcorn dude? Ugly, is that a spare Mountain Dew bro?

 

[Matthew]

I'm not trying to minimize the importance of physical intimacy or attraction, but in that area and with our sinful natures it's too easy to use someone to satisfy needs in ourselves which isn't putting others before us. Even something as simple as cuddling (could you define that?) could be sinful. It's not about how we feel the need to express love to others, we should respect each other enough that if it doesn't work out we're not living with regrets or causing someone to sin.

I understand, I respect what you're saying as I know as well as anyone how easily things get out of control, but I do not think that the possibility means we need to think of physical affection as a bad thing, and it does happen that some Christians (I in no way refer to you specifically) take an extreme position on this issue by saying no to anything but hand holding amongst a large group to protect against mistakes.

I understand the reason behind that I just find it unnecessary, to me the essential thing is too be careful in how we get to dating, the caution needs to exist primarily in choosing who we date, if we choose wisely then there will be enough similar views and enough respect and most importantly conviction in order to avoid going too far while not robbing the relationship of affection it needs to grow and be healthy.

Personally when I say hugging I don't mean lying in a dark bedroom letting our hands wander, I mean sitting on a couch in eachothers arms watching a film, reading a book or listening to music.......just closeness, not anything else.

My final thought on this is that it shouldn't be feared, know your limits and respect them, but we ought not starve ourselves of affection that could just as easily be shared between friends, this kind of contact is not something that would have to be regretted if the realtionship ends.

The best way to gaurd the heart is too choose the right person, and the right behaviours, the right behaviours won't make the wrong person right.

 

[Peepers]

Hmmm... Well, I've yet to snuggle on the couch with any of my friends! But, I'll admit that my standards might not be as comfortable for everyone. People at my last church used to tease me when I would physically tense up when they hugged me (I didn't come from a touchy feely family and I don't hug strangers)! I got over it and can now hug people without being too awkward! When I repented of my sins and put my faith in Jesus I was very much living in sin in the area of fornication so I'll allow that maybe I'm overly cautious but I think there's something romantic about respecting a boundary until you're married.

 

[Matthew]

I agree with you, I am more to the minimal end of the spectrum myself, I really don't go in for social hugging or casual affection, but what I've learned from peoples reaction to that is that it is very much normal for them.

As for my comment about friends, I didn't mean snuggling so much as a hug when they need it or some other small form of comfort, these small acts take on a different feeling when shared in a relationship but the acts themselves are good things to have in relationships in general, if you happen to express yourself that way.

 

[AgeofKnowledge]

LOL! Ripple. Do they even make that swill anymore? lolol.

And better then the ripple brand.

 

[gracie4]

I would just like to say that if hand holding and or hugging causes you to jump someones bones, you should really consider A. Growing up or B. Living in a cave.

 

[Jullianna]

Hi everyone
I'm here for the popcorn. *Grabs a handful then jumps on the couch and puts feet up*

Um, so Jullianna. Physical contact for single people huh. Kinda funny when you think about it. Usually folks have more of an issue with contact between couples. Just a thought.

That's kind of the point of the thread, to respectfully and not judgmentally discuss whatever issues people might have. We most definitely know about the sexual contact boundary re: a single couple, that's a given (I HOPE); but that's beyond the expressions of affection we are talking about. At least that's not what I meant by my post. I suppose I can't speak for anyone else.

The best way to protect yourself is to be prepared and draw prayerful boundaries for yourself, right? A lot of young people are not prepared for what they may come up against and are not prepared to handle it. This is their opportunity to learn from the mistakes of others and to equip themselves with information as to how to best prevent a compromising situation from occurring.

Again, I don't know anyone else's intent re: their posts, but this is mine. Not all young people have close family members to discuss such matters with and end up picking the brains of friends their own age who have no clue what they are talking about.

But, I would have to say three's a crowd. Or is that too obvious???

LOL! 3 is most definitely a crowd.

Fencepost! Hey man Want some popcorn dude? Ugly, is that a spare Mountain Dew bro?

 

[Malby]

There are some things in life that can’t be undone. Being intimate with someone is one of those things. Once it happens, you can’t just pretend it didn’t. And once you’ve tasted it, you will only want more of it, more often. As Matthew said, once a relationship reaches the point where certain feelings are stirring, it’s time to talk about boundaries. Boundaries are good. Without them, relationships can be needlessly and irreparably damaged.

Very young women oftentimes don’t understand the fire they are playing with. They truly don’t. I used to be one and all of my friends were too, so I know this. J We didn’t have a clue. There’s a huge difference between reading something in a magazine/romance novel/chick flick/textbook/class conversation and finding yourself in the heat of the moment. It’s very easy to find yourself in over your head before you know it. One thing all young ladies MUST know is this: It is far more difficult and painful for guys to stop than it is for us MOST of the time, so it’s important for us to help them out and not allow things to get anywhere near whatever stopping point we set for our relationships with them.

One thing that men need to understand is that women don’t separate their emotions from physical affection. For us it’s all the same. Once we’re in, we’re all in. When you touch our bodies, you touch our hearts. Non-christian women may not feel this way, but I guarantee you that christian women do.

I also agree with Ugly in that some people have more self-control than others. I think that age and experience is a huge factor in that.

What a lovely. thoughtful insightful post Julianna, thankyou for that

Malby

 

[Catlynn]

So, I've never been in a Christian relationship before...how do those of you who have/are put these boundaries into practice? Just curious for the future. Not that I'm anywhere near needing boundaries. LoL

 

[gracie4]

So, I've never been in a Christian relationship before...how do those of you who have/are put these boundaries into practice? Just curious for the future. Not that I'm anywhere near needing boundaries. LoL

I am not going to say that this works for everyone, because it doesn't. I was in a relationship for 4 years in which one of those years we were engaged. I grew up as a missionary kid, and my ex felt God was calling him into long term missions. (which is also NOT for everyone) Back to my point, I found it much easier to have self-control when we were open and honest about our feelings. We would talk through if we had urges and we established boundaries before we reached that level. We talked about hugging before we embraced each other, we talked about holding hands before we held hands. As well as when we reached the level where we felt comfortable and that we could control our feelings to kiss. As a general rule talking about anything before doing it almost always works better. However like I said nobody is the same, we all have our own levels of self-control.

 

[Jullianna]

What a lovely. thoughtful insightful post Julianna, thankyou for that

Malby

thanks

I like your signature! haha

 

[zeroturbulence]

UHH.. I'm only sharing the couch and popcorn with Julianna and any other ladies that would like some. Guys better keep their grubby hands out of my popcorn and off of my couch unless I know you. Thanks!

 

[Brandon777]

sharing is a good thing zero

 

[zeroturbulence]

sharing is a good thing zero

You're right. Ok, any guy who asks nicely can have some popcorn and sit on my couch. Women don't have to ask. I'm a gentleman to the ladies, not so much to guys.

 

[Catlynn]

Ooohh popcorn!