How hard is it to find a Christian girl that's my age that's a virgin.
- Thread starter dothackzero
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W
Personally no one is going to like my answer, but when it comes right down to it, God commands us all to be virgins, men and when both until marriage. So I see nothing wrong with dothackzero's choice in wanting a virgin. I am saddened to think at his age that finding a virgin is so difficult.
I agree too, that things happen, we are all sinners and we each get tempted in many different ways. And no matter what we have done in life as long as we have repented, then we should be forgiven by our fellow brothers and sisters.
I will freely admit that I had issues standing by and listening to coworkers talk about their sex lives and not being married. Most dished out freely just to get their thrills and have fun which is the way of the world now days. Others were truly in a loving relationship with someone. But I could never understand how so many can give something so valuable (virginity) away just like that.
My first boy friend wanted to make love and I came right out and told him, I was staying a virgin until I was married, needless to say it wasn't long before he disappeared, which meant he really didn't love me or want me, he just wanted to get in the sack and that was it. God was looking out for me and protecting my heart. I stayed a virgin until I was 45 years old. I was engaged to get married and deeply in love with the man. I was faced with that temptation and lost, I gave my virginity away against Gods plans and wishes to someone I loved and was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with. I felt horrible afterwards, I was convicted of my sin right after doing it, I confessed and asked forgiveness. A month later my fiance broke it off and just wanted to remain friends. I was hurt even more, but that was the consequences for my sin, and I had no one else to blame but myself.
Now I feel like used goods and whenever I am in a relationship or someone seems interested to be in a relationship with me, I come right out and tell them so that they know. Because God calls us all to be virgins until marriage, and the guy has the right to choose whether he wants to continue being in a relationship with me or not.
From this experience, I have learned to be more understanding to those that are truly deep in love with someone and ends up giving into temptation. And I have been on the other side of it and now I know the regret and pain that can come from not waiting until marriage.
God made that law for our own good, to protect our hearts, and to protect our health. And I for one wish I would have continued to be strong and wished I would have waited until I was married.
I have been both on the receiving end of grace and understanding from men and one that verbally cussed me out and told me "I hate you". It hurt and opened up old wounds again, but I knew my God had forgiven me and that is all that mattered. I have new choices to make and again, I am standing strong in wanting to keep from sex until marriage.
I agree that no one should be judged for past deeds as long as they have repented and turn from continuing in that sin. And yes things like rape happen and children are brought into this world, and that also should never be held against anyone. But each person including dothackzero, has the right to choose what kind of person they want in their life. He is young and has his whole life ahead of him. And if he feels God is calling him at this time to not be with someone who has children, then who are we to judge. He may have a life plan, of what he wants to accomplish before settling down and having a family. I did not see him as just judging a woman for having a kid and not wanting to have anything to do with her purely due to what happened in her past. I viewed his post as one searching for something God called us all to be until marriage and expressing his frustrations on how difficult it seems to be as a young man being able to find a virgin...which truly saddens the heart that so many young men and women don't seem to care about this command from God.
In the end, it is dothackzero's choice in who and what he wants to have in a relationship. It really is none of our business. At my age I would love to find a man that is still a virgin, but that is unrealistic, and also at my age, I really do not want kids anymore, so to find someone that doesn't have children and is my age is very difficult, but I will not turn anyone away as long as I know he is from God and he is the one God wants for me. At the moment I am in a relationship with a younger guy, as I said, at my age I really do not want kids anymore, but if this man does, and we get married, and God decides to bless us in that way then I will happily accept.
But in the end it is each individuals preference as well as what God lays upon our heart, and that is between God and that person alone. If God presses upon someones heart that He has plans for them to marry a woman without kids and still a virgin, then who are we to say otherwise.
dothackzero's, I respect you for being your age and wanting a virgin. Good for you! And do not ever let society pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do, or something that is against Gods commands. Just follow your heart and listen to God, that is all that matters.
Blessings to you all.
I agree too, that things happen, we are all sinners and we each get tempted in many different ways. And no matter what we have done in life as long as we have repented, then we should be forgiven by our fellow brothers and sisters.
I will freely admit that I had issues standing by and listening to coworkers talk about their sex lives and not being married. Most dished out freely just to get their thrills and have fun which is the way of the world now days. Others were truly in a loving relationship with someone. But I could never understand how so many can give something so valuable (virginity) away just like that.
My first boy friend wanted to make love and I came right out and told him, I was staying a virgin until I was married, needless to say it wasn't long before he disappeared, which meant he really didn't love me or want me, he just wanted to get in the sack and that was it. God was looking out for me and protecting my heart. I stayed a virgin until I was 45 years old. I was engaged to get married and deeply in love with the man. I was faced with that temptation and lost, I gave my virginity away against Gods plans and wishes to someone I loved and was looking forward to spending the rest of my life with. I felt horrible afterwards, I was convicted of my sin right after doing it, I confessed and asked forgiveness. A month later my fiance broke it off and just wanted to remain friends. I was hurt even more, but that was the consequences for my sin, and I had no one else to blame but myself.
Now I feel like used goods and whenever I am in a relationship or someone seems interested to be in a relationship with me, I come right out and tell them so that they know. Because God calls us all to be virgins until marriage, and the guy has the right to choose whether he wants to continue being in a relationship with me or not.
From this experience, I have learned to be more understanding to those that are truly deep in love with someone and ends up giving into temptation. And I have been on the other side of it and now I know the regret and pain that can come from not waiting until marriage.
God made that law for our own good, to protect our hearts, and to protect our health. And I for one wish I would have continued to be strong and wished I would have waited until I was married.
I have been both on the receiving end of grace and understanding from men and one that verbally cussed me out and told me "I hate you". It hurt and opened up old wounds again, but I knew my God had forgiven me and that is all that mattered. I have new choices to make and again, I am standing strong in wanting to keep from sex until marriage.
I agree that no one should be judged for past deeds as long as they have repented and turn from continuing in that sin. And yes things like rape happen and children are brought into this world, and that also should never be held against anyone. But each person including dothackzero, has the right to choose what kind of person they want in their life. He is young and has his whole life ahead of him. And if he feels God is calling him at this time to not be with someone who has children, then who are we to judge. He may have a life plan, of what he wants to accomplish before settling down and having a family. I did not see him as just judging a woman for having a kid and not wanting to have anything to do with her purely due to what happened in her past. I viewed his post as one searching for something God called us all to be until marriage and expressing his frustrations on how difficult it seems to be as a young man being able to find a virgin...which truly saddens the heart that so many young men and women don't seem to care about this command from God.
In the end, it is dothackzero's choice in who and what he wants to have in a relationship. It really is none of our business. At my age I would love to find a man that is still a virgin, but that is unrealistic, and also at my age, I really do not want kids anymore, so to find someone that doesn't have children and is my age is very difficult, but I will not turn anyone away as long as I know he is from God and he is the one God wants for me. At the moment I am in a relationship with a younger guy, as I said, at my age I really do not want kids anymore, but if this man does, and we get married, and God decides to bless us in that way then I will happily accept.
But in the end it is each individuals preference as well as what God lays upon our heart, and that is between God and that person alone. If God presses upon someones heart that He has plans for them to marry a woman without kids and still a virgin, then who are we to say otherwise.
dothackzero's, I respect you for being your age and wanting a virgin. Good for you! And do not ever let society pressure you into doing something that you do not want to do, or something that is against Gods commands. Just follow your heart and listen to God, that is all that matters.
Blessings to you all.
K
I don't think there is anything wrong with him desiring his wife to be a virgin. It's ok to have that desire especially if you feel that's what the Lord has for you. I think as we grow in the Lord our desires may change for many reasons, but it's not a bad thing to want to marry a virgin.
To want to marry someone that is a virgin doesn't mean that you think badly of those that haven't waited or those that have loved and lost, it just means that you for whatever reason don't see them as the right person.
I personally believe that though it would be nice to marry a virgin, forgiveness is truly important and I can look past that. We are all sinners and have something that could turn the opposite sex away from desiring us. We should be careful in our expectations, but it's ok to have them.
It all comes down to having a choice in who we want to be with. I don't think we should make others feel bad for who they are or what they have done, but if it isn't in your heart to be with them then don't be.
To want to marry someone that is a virgin doesn't mean that you think badly of those that haven't waited or those that have loved and lost, it just means that you for whatever reason don't see them as the right person.
I personally believe that though it would be nice to marry a virgin, forgiveness is truly important and I can look past that. We are all sinners and have something that could turn the opposite sex away from desiring us. We should be careful in our expectations, but it's ok to have them.
It all comes down to having a choice in who we want to be with. I don't think we should make others feel bad for who they are or what they have done, but if it isn't in your heart to be with them then don't be.
P
I often think about the story of Abraham and Sarah--and the Scripture in Hebrews that says, about our forefathers, "...through faith and patience they inherited the promises [of God]." Abraham was 90 years old when he and his wife finally had a son. And then God commanded him to sacrifice Isaac upon the altar. Out of obedience Abraham was about to perform the act, but then the angel of the Lord stopped him and said that God himself would provide the sacrifice (which was Jesus, who cleanses the sin of all, forever--to those that believe). The point is, God is faithful. In this day and age, it seems almost impossible to resist temptation. It is very humbling to go year after year without love, marriage, and kids, while your siblings and cousins are already having grandchildren. If you dwell on it, it only gets worse. You just have to keep in prayer, ask for wisdom, and try to focus on the things that you should be doing in the meantime, taking life day by day. Remember, there is always hope. God can turn things around in the blink of an eye. Just don't rush in to something that could end up making you miserable. If you really, really need someone, perhaps consider the parable of the unjust judge and start banging on God's door day and night in prayer. And when he does provide, appreciate the full courtship process and don't jump the gun. We are dependent upon him, always.
dothackzero, did you ever stop & think of the Christians on here that's reading this because they have a broken relationship that is no fault of their own? Imagine the pain they're already suffering because their spouse has left them high & dry, then add all the negative comments on this page they are reading. Then imagine those same people falling apart over what people thinks about them. WHO THOUGHT ABOUT THEM?
Then consider you said you wanted a virgin. Did God tell you to marry a virgin? The prophet Hosea married a prostitute. Hosea 1:2 2 The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.
We don't know if He wants you to marry at all, let alone know what kind of person she is. I would be afraid of offending one of God's little ones by saying I didn't want a woman with a kid!
Then consider you said you wanted a virgin. Did God tell you to marry a virgin? The prophet Hosea married a prostitute. Hosea 1:2 2 The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD.
We don't know if He wants you to marry at all, let alone know what kind of person she is. I would be afraid of offending one of God's little ones by saying I didn't want a woman with a kid!
It is not difficult to fine a virgin because there are so many virgins out there. However, when it concern marriage, virginity should not be a factor
Here the important is love and you should consider whether you people love each other.This is what is very important in marriage. Also note that all of us are sinners and no one is perfect. That is why the Bible says for all have sin and come shut of the glory of GOD.
Here the important is love and you should consider whether you people love each other.This is what is very important in marriage. Also note that all of us are sinners and no one is perfect. That is why the Bible says for all have sin and come shut of the glory of GOD.
W
I happen to be a Christian, and I have had many broken relationships, no fault of my own that I know of. Most I called them off because clearly they were not the right ones for me. The last two were broken engagements (with the guy called it quits but remained friends) that hurt deep and brought much heartache and plenty of tears and sleepless nights. I have to say that I was not offended or bothered in the least by dothackzero's post or any other on here accept for the ones condemning this man for wanting to have a specific choice as to what he is looking for in a mate.
You also asked, "Did God tell you to marry a virgin?" And as I previously said in my post, "In the end, it is dothackzero's choice in who and what he wants to have in a relationship. It really is none of our business." I also said, "But in the end it is each individuals preference as well as what God lays upon our heart, and that is between God and that person alone. If God presses upon someones heart that He has plans for them to marry a woman without kids and still a virgin, then who are we to say otherwise" My point being, you don't have any idea and neither does anyone else know what God has told him about the kind of mate He wants him to have.
We all suffer through things and we go through those things to make us wiser and to be available to others that are going through that very thing, so that we can give encouragement, guidance, support, understanding and a listening ear. God wants us to share these experiences with others.
And even though there are still times when my heart aches and tears might come to my eyes over a lost love, I know God is with me, comforting me and healing the brokenness. But I know even through that pain, God loves me enough to protect me and allow that heartache for a period of time, rather than allow me to make a poor choice and suffer a lifetime of heartache and pain with the wrong person.
I am sorry stephen63, I don't mean to be harsh, but so far the only comment on here that has been very negative and sort of bothered me, was yours. I think I understand where you are coming from and the point you were trying to make. And it is much appreciated that you are trying to express your thoughts and concerns for those of us who suffer from broken hearts. I just think they could have been expressed in a slightly different way. I believe you are very passionate about this subject and you seem like you want to stand up for all those hurting, and that is very commendable. But at the same time you came off kind of condemning the other person. It might just be the way I took it, when reading what other people write sometimes things come across differently than we intended it to, and if I took your comments the wrong way, then please accept my apologies.
But again my heart and my gut and from everything I have been taught in my lifetime from God....This really is none of our business, it is between God and dothackzero. And we each have a freedom and right to make our own choices and we should neither interfere, or condemn the choice or preferences that someone else makes. We have no idea what God tells another to do, that is private between God and each one of His children, and the only way we would know is if that person shares it with us, and if they share, we have no right to question whether God really told them that or not.
God bless you stephen63 (((HUGS)))
B
Well brother this is on page three now so you may not read this. But if you do, you are very normal in your thinking. I am a a virgin too, and have realized it's to late for love(that type of love). Your feelings are based on the fact that dudes like us are now insecure. While everyone else has tasted the fruit we still have no idea. You I am guessing are nervous about if you ever got a wife that you would have a hard time pleasing a non virgin. And I think it would be hard, seeing as she has experience and you would have none. PLus us men are jealous of the fact that another man has been in thier. That too makes all the sense. If women can judge whether you have a good job, house, car etc than you are entitled to want something right out of the plastic, not used.
Its not the same being a girl who is saving your virginity til marriage as it is for a guy who's looking for a virgin.
One is setting a standard for HERSELF (which is highly commendable)
The other is setting a standard for other people to have to measure up to (potential mates).
One is saying, "I want to be counted worthy by doing this".
The other is saying, "You are not worthy of my love unless you measure up to my standard"
One is setting a standard for HERSELF (which is highly commendable)
The other is setting a standard for other people to have to measure up to (potential mates).
One is saying, "I want to be counted worthy by doing this".
The other is saying, "You are not worthy of my love unless you measure up to my standard"
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Simply put, every Christian's goal should not be virginity, but sexual purity. Yes, virginity would fall within purity, but it is a small piece of the picture. I would by far rather marry a woman who is not a virgin due to a former lifestyle or circumstances, but is currently living a life of sexual purity than a woman who is a "technical virgin" but lives a lifestyle that allows every imaginable impurity except intercourse.
The last time I checked my Bible, God isn't concerned with what we have done in our past because it is covered in the blood of Christ, but who we are today and who we are becoming in Him. God's only concern with our past is how He can use it to His glory. If He doesn't hold someone's past indiscretions against them, then how can I?
Dothackzero, as one brother who has had more that my share of issues with sexual purity in my past, to another brother who has shared his own struggles here. Would you want your future spouse to judge you based on your past struggles with sexual impurity (assuming that you conquer it), or by the vision that God has of you? God gave me the strength to overcome my struggle and in that process gave me the heart to see people as He does, I pray that He does the same for you.
The last time I checked my Bible, God isn't concerned with what we have done in our past because it is covered in the blood of Christ, but who we are today and who we are becoming in Him. God's only concern with our past is how He can use it to His glory. If He doesn't hold someone's past indiscretions against them, then how can I?
Dothackzero, as one brother who has had more that my share of issues with sexual purity in my past, to another brother who has shared his own struggles here. Would you want your future spouse to judge you based on your past struggles with sexual impurity (assuming that you conquer it), or by the vision that God has of you? God gave me the strength to overcome my struggle and in that process gave me the heart to see people as He does, I pray that He does the same for you.
I'm glad you & your children survived, WorshippingGod. But not everyone recovers so easily. As for this being nobody's business, It's God's business 1st, then his. Only God's choice has God's blessings. Anything else would be _________ (fill in the blank).
When it comes to passion, I have more passion for the hurting than for an ideal. The possibility of hurting others far outweighs these posts, regardless of whose they are; mine, or anyone else's. Every idle word will held accountable. Matthew 12:36-37 36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. If idle words are judged, how much more words that offend?
Jude 1:22 22 And of some have compassion, making a difference:
When it comes to passion, I have more passion for the hurting than for an ideal. The possibility of hurting others far outweighs these posts, regardless of whose they are; mine, or anyone else's. Every idle word will held accountable. Matthew 12:36-37 36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. If idle words are judged, how much more words that offend?
Jude 1:22 22 And of some have compassion, making a difference:
W
Hi stephen63, yes I got through things and God is still healing (and I don't have any children). In fact the battle I face now, is not allowing the things that happened in past relationships, to affect the one I am in now. It is hard and life hurts, but thanks to God we never have to go it alone.
And yes, I can tell you are very passionate towards those that hurt and that is a great gift to have. I am very passionate towards many things myself, and I will freely admit for me, I feel so strongly about things sometimes that a lot of times what comes out of my mouth has good intentions, but end up getting said a little too harshly. And that is something God is working on in me.
I feel the gifts God has blessed me with are encouragement, caring and compassion. And I enjoy serving the Lord by searching through the forums and threads and allowing Him to lead me where He feels I can use those gifts best. And a lot of times, they are the threads concerning something I have been through and God has carried me through or is currently carrying me through, so that I can have understanding and compassion for those that are going through it too. Also, it gives God the chance to reveal something new to me and I can learn from something someone else is facing.
Right now I am also battling depression, so I am encouraged to be able to share not only past experiences but also the changes that have taken place and what I struggle through now. And to be able to see that I am not alone, and to read encouragement from others that battle with depression and are surviving, and also being able to relate to those that are in great pain. I am lifted up by being apart of those threads and being encouraged by others and I pray that the things I share can also encourage another.
I have found a lot of times on a deep subject about a valley I have been through, when I go to share, it is not I speaking, but what God places on my heart. Sometimes I just type and allow Him to work through me. Those are the ones the bring the greatest glory to God. When I try to do it on my own, as I said earlier, when I am passionate about something, it can kind of come out not quite the way I intended it to be. A lot of times the written word can come across a lot different than the verbal word. And even verbally it can also come across differently than the way we intend.
But all in all, it has been a joy to get to know and understand you better from this thread. And it is nice to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions. But still we all need to bear in mind, including myself, that in the end, everything is personal between God and each individual.
God bless and have a good day.
And yes, I can tell you are very passionate towards those that hurt and that is a great gift to have. I am very passionate towards many things myself, and I will freely admit for me, I feel so strongly about things sometimes that a lot of times what comes out of my mouth has good intentions, but end up getting said a little too harshly. And that is something God is working on in me.
I feel the gifts God has blessed me with are encouragement, caring and compassion. And I enjoy serving the Lord by searching through the forums and threads and allowing Him to lead me where He feels I can use those gifts best. And a lot of times, they are the threads concerning something I have been through and God has carried me through or is currently carrying me through, so that I can have understanding and compassion for those that are going through it too. Also, it gives God the chance to reveal something new to me and I can learn from something someone else is facing.
Right now I am also battling depression, so I am encouraged to be able to share not only past experiences but also the changes that have taken place and what I struggle through now. And to be able to see that I am not alone, and to read encouragement from others that battle with depression and are surviving, and also being able to relate to those that are in great pain. I am lifted up by being apart of those threads and being encouraged by others and I pray that the things I share can also encourage another.
I have found a lot of times on a deep subject about a valley I have been through, when I go to share, it is not I speaking, but what God places on my heart. Sometimes I just type and allow Him to work through me. Those are the ones the bring the greatest glory to God. When I try to do it on my own, as I said earlier, when I am passionate about something, it can kind of come out not quite the way I intended it to be. A lot of times the written word can come across a lot different than the verbal word. And even verbally it can also come across differently than the way we intend.
But all in all, it has been a joy to get to know and understand you better from this thread. And it is nice to hear other peoples thoughts and opinions. But still we all need to bear in mind, including myself, that in the end, everything is personal between God and each individual.
God bless and have a good day.
W
I can understand that and even agree. What I was meaning was, people ask for advice and that is fine to give advice or their opinion of what they might do if they were in that persons shoes, but not everyone is, some are condemning the man and scolding him for feeling or thinking a certain way, as well as being questioned whether God spoke to his heart and told him certain things or not, and in that sense..."it is none of our business, it is between that person and God".
I have noticed a few times in the thread that if someone does not agree with certain ones they scold and put people down and I think that is all wrong. They are not giving advice they are telling people what they should or should not do and that is a mistake. As Christians we should all be leading this person and any other towards Christ and what God wants, not what we want, or he wants or what anyone else wants, but what God wants for that individual.
I am rather saddened that as Christians we are sitting here picking hairs over every little thing when we should be offering encouragement and support.
God bless and have a wonderful weekend
I have noticed a few times in the thread that if someone does not agree with certain ones they scold and put people down and I think that is all wrong. They are not giving advice they are telling people what they should or should not do and that is a mistake. As Christians we should all be leading this person and any other towards Christ and what God wants, not what we want, or he wants or what anyone else wants, but what God wants for that individual.
I am rather saddened that as Christians we are sitting here picking hairs over every little thing when we should be offering encouragement and support.
God bless and have a wonderful weekend