Most of my Christian life has been like the Hokey Cokey dance.
In out, in out.
My performance dictated my relationship with God and installed an unhealthy fear that lead to guilt and condemnation.
I would meditate on scripture but mainly looking at worst possible outcome. YOUR OUT, SINNED TOO MUCH.
Then one day I was laid up with a bad back.
I felt God ask me to spend time with him, at the 4th request I complied.
So I opened my bible and felt led to read
Romans 5:1-2
Chapter 5
Faith Triumphs in Trouble
1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
I looked up the word faith and peace. Particularly peace. I used to think it meant an inner peace and as I didn't have this then obviously I didn't have faith. I never realised it meant there was no hostility between God and me. No more war.
Then I looked at faith. I realised I had faith in Jesus. Not a faith that gives a mental assent only but one that wants to be so much like him.
Then I felt God lead me to
John 8:10-12
10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
I read and asked God the purpose of me reading this.
He said "Look at what Jesus said to the lady"
Then it hit me. He didn't say "Go sin no more and I won't condemn you"
It was the other around to me it as like him saying "I don't condemn you, now that I don't live your life according to that and according to my will for me"
Wow God doesn't condemn me, he knows I want to be like Jesus, that I hate my sin and when I get it wrong.
Then God led me to
Romans 8:1
Assurance of Eternal Life in the Spirit (8:1-30)
The Spirit of Life
1 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.
Then finally he led me to the following
John 17:23
23 I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.
As I was reading it I had a picture. The above verse was written on a silver bullet put in a gun and pointed at my heart.
The gun was fired and that bullet went straight into my heart and brought me to tears.
GOD LOVES ME AS MUCH AS HE LOVES JESUS.
It was like a whole weight had been lifted.
In fact when my wife came home she looked at me and asked "What's gone on, you look totally different"
That was 7 years ago, (25 years after placing my faith in Jesus) when I actually became secure in the fact that through Jesus and being in Jesus my salvation was not a Hokey Cokey dance. But a merry dance with Jesus.
Sorry for the long post.