My Friends,
Im writing this as a question to you all and Im going to pray about it too,and would hope you join me in that prayer.
My daughter has a mental illness that is keeping her and I apart,not by my choice but by hers along with her mother fueling my daughter's fires.
I pray and pray, silently,out loud, I scream and cry my prayers to God. I often scream and cry either out of the abysmal loneliness I feel,or for the injustice of what seems to be my fate,most of all this disprder is destroying my daughter, and it is taking all of my strength to wait for my prayers to be answered, Im at the point of asking God to take me,but he doesnt. I know my daughter needs me,but I cant get the time of day from her. phrases that have come out of her mouth as of late sound as though they come from her mother, as they had never been part of my daughter's vocabulary before. Im sure she is being coached.
My daughter says she isnt going to spend the holidays with me, or her birthday. We have never been apart before for them ever. Part of her disorder is that those with it turn on the ones they love the most in the world. Part of me is honored by this, and part of me wishes it wasnt so,just so I could have some warmth and compassion from her,but this disorder Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying my little girl and me as well. She used to be model child, straight As,honor roll,very loving and giving and sharing. She was quite protective of me as well. I dont know where she went, she still looks like my child, but all of the good seems to have dispappeared in her, or is reserved for others. I wasnt a bad father, and was always a great Daddy. I proudly wear 2 rings she gave me for Father's Day years ago. One says Dad, the other says DADDY and inside she had engraved " Thank you for being there for me". Im very proud of my daughter and will always stick by her no matter what happens. The problem is Im breaking down, losing my mind and my heart is broken.
My question is Why does God answer small prayers from me?, like asking for a text from her or many other small things, sometimes my prayers are answered before I even say Amen and Thank you. Which I marvel at the speed in which God makes these things happen.
The 2nd part of my question is why isnt my big prayer answered yet and when will it be? THe holidays are upon us and I have no Joy in them, Im filled with dread. Her birthday is in January. I was the first person she saw in this world, I rmemeber it like it just happened seconds ago. That was the most wondeful day in my entire life. I want to be able to share things with her, and show her just how much she means to me in this life,she has always been my world, and always will be.
I know I shouldnt try and rush God and he has perfect timing,but Im falling apart with this. Her mother will not help and uses my daughter as a pawn against me. I used to be my daughter's hero, I want to be that again. I want my house to be a home again, not just a box that I live in. She made it a home, she had so much love for me you could feel it in the air. Im sorry for rambling.
Father,
I know I ask much,but Ive waited so very long for our situation to be healed, Im losing hope and my faith although,it gets a boost when small prayers are answered almost immediately, I cant help but wonder what is taking this so long. I know you can do the impossible and have done much for me in the past, and Im eternally grateful. This situation to be healed is more important than any of the things Ive asked for. This is my baby,my flesh and blood. She needs me and I need her. Ill get her whatever help she needs and promise to be the best parent I can be with your help. Please help me Im breaking Dear God, Im begging you. I Forgive me for all Ive done wrong in life,forgive my daughter she cant help what she does,and let her love, forgive and trust me again.n Jesus's name I ask this. Amen and thank you.
Im writing this as a question to you all and Im going to pray about it too,and would hope you join me in that prayer.
My daughter has a mental illness that is keeping her and I apart,not by my choice but by hers along with her mother fueling my daughter's fires.
I pray and pray, silently,out loud, I scream and cry my prayers to God. I often scream and cry either out of the abysmal loneliness I feel,or for the injustice of what seems to be my fate,most of all this disprder is destroying my daughter, and it is taking all of my strength to wait for my prayers to be answered, Im at the point of asking God to take me,but he doesnt. I know my daughter needs me,but I cant get the time of day from her. phrases that have come out of her mouth as of late sound as though they come from her mother, as they had never been part of my daughter's vocabulary before. Im sure she is being coached.
My daughter says she isnt going to spend the holidays with me, or her birthday. We have never been apart before for them ever. Part of her disorder is that those with it turn on the ones they love the most in the world. Part of me is honored by this, and part of me wishes it wasnt so,just so I could have some warmth and compassion from her,but this disorder Borderline Personality Disorder is destroying my little girl and me as well. She used to be model child, straight As,honor roll,very loving and giving and sharing. She was quite protective of me as well. I dont know where she went, she still looks like my child, but all of the good seems to have dispappeared in her, or is reserved for others. I wasnt a bad father, and was always a great Daddy. I proudly wear 2 rings she gave me for Father's Day years ago. One says Dad, the other says DADDY and inside she had engraved " Thank you for being there for me". Im very proud of my daughter and will always stick by her no matter what happens. The problem is Im breaking down, losing my mind and my heart is broken.
My question is Why does God answer small prayers from me?, like asking for a text from her or many other small things, sometimes my prayers are answered before I even say Amen and Thank you. Which I marvel at the speed in which God makes these things happen.
The 2nd part of my question is why isnt my big prayer answered yet and when will it be? THe holidays are upon us and I have no Joy in them, Im filled with dread. Her birthday is in January. I was the first person she saw in this world, I rmemeber it like it just happened seconds ago. That was the most wondeful day in my entire life. I want to be able to share things with her, and show her just how much she means to me in this life,she has always been my world, and always will be.
I know I shouldnt try and rush God and he has perfect timing,but Im falling apart with this. Her mother will not help and uses my daughter as a pawn against me. I used to be my daughter's hero, I want to be that again. I want my house to be a home again, not just a box that I live in. She made it a home, she had so much love for me you could feel it in the air. Im sorry for rambling.
Father,
I know I ask much,but Ive waited so very long for our situation to be healed, Im losing hope and my faith although,it gets a boost when small prayers are answered almost immediately, I cant help but wonder what is taking this so long. I know you can do the impossible and have done much for me in the past, and Im eternally grateful. This situation to be healed is more important than any of the things Ive asked for. This is my baby,my flesh and blood. She needs me and I need her. Ill get her whatever help she needs and promise to be the best parent I can be with your help. Please help me Im breaking Dear God, Im begging you. I Forgive me for all Ive done wrong in life,forgive my daughter she cant help what she does,and let her love, forgive and trust me again.n Jesus's name I ask this. Amen and thank you.