wishing for death

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

Hello

Nice to meet ya.
Yes and yes.

Just not for me I am afraid - but I had incredible experiences during the time I did walk on the path.
I feel like it has helped me to be able to understand where my fam is coming from - before - when I was a young adult- I hated Christianity - but I did not know it at all you know?
I constantly fought with my mom and her family because they never stopped fighting me on every corner.

But now I am just kinda like a tree in the river - I stay there - and the waters they flow and their speeches are the water and I will stand. And heir words will flow - and I will be silent mostly and listen to their wisdom - for they are older and show them respect for their beliefs. But I most likely won't agree with them anymore.
And It will be okay

It is actually nicer now between my mother and I because before we constantly were at odds about the bible lol now I don't really care - whatever she believes, if it brings her joy, security or peace or whatever - it is fine - if she wishes to pray in Jesus name - he was a worthy holy man - why not? I don't think any prayers are ever spoken in vain - no matter who they are directed to

I am from a spiritual family and I am a spiritual person. We aren't all that different in the end after all <3

I hope you have a wonderful new years and a very happy 2021

TabinRivCA · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

This is the peace I have:
The Divine is not petty; therefore it does not care if you pursue it or not. It IS. Whether you are worshiping it or not. It is not dependent on it. Your free will is ACTUALLY free will. Not the fear based "Choose me or Burn".
Therefore I do not really care that I don't know what happens when I die.

If i get reborn, great!
if Life ends - Great! (more reason not to waste my life being miserable pretending to wait on a God who clearly is either not all-powerful - of if he is - not benevolent).
If I do get to be reborn, well how interesting.
If I get a break to contemplate life in a paradise-like state - well interesting too - to imagine meeting so many people of so many spiritualities.

Since giving this religion up and looking into others, I have come to see the exaggeration and false things we were taught. "christians are the only persecuted people" - no - actually every religion is persecuted if they are a minority. The reason Christians are ALWAYS persecuted everywhere is because they cannot coexist without preaching and trying to convert people. Never satisfied to show respect and dignity to other cultures and beliefs. The fact that I believed I could "compleely" know something as unfathomable as the mystery of spiritality and life after death is so arrogant and I blush admitting that I subscribed to it.

I do not criticize anyone here- like I said- if it is the path for you I am truly happy for you, in a way your devotion and zeal can to a point be admired - but it was killing me. Sucking the life from me. As a 33 yr. old I was full of fear, dread and wishes of death. Clearly I was not meant to do something and read a book I was ashamed of. And if that makes me worthy of hell - well then I will deal with that later.

However since all this happened i have never felt any threat, or even an inkling of fear that hell is even real.
The peace is reaching far beyond I could have ever imagined. Actually more than before - because I never knew anything about the bible or the beliefs - but after serving and studying for 12 years - I have come to know that I don't want any part in it.

I ask you spend 34 minutes and listen to this conservative, successful realtor who had an extraordinary revelation.

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

oh- And also: One thing I must say - Because of the commandments I am a better person now than I would have been had I not become a christian for that time. I was on a bad path. So the commandments and practicing that discipline really helped me! And some of them I will still value very greatly. the rigidness of the religion helped me with structure and even now helps me with practicing - except now I do practices that I actually enjoy instead of dreading morning bible devotion - But I still realize the importance of a daily, spiritual discipline.

Others maybe not so much - But I think all around I am going to be a much kinder person than I could have hoped to be before

so that is definitely a wonderful thing....

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

TabinRivCA said:

I appologize-
But I really don't want to - I have listened to this for 12 years. And I am really over it. But I do thank you for thinking of it. Also I have heard this guy speak and read his book. But like I said - I don't believe the devil even exists. All the evil we need is already in the human heart. We don't need to blame some force for the bad we create.

SoulWeaver · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

HeartMelody,
you do not need to look for Heaven and Hell too far - the Kingdom is within you, and is also where the enemy tries to pitch his tent.
The still small voice that grieves in you when you do something wrong, since you were a child, is the voice of God. We all know it.
This voice, is where our inner and true being is. And when we betray our innermost being... we lose peace and are in hell of our own making already.
GOD doesn't send anyone to hell. We unfortunately do.
It took several thousands of years and Jesus' ministry for humanity to realize how far from God and His ways our perceptions and ways of dealing with things lie. It's because of these old ways that Jesus was killed. It's like a kneejerk reaction, but it can change; dealing with it is cost of being in a body and being able to eat ice cream and listen to the birds. There's no good without the bad experience, they simply go in one package, like a wave has a rising and fall. And God had always planned to help us with the difficulties, from the beginning.
I am so sad that religion has hurt you. I was agnostic for a number of years before I was a Christian for that same reason: scare and fear that religious people spew. I loved Jesus, but not "Christianity". It does make many miserable, and there is no joy in this type of a Christian; it's living in misery and constantly ridden with guilt and feeling broken and never measuring up. But the One who created the universe isn't this way, and this is not the Way. It's people that got us. And I think it's not a loss, because you at least realized for yourself "life in God can't be that". And that is true.
The truth is never far away. It's simple and small. Look within yourself. Look around yourself. Who gives sun and rain to both the good and the bad, and whose mercies are new every morning.
Best wishes, dear, and hope to see you around again...

TheIndianGirl · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

There are people who lived during the time of Jesus who believed he was God. Do you believe in the Resurrection?

I too have difficulties with the damnation aspect of the Bible. It is something I struggle with, but I'm not convinced God would send countless multitudes of people to eternal hell (easy examples: Native Americans prior to colonization, people in countries where the Bible is banned, etc.).

It seems like you want to believe, but just can't. It is fine to pray about unbelief.

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

TheIndianGirl said:

Hello dear -
The fact that "colonization" is a "good thing" because it brought Jesus even though it destroyed the native american's culture and stripped them of their dignity is in itself quite ludicrous - who is to say they were in need of salvation? Are you native american Indian or Asian-Indian? South american Indian?
I think it is quite a shame that all these indigenous cultures were seen as savage - and hat the western culture was forced upon them. I am sorry - but I cannot see it as a positive thing. Why would God have allowed so many lovely cultures if he meant to blot them out with the western view?

No I do not believe Jesus resurrected anymore. I do believe he was a holy figure - not unlike Gandhi, or Mother Teresa and the like. He is a son of god - but not more or less than you or I. not the ONLY son. Just a son.

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

SoulWeaver said:

HeartMelody,
you do not need to look for Heaven and Hell too far - the Kingdom is within you, and is also where the enemy tries to pitch his tent.
The still small voice that grieves in you when you do something wrong, since you were a child, is the voice of God. We all know it.
This voice, is where our inner and true being is. And when we betray our innermost being... we lose peace and are in hell of our own making already.
GOD doesn't send anyone to hell. We unfortunately do.
It took several thousands of years and Jesus' ministry for humanity to realize how far from God and His ways our perceptions and ways of dealing with things lie. It's because of these old ways that Jesus was killed. It's like a kneejerk reaction, but it can change; dealing with it is cost of being in a body and being able to eat ice cream and listen to the birds. There's no good without the bad experience, they simply go in one package, like a wave has a rising and fall. And God had always planned to help us with the difficulties, from the beginning.
I am so sad that religion has hurt you. I was agnostic for a number of years before I was a Christian for that same reason: scare and fear that religious people spew. I loved Jesus, but not "Christianity". It does make many miserable, and there is no joy in this type of a Christian; it's living in misery and constantly ridden with guilt and feeling broken and never measuring up. But the One who created the universe isn't this way, and this is not the Way. It's people that got us. And I think it's not a loss, because you at least realized for yourself "life in God can't be that". And that is true.
The truth is never far away. It's simple and small. Look within yourself. Look around yourself. Who gives sun and rain to both the good and the bad, and whose mercies are new every morning.
Best wishes, dear, and hope to see you around again...

I cannot pretend to understand half of this -
It is not biblical what you say - if this is what you believe, I think it is pretty. But it is not biblical.

So there we do agree - neither of us believes the bible or the christian sub culture. However you subscribe to some aspects of that - I guess the Jesus thing - and you believe the hell and heaven thing. So there is that - but then you seem to pick the sunny, lovely yellow raisins out and leave the cruddy stuff - which I guess is allowed - at least in my mind

TabinRivCA · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

Well the Bible says 'let God be true and every man a liar'. Everyone on earth could think this or that but God is the author of everything. Even computers when given all the info on creation, computed that it would be impossible for the integrated complexity of the universe, let alone our DNA, to just fall into place.
If your just fed up, don't let it be against God who loves you but your real enemy .

SoulWeaver · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

I've never said I didn't believe the Bible... That being said I think a lot of people read it wrong.
If you look at the Bible, you can see its view shifting overtime by its writer as human awareness changes and matures.
You say I'm cherry picking, but I tell you, I am in good company!
Jesus, when quoting the Old testament He leaves out the vengeance parts out of the passages He is quoting. Like when He read from the Jubilees "this has come to pass to you today" and almost got stoned after that because He left out the vengeance. People simply couldn't fathom that there's no angry, war God. They were barely ready back then and are scarcely ready to hear this same message today. Or, sending the message to John the Baptist, again only mentioning good stuff and leaving out the vengeance part from what He quoted. And other places. Apostle Paul does the exact same. What does that tell you? Jesus came to do away with vengeance and violence, that was the whole point. And we know, that Jesus and the Father are one. We also know, that God does not change. The ones who hold onto wrath and violence and think they need it, are people. God is like a mirror, it's us who are judgy. To paraphrase because I'm on phone and it's hard to copy-paste:

"To the pure you will show yourself pure, to the froward you will show yourself froward"

"by your own words you will be justified, and by your own words you will be condemned"

"by the measure you meet it will be meted out to you"

"the one who takes up a sword will die by a sword"

So those who like hell and violence will be ended by the same as it is being revealed to them, but seeing Jesus, we now know God loves everyone and can only speak blessings - that's how it is He can't help it. Have a nice evening

Johari · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

No I was a Wiccan most my life before being inroduced to this faith by a family I had no chance knowing. And wouldn't have unless I converted to christianity. Bu in the end they only would like me if I jumped at their bidding no matter how miserable I was.

So I will do what makes me happy

And go back to who I was always meant to be. I have learned a lot during practicing this religion - I will take the good I learned and apply it in my life- but let go of all the heart break and abuse I endured at the hand of many christian organizations and work places.

I am confident enough now to be who I am meant to be instead of who I think my family wanted me to be I think- confident that if they will love me, they can love me for who I am - and if not -then I am not loosing anything, don't you agree?Same with god really.

Oh I see now. You converted to Christianity later in life.

I don't agree but I understand what you mean. I know family can still love someone even when they don't agree with their lifestyle.

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

SoulWeaver said:

I've never said I didn't believe the Bible... That being said I think a lot of people read it wrong.
If you look at the Bible, you can see its view shifting overtime by its writer as human awareness changes and matures.
You say I'm cherry picking, but I tell you, I am in good company!
Jesus, when quoting the Old testament He leaves out the vengeance parts out of the passages He is quoting. Like when He read from the Jubilees "this has come to pass to you today" and almost got stoned after that because He left out the vengeance. People simply couldn't fathom that there's no angry, war God. They were barely ready back then and are scarcely ready to hear this same message today. Or, sending the message to John the Baptist, again only mentioning good stuff and leaving out the vengeance part from what He quoted. And other places. Apostle Paul does the exact same. What does that tell you? Jesus came to do away with vengeance and violence, that was the whole point. And we know, that Jesus and the Father are one. We also know, that God does not change. The ones who hold onto wrath and violence and think they need it, are people. God is like a mirror, it's us who are judgy. To paraphrase because I'm on phone and it's hard to copy-paste:

"To the pure you will show yourself pure, to the froward you will show yourself froward"

"by your own words you will be justified, and by your own words you will be condemned"

"by the measure you meet it will be meted out to you"

"the one who takes up a sword will die by a sword"

So those who like hell and violence will be ended by the same as it is being revealed to them, but seeing Jesus, we now know God loves everyone and can only speak blessings - that's how it is He can't help it. Have a nice evening

Yet the bible is full of violence and wrath with some nice verses in it.
To quote them is nice- but not enough to convince me that it is a system I want to be subscribed to once more.
Is any religion perfect- I doubt it - since they are all made by men.

But it is up to each of us to pick the one hat best suits us - I think

Heart_Melody · Dec 31, 2020

Johari said:

At least they are supposed to - mine is not that way sadly - but it is also okay - I am learning to find the people that love me for who I am

TheIndianGirl · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

I am South Asian. About the Native Americans, I can't say all of their culture is good or beautiful. They had bad practices such as scalping; the Aztecs had human sacrifice rituals. I do think the Americans could have treated them better though, like not forcing the Native Americans to walk to Oklahoma. The savagry is probably equal on both sides. In Hawaii, siblings could marry eachother, which produces bad genes. About one culture blotting another culture, that has happened since the beginning due to migration and war basically by all people; I believe God lets these things happen. On why the indigenous need salvation? Ithink some of these societies as a whole need salvation. I believe society is raised overall due to the spread of Christianity (education for women, increased awareness for human rights, protection for vulnerable populations, elimination of sati, elimination of the "games" in Rome, etc.). But I do agree that there are/were some bad characters.

TheIndianGirl · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

What do you think about Americans nuking Hiroshima and Nagasaki? A lot of babies and grandmas died. However, a lot of Americans (and allies) were/are strongly in favor of this. Sometimes I wonder if God is this way, if he wanted to stop a great evil or to "purify" a place. I think that example explains a lot of the violence and wrath in the Bible. It is still difficult to grasp, but makes things easier to understand perhaps from God's perspective.

SoulWeaver · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

People complicate everything, not a fan of religions myself. I do believe Jesus to be who He claimed to be. I'm not trying to "convince" you, I have no power to do such thing, just to share an alternative perspective, because it isn't very common, and when I was where you are, I would've liked to have heard it then. Most Christians seem to just accept the two faced split personality idea of God which I don't adhere to, and they strongly discourage questions about these matters. I've personally found people expressing their issues with the Bible helpful in my own search for answers, I don't see them as enemy. Wish you the best, wherever you go.

JustEli · Dec 31, 2020

There is a song, in which, is stated "If I could choose to believe, or not to, I would choose not to........."
Like the author, writer er, I can't choose. For my own reasons I believe. Not because some one else told me so.
I simply asked God to show me.

Heart Melody, I hope the best for you. And wish you a happy new year.

shineyourlight · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

I've been here since 2015.

So, I've been around for quite some time. Just haven't been as active in the past two years.

And I don't need luck - I love Jesus. I'm grounded in my faith and in God and am really glad I chose this path that leads to Him.

And I also hope you find that there are people here who are grounded in their own faith and might help you when you need encouragement in your path!

We are for you!

Kojikun · Dec 31, 2020

Heart_Melody said:

Hello dear -
The fact that "colonization" is a "good thing" because it brought Jesus even though it destroyed the native american's culture and stripped them of their dignity is in itself quite ludicrous - who is to say they were in need of salvation? Are you native american Indian or Asian-Indian? South american Indian?
I think it is quite a shame that all these indigenous cultures were seen as savage - and hat the western culture was forced upon them. I am sorry - but I cannot see it as a positive thing. Why would God have allowed so many lovely cultures if he meant to blot them out with the western view?

No I do not believe Jesus resurrected anymore. I do believe he was a holy figure - not unlike Gandhi, or Mother Teresa and the like. He is a son of god - but not more or less than you or I. not the ONLY son. Just a son.

So dignity and culture are more important than enternal bliss and being truly alive. 🤔 interesting. Well regardless we will all pray for you.

Lanolin · Dec 31, 2020

hmm weird, a wiccan goes on a christian forum, declares she wants to die. Then lambasts and blames God for it and spreads hate towards christian believers, wishing us luck.

huh.

I supoose if it makes heart melody happy, let her be.

I believe Jesus loves me. Thats not something that anyone can take away from me, so its no skin off my nose if heart melody hates me.

wishing for death

Heart_Melody

Guest

Well-known member

Heart_Melody

Guest

Heart_Melody

Guest

Senior Member

TheIndianGirl

Guest

Heart_Melody

Guest

Heart_Melody

Guest

Well-known member

Senior Member

Junior Member

Heart_Melody

Guest

Heart_Melody

Guest

TheIndianGirl

Guest

TheIndianGirl

Guest

Senior Member

Well-known member

Senior Member

Well-known member

Well-known member