Ladies: what are your categories of men?

[Cee]

Interesting categories, but I didn't see any that fit me.

Devout cookie lover, charmingly mischievous, who chases Jesus and world-wide transformation.

Actually though I think it's hard for us guys to categorize ourselves, we are a bit biased.

I don't really categorize women, I think for me it's either cool friend, distant friend or possible relationship interest.

After possible interest it becomes potential mate. If at anytime, potential mate no longer fits, I go back to cool friend or distant friend... I try to see everyone as a friend, brother, or sister.

I guess a bit of my .02 a lot of these categories you don't really discover unless life circumstances draw them out... movies do a good job of these, all kinds of things go wrong to show the character of the hero/heroine. In life though it's a little bit more subtle... simple conversation, funny jokes, confident transitions... the real journey is letting ourselves let our hair down and just be ourselves, regardless of what the other may think.

It's in those moments we can see if we are a good match. And the best thing we can do is not let society and it's heart-string movies sway our perception of people in front of us.

C.

 

[Chey60]

Hey Zero,

I'm not sure how to answer your post without sounding like I'm stereotyping men, which is something I don't want to do. I wish I could find a nice guy like my Dad, Grandpa, or two brothers--now granted, they have things about them that drive me nuts, but they're good, solid guys--hard workers who provide for their families, are faithful to their wives. and devoted family men.

What I keep finding in reality (and maybe it's just me) are ones like this:

Category 1: The Sex Crazed Guys--those who are either up front about the fact or try to be a little more subtle that they very much want to have sex with you. And yes, many of the ones I've met also claim to be Christians, are on worship teams, have served in ministry, etc.

Category 2: Guys Who Need a Spare--these are the ones who keep you around because they're looking to either 1. leave their current girlfriend or spouse for you or 2. feel they need an "extra" female in their life "just in case" they should find themselves alone--henceforth, telling themselves, "Thank goodness I have 'The Spare'"!!!



I Think the guy I dated this year was this guy ..both categories
Said "no sex till marriage" right along with me..then was an octopus I had to slap away all the time..and I made sure to not try to entice him tho I could tell he wore his desire right on his sleeve and had intimacy (emotional) issues ...needing to be closer to the Lord..

and I knew he wasn't over an ex he said he hadn't been with in a long time {(9 months and she had just tried to start something with him the previous november for thanksgiving and he and I started seeing eachother end of january)
So I think he was holding on to her because he didn't think he and I would work out.
anyway..
it was icky!

 

[Chey60]

Hey Zero,

I agree with all of your categories.. and they exist in the church!
There are others.

The hero:
He is the one who is looking for a damsel in distress.
I am not talking being assertive and a leader (that's the man I am waiting for..and yes, I believe in being submissive to his leadership)
he is the one that a tiny thing that is quiet and not outgoing bats her eyelashes at and he comes running..
he is the one who doesn't want a woman who is confident..because he thinks that kind of woman would run him..
he feels that all men take advantage of women and that he would never..so he is the rescuer..

The Narcissist:
This is the man is older, works out so still looks good for his age, but because of this feels that women his age are too dumpy and he needs someone super physically young to keep up with him in his "quests" for ??? (who knows)

The desperate one:
That's the guy who has no self confidence and who doesn't really try to even take care of himself to at least make sure he looks his best (I am not even talking weight here)
he doesn't carry himself with confidence, doesn't dress decently, doesn't wear his hair in a style that is flattering, isn't assertive other than insinuating himself into situations..where women are..
he's the guy who if he is on a dating site will give out his phone number and life story from the get go.

the widower:
he is a great example of a godly man..but he is such a rarity that all single women in the church want him.
married so long he has no idea how to date..and he falls for the woman who has been single awhile and really wants to get married but is so clever she can chase him without him even realizing he's being chased because SHE wants HIM so badly..and is good at making it seem like it's his idea
(I've seen it happen twice btw so far.. in the past year and a half)

The Buffet guy AKA Lukewarm christian.
He is the guy who picks and chooses the scripture he likes ..and leaves what he doesn't. He even goes back for more of that type of scripture..still ignoring the morsels he isn't comfortable trying.
he wants to live his life just christian enough to feel good about himself but loves the world a bit too much compromising christian values.

The undereducated:
He is the guy who is attractive or semi attractive physically who has good values but can't spell worth anything and whose grammar is atrocious. He talks mostly about his truck and he doesn't really know much about scripture.
He can also be a mixture of this guy below:

The milque Toast AKA Ahab: Or overgrown child:
he is the guy who doesn't give into a woman because its what's best for her..he is the guy who is so intimidated by a woman he will either give into her out of fear, or just to shut her up (if she is a nag which she shouldn't be)
this guy won't ask a girl out but he will ask her to ask him out.. he doesn't take initiative, makes bad passive aggressive jokes out of immaturity and is not assertive at all..this man begs to be walked on and since women have that natural born desire to "control" (Jesus can help us out of this ladies for real)she would do it and this would make a totally out of order pairing..


this was actually fun and is comprised of the men I have met in the past 5 years either on christian dating sites or at church.

wish it weren't so
where is my boaz! or at least an assertive attractive well rounded intelligent tall guy who
his best and is full of the holy spirit and integrity who would pray with me, study with me, exercise with me, hold my hand, take walks with me, kiss my forehead, lead me for my good not and not for his..
oh yea, they are married or with that girl who chased them..

 

[Chey60]

The book Created to be His Helpmeet has three excellent categories for men. The book talks about how the three categories each represent a different aspect of God. (Jesus might have been a perfect mix of all three.) I don't agree with all the book says, but I thought this was brilliant, and I could actually fit most people I know into one of the three categories, though there's usually secondary overlapping. I'm paraphrasing below...

1. Mr. Command Man - born leaders, preachers, politicians. They are heroes, greater-good thinkers. Control comes naturally, and decisions are made easily. This man will fiercely protect his loved ones.


Do any of these sound familiar?

Where is this guy?
all of them sound great howabout a little of each?

 

[Chey60]

Categories taken out of books:

-Mr.Noah (The Notebook). Adventurous, and passionate. He follows his heart and intuition. He is the kind of guy who would be willing to do anything for his girl, even if he has to sacrifice himself. One he sets his mind on something, or someone, he is loyal with a passion. Most probably enjoys nature and traveling. No girl would be bored at his side, he can have fun anywhere. The con is that because of his passionate nature, he can forget about other responsibilities as soon as he gets passionate about something else.

These men don't exist not that I have seen..oh wait, they are characters in fiction

 

[surprisingrose]

Zero,
That's a good question. Of course I'd like to hear the male version of this question. Hummm.... it a hard one. Of course I'm attracted to the easy-going, but leadership type personality. Does that answer your question, somewhat?

 

[surprisingrose]

Gee.... If I was a guy, after reading this I'd just throw my hands up in the air and give up. Wow! I think I'll take back my thought of wanting to hear what type of woman men are not looking for. Apparently I took this backwards. What type of guy don't I want?.... hummm.... I perfer not to say. We all have faults and if you look for them you will find them in everyone you meet. Looking for a man, I want to focus on the good in him and evaluate if I can live this the few faults I see. Hope he does the same concerning me.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

Gee.... If I was a guy, after reading this I'd just throw my hands up in the air and give up. Wow! I think I'll take back my thought of wanting to hear what type of woman men are not looking for. Apparently I took this backwards. What type of guy don't I want?.... hummm.... I perfer not to say. We all have faults and if you look for them you will find them in everyone you meet. Looking for a man, I want to focus on the good in him and evaluate if I can live this the few faults I see. Hope he does the same concerning me.

lol. Naw, most of us love you guys too much to be giving up

 

[Liamson]

Someone really sucks at using the QUOTE button. Not gonna say who but, I had no idea who said what so I skipped most of it.


As a Mr. Noah (type) the thing that I struggle with most is finding women who are capable of dealing with the intensity or capable of the levels of trust necessary to go and do the kinds of things I'm passionate about. Like spending a month in Mexico, because we can and it would be epic. But it takes months or years to get to that level of trust.

I suppose in a way, this is a learned behavior and I have been spoiled by a couple of really great relationships with a lot of trust and adventure, but, they DID NOT start this way. It took time.

They started as friendships, or friends who argue all the time. Typically, my best relationships started by both of us being really passionate about the same things and having a sense of mutual admiration and respect for what each other brought to the table. This builds into love and builds into the epic end product that people want.


Women that I've recently encountered want to fast forward to the Part where I'm madly in love with them, without having to build the kind of trust or reciprocation or friendship that leads to that stage. Its as if simply because they exist and are pretty, I should be captivated enough to short circuit all the necessary steps of getting to know them and building a level of trust and confidence in what a relationship means for us.

They want me to lay all of my cards on the table from the beginning, and simply let them decide how to proceed. This seems to be the Christian way to do things. It promotes a sort of RUSH to hit all the mile markers as fast as possible so that marriage plans can be executed on time or in a socially acceptable window. Rather than couples crossing that bridge when they get there, they are racing to see how its all going to play out.

We live in a culture that doesn't emphasize achieving a QUALITY relationship but, rather escaping the title of being labeled as single. As if being single is the equivalent of entering College without a Driver's License or a Car. Escaping Singlehood is not a rite of passage. Nor should marriage be pursued for the sake of earning the title of Mrs. (Different last name).

If you are wondering where all of the good guys are, don't. The good guys are not the desperate guys stalking women from the pews, they are leading, they are teaching, they are out living their lives and pursuing the things that they are passionate about. They are not attracted to women who complain about being single, they are attracted to women who are content with who they are as a Christian and their status. This is what attracts the right guys to the right girls.

 

[Jullianna]

Someone really sucks at using the QUOTE button. Not gonna say who but, I had no idea who said what so I skipped most of it.


As a Mr. Noah (type) the thing that I struggle with most is finding women who are capable of dealing with the intensity or capable of the levels of trust necessary to go and do the kinds of things I'm passionate about. Like spending a month in Mexico, because we can and it would be epic. But it takes months or years to get to that level of trust.

I suppose in a way, this is a learned behavior and I have been spoiled by a couple of really great relationships with a lot of trust and adventure, but, they DID NOT start this way. It took time.

They started as friendships, or friends who argue all the time. Typically, my best relationships started by both of us being really passionate about the same things and having a sense of mutual admiration and respect for what each other brought to the table. This builds into love and builds into the epic end product that people want.


Women that I've recently encountered want to fast forward to the Part where I'm madly in love with them, without having to build the kind of trust or reciprocation or friendship that leads to that stage. Its as if simply because they exist and are pretty, I should be captivated enough to short circuit all the necessary steps of getting to know them and building a level of trust and confidence in what a relationship means for us.

They want me to lay all of my cards on the table from the beginning, and simply let them decide how to proceed. This seems to be the Christian way to do things. It promotes a sort of RUSH to hit all the mile markers as fast as possible so that marriage plans can be executed on time or in a socially acceptable window. Rather than couples crossing that bridge when they get there, they are racing to see how its all going to play out.

We live in a culture that doesn't emphasize achieving a QUALITY relationship but, rather escaping the title of being labeled as single. As if being single is the equivalent of entering College without a Driver's License or a Car. Escaping Singlehood is not a rite of passage. Nor should marriage be pursued for the sake of earning the title of Mrs. (Different last name).

If you are wondering where all of the good guys are, don't. The good guys are not the desperate guys stalking women from the pews, they are leading, they are teaching, they are out living their lives and pursuing the things that they are passionate about. They are not attracted to women who complain about being single, they are attracted to women who are content with who they are as a Christian and their status. This is what attracts the right guys to the right girls.

*uses quote button carefully*

*stands and applauds the red part*

 

[rachelsedge]

We live in a culture that doesn't emphasize achieving a QUALITY relationship but, rather escaping the title of being labeled as single. As if being single is the equivalent of entering College without a Driver's License or a Car. Escaping Singlehood is not a rite of passage. Nor should marriage be pursued for the sake of earning the title of Mrs. (Different last name).

A friend of mine shared this blog post with me that she found. Really hits on this, I like it.

Single and not waiting - Converge

 

[Misty77]

Types of Men I Have Date (30-45 year olds, specifically)

Boy—masculine, smart, nice, Christian; won't get an education, a career, or his own home; fun, great at Call of Duty

Neanderthal—masculine, responsible, nice, Christian; 3 to 4 standard deviations below in intelligence; helpful with moving heavy things

Girly Man—responsible, smart, nice, Christian; no back bone, too pretty; shares great grooming tips

Jerk—smart, responsible, masculine, Christian; sexist, rude, narcissistic; really fun to beat in a debate

Heathen—smart, responsible, masculine, nice; going to hell; surprisingly the most supportive of my life's goals

Super dude—smart, responsible, masculine, nice, loves Jesus; master of stealth mode (seriously, you can come out of hiding now)

 

[Chey60]

Someone really sucks at using the QUOTE button. Not gonna say who but, I had no idea who said what so I skipped most of it.


It's probably me.. I have NO idea how to use the quote button without all of it showing up, then I erase some and end up erasing something important.. please accept my apologies. :,(

 

[Tintin]

A friend of mine shared this blog post with me that she found. Really hits on this, I like it.

Single and not waiting - Converge

I read that article a couple of days ago. While it wasn't aimed at me (I'm a man) I found it interesting and necessary.

 

[Chey60]

Types of Men I Have Date (30-45 year olds, specifically)

Boy—masculine, smart, nice, Christian; won't get an education, a career, or his own home; fun, great at Call of Duty

Neanderthal—masculine, responsible, nice, Christian; 3 to 4 standard deviations below in intelligence; helpful with moving heavy things

Girly Man—responsible, smart, nice, Christian; no back bone, too pretty; shares great grooming tips

Jerk—smart, responsible, masculine, Christian; sexist, rude, narcissistic; really fun to beat in a debate

Heathen—smart, responsible, masculine, nice; going to hell; surprisingly the most supportive of my life's goals

Super dude—smart, responsible, masculine, nice, loves Jesus; master of stealth mode (seriously, you can come out of hiding now)

Misty I love you!! you are awesome.. I would like to take back all of my posts now and put this one up!! you hit the proverbial nail just square on the head and sent it flying deep into the wood!! thank you girl!!!

 

[Tintin]

Nice? Men shouldn't be nice. Respectful and responsible, yes, but not nice.

 

[Chey60]

Someone really sucks at using the QUOTE button. Not gonna say who but, I had no idea who said what so I skipped most of it.


As a Mr. Noah (type) the thing that I struggle with most is finding women who are capable of dealing with the intensity or capable of the levels of trust necessary to go and do the kinds of things I'm passionate about. Like spending a month in Mexico, because we can and it would be epic. But it takes months or years to get to that level of trust.

I suppose in a way, this is a learned behavior and I have been spoiled by a couple of really great relationships with a lot of trust and adventure, but, they DID NOT start this way. It took time.

They started as friendships, or friends who argue all the time. Typically, my best relationships started by both of us being really passionate about the same things and having a sense of mutual admiration and respect for what each other brought to the table. This builds into love and builds into the epic end product that people want.


Women that I've recently encountered want to fast forward to the Part where I'm madly in love with them, without having to build the kind of trust or reciprocation or friendship that leads to that stage. Its as if simply because they exist and are pretty, I should be captivated enough to short circuit all the necessary steps of getting to know them and building a level of trust and confidence in what a relationship means for us.

They want me to lay all of my cards on the table from the beginning, and simply let them decide how to proceed. This seems to be the Christian way to do things. It promotes a sort of RUSH to hit all the mile markers as fast as possible so that marriage plans can be executed on time or in a socially acceptable window. Rather than couples crossing that bridge when they get there, they are racing to see how its all going to play out.

We live in a culture that doesn't emphasize achieving a QUALITY relationship but, rather escaping the title of being labeled as single. As if being single is the equivalent of entering College without a Driver's License or a Car. Escaping Singlehood is not a rite of passage. Nor should marriage be pursued for the sake of earning the title of Mrs. (Different last name).

If you are wondering where all of the good guys are, don't. The good guys are not the desperate guys stalking women from the pews, they are leading, they are teaching, they are out living their lives and pursuing the things that they are passionate about. They are not attracted to women who complain about being single, they are attracted to women who are content with who they are as a Christian and their status. This is what attracts the right guys to the right girls.

For fear of offending the quotation people again.. I just left all of this..I have to say for me? I used to think I needed a man in my life? now I just would love to be a "good thing" a "wife".. and well you can't blame women for wanting to be mrs..after all we play with dolls when we are little.. well most of us did..and that teaches us to be mommy's which ends up motivating us to want to be wives..
another thing since you are a guy you have no idea how this feels....there are more of us than you!! that leaves some women out.. and you know what? you may not care if you are desired or wanted but often a woman ,even a christian woman, regardless of her lifestyle with her lady friends and her bible studies still wants to be desired by a man of God.. especially when a woman is called a good thing if a man chooses her..
Therefore, you can't walk a mile in any woman's shoes to understand why she wants to be pursued and why that call is within her..
Many girls dream of being cinderella , a princess, and a bride and no apologies should be made for it.. many of us picked the bad boys or the rests of the guys on these lists and ended up losing that dream or the fairytale we thought we would have..
in the end, as a woman of God, we learn to depend solely upon our Father for our support, our love and our provision..and that is when we become healthy and wise and desirable.. however that doesn't mean we don't want to be wives, don't want to be pursued, don't want to be swept off our feet and I really hope you weren't saying that if we do, we are no longer attractive..because that is wrong..
and BTW I know many more MEN who complain about being single than women.. just so you know.. I was made for man, and men want women..
I don't know one red blooded male OR female who is content holding a pillow to go to sleep at night.. but I do know women who still praise God even so.. I am one.. am I content going to dinner alone or only with chicks?? no.. I like guys and I miss hanging around with one to go out to eat.. or going to see a movie holding hands..
it is not good to be alone.. but if its the way it is for some of us, then we learn to make the best of it, hold our heads high, use the time to worship our God in the way we can while we are living by ourselves and enjoy the lives we have right now..
but again, it doesn't mean we wouldn't love to have that partner..
and that doesn't make us any less attractive...

 

[rachelsedge]

It's probably me.. I have NO idea how to use the quote button without all of it showing up, then I erase some and end up erasing something important.. please accept my apologies. :,(

It looks like you figured it out, but just hit the "Reply With Quote" button underneath a response. Make sure you keep the tags at the beginning and the end (it's easy to delete the end ones sometimes) and make sure the brackets hug both "quote" words like this [ ] .

So, without the spaces, it would look like this:

[quote ] words blah blah words [/quote ]

 

[xXErraticEmilyXx]

There is only one kind of man in the world.
The anatomically correct ones.

 

[Liamson]

But how, I don't really know. But I have noticed that with some women and men, I hit a sort of wall conceptually. Its like they know WHAT they want and how it should LOOK, but they need another person to help them achieve it. Its like they have this picture, and dating or relationships is like seeing which man/woman-puzzle piece fits.

I think for people like me it is a lot simpler and yet different. We see women and its as if whole new worlds of possibility open up.

We don't know what its going to look like, just as long as we get to do it with this one specific person that we love. From that love, we can build the picture, talk about marriage, kids, houses, and life in general. But we explore these things as they come up, as trust is built.



I am never going to say, "I want kids", without knowing who their mother will be. From my experience this has almost been like a language barrier. I'm not going to say, I'm looking for a wife, because that very sentence to me is equally ludicrous. I've played that game before, it doesn't end well *


From my experience, its the difference between a long term, healthy relationship and a flaming disaster. When I don't fit into the picture and I feel the health of the relationship failing, I try to fix it. But, its not a fix type of problem its a foundation problem. Its simply how some people are Oriented.

It makes me feel like they want to be with me, not for me but, for the idea of me. But when they are with me, and I start looking for who they are, outside of the picture, I usually just get error messages or blank stares.

It makes me feel like they don't really want or get ME. They want what being with me would mean toeveryone else.

To me it is the equivalent of buying a car, not because YOU like the car but, because everyone else does and it fits the lifestyle and image you wish to portray. Well, I'm not the car you want to buy as a status symbol. I may or may not bring someone fame and fortune. But that isn't why they should want to be with me either. I don't want someone to want to be with me, because its the "Right" thing to do or because I successfully meet their list of criteria.


I know for me. I want to fall in love, with one person. I don't know who she is, or what she is like. I don't know what we will do or how it will go. I don't know when I will see her, or how any of it will work out. But I know she is out there and I'm happy with that.

I want them to choose me, because they want to be with me.







So is this the difference between how men and women are wired or is this something else?

Does anyone agree with me and feel the same way?

I address your concerns in a thread I created 2 weeks ago.

http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/76132-people-see-world-differently.html