Sleeping together?

JesusLives · Aug 22, 2016

The fact for me was I was looking for love in all the wrong places. If I had realized much younger just how much God loved me and what He gave up for me maybe I would have paid more attention to guidelines as self worth is challenged when you give yourself away so freely.

Even as old as I am now and married I still have questions that I have no idea who to even try to ask...God knows what they are but the fact is they are unresolved. Nothing like an out loud conversation give and take where answers can be found...I certainly can't go to my Pastor and ask them....Conundrum...or maybe I am just too Blond....

Ultimatum77 · Aug 22, 2016

To all those who were very transparent about their mistakes, thank you for your brutal honesty....you provide a good example to young people like myself about the regrets later in life that we can have by just taking sex casually. You are all my brothers and sisters in Christ, I do not condemn you/look down on you after all there is no condemnation in Christ as long as we repent.

I with God's help have kept myself (still a virgin) for my future spouse and your stories have encouraged me to hold on more to it! Despite the peer pressure from society and people I'm surrounded by....

I love you all, God bless!

AbigailZeke · Aug 22, 2016

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. And yes, I read all, from post #1. xD It's not every day you get encouraged by real people who have been there and done that but came out alive and joyful.

I'm abstaining until marriage too. At least I try to. But I've had a few bumpy roads in life as well (is there such a thing as technically a virgin?).

I had a pretty interesting conversation with my ex about how Christians view this whole 'sleeping together' thing. Mind you, he's an atheist. And at that time, I didn't know better. How he understood it was that Christians were not doing 'it' to, separate themselves from the world, apparently, but seeing that they often give up and give in made him think Christians are just a bunch of kill joy hypocrites. Sadly, my head was in the clouds when that happened so I was never of good help to him lol.

We don't value purity to deserve God's grace and forgiveness, much less to impress the world. We do, out of a forgiven, loved and grace-transformed heart.

Ultimatum77 · Aug 22, 2016

AbigailZeke said:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread. And yes, I read all, from post #1. xD It's not every day you get encouraged by real people who have been there and done that but came out alive and joyful.

I'm abstaining until marriage too. At least I try to. But I've had a few bumpy roads in life as well (is there such a thing as technically a virgin?).

I had a pretty interesting conversation with my ex about how Christians view this whole 'sleeping together' thing. Mind you, he's an atheist. And at that time, I didn't know better. How he understood it was that Christians were not doing 'it' to, separate themselves from the world, apparently, but seeing that they often give up and give in made him think Christians are just a bunch of kill joy hypocrites. Sadly, my head was in the clouds when that happened so I was never of good help to him lol.

We don't value purity to deserve God's grace and forgiveness, much less to impress the world. We do, out of a forgiven, loved and grace-transformed heart.

I like this thread as well, it was very good dialogue without much flame throwing.....this is how we all can learn productively

good stuff.....

Willie-T · Aug 22, 2016

JesusLives said:

Regrettably, this says a lot. And you know something? We have all made it to where Pastors have nowhere they can go either.

No sermon here... just a thought. I wonder if Pastors get to really have any deep friendships?

Depleted · Aug 22, 2016

Willie-T said:

I'm with your wife. I thought you'd remember they do degenerate most of the time too.

Tinuviel · Aug 22, 2016

Willie-T said:

They have a hard time making friends. And sadly, that goes for their families too. Being in a household where we have always been taught to watch for the people on the sidelines to include, we've befriended a lot of pastors and their families. They're the ministers of the Gospel. They need the support and friendship of every one of us, and we don't even know how to go about giving it. It is something I lay awake and pray about at night. One of those things in the world that is horribly out of position.

Depleted · Aug 22, 2016

AbigailZeke said:

I'm still not graceful enough to warrant the "we" in what you think Christians do. The reason I kept myself for the one I would marry, (and remember, I didn't make it to the wedding), was more along the lines of toothbrush philosophy. The idea of passing myself along a row of guys is like passing along my toothbrush. That singular toothbrush has to last the rest of my life and I thought it was pretty disgusting to give it to so many others to use, before needing it myself. Love-making is so intimate, I just didn't want a worn out toothbrush knowing what it would do to my whole body.

When I was 31 years old, my husband's 17 year old daughter moved in with us for a few months. One night, when hubby wasn't home, she said, "Ooo, let's talk about sex."

I told her the truth. "I don't know anything about sex. I know about making love. Even when you get to the point of knowing the difference, we won't be talking about it, since it's your father I'm talking about."

I know she was hoping to shock me. I got to her age in 1973, so easy-sex was the culture. In 1974, I went to college and stayed in a house with six roommates and all but one was a junior, so, at least 20 years old. (I was the only freshman. The other one who wasn't a junior, also wasn't a college student. He was a state cop engaged to a junior, but waiting for her to graduate before they married.) At the beginning of the school year all but two were virgins. By the time the other roommates graduated, none were.

I really do get the allure of sex. I still think of it as using someone else's dirty toothbrush. I know I'm supposed to have some big noble God-given desire to stay chase with everyone but my husband, but the truth is it still comes down to I'm not using someone else's old toothbrush. I know where his toothbrush has been. It's ours now and belongs in the family toothbrush holder. Not in the toilet. Ours alone!

It's more about not wanting to debase myself into someone else's sex toy. I'm not a thing to play with. I'm a person.

Willie-T · Aug 22, 2016

Depleted said:

I'm still not graceful enough to warrant the "we" in what you think Christians do. The reason I kept myself for the one I would marry, (and remember, I didn't make it to the wedding), was more along the lines of toothbrush philosophy. The idea of passing myself along a row of guys is like passing along my toothbrush. That singular toothbrush has to last the rest of my life and I thought it was pretty disgusting to give it to so many others to use, before needing it myself. Love-making is so intimate, I just didn't want a worn out toothbrush knowing what it would do to my whole body.

When I was 31 years old, my husband's 17 year old daughter moved in with us for a few months. One night, when hubby wasn't home, she said, "Ooo, let's talk about sex."

I told her the truth. "I don't know anything about sex. I know about making love. Even when you get to the point of knowing the difference, we won't be talking about it, since it's your father I'm talking about."

I know she was hoping to shock me. I got to her age in 1973, so easy-sex was the culture. In 1974, I went to college and stayed in a house with six roommates and all but one was a junior, so, at least 20 years old. (I was the only freshman. The other one who wasn't a junior, also wasn't a college student. He was a state cop engaged to a junior, but waiting for her to graduate before they married.) At the beginning of the school year all but two were virgins. By the time the other roommates graduated, none were.

I really do get the allure of sex. I still think of it as using someone else's dirty toothbrush. I know I'm supposed to have some big noble God-given desire to stay chase with everyone but my husband, but the truth is it still comes down to I'm not using someone else's old toothbrush. I know where his toothbrush has been. It's ours now and belongs in the family toothbrush holder. Not in the toilet. Ours alone!

It's more about not wanting to debase myself into someone else's sex toy. I'm not a thing to play with. I'm a person.

This single sentence is the essence of that book I keep touting, Eyes of Honor.

melita916 · Aug 22, 2016

i'm late to this thread, but i've enjoyed reading through it (i skimmed through some posts, but i did look at the entire thread).

it reminded me of a friends episode: the "what if things happened differently" one.

one of the characters (monica) said, "what if i was still fat?" and then the episode goes on the show the what if. in it, she was 30 yrs old and "still" a virgin. rachel (another character) was like "omgah. you're a 30 yr old virgin!" monica replied, "say it louder! i don't think the guy in the back heard you!!" she was embarrassed to let others know. the 1st time i saw this episode, i laughed. later, i was thinking about it. in today's society, it's considered embarrassing to wait.

i'll be 33 in a month, and i'm not embarrassed.

on another note, i watched the movie papertowns the other day (totally regret it lol). a guy told his friends he slept with his g/f, and they were happy for him. they were all seniors in high school. i was like... wat?

sadly, things are so backwards today.

p.s. i'm still waiting for my parents to tell me where babies come from lol.

Fenner · Aug 22, 2016

melita916 said:

My Daughter is a character a couple of years ago when she was 7 she asked me, Mom how do babies get in someone's stomach? Do you eat a seed? So I gave her a basic talk. One I thought she and her brother would understand. When I was done they both said, Eww! That is so gross. I'm not ever doing that. Lol

melita916 · Aug 22, 2016

i teach 12-14 yr olds for sunday school. the curriculum we will always have a section on sexual purity. (happens once a year i think? lol).

the week before we start that unit, i always tell my students, "next week, we are starting this unit. by now, you should know where babies come from, but if you don't, ask your parents. cuz.... it's not my place to tell you." lol!

Magenta · Aug 22, 2016

My pastor is a wonderful guy with a lovely wife and quite a few children, the oldest of whom has just left home to go to school in the States studying theology (among other things). He (my pastor) is constantly putting it out there that he is available to anyone whenever they might need him, to talk about anything Biblical if we have any questions, or about life problems if we feel so inclined. Most Sundays they invite a few congregants over to their house for a bruncheon, and afternoon visit, following the church service. He has been with our church for just over two years now and I would say he is well loved

The getting married thing and waiting that this thread is about... a few women have expressed how certain events in their lives or in the lives of people close to them really impacted them in this regard, events like rape, things we are completely powerless over and that devastate us and irreparably alter our sense of the proper order of things. I can really relate to a lot of that, and to Darlene speaking about having questions still, at her age, feeling like we should have all the answers already, man oh man can I ever relate to that, because there is a part of me that is constantly trying to figure out why I am the way I am and why I lived the life I lived, wondering if I could have been anything other than I was after certain things happened in my youth, and just the culture I was raised in, and my own naive reactions and responses to such things.

I was so open and idealistic and impressionable and naive. Was this the way I was born, did I have that psychological bent from birth, or did being one of eleven children raised in a strict religious household contribute to my openness and naivety, and then my rebellion, since we were quite sheltered from the world in some ways? All the silence about such things, we were told nothing, sure there were shady enigmatic movies shown to us in grade seven about the dangers of teenage sex, but they did not make sense to me. Sex education was a school-only enterprise. Nobody was telling me anything at home. The silence was oppressive. It was a big secret and I hated that it was so hidden when it seemed so important. Why couldn't people talk about it?

Then the sexual revolution of the sixties and the British Invasion (music from overseas) was upon us. This all very much appealed to me. I did not understand why anyone would want to get married anyways, since men were not faithful to their wives. It was actually disgusting to have married men making passes at me while I was a young teenager, and it happened within my own family as well. Who would want to marry when the chances were your husband would turn into some creep like your brother in law or the men you babysat for, or your boss? Ick. Better to remain single. I was not one of those young women who grew up dreaming of having a big church wedding and being married someday. I had also been molested by a dirty old man when I was eight or nine years old, and never told anyone about it.

Throw into that mix the being so profoundly wounded by the betrayal and abandonment of someone I had completely given my heart to... the pain was so deep and incomprehensible, every waking moment a torture that I could not put words to. I wanted to die, and I know now it was really because I did not know how to live. Drugs and alcohol were already a part of my life. I started rebelling against my upbring and the strictures of my religious education at the age of eleven or twelve. By the time I entered my twenties I was in full swing rebellion against the status quo.

It was not for another twenty years, when I finally got clean and sober, that I more fully realized I had grown up not knowing I was loved, not having any sense of being loved within my family. I don't like saying that because I do not want to come across like I am blaming my parents in any way. They did the best they knew with what they had. We were fed and clothed and housed and educated. We were never given affection or told we were loved. That was a perfect set up to throw me into the world looking for I knew not what. My relationships did not really fill the void, and I was painfully aware of that fact. I had stopped attending church on any kind of regular basis when I was sixteen, but I had always long there was something spiritual behind it all. I started seriously seeking when I was thirty three years old.

I keep the answers as simple as possible these days. I characterize all those years as running in rebellion and defiance from God. I did not know Him and did not want to know Him, but He never gave up on me, and revealed Himself to me through the forgiveness and love of His Son on the cross, when I was thirty three years old. It took many years and a few more encounters for me to accept the Truth of that experience, and I praise God for it, and everything I have been through, and all I have learned, because it ultimately brought me back to Him.

Magenta · Aug 22, 2016

One of the things I like to tell my pastor and his wife and even the children who will understand what I am talking about is how wonderful and heartwarming and inspiring it is for me to see the love they as parents show to their children all the time and without fail, and how fortunate they are as children to have such demonstrably loving parents. Even if pastor is at the front of the congregation speaking and one of his younger boys runs up to grab his legs, my pastor shows him love and affection, it is not an imposition for him, he does not get annoyed to be so interrupted and distracted momentarily. I had no sense of anything like that when I was growing up, which is all the more reason it means so much to me to witness it, and express to them how truly precious such love and affection really is in the family unit. Loving your children well will not set them up for painful relationship failures later in life. They will always know they are loved, they will be comfortable with being loved, and will be less likely to seek imitations

Depleted · Aug 22, 2016

melita916 said:

i'm late to this thread, but i've enjoyed reading through it (i skimmed through some posts, but i did look at the entire thread).

it reminded me of a friends episode: the "what if things happened differently" one.

one of the characters (monica) said, "what if i was still fat?" and then the episode goes on the show the what if. in it, she was 30 yrs old and "still" a virgin. rachel (another character) was like "omgah. you're a 30 yr old virgin!" monica replied, "say it louder! i don't think the guy in the back heard you!!" she was embarrassed to let others know. the 1st time i saw this episode, i laughed. later, i was thinking about it. in today's society, it's considered embarrassing to wait.

i'll be 33 in a month, and i'm not embarrassed.

on another note, i watched the movie papertowns the other day (totally regret it lol). a guy told his friends he slept with his g/f, and they were happy for him. they were all seniors in high school. i was like... wat?

sadly, things are so backwards today.

p.s. i'm still waiting for my parents to tell me where babies come from lol.

When Mom was giving the birds and bees talk to my older brother, she really regretted it. He was quite indignant. "My father would never do THAT!

She was flabbergasted that he believed she would, but Dad wouldn't. lol

(Just one good reason for not getting The Lesson from parents.)

Depleted · Aug 22, 2016

Fenner said:

And then the next day she told her whole school you were pregnant? (Just checking if I was the only kid to do that. lol)

Depleted · Aug 22, 2016

melita916 said:

How many kids come back and still don't know? (If left to Dad, I still wouldn't know. lol)

Willie-T · Aug 22, 2016

One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"

My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider.

When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania."
jk

Tommy379 · Aug 22, 2016

My 4 year old daughter asked me how she got in mommies belly. I told her mommy and daddy loved each other so much, God put her there.

Thats what I will tell her until she is well into her 30s.

Consumed · Aug 22, 2016

I'm still waiting for my parents to have the talk with me...

Sleeping together?

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