it's just always been like that, women have things to cover up that men don't as well, not trying to start an argument, it's just always been the tradition in many cultures as far as us guys having to stare at other women, if you are single I can understand, but a married man is being disrespectful to his wife by doing this, I have friends who can't understand why I won't stare, I try to explain but they don't get it. To the guys would you get upset if your wife was staring down other guys? it's the same thing, they may never know you looked, but in your heart you lusted after another woman that isn't your wife. It takes a while to get out of the habit of staring, but keep praying to God and he will turn your eyes to your wife. I know the bible says don't lust after your wife, and I understand what he is saying is love her instead, but I think if a few more guys would turn those lustful feeling toward their spouse, the divorce rate might drop way down.
The Tights! The Shorts! The Skirts! Aaaagh!
- Thread starter shawntc
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Shawn, you might already know this. But if you're keeping your eyes where they should be, there are some girls who will notice that you're not "noticing" them, think "Challenge accepted!"... and step up their game.
In that case, you might have to pray for strength and then just tell 'em about Jesus. After all, they need Him just as much as you and I do.
In that case, you might have to pray for strength and then just tell 'em about Jesus. After all, they need Him just as much as you and I do.
4
I'm not blaming the men more than the women... I agree with you that many of them are taking responsibility and still struggle because many women have no sense of decency. The men I'm referring to are "Christian" men from certain churches who feel the women needs to be wearing a certain style dress and many of them say wearing double layer clothing at all times because they, the men, have problems... again I'm not saying all men are like that at all. I think its a very unchristian thing for a women to purposely dress inappropriately to get guys attention because what right have we as Christians to cause our Brothers to stumble... I myself am very careful what I wear.
It's for reasons like this I appreciate women like you.
Folks, it's tiring. It really is. I can go stretches of time where I actively resist the temptation to look, and I'd like to think I'm successful. The problem is, the temptation's always there. Nagging at you. Just one peek, just one peek, etc. Over long periods of time it weakens me. I'm human. Is it my responsibility to divert my eyes and thoughts? Certainly, and I won't deny when I fail to do that. At the same time though I can't keep that defense up forever. It's just beyond human capability. Especially now that I'm living on campus and women are less inclined to be modest than in high school.
Folks, it's tiring. It really is. I can go stretches of time where I actively resist the temptation to look, and I'd like to think I'm successful. The problem is, the temptation's always there. Nagging at you. Just one peek, just one peek, etc. Over long periods of time it weakens me. I'm human. Is it my responsibility to divert my eyes and thoughts? Certainly, and I won't deny when I fail to do that. At the same time though I can't keep that defense up forever. It's just beyond human capability. Especially now that I'm living on campus and women are less inclined to be modest than in high school.
R
No one's making me look, that is true, but it's simple male instinct to be curious.
And unless they're willing to sleep with me, they're not selling. They're just advertising stuff I can't have. Which is almost paradoxical, since I most likely wouldn't accept the sale from them anyway.
And unless they're willing to sleep with me, they're not selling. They're just advertising stuff I can't have. Which is almost paradoxical, since I most likely wouldn't accept the sale from them anyway.
Sometimes it is. But sometimes it isn't. Sometimes women are just naive and don't realize the effect our clothes have, because we are too used to our own bodies or our friends legs or whatever. We just don't notice or care and forget that it's comparable to a blinding flashlight to some men.
Personally if hypothetically I were in some alternate reality where I didn't dress modestly (and if I had the legs for very short shorts), I'd more be thinking about all the women I'm making jealous of my legs. Yes, that's right, women.
Sometimes women dress to show off how nice we look to other women and make them a teensy bit jealous just to boost our egos. It's especially exciting if we just lost a lot of weight and are new to the whole "feeling good about ourselves" thing. In those cases wearing shorts would be seen as a personal celebration of good fitness and excitement for life. It isn't fair to judge a woman's motives for dressing the way she does. You don't know their background story.
I can't really pull off those short-shorts looks, and even if I could, I probably wouldn't (unless maybe I looked tomboyish enough
).(Ugh....I swore I wouldn't get involved with this thread when I saw it...and now look how much I wrote, lol)
A
No one cares if a man goes in public with no shirt on on a hot day. If women did that it would be kind of messed up. If that makes you feel any better.
If that makes you feel any better.
J
Men and women both have a heavy responsibility. Being a woman, I can only speak from my female opinion. Men, I realize we have stumbled you much too often. We have flashed all our goodies for many reasons. Some of those reasons are just plain wrong. Some are just based in ignorance. Some are based in deception. I'm sure it's very difficult to see a woman walking down the street with all her parts hanging out. It's difficult for some women also, but usually in a very different way. Some women are attracted to other woman, so that may be similar. But I will speak for myself. When I've seen a girl on a billboard or walking down the street, my first instinct is to compare my body to hers. Woman do this all the time. I have a friend who would deny to the death that she is anything but proud of what the good Lord gave her. However, I know by her responses that she is very insecure. One Sunday there were 4 girls in the same dress she was wearing. She kept saying how it didn't really bother her, and then she'd list another person she saw in it and comment on how skinny she was. It's obviously that she wasn't willing to admit to herself that she insecure.
For myself again, I will admit that I have walked down the street in next to nothing wiht the intention to get attention. I'm sorry men, but women do it. I started doing it when I was 15 and was encouraged to do it by my parents. But my heart was broken. I did that because I didn't feel like I was worth anything but a cat call. I didn't feel beautiful or lovable, so I traded it for all that I knew which was sex appeal. I stumbled a lot of men that way and it's very shameful. I haven't done it in many years, but it's a very real struggle I had.
As for deception, I was convinced I was the most hideous thing on the planet, and that I could walk down the street naked without a problem. I challenged that lie. I felt ugly starting from my core, and needed someone to show me what true beauty was. If I wore something revealing my only thought was that I was so hideous it didn't matter. No one was going to look at me anyway. I was wrong. And even though I got lots of bad attention, it never made me feel beautiful.
Sometimes there are wardrobe malfunctions. You wear something you didn't realize was see-through. You find a tear you didn't know was there. you lose or gain a few pounds and you don't realize till you're out the door that your clothes don't quite fit the same way. These things happen. They are a part of life. When I've noticed them, I am mortified and completely self-conscious because so many people say that a girl who dresses provocatively knows it and does it on purpose. This just isn't true. There are plenty of times where I've walked out of the house only to spend the whole day searching for a safety pin. Recently, I got on the bus to go to work. As I sat down the strap snapped off. Now it wasn't easily disguisable so I was forced to walk around in a winter coat all day in the 100 plus degree weather. It wasn't until more than 12 hrs. later that I got to my kinship and burst through the door; "Please tell me you have a sewing kit."
I was at a baptism where an older woman was wearing a long white gown to get baptized in. The problem was, she didn't have much under it. To her it was symbolic. She wasn't thinking, "I'm coming out of this water naked!" I met eyes with a friend and luckily she went running into the waves with a towel just as the granny surfaced. That was several years ago, but just this last summer a friend of mine look at me out of the blue and says, "Go tell Cathy her boobs are hanging out." It didn't really dawn on me what he'd actually said, but I jumped up and gave Cathy a quick embracing hug. I whispered in her ear, "You may want to fix your suit." Now she wasn't aiming to tempt anyone. The other lady wasn't either. Life just happened.
So first, gentleman, I apologize for how women (including myself) have intentionally tempted you. Sometimes we were predators. Sometimes were just lost and misguided. Forgive us. Secondly, Ive also learned (and I'm most definitely not pointing fingers) that many men and women put way too much blame on the women. The female body was made attractive. The male mind and body was made to be attracted to it. That's just reality. You can't fault a woman for looking like a woman. I am a firm believer that while you should be modest, you should not be ashamed and feel the need to hide your body. Let me explain as I know this is easily misunderstood. I look like a woman, and I'm not willing to completely androgenize every part off me that makes me female. This doesn't mean I bare immense amounts of cleavage or dawn booty short and tube tops at a church service. In fact, I do believe you should feel free to dress differently in different venues. I lead worship and I always have a sweater. I almost never bare my shoulders when I'm on stage. I also wear dresses all the time. When I'm on stage, I never wear anything more than jjust above the knee. Many times I will adjust the music stand or remove my shoes so that I'm more covered up. I also don't wear leggings as pants when I'm on stage. However, when I'm in the crowd I wear lots of different things including non-see through leggings with long shirts or t-shirt dresses. I do wear halter tops though if I'm standing in worship, I almost always wear my sweater.
The point is, it's not a sin to be attractive. It's not a sin even to be sexy. That's is how a woman was made, so there is a certain line where men just have to learn to control themselves. Girls should not be forced to wear baggy jeans and t-shirts at all times because men can handle something pretty to look at. In no way am I trying to be condemning. I just think women and men need to realize that it's a good thing when a woman looks like a woman.
For myself again, I will admit that I have walked down the street in next to nothing wiht the intention to get attention. I'm sorry men, but women do it. I started doing it when I was 15 and was encouraged to do it by my parents. But my heart was broken. I did that because I didn't feel like I was worth anything but a cat call. I didn't feel beautiful or lovable, so I traded it for all that I knew which was sex appeal. I stumbled a lot of men that way and it's very shameful. I haven't done it in many years, but it's a very real struggle I had.
As for deception, I was convinced I was the most hideous thing on the planet, and that I could walk down the street naked without a problem. I challenged that lie. I felt ugly starting from my core, and needed someone to show me what true beauty was. If I wore something revealing my only thought was that I was so hideous it didn't matter. No one was going to look at me anyway. I was wrong. And even though I got lots of bad attention, it never made me feel beautiful.
Sometimes there are wardrobe malfunctions. You wear something you didn't realize was see-through. You find a tear you didn't know was there. you lose or gain a few pounds and you don't realize till you're out the door that your clothes don't quite fit the same way. These things happen. They are a part of life. When I've noticed them, I am mortified and completely self-conscious because so many people say that a girl who dresses provocatively knows it and does it on purpose. This just isn't true. There are plenty of times where I've walked out of the house only to spend the whole day searching for a safety pin. Recently, I got on the bus to go to work. As I sat down the strap snapped off. Now it wasn't easily disguisable so I was forced to walk around in a winter coat all day in the 100 plus degree weather. It wasn't until more than 12 hrs. later that I got to my kinship and burst through the door; "Please tell me you have a sewing kit."
I was at a baptism where an older woman was wearing a long white gown to get baptized in. The problem was, she didn't have much under it. To her it was symbolic. She wasn't thinking, "I'm coming out of this water naked!" I met eyes with a friend and luckily she went running into the waves with a towel just as the granny surfaced. That was several years ago, but just this last summer a friend of mine look at me out of the blue and says, "Go tell Cathy her boobs are hanging out." It didn't really dawn on me what he'd actually said, but I jumped up and gave Cathy a quick embracing hug. I whispered in her ear, "You may want to fix your suit." Now she wasn't aiming to tempt anyone. The other lady wasn't either. Life just happened.
So first, gentleman, I apologize for how women (including myself) have intentionally tempted you. Sometimes we were predators. Sometimes were just lost and misguided. Forgive us. Secondly, Ive also learned (and I'm most definitely not pointing fingers) that many men and women put way too much blame on the women. The female body was made attractive. The male mind and body was made to be attracted to it. That's just reality. You can't fault a woman for looking like a woman. I am a firm believer that while you should be modest, you should not be ashamed and feel the need to hide your body. Let me explain as I know this is easily misunderstood. I look like a woman, and I'm not willing to completely androgenize every part off me that makes me female. This doesn't mean I bare immense amounts of cleavage or dawn booty short and tube tops at a church service. In fact, I do believe you should feel free to dress differently in different venues. I lead worship and I always have a sweater. I almost never bare my shoulders when I'm on stage. I also wear dresses all the time. When I'm on stage, I never wear anything more than jjust above the knee. Many times I will adjust the music stand or remove my shoes so that I'm more covered up. I also don't wear leggings as pants when I'm on stage. However, when I'm in the crowd I wear lots of different things including non-see through leggings with long shirts or t-shirt dresses. I do wear halter tops though if I'm standing in worship, I almost always wear my sweater.
The point is, it's not a sin to be attractive. It's not a sin even to be sexy. That's is how a woman was made, so there is a certain line where men just have to learn to control themselves. Girls should not be forced to wear baggy jeans and t-shirts at all times because men can handle something pretty to look at. In no way am I trying to be condemning. I just think women and men need to realize that it's a good thing when a woman looks like a woman.
I hear you. I used to feel like/say this too, and still do believe people should dress more modestly. I have found, however, in my now 6th year of college, that you don't have to look. Sometimes a girl pops in front of you and there is that sudden moment of noticing, but every second after that is up to you! Initial reactions are more or less nothing to be ashamed of. We respond to stimuli. It's human nature. It is your choice, though, for everything after that initial reaction. For me...
I've become quite well aquainted with the floor/ground and ceiling/sky actually...
I've become quite well aquainted with the floor/ground and ceiling/sky actually...
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Father, I ask that you sweep across this campus and begin one by one convicting each lady to know You. Father I ask that you begin to work on each one, of the need for modesty and respect for the young men on this campus. I also ask that you keep them out of Shawn's site and those who cannot control themselves and dress scandolously, I ask that you divert them from his peripheral and side vision. During classes, Father, while walking across campus, have them take different paths and different classes. Lord put on the administrators or some key leader's heart the need for proper dress and/or convict someone higher up in the school to see how ridiculous these women dress so that they instill a dress code. Lord I also ask that the Christian professors and administrators rise up in prayer over this campus and become prayer warriors in order to cast down anything not of you off this campus! In the name of our Lord Jesus Amen...
ps. Father, help him to get great grades!
ps. Father, help him to get great grades!
N
I understand brother, as men sometimes we try to justify Lusting over them, Hey man i truly understand what your going threw, but check this out, im single when i see a beautiful women yeah theres been times that i cant look away, but there is times that i think to my self "man they deserve salvation too" We see em, we forget to preach the gospel to them because of there beauty. And man like i said women deserve salvation too there our sisters! I understand though but when we lust we prevent Gods true Love for them to work threw us, we just show them exactly the same thing the worlds been showing them, another thing sometimes we dont understand or know what theyve been threw or if they have low self esteem issues, if we stand as men as repersentatives for christ and dont melt, they will look to christ in us rather than us worshiping them.