Wife is pregnant and separated from me

[Magenta]

His profile does not say that he is a Christian which is why I enquired about his wife. How can the unregenerate receive Godly advice?

For the cause of Christ
Roger

Regardless of whether he or his wife is Christian, he has received Godly advice and shown appreciation for it. And despite what the one said, God has been mentioned a few times by those addressing the OP.

OP please do not pay any attention to anyone who says that AA is a terrible idea, since they have no idea what they are talking about despite the fact that they claim to have been a counselor. If they were a councilor, they were clueless, and I am glad they have given it up. AA plainly and explicitly identifies God as the One Who has all power. The AA program is solidly based on Biblical principles. Giving you permission to start where you are currently with your understanding of God is a good thing, because you have to start where you are! With the help of God you CAN change, and the AA fellowship is a wonderful testament to that fact.

 

[Sailordreams]

Thanks for all the positive support. I think that yes there is underlying problems and I slipped up and used drinking to try and dull everything. Thing is my wife gives no margin for error and has threatened divorce in the past over me having 1 cigarette (after I quit) so for me thats over the top. I regularly get verbal abuse from my wife and I really have been trying my best to look after her...working 6 days to support her as she has not worked for 6months. We have too many people stay with us in a two bedroom apartment but she refuses to kick one out so there's more space in the living room. I have offered to pay more to cover or find another place of our own etc. All this is stressful and I have struggled especially now she is pregnant and made me move out. I have taken responsibility for breaking the promise of not going home after drinking but she too could have dealt with the situation better instead of provoking an argument and calling the police when all I really did wrong was drink too much and wanted to go to sleep. Drink is something I need to stop and has been harder than ever since she won't allow me home but either way I don't want to let it control me. I have continued paying rent for her though I think perhaps I should stop...? Just thougt I should probably add a bit more to the story

 

[Depleted]

Thanks for all the positive support. I think that yes there is underlying problems and I slipped up and used drinking to try and dull everything. Thing is my wife gives no margin for error and has threatened divorce in the past over me having 1 cigarette (after I quit) so for me thats over the top. I regularly get verbal abuse from my wife and I really have been trying my best to look after her...working 6 days to support her as she has not worked for 6months. We have too many people stay with us in a two bedroom apartment but she refuses to kick one out so there's more space in the living room. I have offered to pay more to cover or find another place of our own etc. All this is stressful and I have struggled especially now she is pregnant and made me move out. I have taken responsibility for breaking the promise of not going home after drinking but she too could have dealt with the situation better instead of provoking an argument and calling the police when all I really did wrong was drink too much and wanted to go to sleep. Drink is something I need to stop and has been harder than ever since she won't allow me home but either way I don't want to let it control me. I have continued paying rent for her though I think perhaps I should stop...? Just thougt I should probably add a bit more to the story

Still missing the purpose of everything, including this site -- how about God?

 

[Sailordreams]

Trying to get better understanding of everything I am quite shy around calling myself Christian however I did used to seek council from a pastor when in another town in years gone by. I have found myself praying to god alot over the last months and im sure he has helped me. It is myself who let myself down for not being consistent and letting myself forget whats truely important

 

[Karraster]

Sounds like you've many burdens all at once. It would seem that now is not the best time to quit drinking, eh? Would you believe me if I told you there could be no better time? It is true friend, there is no better time than now. One thing alcohol does over time, is change your thought processes. Your brain has been taken over by drink, thus you aren't truly who you were created to be. It's hard to see this until you are past it looking back (in retrospect)

I certainly cannot tell you what to do, even with the additional information. However, I completely believe you will make the right choices after some time has past and you are clean and sober. Clean and free, not bitter as some. Some become what are called "dry drunks". They no longer drink, but they still have stinking thinking. It's not pretty.

I sympathise about the nagging wife part. My husband has never done that to me, but I have worked for people who had a similar situation. That is a terrible way to have to live, but perhaps it is a problem that could be resolved, after some more immediate problems are dealt with. Honestly, not knowing your wife, she may just be so worried over her circumstance she is at a loss what else to do but nag. I'm praying for you. I have faith you can overcome this and be stronger and wiser for it.

 

[Sailordreams]

Thanks Karraster, I am still not sure weather to txt my wife to see if she is ok I am very worried what to do and if just waiting for her to contact me is the right thing to do...its been 1 week now and I havnt heard anything from her...though our bank accs are still joint and she hasn't blocked me off fb (still married) and she was wearing wedding ring last time I saw her. I have become scared to do anything for fear of pushing her further away... I am geussing no one can really know what to do but I wonder is there any one has anything to say on that. I appreciate all the help and advice and ideas

 

[Karraster]

Sailordreams, I feel that matters of the heart do not have to be complicated. It's to do with how we give and receive love. One lady may feel loved with a gift of a dozen roses, while I would feel loved if the Mr makes time and remembers to check the fluids in my truck. Only you can determine what comforts and makes your wife happy. Does she come first? Do you do little things to let her know you think of her all thru the day?

I think we all have issues and fears that crop up from time to time. None of us are "fixed and perfected complete". As I recall, when I was expecting our first child, I wanted to be held. I wanted him to tell me everything was going to be OK, I had many fears and felt so vulnerable. I would venture to say, in my life I never needed more love and understanding, and comforting than then.

 

[Sailordreams]

Thanks I will have a think over things and perhaps will feel better as the day goes on

 

[Corbinscam]

Thanks for all the positive support. I think that yes there is underlying problems and I slipped up and used drinking to try and dull everything. Thing is my wife gives no margin for error and has threatened divorce in the past over me having 1 cigarette (after I quit) so for me thats over the top. I regularly get verbal abuse from my wife and I really have been trying my best to look after her...working 6 days to support her as she has not worked for 6months. We have too many people stay with us in a two bedroom apartment but she refuses to kick one out so there's more space in the living room. I have offered to pay more to cover or find another place of our own etc. All this is stressful and I have struggled especially now she is pregnant and made me move out. I have taken responsibility for breaking the promise of not going home after drinking but she too could have dealt with the situation better instead of provoking an argument and calling the police when all I really did wrong was drink too much and wanted to go to sleep. Drink is something I need to stop and has been harder than ever since she won't allow me home but either way I don't want to let it control me. I have continued paying rent for her though I think perhaps I should stop...? Just thougt I should probably add a bit more to the story

Imo this entire post is an attempt to justify yourself. She did this and this and this and this....you did not SLIP up. You messed up big time. Until you feel real remorse for that you're never going to get better...you'll end up a dry drunk with a drunk attitude and that isn't pretty at all. And stop paying rent for the pregnant wife? Dude, seriously? You're man enough to make a baby be man enough to take care of it. Any idiot can make a baby....actually sticking around and taking care of it is another story. Sure it's hard when she won't allow you home...but I don't blame her. You proved you can't be trusted. If she's unreasonable that needs to be addressed...After you admit you're allowing something to control your life and that you can't or won't stop it on your own. AA is a great resource. The steps force you to take a deeper look at yourself...I don't think the steps without a God focus will do much....but it shouldn't be negated and I'd suggest giving it a try.

 

[mcubed]

She is doing the RIGHT THING STAYING AWAY FROM YOU. YOU SHOULD GET SOBER (if not already) AND STAY SOBER. GET INVOLVED IN CHURCH, AA WHAT EVER BUT YOUR FAMILY IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT A DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY A 10 MO PREGNANT WIFE DOES NOT KICK OUT A DRUNK HUSBAND FOR NO REASON, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR THREAD SAID!!!

 

[mcubed]

She is doing the RIGHT THING STAYING AWAY FROM YOU. YOU SHOULD GET SOBER (if not already) AND STAY SOBER. GET INVOLVED IN CHURCH, AA WHAT EVER BUT YOUR FAMILY IS BETTER OFF WITHOUT A DRUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO MATTER WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY A 10 MO PREGNANT WIFE DOES NOT KICK OUT A DRUNK HUSBAND FOR NO REASON, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR THREAD SAID!!!

You cannnot be pregnant for ten mo whatever.... typo... A PREGNANT WIFE PERIOD.... HOWEVER LONG... Corrected my self to late for the 5 min rule...lol

 

[Sailordreams]

Because I broke my promise not to come home after drinking and refused to leave. Ended up having a big argument (not physical) but yea I think she is a bit to controlling but at the same time I know better than that and a bit of patients from my part would have been the key in the long run. I wouldn't want drunk people around her so yea some of these posts I take a bit hard but its probably what I needed to hear to look at myself from her eyes and the eyes of others

 

[Sailordreams]

And all though I have never called myself a Christian I suddenly just clicked why I have been using alcohol was to replace something I had forgotten, my connection with god. I have been blaming and blaming but not holding a true course in life

 

[stand2]

Amen to that !!

Clean up and clean house. Little has been said about all these people camped out at YOUR HOME. Are they relatives or friends? How much influence do they have on the everyday routine around the house ? On you ? On your wife ? Do they help with chores ? Finances ? And there is so much more info needed to give any accurate advice.

This is where personal counselling comes into play. So the only real good advice is.....get help. Real good Christian based help; and lots of it. Fellowship and more fellowship; your going to need all you can get. Most of all, seek God and his loving grace and let his light guide you. May God richly bless you. Amen.

 

[Sailordreams]

Great advice!

 

[Sailordreams]

Great advice!

 

[dave_in_KWC]

It would seem to be out of control if you do things after promising not to, and end up getting arrested. I hope you get the help you need. Ninety meetings in ninety days is often recommended. Get a home group, and attend it faithfully. Ask someone to be your sponsor. Do service work. All of that will help, and meetings are often populated with people willing to help you. The fellowship is a wonderful source of encouragement and inspiration, but working the steps is the backbone of the program, which is solidly based on Biblical principles. Willingness is key.

Another KEY component to a Celebrate Recovery or more secularized AA program
is a desperate desire to find Christ which may occur through sincerely working the 12 steps. This requires sincere development of one’s awareness of need for a Saviour and also the depravity of our condition apart from the saving work of Jesus Christ. All the home meetings and 1-on-1 meetings you have with a recovery partner won’t bring the recovery you seek if you don’t seek the One (Jesus) who truly is and brings you true redemption and thus recovery!

Grace, grace, grace to you as you seek to find True Life in Jesus, the only one who can truly offer you the freedom from
guilt and shame and the True Life you need!

 

[dave_in_KWC]

And all though I have never called myself a Christian I suddenly just clicked why I have been using alcohol was to replace something I had forgotten, my connection with god. I have been blaming and blaming but not holding a true course in life

Jesus is THE WAY! Submit to Him and He WILL give you and BE YOUR Peace! Praying for ya!

 

[blessedby1]

Who do you say Jesus is?

Yes He was a very spiritual person who lived 2,000 years ago; yes He was good and righteous; yes He was a teacher...but…

Can you say that He is your Lord and Savior?
Can you say that He is your master and being that Jesus is your master, are you obedient.
Can you say the you have put your trust in Him, knowing that when you die, you are without doubt going to heaven?

If you do not know Jesus like that...you can!
Right where you are right now, you can...


Admit that you are a sinner, both in what you do and what you think
Believe that Jesus died on the Cross for your sins and..
Confess (let God know and others) that He is your Lord and Savior.

If you have done so...then you are no longer separated from God. He loves you and desires to have a relationship with you. You don’t have to get cleaned up; you don’t have to straighten out your life...just come to Jesus. He is your counselor; your encourager; your redeemer; your strength; your joy; He is the lover of your soul...just to name a few...He is your all in all!

Jesus wants you to... ‘Call to Me [God] and I will show you great and mighty things which you do not know’

If you have not already done so...attend a Bible teaching church and spend a few minutes each day reading the Bible and in prayer: Being thankful and confessing what you need help with. Doing these, your life will never be the same.

 

[Depleted]

Trying to get better understanding of everything I am quite shy around calling myself Christian however I did used to seek council from a pastor when in another town in years gone by. I have found myself praying to god alot over the last months and im sure he has helped me. It is myself who let myself down for not being consistent and letting myself forget whats truely important

You don't know this yet, but you're in a very good position. You're seeing the truth. The truth is you always fail. We all do. An old pastor I listened to said it this way, "Cheer up! You're worse than you think."

Why is that something to be cheerful about? Because we finally see the reality. We cannot -- cannot -- do what we want to do, if what we want is good -- real good. (As opposed to the fake good we usually do give ourselves credit for, like getting up in time for work, not smashing into the idiot who almost caused us to crash our car, or even, one of my old favorites, getting home in one piece while drunk.) We are incompetent to do real good. And yet, someone knew that about us and did something about that. God.

There really are consequences to doing sin. Hard to believe this, but what you're going through now isn't the worst it can get. Scary, huh? Especially since you're feeling it can't get worse, and you're not nuts. What you're going through truly is bad. I feel for you. Wanted to, but couldn't, even when it mattered this much.

So, what to do about this? Well, God knew all this was coming your way. He also knew what was coming for that young woman I used to be who thought getting home alive when drunk was good. He knew all the sin Man was ever going to do. And him being God, he can't be around sin/evil/fake good.

BUT he loves us. So God had a plan. You know this part. The Father sent the Son to take our rightful punishment onto himself to wipe our slates clean. The part many forget is that same Son did something equally as important. He lived the life we should -- the perfect sinless one -- so he can bestow that perfect righteousness onto us. He did it and gave that to us. Not that we will ever be perfect in this body. (That same sinful human nature still resides in us.) But he gave us his ability in us.

Kind of like a fountain in a desert. We need to get the refreshing water refilled constantly to drink from it, but that's the purpose of praying -- to connect with him for those moments when our limbs are fighting against us. Better if we remember that before we do something stupid. Better yet to remember that just to be thrilled he is with us, and know he's God. But one step at a time, you know.

So, you can't do it. You disappoint yourself constantly. Bingo! That's reality. So ask God to give you him to change you into more like him. He's there. He's listening.

And, since you already came to this site, he is calling you. Tell him who you are, and ask him to give you him. Anyone who loves us enough to give the apple-of-his-eye, his own Son to take on our suffering and punishment is going to give you what you need.

Be real. Tell him what you need. Not to get your wife and not-yet-born child back. Ask him to help you. Ask him for him in you.

And once there, you'll know it when he does that for you. You'll sense it. Something changes in you. I can't tell you what it will be like, since it's different in each of us, but you will know it. And you'll feel him on your side. (I'm thinking your wife and soon-to-be baby will show up in that conversation with the Lord quickly, but know this is about God first.)

Once you get beyond the "wowwow," (sorry, can't really explain it. Just remembered I said "wow" a lot. lol), then find a good church. One that will help you understand God and his Bible. (Not one that gives you goosebumps. One that will teach you straight from the Bible, although, that too gives goosebumps often.) A place where they won't turn you away. A place that will accept you now, and edify you. Mostly a place that teaches God's word and accepts there is no one perfect in that church.

You are where you need to be for right now. You have failed. That's good. We all have. And honestly, the Lord is the only answer. We can't get beyond being a failure until we know we are, so... Cheer up! You're worse than you thought, but that's why we need God.

You're wife needs to know you've changed? God's the only way to change for the good. He is the Good. Ask him for his help. What is holding you back? You've got nothing to lose and all to gain!