Asking out spiritually stronger women

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
T

Timothy3_16

Guest
#21
#21
So I am quickly scanning through these posts, and I think, I understand your question; and I think I understand most of the answers given. May I add a different perspective to the answers your receiving. Namely;

Have you considered what dating means to a christian?
Have you considered what dating means to YOU as a christian?
What does dating mean to HER as a christian?
Is YOUR and HER perspective on dating the same.

If you can answer all or even most of these questions, then you can probably answer YOUR question.

In the times that the old and new testament were written, "dating" was very small amount of time that inevitably lead to an "engagement" or "disengagement". In today's modern world dating is considered little more than a recreational activity. This is quite a difference.

Does she consider dating nothing more than a recreational "good time" with a friend?
Do you consider dating a first step in finding a lifelong christian mate?

ASK HER as a christian mentor or friend, "How should a christian view dating". Regardless of the difference in maturity levels; if she is expecting a lot less committment out a date than you expect, OR You are expecting a lot more committment from the dating step than she does; then you have an answer to your question, the difference in expectations will leave one or both of you hurt.

Don't ignore, hide, evade, change or misrepresent your differences with her; if you do any of these things, then one or both of you are going to end up hurt. Not because you were not transparent, but because you are compromising allready to bridge the differences.

There are many many scripture outlining much of what is discussed here. A entire post could be made for each one; but I just list a few of them in brief here.
Matthew 5:28, 2 Samuel 11:2 to 12:14, Job 31:1, Job 31:9, 1 Corithians 7:1, 2 Corithians 6:14, 2 Corithians 5:11.

Hope some or all of this helps.
 
Last edited:
K

kayem77

Guest
#22
#22
What Stillwaters said is perfect:) Let's say the definition of spiritual maturity that the OP is talking about is being able to discern between good and evil (or biblical and antibiblical), and good deeds. I wouldn't date a guy who is not able to discern even the most basic stuff or someone who doesn't show good deeds.

Does that mean that he has to agree on everything with me? Not at all, that would be too boring in a relationship, I don't want to date myself and then, I'm not perfect.....I know my opinion isn't always right . I like to be challenged. But if we don't agree on ,let's say, the importance of prayer and studying the Word , which to me are basics, then I wouldn't date the guy.

I don't necessarily want someone who is more mature than me.....I want someone who has a zeal for God. Iron sharpens iron...and I want my piece of iron to sharpen me. We as Christians have a personal calling, and our lifestyles can be different, however, there are things that we are called to agree on no matter what. Romans 12 offers a great description of these things:

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 Therefore
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Click to expand...


Oh and I'm not saying I do ALL those things all the time. But I want to. And I want someone who inspires me to do those things, and challenges me to find new ways of doing so. Does that mean he is more spiritually mature than me? I don't know. But that's what I'm looking for, and I hope I can be his helpmate in accomplishing these things in his life too.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

Jullianna

Guest
#23
#23
The scriptures tell us that women are to inquire of their husbands regarding things they may not understand. Seems like that would be very difficult to do if the husband is much younger in the faith than his wife. (I Cor 14)


When I have dated guys in the past who were younger in the Lord, there were many times when I would feel uncomfortable during faith related discussions, as I felt as if I had somehow become his teacher. Other women may feel comfortable with that, but I found it awkward. It's always a relief when a mature Christian guy knows what I'm talking about or asking about. I love that :) a LOT, but all women may not feel that way.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
1

1still_waters

Guest
#24
#24
Jullianna said:
The scriptures tell us that women are to inquire of their husbands regarding things they may not understand. Seems like that would be very difficult to do if the husband is much younger in the faith than his wife. (I Cor 14)


When I have dated guys in the past who were younger in the Lord, there were many times when I would feel uncomfortable during faith related discussions, as I felt as if I had somehow become his teacher. Other women may feel comfortable with that, but I found it awkward. It's always a relief when a mature Christian guy knows what I'm talking about or asking about. I love that :) a LOT, but all women may not feel that way.
Click to expand...
So if your facial expression is like this...



..when talkin to a man about spiritual matters....he prolly ain't gonna last long?:p
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#25
#25
1still_waters said:
So if your facial expression is like this...



..when talkin to a man about spiritual matters....he prolly ain't gonna last long?:p
Click to expand...
The bigger the bubble, the faster he's history :)
 
S

Stuey

Senior Member
#28
Aug 17, 2009
892
4
18
#28
rofl dot! :D bahahaha.

Personally, I would ask a more mature girl out. I would find it intimidating though.

Also knowledge is certainly only part of maturity, and doesn't really count if you don't have all the other bits that go with it!
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#29
#29
I agree, Stuey. There are other considerations. :)
 
Bridget_Left_China

Bridget_Left_China

Senior Member
#30
Oct 7, 2011
344
12
18
#30
I like what Kayem77 had to say! I also want a gentleman who will sharpen me with his knowledge and growth in the Lord, as I can also sharpen him. I think there will be times/situations where he will be just as mature, and even more than me, and vice versa. Being strong where another is weak, and learning from one another is optimal! Finding someone that is growing in the Lord, and is not stagnant, is a good thing!

Being challenged to grow is wonderful. Helping one another in our walk is definitely what I want!
 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#31
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#31
Liamson said:
Total Depravity?

Well, if you wind up in a TULIP vs PETAL debate, that might be your sign that its not going to work. :D

Besides, if she is a Calvinist, she probably thinks your destined for hell anyways. :p
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's why you come prepared with things like a Swiss Army knife, a copy of the Institutes.

I have both for all them Calvinist ladies in the house.
 
N

Nike

Guest
#32
#32
KnightdeKhristos said:
Since Christian women want men who are spiritual leaders,should a Christian man ask a Christian woman on a date if the woman is spiritually stronger? For example, if I have a crush on a Christian girl, but she's on a "higher" spiritual level than I (and we are both aware of it), should I even bother asking her out?
Click to expand...
why not? asking her out doesn't mean getting in relationship with her, right? :)
I would suggest for you to get to know her better, while also deepening your own relationship with God. In His time, He will give you both confirmation if you two belong together, then if He does, you can start a relationship with her. That means, seek God's face first, not her face. Fall in love with God first, not with her. ;)

My dad was not a believer when he first met my mom, while she had been a Christian almost her whole life which means she was spiritually more mature than him. He started going to church with her and became a Christian. Before they got married, he was called into a full-time ministry at church. He is a pastor now :)
 
M

meggars

Guest
#33
#33
Stuey said:
Good thread.

I feel like most girls are more spiritually mature than guys their own age.
Click to expand...
hmm...i hope not. that would be pretty sad for them if it's still the case by the time they get to my age...or older. there must be a point when the two converge...at least generally speaking
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#34
#34
Well, unless you know this person REALLY well, and you probably don't since you are only considering asking her out, you cannot assume by outward appearance that she is more spiritually mature than you are.

It's a shame that our spiritual maturity is so often gauged from afar. I am in ministry. I am a very visible part of my church. I am friendly and outgoing and everyone knows me, or I should say knows of me. The problem with ministry is that people THINK you are so much more than you are just because you carry a title or position. This is one of the reasons that causes so much anger and chaos when a high profile leader falls. We forget that people with titles are still just fallible creatures who may not be as mature as we think they are. You cannot judge someone's maturity completely by outward action.

The other problem is starting a relationship off on comparison is a red flag. If she's truly more mature than you are, then step it up and seek your own maturity. The more maturity you have, the better off you will be in any relationship in the long run. Don't get into a relationship where you feel like the underdog. My exhusband was very insecure about most things except his biblical and ministry knowledge. To be fair, he really did know a lot, and had great experience and wisdom in those two areas. However, his compensation for his insecurities meant that anytime I was wrong or had a different opinion or view point on spiritual matters than he did, I got belittled. His insecurties made him arrogant in other areas.
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#35
#35
All that really matters is that you both love the Lord and plan to grow in this love and live unto Him. If you feel you don't express your love for the Lord in the same way that she does then consider stepping out in Him. People express their love in different ways, one way isn't better/higher than another.

I always hear stories of the Lord "catching up" one person in the relationship with the other, as far as understanding goes. Anything is possible with God.

So really the question is, are you comfortable being in a relationship where she may understand more at the moment (if you love the Lord, this is temporary) and/or express her love differently?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#36
#36
keep_on_smiling said:
All that really matters is that you both love the Lord and plan to grow in this love and live unto Him. If you feel you don't express your love for the Lord in the same way that she does then consider stepping out in Him. People express their love in different ways, one way isn't better/higher than another.

I always hear stories of the Lord "catching up" one person in the relationship with the other, as far as understanding goes. Anything is possible with God.

So really the question is, are you comfortable being in a relationship where she may understand more at the moment (if you love the Lord, this is temporary) and/or express her love differently?
Click to expand...
You make a good point here. I have seen this happen with new Christians who were on fire for God and soaked up scripture like sponges. God can make it happen.
 
dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#37
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#37
Jullianna said:
You make a good point here. I have seen this happen with new Christians who were on fire for God and soaked up scripture like sponges. God can make it happen.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but she also has to be willing to learn.
 
S

Stephanie

Guest
#39
#39
Lil_Christian actually gave a really good answer.

The question that keeps comming up is how do you rate spiritual maturity.

When it comes to this situation, I think what you need to ask yourself is- Would you be able to be a spiritual leader in a relationship with her? AND- Does SHE have confidence that you could be a spiritual leader in a relationship with her?
 
Stephen63

Stephen63

Banned
#40
Aug 15, 2009
9,745
179
0
#40
I was kinda wondering how a "less mature" christian would see spiritual maturity in the 1st place. A less mature christian might think someone is more mature simply because she has more social skills, more outspoken, high intellect, etc. Even if she can quote "chapter & verse", this only indicates she only has a good memory. High spiritual knowledge is no indicator of spiritual maturity. Just spend a little time in the Bible Forum, & you'll find out. :D
"Knowledge puffeth up". Some who we deem as mature & wise can be full of pride, arrogance, & deceit.
I still like the simple way of doing things. Humbling ourselves in prayer, confessing we don't have the ability to make such decisions, & putting it in the hands of God for Him to lead us in the right direction. I never need to know the answer....... I just need to know the One who does. ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.