Your Boundaries

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jordache
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Jordache

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So, I am in the middle of an ugly divorce that I am completely powerless to avoid. I've been with my husband with 7 years, and am looking forward to a new life of singlehood in which I truly want to honor God. I wasn't so successful before or even while dating my husband, so I really want to do it God's way this time. I love God with everything I am and I just want to honor him.
That being said, what are some boundaries that you hold with members of the opposite sex in both romantic relations and platonic friendships. Please be specific.

1. I live alone now and I have a spare bedroom. I will not ever consider rooming with a man, or
having a male friend spend the night.
2. I feel lonely, I will not call a guy friend to "cheer me up". I will call a girl friend.
3. I am willing to be open and honest with a good friend of mine who is like a father to me. He is very
safe, and I can be ask him any question about guys that ever comes to my mind.
4. If I ever have to talk about myself sexually, I speak with a girl friend.

Some of these are obvious, but if you grew up with a past like mine, they could be the last things on your mind.
 
I would be interested to hear about your "past" that you talked about that lead to your way of thinking. Unlike most people, you clearly have the right idea of what divorce means. I'm sorry that things didn't work out, but you have the right attitude that you're looking forward to a life of singleness honoring God. Most women in your position would deny what the Bible says about divorce and they'd just go find a new man, which is wrong, and in most cases those women are adulterers.

I've definitely screwed up in the past, and I've set up standards as well. I would never live with a woman, even if we were not romantically involved (until marriage). With female friends, I try to make it a point not to hang out with them 1-on-1 very often unless I am romantically interested in them. Otherwise it gives the wrong impression. If I need a confidant for something, it will be a guy friend (or in some cases, a girl who lives far away via this chatroom). In a romantic relationship, I won't do anything beyond just kissing, and with my last girlfriend I didn't even do that because she was really pretty and I thought I might get carried away.

There's probably other stuff too that I just know but don't really think about. I keep accountable with my guy friends whenever any of us is in a relationship.
 
Jordache said:
So, I am in the middle of an ugly divorce that I am completely powerless to avoid. I've been with my husband with 7 years, and am looking forward to a new life of singlehood in which I truly want to honor God. I wasn't so successful before or even while dating my husband, so I really want to do it God's way this time. I love God with everything I am and I just want to honor him.
That being said, what are some boundaries that you hold with members of the opposite sex in both romantic relations and platonic friendships. Please be specific.

1. I live alone now and I have a spare bedroom. I will not ever consider rooming with a man, or
having a male friend spend the night.
2. I feel lonely, I will not call a guy friend to "cheer me up". I will call a girl friend.
3. I am willing to be open and honest with a good friend of mine who is like a father to me. He is very
safe, and I can be ask him any question about guys that ever comes to my mind.
4. If I ever have to talk about myself sexually, I speak with a girl friend.

Some of these are obvious, but if you grew up with a past like mine, they could be the last things on your mind.
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Are you powerless, Jordache?

Perfect! In that weakness, God can perfect His power.

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Middle of a divorce, poweless to do anything about it, is hard for an outside person to understand all that entails.....

But God is all-powerful and GIVING UP ON your marriage before it is final seems, to me, the wrong thing to do. The Lord leads, follow His lead through this, for He will not have you stray nor tarry or be hurt on the path He will lead you on, for all of your life, God is Love and He loves YOU and He is the onlybone in the whole wide world, IF you choose Him, will NEVER give up on you, Jordache. :)

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I put my short list of ladies that I think can provide good 'friendly' and, even, in many cases, 'motherly,' advice, and, by that, I mean, as a mother to a child, showing unconditionally loving words.

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The list is:

Julieannie
Snackersmom
Jilly
ViolaKat
Catlynn
Nanabeans

Hmm, I think I will expand my list, these two, too: KayEm, Liz01
 
Jullianna said:
I'm honored, Green :) hugs!
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Yes, julieannie, most definitely, I think you're able indeed to help other ladies in times of the Devil threatening their life, I think, now that my green brains remember (*green pats his noggin) that you've posted before you lead a women's bible study at your church. So, there you go. Or, I go, or, hmmm, I'm going now :D
 
I have not given up on my marriage. I am simply trying to move on and learn. My husband knows that if he wants to work on things that I am more than willing. I do not want to divorce. But while God can change our plans, that doesn't mean we avoid progressing. I want to learn about boudaries not because I intend to go out tomorrow and get hitched. I'm not learning about them because I don't trust that God can do big things. I simply want to be proactive with my life. I am more than open to the Lord changing my plans.
I am not looking for any terribly personal boundaries. I just grew up completely boudary-less, so it helps to hear what other people do so that I can establish my own.
 
Thanks for the second post, Jordache. It helps me understand a bit better what you are truly asking. I think for now it would indeed be good to limit your social life and conversations of a confidential nature to girlfriends, as you have wisely chosen. You are at a very vulnerable point and there are a lot of guys out there (even ones who call themselves christians) who are more than willing to use that to their advantage.

You don't say whether or not you have children. If you do, they are going to need some transition time as well before new guys start showing up, IF things don't work out with your husband.

Give yourself AT LEAST six months (hopefully longer) before you consider becoming involved in a relationship. Devote that time to seeking God's will for your marriage and your life, as well as wisdom to deal with the decisions you are asking about.

We are certainly here to help if we can and offer our prayers and encouragement. God bless you :)
 
I have no hard and fast rules, mainly because I do not think in a relational context at first. I guess the key is not sharing important issues with people who don't need to hear them. That is what family is four, and if not family then really close friends.
 
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