Do the good guys give up too easily?

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J

Jullianna

Guest
#1
#1
We've had some threads about good guys/bad guys, but this one is a little different (I hope).

I was talking with someone a few nights ago about something and wanted to know whether this happens to other ladies: You are talking with a really great guy who makes you think, laugh, etc., but then some studly dooright guy who can't put two words together comes up and interrupts the conversation, and the great smart nice guy just gives up, walks off and leaves me thinking NO! Don't LEAVE! Come back! :eek: *sigh*

I've been led to believe that nice christian ladies don't go after them, but if they are going to give up so easily, should we or not?:confused:
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#2
#2
Everyone has to do their part to break out of sterotypes and give up the assumptions we start believing as teenagers.

In the scenario you mentioned the guy did give up too easily, because he probably thought now a rugged bad boy is in the frame he has no chance etc...but the woman could easily break down that wall for him by following him away from the bad boy and making an effort to continue with him.

In general I just feel there's way too much anlaysis in Christian circles about roles and where they stop, where they start and should they overlap etc....
When all is said and done male or female you get the rewards for the effort that you make, it's a poor show for a man to give up assuming a woman won't be interested past a certain point but in equal measure a woman shouldn't think that anything less than 100% dedication to her pursuit is unacceptable.

Within human realtions are a thousand variations, we should all just role with the punches and fight for what we want, more action, less analysis
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#3
#3
Matthew said:
Everyone has to do their part to break out of sterotypes and give up the assumptions we start believing as teenagers.

In the scenario you mentioned the guy did give up too easily, because he probably thought now a rugged bad boy is in the frame he has no chance etc...but the woman could easily break down that wall for him by following him away from the bad boy and making an effort to continue with him.

In general I just feel there's way too much anlaysis in Christian circles about roles and where they stop, where they start and should they overlap etc....
When all is said and done male or female you get the rewards for the effort that you make, it's a poor show for a man to give up assuming a woman won't be interested past a certain point but in equal measure a woman shouldn't think that anything less than 100% dedication to her pursuit is unacceptable.

Within human realtions are a thousand variations, we should all just role with the punches and fight for what we want, more action, less analysis
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I like this. Okay, that settles it. I'm buying a lasso :D
 

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dothackzero

dothackzero

Banned
#4
May 4, 2009
1,534
6
0
#4
Jullianna said:
We've had some threads about good guys/bad guys, but this one is a little different (I hope).

I was talking with someone a few nights ago about something and wanted to know whether this happens to other ladies: You are talking with a really great guy who makes you think, laugh, etc., but then some studly dooright guy who can't put two words together comes up and interrupts the conversation, and the great smart nice guy just gives up, walks off and leaves me thinking NO! Don't LEAVE! Come back! :eek: *sigh*

I've been led to believe that nice christian ladies don't go after them, but if they are going to give up so easily, should we or not?:confused:
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I'm really starting to think that a lot of good guys are to afraid to take the chance of getting rejected by the girl. Which after looking at the topic again, is basically what you're saying...
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#5
#5
Bad boys are intriguing because they are 'bad', they are intriguing because they don't act afraid to stand up for what they want.

And basicly everything Matthew said above. The blame in that scenario was put on the good guy for walking away while the 'lady' sat there and didn't get up. Makes 'ladies' look stupid and weak IMO.
 
L

Lecrae

Guest
#6
#6
allforfun said:
Bad boys are intriguing because they are 'bad', they are intriguing because they don't act afraid to stand up for what they want.
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And this is why I'll be single for life.
 
N

Nalu

Guest
#7
#7
If I am talking with a lady, and another fellow comes along, and the two of them start a dialogue and are really hitting it off, out of respect I would leave the two of them alone and not be in the way.

Now let's turn the tables, if I was talking with a lady that I liked, and another lady came, I would say, excuse me, but we are having a private conversation and would appreciate some alone time, thank you.

If the lady I am with does not show me the same consideration, I would be polite and leave.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#8
#8
allforfun said:
Bad boys are intriguing because they are 'bad', they are intriguing because they don't act afraid to stand up for what they want.

And basicly everything Matthew said above. The blame in that scenario was put on the good guy for walking away while the 'lady' sat there and didn't get up. Makes 'ladies' look stupid and weak IMO.
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wow......................thanks
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#9
#9
Nalu said:
If I am talking with a lady, and another fellow comes along, and the two of them start a dialogue and are really hitting it off, out of respect I would leave the two of them alone and not be in the way.

Now let's turn the tables, if I was talking with a lady that I liked, and another lady came, I would say, excuse me, but we are having a private conversation and would appreciate some alone time, thank you.

If the lady I am with does not show me the same consideration, I would be polite and leave.
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That's not exactly the situation. The nice guy just leaves before the lady has a chance to say a word just because the other guy walks up. There was no new conversation. I can't imagine just ending a conversation with the guy I was talking with and ignoring him like that. It was as if the nice guy was simply intimidated by the rude guy who interrupted.

Oh well....it is what it is.. Thanks, Matthew. Your response was helpful.
 
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N

niceguyJ

Senior Member
#10
Feb 5, 2011
520
25
28
#10
Yeah..Maybe he was intimidated or doesn't like confrontation or competition...and thought he was avoiding that. It is odd that he'd just leave though without even some sort of resolution to the conversation you were having. Hm. Makes me wonder what his body language was before he left and as he walked away. If he looked defeated or what.

I also like what Matthew had to say. Food for thought.
 
A

allforfun

Guest
#11
#11
Jullianna said:
wow......................thanks
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It is a general statement but there is a misconception that a 'good' Christian lady never speaks up or pursues what she wants. Even if she wants the guy. I'll take being a heathen over being the 'good' Christian lady.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#12
#12
Sorry, the unprovoked negativity just caught me offguard a bit. :) I suppose I was thinking it might have been a been more edifying to suggest that it wouldn't be unladylike to walk over to the nice guy and continue the conversation, but Matthew kinda did that, so it's okay.
 
B

BrittanyJones

Guest
#13
#13
Once on my birthday something similar to that happened to me, except in the end I ended up all alone because both guys ended up leaving not realizing the other was leaving. That was an experience :confused: Just completely stuns you!
 
B

Brandon777

Guest
#14
#14
Yes they do. And pray for me because I desire more fortitude every day!

I have found as a trend that the guys who do right are weak. They lack initiative and fortitude.. backbone. So if you encounter one that's great, but if he leaves like that the way you said. He's probably not going to be a good Christian spiritual leader for the home. Christian guys need to not be wimps. Just listen to the modern Christian music. If it's not a woman singing then usually it's a wimpy sounding guy that sings about love and mercy without ever mentioning the power and wrath of God. Grace is made of both. There needs to be a balance between truth and love. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, but being a coward is a sin. Boldness is all over the Bible. To be a good Christian requires boldness. And you are not lacking in that area Jullianna!

I know it seems like I'm stetting the standard pretty high for men, but that's the way most Christian men were in the time of the pilgrims. The puritans that started this country laid a foundation, took responsibility for raising kids in a godly home and properly wooing a woman a life long. It was the norm to find men like that. For you Jullianna, no push over would do well to marry you I think. It wouldn't be a good fit, because your the kind of woman that jumps from a two story building and goes around chasing armed criminals ;) You need better than that. I don't think it would be worth it to settle.
 
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A

allforfun

Guest
#15
#15
Jullianna said:
Sorry, the unprovoked negativity just caught me offguard a bit. :) I suppose I was thinking it might have been a been more edifying to suggest that it wouldn't be unladylike to walk over to the nice guy and continue the conversation, but Matthew kinda did that, so it's okay.
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I am sorry it wasn't edifing enough for this conversation. I think I'll just stop responding to your questions and that isn't being mean, it is just easier for both of us. I'm blunt and you aren't. I also am tired of the implication that a good Christrian woman just sits by and any thing else is substandard. Whether or not it is meant to be implied or not.

So it will be easier on both of us.
 
B

Brandon777

Guest
#16
#16
Not a bad boy, but a real man!

Lecrae said:
And this is why I'll be single for life.
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She's right. I'm sure it's part of the enemy's tactics to make Christian men weak and pathetic. The only thing that's separating good Christian men from their now empowered Christian women is the character trait of boldness. (I say now empowered because of the recent and radical change of the feminist movement of this country.) And that's not a bad thing, but that doesn't mean that men should give up their boldness and fight. We need to firmly take our role as men to be strong for our women! Don't get down on yourself just because of a statement like that. Come on man! The solution to this problem is to be bold just like the bad boys are. Except instead of standing up for what's wrong, to stand up for what's right! And have a backbone! And on that note, we as Christians need to write to our congressmen to go back to the Christian principles this country was founded on. Be ACTIVE. TAKE INITIATIVE! Don't just roll over with a statement like that. You can be the changing factor in your own life.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#17
#17
Brandon777 said:
Yes they do. And pray for me because I desire more fortitude every day!

I have found as a trend that the guys who do right are weak. They lack initiative and fortitude.. backbone. So if you encounter one that's great, but if he leaves like that the way you said. He's probably not going to be a good Christian spiritual leader for the home. Christian guys need to not be wimps. Just listen to the modern Christian music. If it's not a woman singing then usually it's a wimpy sounding guy that sings about love and mercy without ever mentioning the power and wrath of God. Grace is made of both. There needs to be a balance between truth and love. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit, but being a coward is a sin. Boldness is all over the Bible. To be a good Christian requires boldness. And you are not lacking in that area Jullianna!

I know it seems like I'm stetting the standard pretty high for men, but that's the way most Christian men were in the time of the pilgrims. The puritans that started this country laid a foundation, took responsibility for raising kids in a godly home and properly wooing a woman a life long. It was the norm to find men like that. For you Jullianna, no push over would do well to marry you I think. It wouldn't be a good fit, because your the kind of woman that jumps from a two story building and goes around chasing armed criminals ;) You need better than that. I don't think it would be worth it to settle.
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hahaha Brandon! That's very sweet, thank you :)
 
T

TDWP22

Guest
#18
#18
thats not a nice guy, that's a coward
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#19
#19
allforfun said:
I am sorry it wasn't edifing enough for this conversation. I think I'll just stop responding to your questions and that isn't being mean, it is just easier for both of us. I'm blunt and you aren't. I also am tired of the implication that a good Christrian woman just sits by and any thing else is substandard. Whether or not it is meant to be implied or not.

So it will be easier on both of us.
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I understand :) God bless! We all need to do whatever we have to in order to cut down on the rude/negative comments that have plagued this forum of late. Thank you for your kind consideration.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#20
#20
TDWP22 said:
thats not a nice guy, that's a coward
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That seems a bit harsh for someone you don't know. :)

I'm wondering whether he was simply shy and awkward around women. In those circumstances, I think Matthew and Nalu are right and the proper thing to do would be to simply excuse yourself from the guy who interrupted and go ask the nice guy if everything is okay...

Things happen so quickly at times and take you by surprise. Your brain is stuck on WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE??? when you should be doing something... live and learn, right?
 
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