Where is that line between being patient and can't move on?

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hoss2576

hoss2576

Senior Member
#1
May 10, 2014
552
23
18
#1
I have been working with a guy for awhile now, and he seems to be stuck in the same spot that he was three months ago. He is trying to not only grow in his faith, but he is trying to change things in his personal life. He wanted to start his own business, but he isn't getting the help he wants in order to do it. He is struggling to pay bills, so it is hard to watch him as he tries with no luck to create this new business. With no support for his business, I wonder where is that line of being patient and waiting and persevering for success and simply not being able to move on and try something else that might be a better choice?

I think this same question applies actually to relationships too. I've watched friends break-up and hear one pine away after the other one. I know in the past I would not have been immune to that. A relationship ends, and you spend the next month hoping the other person changes their mind. I have seen some people be cheered for vowing to be patient and wait on a partner who ends a relationship, while others are accused of not being able to move on. So where is that line?

When is it good to wait, and when is it an inability to move on? Who determines that? Is the person going through the situation in the right position to know which they are doing?
 
JosephsDreams

JosephsDreams

Senior Member
#2
Dec 31, 2015
4,313
467
83
#2
I don't know the answer, but I am kind of going through something similar now with a friend. I sometimes wonder if he will ever come to salvation, see outside of his box, or am I just spitting in the wind? I would still be his friend anyway, just the evangelize aspect of it.
I think outside of the common sense criteria, like is this person a Christian or not? Does he or she have the potential to pull me down? There always is not clear cut answer. This is where the Holy Spirit and prayer comes in.
Generally, unless the relationship is hurting me in some way, I tend to try and be patient. I try to model my relationships with people the way God does it with us.
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#3
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#3
I am wondering that one as well.

But for my husband and one of his exes.

According to my husband, she grew up in a very religious household. Her father was a music minister.

The 2 of them broke up sometime in 2008, but due to her behavior, I am beginning to wonder if she has not moved on.

In 2011 she contacted him stating that she wanted to visit him. The 2 of us were friends at that time. We had not decided to date each-other at that time. It was clear to her behavior that she wanted to get back with him. This is according to what he told me. But then the 2 of us started dating. Later that year he mentioned to her that wanted to try to be her friend, and so he invited her to spend a day with him at his place. However, it was clear to her behavior that she still wanted to be more than friends. He ended up telling her to leave. This is according to what he told me. Then there was the text she sent him after we got engaged. I was at his place when he got the text. It was a sexual text directed towards him. She basically texted him what she wanted him to do with her. I was not happy with that, and so I asked him to let her know that 1) he was engaged to me, 2) he is no longer on the market, and 3) that he cannot receive anymore texts from her like this. He did this.

Then recently the 2 of us saw her and her younger sister at the church we go to. Her younger sister, who has downs syndrome, told him that she had something very important to say to him. So he told her that she could sit down next to us. The important thing she had to tell him was "I just wonder how you are doing." Then she left.

Last Sunday my husband, I and a couple both of us know went to church together. The couple we went to church with consists of a male and a female he used to work with. All 4 of us noticed his ex at the church again. The female told my husband and I that she tried to have a conversation with her, but she kept giving her short abrupt one word answers. So she ended the conversation.

I am just beginning to wonder if she is having a hard time moving on with her life without my husband in it.
 
BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#4
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#4
Three months isn't that long to me, but people move on from things at different times. I don't think that there is a set line. The only one who can determine that is the person themselves. Even if it becomes an inability to move on, they never will until they're ready to.
 
C

coby2

Guest
#5
#5
hoss2576 said:
I have been working with a guy for awhile now, and he seems to be stuck in the same spot that he was three months ago. He is trying to not only grow in his faith, but he is trying to change things in his personal life. He wanted to start his own business, but he isn't getting the help he wants in order to do it. He is struggling to pay bills, so it is hard to watch him as he tries with no luck to create this new business. With no support for his business, I wonder where is that line of being patient and waiting and persevering for success and simply not being able to move on and try something else that might be a better choice?

I think this same question applies actually to relationships too. I've watched friends break-up and hear one pine away after the other one. I know in the past I would not have been immune to that. A relationship ends, and you spend the next month hoping the other person changes their mind. I have seen some people be cheered for vowing to be patient and wait on a partner who ends a relationship, while others are accused of not being able to move on. So where is that line?

When is it good to wait, and when is it an inability to move on? Who determines that? Is the person going through the situation in the right position to know which they are doing?
Click to expand...
Depends if it's just a relationship or a marriage. I never should have dated after my ex wanted to divorce, just never. That's why I never date someone who can hypothetically reconcile, even if he's officially divorced. Relationships: once it's over that's that. If he wants to try again later, too bad. I move on the same day.
 
M

MollyConnor

Guest
#6
#6
With the business, I would advise your friend to lean on God at this time and simply pray about it. If we REALLY listen to God with open ears, we can easily hear Him. It's just that most of the time he gives us an answer we don't want to hear...and we pretend we didn't hear anything. I know b/c I've done this a few times...:rolleyes:

As far as relationships go, marriages are even harder! Both parties have to be so much in love with each other that they're willing to do whatever it takes for the marriage to work. If one of them is willing to call it off even before marriage, I say, move on. I know it's easier said than done, but it's very true. You don't want someone who's flaky right? Marriage needs to be deeply rooted with a strong foundation in Christ.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#7
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#7
hoss2576 said:
I have been working with a guy for awhile now, and he seems to be stuck in the same spot that he was three months ago. He is trying to not only grow in his faith, but he is trying to change things in his personal life. He wanted to start his own business, but he isn't getting the help he wants in order to do it. He is struggling to pay bills, so it is hard to watch him as he tries with no luck to create this new business. With no support for his business, I wonder where is that line of being patient and waiting and persevering for success and simply not being able to move on and try something else that might be a better choice?

I think this same question applies actually to relationships too. I've watched friends break-up and hear one pine away after the other one. I know in the past I would not have been immune to that. A relationship ends, and you spend the next month hoping the other person changes their mind. I have seen some people be cheered for vowing to be patient and wait on a partner who ends a relationship, while others are accused of not being able to move on. So where is that line?

When is it good to wait, and when is it an inability to move on? Who determines that? Is the person going through the situation in the right position to know which they are doing?
Click to expand...
Sometimes I feel like I'm sitting on that line, myself. One thing that helps me kind of identify which side of the line I'm sitting on for a given day (or hour sometimes) is whether I can identify and carry out any sort of action step towards the change I want to see. If I'm not doing anything to move at all, then I should admit that I'm not able to move on, if I still have things I'm actively trying and have the time to try them then I should probably wait patiently and just keep doing what I'm doing.

Two real life examples I can think of. One a game developer who did a game I like and started working on the sequel. When it looked like he wasn't going to get funding for the sequel, he took on a day job even though it wasn't his preferred course of action. Knowing you're going to eat and live indoors and stuff like that has its own benefits.

The second is me, looking at once again drastically changing career paths and trying not to get discouraged with no responses to resumes or the amount of time it will take to study and get the certifications that will kind of prove I really can do what I think I want to do. But I have a study timetable and am continuing to study diligently. But a recruiter e-mailed me today about a job in the field of my degree (not the tech job I applied for) and I think it would be rather foolish to ignore such an opportunity, even if it isn't the direction I've started going.

So who can best determine if it's time to be patient or time to move on? I imagine a solid team effort is best. As I'm slowly learning: If everyone else is saying something about you and your situation, it's time to consider that they might just be right, whether you like it or not. So give your best advice to your friend, and if he's willing to set a timeline or goals or something and needs some accountability (i.e. someone he knows is going to ask about if he's done it) you can help in that way too.
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#8
#8
As far as the business goes, you have to eat and pay bills, and if it's not going you need to step back from it, get a job if you don't have one, and pray about it. Life's necessities would dictate you can't beat what seems to be a dead horse at this point.

Everything involves prayer, relationships are so complicated emotionally. Each situation is hard to say specifically what you should do. The Lord has all the answers.
 
S

spunkycat08

Senior Member
#9
Dec 7, 2013
403
2
18
#9
This photo is appropriate for this thread regarding relationships.

let go.jpg
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#11
Jul 19, 2014
4,216
1,179
113
Philippines Age 40
#11
I can't find that line. I'd like to be that heroine and be in charge with my life but its not easy being always strong. Sometimes I think I have already moved on but sometimes I am not so sure.


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J

jeremyPJ

Guest
#12
#12
Hopefully in my past where it belongs! I've been there, done that and bought the shirt too.
 
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