update on having a long talk with hubby
- Thread starter jenniferand2
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I didn't smash it. She thought maybe it was God reminding her, and I suggested that it was probably just her trying to hold onto something that is no longer any good for her. And she agreed with that.This has been ongoing for the last 20 years. I don't believe that our loving God would want her to be miserable for ANOTHER 20 years. Just saying.. :/
As I recall, it was YOU, Depleted, who keeps saying that we can't/shouldn't give advice to people in these situations, because we only know one side of the story. So once again, I ask, WHY do we bother to respond to them at all? Kind of a useless exercise, isn't it? According to you, we can't give advice at all. Pot, meet kettle, because YOU give advice ALL the time..much of it unwanted..lol
A
I think getting a part time job is a great idea.
Money does put stress upon a relationship and for the sake of your 16 year old, I would learn to stop thinking of yourself as disabled or a victim. Learn to be the strong beautiful person God made you. Learn from Him to be an overcomer.
The only person you can change is you.
You can stay or you can go.
I see the reasons for staying...the Bible says stay with an unbelieving husband because by your faith and living out a life for Christ you can might be able to save them. However if they want to leave, don't stop them.
You say you don't feel that you are physically threatened and you daughter still has at least a couple years at home.
I would try and find things to do outside the home. Even without a part time job, maybe volunteer or do something that allows you to help others. (i love my husband but we would get into fights if all we did was stay at home 24/7)
I have found that more helpful for my mental and spiritual health than staying at home. Some days you might not want to, you might be in pain, but those are the days I see God answers prayers the most because He has always given me strength to help others despite my own troubles and limitations and He sends others to help me in my time of need.
Money does put stress upon a relationship and for the sake of your 16 year old, I would learn to stop thinking of yourself as disabled or a victim. Learn to be the strong beautiful person God made you. Learn from Him to be an overcomer.
The only person you can change is you.
You can stay or you can go.
I see the reasons for staying...the Bible says stay with an unbelieving husband because by your faith and living out a life for Christ you can might be able to save them. However if they want to leave, don't stop them.
You say you don't feel that you are physically threatened and you daughter still has at least a couple years at home.
I would try and find things to do outside the home. Even without a part time job, maybe volunteer or do something that allows you to help others. (i love my husband but we would get into fights if all we did was stay at home 24/7)
I have found that more helpful for my mental and spiritual health than staying at home. Some days you might not want to, you might be in pain, but those are the days I see God answers prayers the most because He has always given me strength to help others despite my own troubles and limitations and He sends others to help me in my time of need.
You may find that by even volunteering to get you out of the house for a few hours a day, gives you a whole new perspective about life. May God bless you both for deciding to work it out. Believe it or not, it is not easier starting over on your own or with someone else, it is difficult in the short term to work out the marriage with your current husband but in the long run, much easier than facing an unknown future. I tried that and I spent the better part of 25 years learning to be comfortable with myself and having to face all of life's problem on my own. The only things I realized is that God is in charge and taught me a valuable lesson and no matter where I go in life, unless I change my thinking and my actions, I take my head with me wherever I go and nothing changes, unless I change my thinking and my actions. All the best.
D
I didn't respond. You did. And by telling her she should get out. I'm very much against you telling people to get out of their relationships. Especially when that's all they hear. Look at this thread again. Most of it is you telling her to get out, and since she is tired after 20 years, she leaned toward the easy answer -- yours.
Stop telling people to run from their relationship.
Stop telling people to run from their relationship.
You just want her to spend her entire life in this marriage, being miserable don't you? What about the kids? This is gonna affect THEIR relationships someday, and think it's okay to mistreat and get mistreated. God does NOT want us to get mistreated and abused in marriage.
If you don't like my replies, STOP READING THEM..
D
You are the one deciding someone else's life, not me. Who do you think you are? And you keep laying this on God, as if Hosea doesn't exist in your Bible. Stop that too!
Stop planting seeds of despair and loneliness onto everyone in a relationship. It's both wrong and not godly!
We have no idea how God will work this out, and yet you are teaching how to get out. If Jennifer decides to leave, you're happy and she's not! (She's not happy now, but at least she's listening to God on if she should stay or leave.) She gets to continue on in her life with all the ramifications of what you implanted into her. A year from now? You won't even remember who she is.
How many people have you told to walk? And out of all those people? And then what? If they walk, how have you since helped? You're "gospel" is to leave, and that's that.
There is more to your life than having a guy use you. You won't let go. And you want to bring others to that point too. Let go. And, until you do, stop bringing others to where you are now.
Until you stop, I won't stop letting people know your advice is bad. I tried doing this softly. It hasn't worked.
Stop planting seeds of despair and loneliness onto everyone in a relationship. It's both wrong and not godly!
We have no idea how God will work this out, and yet you are teaching how to get out. If Jennifer decides to leave, you're happy and she's not! (She's not happy now, but at least she's listening to God on if she should stay or leave.) She gets to continue on in her life with all the ramifications of what you implanted into her. A year from now? You won't even remember who she is.
How many people have you told to walk? And out of all those people? And then what? If they walk, how have you since helped? You're "gospel" is to leave, and that's that.
There is more to your life than having a guy use you. You won't let go. And you want to bring others to that point too. Let go. And, until you do, stop bringing others to where you are now.
Until you stop, I won't stop letting people know your advice is bad. I tried doing this softly. It hasn't worked.
I'm not deciding anyone's life. In the end, Jennifer will decide ON HER OWN, what she will do regarding her marriage. Yes I am laying it on God, because even if they DO divorce, He WILL use it for something better for everyone. That's kinda what He does. 
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
"Where I am now"? Where am I, because YOU seem to know where I am. I'm happy, and single, and not being used and abused anymore, that's where I am. I'm not in a relationship crying because my bf views porn, or bashes my head into the wall, or is freaking around on me. I feel sorry for the women who ARE in those situations, though.
And that last sentence, "until I stop", what is that? An ultimatum? lol
D
I'm not deciding anyone's life. In the end, Jennifer will decide ON HER OWN, what she will do regarding her marriage. Yes I am laying it on God, because even if they DO divorce, He WILL use it for something better for everyone. That's kinda what He does.
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
I'm not deciding anyone's life. In the end, Jennifer will decide ON HER OWN, what she will do regarding her marriage. Yes I am laying it on God, because even if they DO divorce, He WILL use it for something better for everyone. That's kinda what He does.
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
I won't be happy if they divorce. And I WILL remember her. I remember EVERYONE who has posted this kind of story. And what YOU DON'T know is that MANY of them have PM'ed me and THANKED me for telling them to leave. Jennifer is a woman who has been and is being, physically abused. I WILL NOT TELL HER TO STAY in her marriage, just because of that fact. That would be like me saying "okay stay let him stab you to death in your sleep". :/
I haven't had a guy in my life for over ten years. I had no problem letting him go, because he refused to change, didn't want help and I wasted 10 years of my life trying to help him. SO how exactly am I letting a guy use me? You're sounding silly now, Lynn. I don't want Jenn to waste ANOTHER 20 years being miserable, fighting a one-sided battle. Nor do I want her to stay in a potentially dangerous situation. And I have NOT told her to divorce, I SAID it might be a good idea to SEPARATE for awhile. Or don't you know the diff between separate and divorce?
Fortunately you don't get to tell me what or how to post. In the end, these people will decide for themselves what to do.. So if you're expecting me to stop telling people to leave a dangerous relationship, keep futilely expecting cuz THAT AIN'T gonna ever come out of MY mouth, and that's a fact.
I tell people to get out of dangerous situations too, but this isn't one. It was. It isn't. God does that sometimes. Sometimes it's just a low in a cycle. We have no idea which one this is. You act like it's still going on.
And "having a guy use you" was past tense. Otherwise, how do you let go if it's still happening?
D
Until you stop, I am free to keep telling people they are listening to one-advice-fits-all. I am free to keep telling people that you only tell them to leave for everything from viewing porn (which really cuts out the field, if we're only supposed to accept the ones who never viewed porn lol) to bashing their heads in a wall, (even though no one's heads been bashed into a wall), and heaven help us all if a guy is around us! And I am/will.
I don't do ultimatums. I tell you what I'm doing it while I'm doing it.
I don't do ultimatums. I tell you what I'm doing it while I'm doing it.
