Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

[Gojira]

Is she single, on FB? If she's single, you should contact her and tell her you used to have a crush on her. She'd probably love that.

Nah... she knew and she hurt me. We were 6

 

[Lanolin]

I would definitely contact her if I were you. For one thing, Jesus taught us in many places to seek reconciliation with others, and especially if they have something against us (Matthew 5:21-26). Also, I hate when relationships end without any stated reason why, so I imagine that others might hate it as well.

was this a relationship or a friendship.....?

Friendships never end
relationships can and do end...

what was it? If it was a relationship on her part or yours? Are you not able to forgive whatever happened ten years ago...? I know some young female friendships can be tricky and cross the boundaries...though having framed photo of two of you does not mean you were like a couple? Some people just want to be friends they actually dont want to be tied into a familial relationship for whatver reason and you must respect that.

I would always choose friendship and fellowship over relationship though that is just me...Jesus called his dsicples friends and brothers he did not expect anything more or less as the one that wanted something else (Judas) was really after money

Just saying He laid down his life for his friends

 

[MsMediator]

was this a relationship or a friendship.....?

Friendships never end
relationships can and do end...

what was it? If it was a relationship on her part or yours? Are you not able to forgive whatever happened ten years ago...? I know some young female friendships can be tricky and cross the boundaries...though having framed photo of two of you does not mean you were like a couple? Some people just want to be friends they actually dont want to be tied into a familial relationship for whatver reason and you must respect that.

I would always choose friendship and fellowship over relationship though that is just me...Jesus called his dsicples friends and brothers he did not expect anything more or less as the one that wanted something else (Judas) was really after money

Just saying He laid down his life for his friends

No...we were not a couple. Sometimes besties give gifts like that.

 

[Sculpt]

Nah... she knew and she hurt me. We were 6

You can lead a kaiju to nuclear power...

 

[Magenta]

Is she single, on FB? If she's single, you should contact her and tell her you used to have a crush on her. She'd probably love that.

Sure, just what every woman doesn't want: have men crawling out of the woodwork
of history hoping for something more and better than what happened in the past .

 

[Gojira]

You can lead a kaiju to nuclear power...

Not interested in telling her. Besides, at that age of 6, I had three other crushes.

 

[Sculpt]

Sure, just what every woman doesn't want: have men crawling out of the woodwork
of history hoping for something more and better than what happened in the past .

I always love hearing your opinion and always respect it. I'm sure "a contact from the past" experience would be a bit different for everyone, probably based on their past experiences. I've heard of people who dated years ago get reacquainted and married, so I have a different perspective.

Others may have had men "coming out of the woodwork"... sounds like a horror film. I guess I've just been really fortunate to know normal decent people acting decently with each other.

I've had old gfs contact me years later. It didn't trouble me. I have female friends who told me an acquaintance or bf from the past contact them. She either said 'no thanks' and that was the end of it; or she met up with them if she wanted to. There was no horror. There are decent people out there.

Did you have a bad experience?

 

[Lanolin]

No...we were not a couple. Sometimes besties give gifts like that.

ok
well if you do get in touch dont fret put it to God she may be happy to hear from you again

if was opposite sex yea that might be tricky I would maybe be a bit wary

 

[Gojira]

I always love hearing your opinion and always respect it. I'm sure "a contact from the past" experience would be a bit different for everyone, probably based on their past experiences. I've heard of people who dated years ago get reacquainted and married, so I have a different perspective.

Others may have had men "coming out of the woodwork"... sounds like a horror film. I guess I've just been really fortunate to know normal decent people acting decently with each other.

I've had old gfs contact me years later. It didn't trouble me. I have female friends who told me an acquaintance or bf from the past contact them. She either said 'no thanks' and that was the end of it; or she met up with them if she wanted to. There was no horror. There are decent people out there.

Did you have a bad experience?

You tawk'n to me? ha ha

If so, no, I have not. But, I don't have much of a past. My marriage was the gist of my romantic past. The rest of it consists of several one-time dates and a couple of sinful flings. Anything outside that were just 'crushes', if you will.

This was a girl I had a crush on in 1st grade. She was officially my 'friend' because I'd make her laugh by sliding down a staircase on my butt. When a hall monitor told me to knock it off, she got an attitude and wouldn't talk to me again. Her friend even tried to explain to her that I didn't have a say in the matter, but that made no difference. Again, we were 6. No reason to seek her out. And, there's no one I can think of to seek out for romantic reasons. I've had a boring life, at least in that realm, with my precious Dolly being the one exception.

 

[listenyoumustAll]

Would you contact a friend after 10 years?

In my case, I was getting annoyed at a friend because I felt a bit excluded and she was giving more weight to others in our circle (from my perspective, at that time). One day I decided not to respond to her text to meet up (I don't remember the specific reason why now). We were also very close for a few years and were in the same circle of friends. I think she texted me once more. A few months later, she didn't invite me for her birthday. Anyway, at that point, I thought it was all over since it is pretty major not to be invited to a birthday dinner. I was actually hoping that her birthday dinner would be a chance for us to reconnect. The reason why I want to reconnect now (or when I visit town) is for closure and explain why I behaved that way; our friendship was kind of left hanging. I feel a bit bad because prior to ghosting her, she gave me a gift of a framed photo of both of us. I now live many states away, and she could be married/with kids for all I know as I deleted FB a few years ago. So, my goal is not to go back to old times/become best friends. Thoughts?

Friend ,Ephesians 1:4-5(KJV) According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself,according to the good pleasure of his will, Hallelujah! God likens the believer to children . being Christlike is counting the the offense of the worldly as that action energised by ignorance. .
Seeing you share circles with this particular individual it would be wise to reconnect .. What I do is see them as "know no better folks " ,so the Believer has to know better.. In love always . God bless

 

[Magenta]

I always love hearing your opinion and always respect it. I'm sure "a contact from the past" experience
would be a bit different for everyone, probably based on their past experiences. I've heard of people
who dated years ago get reacquainted and married, so I have a different perspective.

Others may have had men "coming out of the woodwork"... sounds like a horror film. I guess
I've just been really fortunate to know normal decent people acting decently with each other.

I've had old gfs contact me years later. It didn't trouble me. I have female friends who told me an
acquaintance or bf from the past contact them. She either said 'no thanks' and that was the end of it;
or she met up with them if she wanted to. There was no horror. There are decent people out there.

Did you have a bad experience?

Thank you, Sculpt, and my apologies for my tardy reply, as I worked yesterday and was mostly exhausted
afterwards, although I did stay up late haha, wow, way later than I should have, but today is a day off and
I figured I would respond to you in the morning. I look forward to seeing your well thought out no-nonsesne
replies to theological issues, and am always very happy when we are in agreement on those sticky wicket
issues (for instance, Enoch/angels/Nephilim). Any who, I have no doubt that experiences vary widely across
the spectrum of relationship history, and reconnecting with past interests, just as they do in all areas of life.

I would rather not go into much detail, but I did shut down my FB page many years ago in part because of
more than one someone from my distant past trying to reconnect with me, and not even love interests! But
there were associations to those and other interwoven themes that I just did not want to have stirred up and
be dealing with, at all. Shutting down that page did have as much to do with wanting to maintain my privacy
and anonymity after starting to speak with non-believers online shortly after my conversion at the age of
almost fifty. I do know there are decent people "out there" but there are also a lot of wackos and weirdos.
And wouldn't you know it? Nothing like discussions about God and religion to highlight people's dysfunctions.

 

[Sculpt]

You tawk'n to me? ha ha

If so, no, I have not. But, I don't have much of a past. My marriage was the gist of my romantic past. The rest of it consists of several one-time dates and a couple of sinful flings. Anything outside that were just 'crushes', if you will.

This was a girl I had a crush on in 1st grade. She was officially my 'friend' because I'd make her laugh by sliding down a staircase on my butt. When a hall monitor told me to knock it off, she got an attitude and wouldn't talk to me again. Her friend even tried to explain to her that I didn't have a say in the matter, but that made no difference. Again, we were 6. No reason to seek her out. And, there's no one I can think of to seek out for romantic reasons. I've had a boring life, at least in that realm, with my precious Dolly being the one exception.

No, I was replying to Megenta. But that OK. It's a funny story. I remember some things like that from school. More or less, my memory starts at 5 or 6 years old. When things popup, like someone from the past, in my memory or in the world, from my experience that tends to lead to meaningful things for me. So I tend to encourage the same for others. Not for them to do anything foolish, but just to be aware and open.

 

[Lanolin]

Speaking of old schools friends I remember meeting one boy years later and he admitted he was jealous of me at school (we were both deemed 'the brainy ones') and I never knew that lol

I had a workmate kept trying to contact me after I left my first job and part of the reason was he was trying to 'date' me and I just thought he was being friends and cos he was married?! See I was somehwat naive how things worked. I was never after him but he was always after me and the attention got too much

It just seemed like I never got a mutual equilibrium going with anyone who fancied me or I fancy them back there were always complications.

And with some girlfriends I was like hold on this kind of friendship is a bit TOO intense. Like they would be too clingy though sometimes I would be a bit stand offish. And when you are young your parents would. vet the kind of friendships you make. I remember one girl always invited me over to her place for 'playdates' but I was never encouraged to bring friends to my place. They were always allowed sleepovers I never even had one. I had brithday parties though but my mother would never approve of my individual friends she was always either jealous of them or thought they were no good or were out to steal he rdaughter way from her and so I though ok if I ever marry anyone it will just be a huge drama.

I had one girlfriend sick in hospital asking for me to visit and my mum was like dont go shes not worth it, and any time I would go to church she would get all jealous I wasnt spending time with her. So I would just say I was going out, but not say I was going to church...the mother daughter relationship is the hardest to navigate, and even when if you marry you'll never be free from that bond. I thought I was the only one but I found out that most christian daughters of atheist mothers have this.

 

[Lanolin]

I think mother- sons have it easier in familes cos boys are favoured and they not really expected to stay and look after their parents

anyway sorry I am derailing your thread with my family dramas

Catching up with old friends if God is leading you to them could be just something they need in their life right now, they may just need an encouraging word from you. Of course it wont be the same close friendship you might have had before where you perhaps spent every single day with them.

I never really do the whole 'best friends' thing - I find ranking friends troublesome, what if you have two friends and one always feels second best? but I do have forever friends. Though its not like weve ever done the blood brothers/sisters thing but just mutually agreed that we'd be forever friends and call each other sister.

 

[Magenta]

No, I was replying to Megenta. But that OK. It's a funny story. I remember some things like that from school.
More or less, my memory starts at 5 or 6 years old. When things popup, like someone from the past, in my
memory or in the world, from my experience that tends to lead to meaningful things for me. So I tend to
encourage the same for others. Not for them to do anything foolish, but just to be aware and open.

I am not averse to staying in touch with people, but when someone I barely knew who was peripherally
in my circle of friends from forty to fifty years ago (more or less) tries to "reconnect" with me, and I have
negative associations with other people they are very close to? Mmmm, no. I hardly knew them then,
and see no point in striking up some kind of e-connection with them now. I recently reconnected with
a woman I have known for years who may be passed from this world within the year (stage four inoperable
pancreatic cancer). I have no problem with that, and she had actually been on my mind before we reconnected;
I had not seen her for a number of years. Covid restrictions and meetings shutting down (I knew her through
NA mostly) changed the landscape of our lives with social isolation etc etc which is too bad. We were never
anything like besties, but did hang out a bit and I used to give her rides home on a regular basis. There was
no emotional baggage there, either. But even with baggage, in the case of some exes, I would not mind. In
fact one guy who figured largely in my life wanted to reconnect with me after we broke up, which I allowed
after he made awesome amends to me, taking responsibility for a lot of things that had caused us problems
while we were together. We split well over twenty years ago but remain friends, and he showed up in a major
way when I was going through all my medical stuff dealing with my own cancer treatments, taking me to
appointments, driving me to and from the hospital, stuff like that, and he will always respond when I ask for help.

 

[Gojira]

No, I was replying to Megenta. But that OK. It's a funny story. I remember some things like that from school. More or less, my memory starts at 5 or 6 years old. When things popup, like someone from the past, in my memory or in the world, from my experience that tends to lead to meaningful things for me. So I tend to encourage the same for others. Not for them to do anything foolish, but just to be aware and open.

So you DON'T advise sliding down a staircase on my butt?

 

[MsMediator]

I never really do the whole 'best friends' thing - I find ranking friends troublesome, what if you have two friends and one always feels second best? but I do have forever friends. Though its not like weve ever done the blood brothers/sisters thing but just mutually agreed that we'd be forever friends and call each other sister.

I do not like ranking either. However, I know at least two friends who felt insulted when I said I don't like to rank friends, as they believed a person could only have one "best" friend. Ironically, I ghosted the friend discussed in this thread, in part, because I felt she poached another friend.

 

[Lanolin]

Um Ok
sounds complicated and possessive
Making amends, forgiveness and reconciliation are important to God though and possibly if one party is convicted He'll make a way through we should never grieve the Holy Spirit because He will leave and wont return...

 

[Gojira]

@Gojira : Excellent, brother! Excellent! Good on you, I say!

aww shucks

 

[Mii]

I do not like ranking either. However, I know at least two friends who felt insulted when I said I don't like to rank friends, as they believed a person could only have one "best" friend. Ironically, I ghosted the friend discussed in this thread, in part, because I felt she poached another friend.

Sounds like you were young then...at this point (when pressed) my method would probably be to attempt to dismantle the "best friend" concept. A good friend though? A real friend? Fair-weather/foul?

Definitions vary

I don't think there's anything wrong with you attempting a re-connection with your past acquaintance. Who knows if you would even be friends if she wanted to get together or something...you may have very little in common with each other today but that doesn't mean there's nothing you can give each other.

Giving yourself closure is something you want but perhaps she has something she wants also?

There's obviously some reason why this person is on your mind. Prayer possibly but just don't let the awkwardness of time's passage stop you. It's stopped me and I don't think it's God's will really. I don't think I'm "sinning" by not re-connecting but it is possible that I miss out on a blessing.


Closure seems like a blessing personally and it appears to be a choice.