i wanna be single my boyfriend says God told him to get married...

[hattiebod]

I've been engaged for a year, at first I was really excited about marriage, but after time the excitement is gone. I started thinking about a life time commitment and how close I am becoming to God and I don't feel the same about marriage. I have a deep desire to remain single. My fiancé insists that God showed him that I am the one and even with my confession of not wanting marriage he insist that God will give him the desire of his heart and that I am the one and we will be married. I am starting to resent him because its like he forcing something that is really not in my heart or that God hasn't gave me any peace about, has anyone been in this situation where God provided a soul mate or that they just knew the person they were with was or was not the one for them.

You are not living together? Just wondering.... Also, another thought, God does not change His mind. If it is not meant to be, it was never meant to be! I just hope you guys are not living together, much more complicated God Bless you, it does sound as if you are decided, one things for sure, peace is from the Lord but you have to know the Lord & have His Holy Spirit abiding in you to access it I pray you will contiue to grow in your faith & understanding of your precious Lord. <><

 

[richie_2uk]

I've been engaged for a year, at first I was really excited about marriage, but after time the excitement is gone. I started thinking about a life time commitment and how close I am becoming to God and I don't feel the same about marriage. I have a deep desire to remain single. My fiancé insists that God showed him that I am the one and even with my confession of not wanting marriage he insist that God will give him the desire of his heart and that I am the one and we will be married. I am starting to resent him because its like he forcing something that is really not in my heart or that God hasn't gave me any peace about, has anyone been in this situation where God provided a soul mate or that they just knew the person they were with was or was not the one for them.

Well you have to seek God in the marriage thing. It has to be a full 3 way right decision. First God's will and his say, then Both of you has to have the right heart in it. If you feel that you not ready, or not sure about it all? it would be wise to sit down and chat with your partner, and come together to pray about it. and seek God's full will in it. But also, if it is God will, then you may need to seek out the root problem from when you were first starting to feel scared or your thought of it, maybe there is fear that may hinder your whole thought of marriage. then of course you will need to get rid of that hindering of fear. Seek God in prayer. He is your true match maker. He knows what's right, and who is right and how things are right in your life and your partner.

 

[Porthos]

I've been engaged for a year, at first I was really excited about marriage, but after time the excitement is gone. I started thinking about a life time commitment and how close I am becoming to God and I don't feel the same about marriage. I have a deep desire to remain single. My fiancé insists that God showed him that I am the one and even with my confession of not wanting marriage he insist that God will give him the desire of his heart and that I am the one and we will be married. I am starting to resent him because its like he forcing something that is really not in my heart or that God hasn't gave me any peace about, has anyone been in this situation where God provided a soul mate or that they just knew the person they were with was or was not the one for them.

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment here. It's just a suggestion, but perhaps it's something worth thinking about.

Obviously you don't want to get married at the moment, and so, getting married in haste would be a silly move, as much as breaking up with your fiancée will hurt him, but I noticed you said the excitement about marriage is gone. And I hear this ALL the time.

People split up with their partners because 'the excitement is gone', or 'there's no passion anymore'. But what people don't realize, is that the excitement and passion of the initial courting and engagement periods never lasts, for anyone. And at this point people think 'I don't love them', or 'I don't want this'. But the truth is, it will never last in relationships.

Relationships, after a while, tend to develop more into a comfortable setting. There is a deeper, more attached, understanding compassion that comes as opposed to the fiery, butterflies-in-your-tummy excitement that first swelled inside you.

And after the initial stage, passion takes communication and effort. It sometimes requires taking a few nights off to allow each of you time to miss each other, and then doing something special together; going to new places, seeing new things, walking hand-in-hand in new directions.

Relationships take work and commitment, and there will be moments of that intense excitement again, if you are willing to create them and give your partner a chance.

You wouldn't be engaged to him if you didn't love him, but what you need to realize is you are stepping forward into a new kind of love. It's nothing to be afraid about. It's nothing to fear.

Give your partner some time. Invest yourself and give to him. That's what partnership is about; the giving. And if after a month or two, of putting yourself out and creating these moments and doing things together, you mind still says 'don't get married', then don't get married.

But I just think your partner deserves a chance. It sounds like you've come to this conclusion within a few weeks. And really, after a year of engagement and being together for who-knows-how-long before that, I think you should give both you and your partner some time to think about this and let it breathe for a bit. And have some fun together!!

 

[Ugly]

I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment here. It's just a suggestion, but perhaps it's something worth thinking about.

Obviously you don't want to get married at the moment, and so, getting married in haste would be a silly move, as much as breaking up with your fiancée will hurt him, but I noticed you said the excitement about marriage is gone. And I hear this ALL the time.

People split up with their partners because 'the excitement is gone', or 'there's no passion anymore'. But what people don't realize, is that the excitement and passion of the initial courting and engagement periods never lasts, for anyone. And at this point people think 'I don't love them', or 'I don't want this'. But the truth is, it will never last in relationships.

Relationships, after a while, tend to develop more into a comfortable setting. There is a deeper, more attached, understanding compassion that comes as opposed to the fiery, butterflies-in-your-tummy excitement that first swelled inside you.

And after the initial stage, passion takes communication and effort. It sometimes requires taking a few nights off to allow each of you time to miss each other, and then doing something special together; going to new places, seeing new things, walking hand-in-hand in new directions.

Relationships take work and commitment, and there will be moments of that intense excitement again, if you are willing to create them and give your partner a chance.

You wouldn't be engaged to him if you didn't love him, but what you need to realize is you are stepping forward into a new kind of love. It's nothing to be afraid about. It's nothing to fear.

Give your partner some time. Invest yourself and give to him. That's what partnership is about; the giving. And if after a month or two, of putting yourself out and creating these moments and doing things together, you mind still says 'don't get married', then don't get married.

But I just think your partner deserves a chance. It sounds like you've come to this conclusion within a few weeks. And really, after a year of engagement and being together for who-knows-how-long before that, I think you should give both you and your partner some time to think about this and let it breathe for a bit. And have some fun together!!

But she also stated 'i have a deep desire to remain single'. And she is also feeling pressure from her boyfriend to marry. She is also saying she's becoming closer to God, indicating that perhaps this relationship may be leaving her feeling its taking away from her time with God. There's more going on in this than just 'i lost the excitement'.
Also, it's hard to enjoy being around someone pressuring you into doing something you don't want.

 

[Porthos]

But she also stated 'i have a deep desire to remain single'. And she is also feeling pressure from her boyfriend to marry. She is also saying she's becoming closer to God, indicating that perhaps this relationship may be leaving her feeling its taking away from her time with God. There's more going on in this than just 'i lost the excitement'.
Also, it's hard to enjoy being around someone pressuring you into doing something you don't want.

Yet, she didn't have this deep desire to remain single whenever she was excited about her marriage.

Obviously I understand the issue of pressure. But she's a grown woman, and her fiancée is a grown man. All she has to do is sit down and talk with him like two adults and lay the situation out clearly.

I'd be very interested to know, if I were her fiancée, specifically, why she has changed her perspective on this marriage after a year of engagement, within a seemingly short-in-comparison space of time and she now has gone full turnaround on it and has a deep desire to be single. That's why I'm suggesting she give it some time. It seems somewhat impulsive and sudden.

Obviously I'm not an authority, she can make her own choice, but I've been through the mill with doubts and deteriorating relationships and seen it happen to others too.

 

[Porthos]

If I were in her shoes, and I felt this way about a woman I was with, I would ask myself, diligently, 'why do I have this deep desire to be single?'

The answer could be; 'I no longer find excitement in my partnership'. It could be 'I no longer feel 'in-love' with this person'. 'I don't feel like I can give the approportiate amount of time out of my relationship with God to be with my partner'. Any number of reasons. But it pays to be absolutely clear where these feelings are coming from.

 

[Markum1972]

I've been engaged for a year, at first I was really excited about marriage, but after time the excitement is gone. I started thinking about a life time commitment and how close I am becoming to God and I don't feel the same about marriage. I have a deep desire to remain single. My fiancé insists that God showed him that I am the one and even with my confession of not wanting marriage he insist that God will give him the desire of his heart and that I am the one and we will be married. I am starting to resent him because its like he forcing something that is really not in my heart or that God hasn't gave me any peace about, has anyone been in this situation where God provided a soul mate or that they just knew the person they were with was or was not the one for them.

Here is what I am seeing... for what it is worth...

He says that it is God's will.
You say you don't know because of "excitement" that is gone.

You are engaged. You both made a commitment before one another and before God.

You admit that you have resentment in your heart. This is a form of bitterness and rebellion.

You are feeling forced? To do what? You were not forced to make that commitment. You are looking for justification to not be true to your word. Your fiance sounds like he is holding some accountability on this.

Is it God's will for us to be walk in truth and honor the commitments that we make? YES

You need to seek the Lord on this and humble yourself as you do so. Be sure that you are not walking with rebellion by being led by your flesh (feelings) in these things.

You committed yourself to being married to him and now want to consider committing to being single and think that could be the will of God? God forbid. God is not the author of confusion and is not in the business of wavering.

Your commitment never was and never should have been ever based on YOUR excitement about marriage. It is a covenant... a promise... a commitment. That is what God honors; not excitement.

You say you have a deep desire to remain single? Where was that when you got engaged? I don't believe you and think you are looking for excuses to not honor your own word.

I know this might seem harsh but my intention is not to hurt you. It is to spare you from this kind of instability. I bet you have been down this same road before. Time for change.

I'll pray for you in this. Ask and God shall give you wisdom and understanding.

 

[Porthos]

That's another thing that I actually wanted for you to explore. Has this happened before?

I once dated a woman for around six months, who said practically exactly the same things to me when she ended the relationship. 'I just want to be single'. It turned out she had a history of this. Most of her partners had been 3-month-long relationships, maybe six at a stretch. And she always said that after the initial period she realized it was not what she wanted.

And it struck me as a pattern. Once the initial 'getting to know each other' wore off, and she began to settle, she wanted out. Now the reason for that was never plainly clear to me. Perhaps I wasn't what she wanted? Perhaps she gets scared whenever she begins to have real feelings for someone? Perhaps she just likes the fun? The darker side of me said things like 'perhaps she wants to sleep around', 'perhaps she enjoys hurting guys', 'perhaps she just goes from person to person'.

I think the real issue was simply a fear of commitment. That she doesn't want to be 'tied down'.

The thing she didn't realize is that I am not a man who is immoral or unkind and I wouldn't lord over her like some partners do. But the whole scenario left me so bruised and battered. I used to ask myself 'am I not good enough?' 'Did she really not love me?'

And it has made me somewhat afraid of commitment. That's the effect it has.

So like I say, it pays both to understand yourself and realize where these feelings come from, and when you do; to be totally open and honest with your partner about the ins and outs of it all.

 

[BananaPie]

...You say you have a deep desire to remain single? Where was that when you got engaged? I... think you are looking for excuses to not honor your own word.

Indeed. By now, it would not be wise to continue engaged because your heart, Sistaoffaith, is no longer in agreement with your fiancé, let alone in submission to his protective authority over you.

Remember that true love has the healthy capacity to set the beloved person free to love one back. You are to love and obey your fiancé as you would love and obey your Savior. Your fiancé, in return, is to love and protect you as the Lord Jesus loves and protects him. Marriage is quite a godly, beautiful vector when going in the direction of God, frankly. Yet, your vector has changed, obviously.

The Lord Jesus came to set the captives free, and in your situation, neither of you is enjoying each other in the freedom we have in the Love of Jesus Christ. Perhaps, the honest thing to do is to return the engagement ring to the brother and for both of you to chill-out for a month or so. ...just sayin'

 

[BarlyGurl]

This didn't prove anything, sorry.

Really Ugly???
You asked "most people are to marry? According to?" and Sarah responded to your query with scripture references including the very words of Christ. Her post was not an exhaustive commentary (which you wouldn't have read anyway), it was brief, succinct, of right context and directly addressed your question.
For you to respond... "that doesn't prove anything"... pretty clearly indicates to me 1) you don't know the bible that well and 2) you are picking and choosing what principals contained there in you want to believe and what you won't.
#1 in itself is not particularly bad... as you can choose to study. #2 is very serious indeed as this attitude can end in a person hearing "I never knew you" at the end of this life.
I would recommend you study....

 

[lil_christian]

Really Ugly???
You asked "most people are to marry? According to?" and Sarah responded to your query with scripture references including the very words of Christ. Her post was not an exhaustive commentary (which you wouldn't have read anyway), it was brief, succinct, of right context and directly addressed your question.
For you to respond... "that doesn't prove anything"... pretty clearly indicates to me 1) you don't know the bible that well and 2) you are picking and choosing what principals contained there in you want to believe and what you won't.
#1 in itself is not particularly bad... as you can choose to study. #2 is very serious indeed as this attitude can end in a person hearing "I never knew you" at the end of this life.
I would recommend you study....

Barly, not everyone agrees with everyone's interpretation of Scripture, but that's a bit extreme to say what you said to him. Now I don't always agree with him, but do I have a right to say he is at risk of going to hell? Or that he doesn't know the Bible very well? Unless he's caught in some extreme form of Christianity (which he's not), no.

 

[Porthos]

I think she owes it to herself and her fiancée to explore the motives and real feelings behind this beyond just the dynamic of whether or not they are any longer in the right heart-set together. It's one thing to not want married, but it's another to truly understand why. She needs to read into the history of her relationships and why she has had this change of heart and then tell her fiancée honestly.

Is it just a desire? Or is there more reasoning behind it than that?

There is no worse feeling on Earth than to be rejected without any light being shone on the reasons why. It's excruciating, and if for no other reason than that; I think it's the least she can do for him and for herself.

Perhaps she might begin to understand herself a bit more and in turn, who knows what could happen?

 

[BarlyGurl]

Look, Barly, not everyone agrees with everyone's interpretation of Scripture, but that's a bit extreme to say what you said. Now I don't always agree with him, but do I have a right to say he is at risk of going to hell? Unless he's caught in some extreme form of Christianity (which he's not), no.

Pffft... who are you? You probably oughta do some studying too.

 

[MissCris]

Regardless of the why's and how's behind her feeling what she's feeling about marriage...

I think the main issue at hand is merely that she doesn't want to get married. Maybe that's just for now, maybe she never does. EITHER WAY, she is not ready and based solely on that, she shouldn't do it.

 

[lil_christian]

Pffft... who are you? You probably oughta do some studying too.

I'm a Christian. Lil_Christian, to be exact. Daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Great I Am, the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us. He is the one who goes before me. He is my Rock. He is my shelter. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

Another thing: I am one who is bought with a price.

 

[Porthos]

Regardless of the why's and how's behind her feeling what she's feeling about marriage...

I think the main issue at hand is merely that she doesn't want to get married. Maybe that's just for now, maybe she never does. EITHER WAY, she is not ready and based solely on that, she shouldn't do it.

Sometimes I look at wall-paper paste and think it would taste nice, and maybe it's non-toxic. Does that mean I eat it?

Understanding herself, and looking at the angles and her history and the facts, could prove the difference between making a really silly mistake or going forward into a new perspective that benefits her in more ways than one.

There's a reason she isn't ready. Conquer that reason, she conquers what's holding her back or giving her doubts.

 

[MissCris]

Pffft... who are you? You probably oughta do some studying too.

Wow...

I've seen you say things similar to this before. Sometimes you're just being blunt and honest, but this? And your comment to Ugly?

Condescending and rude.

Let's encourage our brothers and sisters to study God's word by being nasty to them.

 

[lil_christian]

Wow...

I've seen you say things similar to this before. Sometimes you're just being blunt and honest, but this? And your comment to Ugly?

Condescending and rude.

Let's encourage our brothers and sisters to study God's word by being nasty to them.

Heresy.

just kiddin'.

 

[MissCris]

Sometimes I look at wall-paper paste and think it would taste nice, and maybe it's non-toxic. Does that mean I eat it?

Understanding herself, and looking at the angles and her history and the facts, could prove the difference between making a really silly mistake or going forward into a new perspective that benefits her in more ways than one.

There's a reason she isn't ready. Conquer that reason, she conquers what's holding her back or giving her doubts.

Oh...I didn't mean she shouldn't figure out why she feels this way, I just meant that for right now, because she DOES feel this way, she's in no fit state to get married anyway.

Maybe I'm not making any sense.

 

[Porthos]

Oh...I didn't mean she shouldn't figure out why she feels this way, I just meant that for right now, because she DOES feel this way, she's in no fit state to get married anyway.

Maybe I'm not making any sense.

No of course, you make sense. If she feels like she doesn't wanna get married, she shouldn't go rushing into getting married.

I'm just saying she shouldn't rush into the opposite either; breaking it off completely. Cold feet aren't uncommon, and if she gets round to understanding why she's got them, maybe her perspective might change into a solid one, rather than one that's got doubts.

If she really wanted completely to not get married, she'd have ended it totally by now. There's still a lot of uncertainty in her. If she gets all the angles, then she can make a sure decision either way.