What Happens When You Feel Like You're Losing Your Gender?

[SeatBelt]

I'm also a man. I do many of the things mentioned above. I generally have not had any issues losing my gender until a few minutes ago. Ladies? If one of y'all don't snag Mr Seatbelt, then I will.
~swoons~
You had me at "I smoke meats".

Tisk Tisk, NukePooch... SO Un-Biblical of you. You know my divorce is still stalled out and pending!

more seriously:
the more I reflect on Seoul's thread prompt, the more refined my answer is/would be. my struggles with this topic are primarily rooted in 3 things, 2 of which I am willing to discuss here. The first, though not chronologically is of course my new role as sole parent. I do not resent this role in any way, but see that it can open doors for the enemy to fire arrows of doubt at me. The other which I will put name to is the absence of my father in my own rearing. His job required extensive and exhaustive travel and I lacked much male influence in my life, until i was older and simply lacked Positive male influence in my life, for I had sought out that influence on my own and found it, and it was a poor one to find indeed. I was never handed over the secret handshake to being a man as I came of age. Luckily I realize now that there is not a secret clubhouse that I lack the password to. I can Create this for my own son, so that he can not be lacking in this way. I already am more involved in his life than my father ever was in mine, so I feel that I can extinguish the flames of fear that the devil tries to trap me in over whether or not my son will have the same experience as I did. I realize, too, that my daughter will not have an analogous experience, as I have already taken steps to ensure that she is ushered into womanhood with loving womanly hands.
This all brings me back to, well, me. What do I do when I feel Unmanly? I remember that I am wearing many hats, that my life has uniquely shaped me into who I am, that no matter how much I choose to mess myself up previously, that God Has Remade Me - and is CONTINUING ( Philippians 1:6 NIV "6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."), and I Know that Surely God has made me into the MAN i am because it is the MAN he wants me to be. I have in the past handful of years suffered some blows, but Jehovah God made me Man enough to rise to the occasion - and made me Man enough to know never to rise with out first kneeling to pray. So if I feel un-manly I remember that I am what God has made of me, and that He is not done with me yet, know that Lord God has placed me where I need to be in the moment, and that while it is not all the stuff of rugged blue jeans & pickup-truck ad's, in the things that I do, right down to sweetly singing my daughter to sleep, I am more of a man than a great sea of so called manly men.
I'd rather take my daughter to a tea party and delicately stitch the arm back on my son's stuffed hedgehog than go to a gun show held on the grounds of a monster truck rally, and I am thankful God made me manly enough to make that choice, hypothetical though it may be.

 

[Jullianna]

There is no place in the Bible that makes marriage the sacred union women make it out to be. I'm not saying a good marriage isn't a blessing. But putting so much emphasis on the merits of a so-called good marriage, puts a strain on one's mission to serve God first and foremost. I think many women, especially Christian women, place their idea of marriage on a pedestal and once that idea is found to be the fantasy that it is, their hearts become hardened and depression sets in.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned through my marriage is don't stop having great relationships with those of the opposite sex because you're married. We have a duty to minister to one another, male and female, no matter what our marital status. But many women either allow their husbands to prevent them from having friends of the opposite sex or they choose to sever friendships with those of the opposite sex in what they deem is the proper duty of a wife.

If your perceived duty to your spouse limits your interaction with others, it surpresses your ability to testify and minister to God's glory. That can't be healthy for any relationship. So, some women get married, go into this shell to show how devoted they are to their husbands, lose the light of God's pleasure and the marriage starts unraveling or ends in divorce.

When a relationship fails and you start wanting to be alone in your sorrow, people want to leave you alone. Once you let go of what makes you feel beautiful, and this is not necessarily just the physical, it's harder for others to see the beauty in you. I pray you steer clear of those paths.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Mark 10:9 "Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (the words of Jesus, Himself)

How can a relationship joined together by God (Mark 10) which is directed by scripture to reflect our relationship with Christ (Ephesians 5) NOT be sacred and holy? Unless, of course, one or both of the parties is an unbeliever and the union was created by man (i.e. common law) and not by vows made before God.

 

[rachelsedge]

That's a horrible joke, lol. I'm not offended by it but I just hate the idea of a guy thinking about his wife like that.

This. It's jokes/stories like that that make me apprehensive about marriage. That I'll eventually become a chore for him to deal with.

I would think that the real problem would be less the woman trying to unpack and appropriately discover that side of herself and more a problem of the "man" being too impatient to appropriately take that progressive journey with her when he's thinking that all of a sudden life as a married man should be just like what the devil teaches sex should be.

Yes, this is true. I'd hope that should that happen, that the husband (or wife, whoever it may be) is patient and thinks of her and is willing to wait even longer, even if that's the night it's "supposed" to happen.

I'm a Man...I can twirl even the most double left footed dance partner.

I wish I could see this in action/experience it. I've broken my arm three times, once from childish stupidity, and twice from being clumsy. If someone could twirl me without me somehow injuring myself, they'd get a gold star sticker.

 

[BarlyGurl]

Hmmm... losing your gender? I sorta get that but my perspective is a little different... having been a single person for so long... I am R-e-a-l-l-y tired of having to be the man in my life . I have had a few conversations with men who say things like... "you women are too independent", "you don't need us for anything", "older women are too controlling"... these conclusions are drawn because the men have observed "women being capable of an assortment of self-sufficient tasks. For me... and most of the women I know, we would be absolutely delighted to turn significant responsibility over to a man...and let him lead... we want them to... instead of having to "do it all" out of neccessity for lack of a mate. Losing the male role responsibilites would naturally tend for the shrouded femininity to spring forth.

 

[Donkeyfish07]

This. It's jokes/stories like that that make me apprehensive about marriage. That I'll eventually become a chore for him to deal with.

I understand that completely. I've seen so many marriages that started out great and just fizzled out and one side decided they just didn't want to be married anymore.....I would hate to marry someone and give them my whole life to have them decide they weren't happy with the relationship 5 years down the road, file for divorce, and take my house. I couldn't bear that. That's why I don't want to get married.

 

[SeanS]

Hey Everyone,

Here's something I've wanted to
As most of you know, I've been single a long time--about 10 years. As I write about in many of my posts, I've followed all the "good Christian advice" I've ever been given and then some, but for whatever reason, and maybe it's God's will, here I am.
?

Sorry to avoid the question but this issue is very important. I find it almost impossible to believe so many christians do all they can to, but just cannot find a husband/wife.

Firstly, if you desire a husband/wife, it is God's will that you have one (as long as you are not divorced on non-biblical grounds) 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Matthew 19:12, Matthew 19:9. Now God wouldn't have a practical will for your life that he doesn't enable you too achieve. I believe there are so many older people in the church who desire to get married but are single because they are either too picky, too selfish or too proud/thinking they dont have to make an effort and God will literally drop a suitor on their doorstep. There are some rare exceptions but i think this is true for the most part.

I think its so important that people who desire to get married do get married because not only is it called 'the grace of life' (1 Peter 3:7) but its designed to keep you from sinning sexually in thought and action (1 Corinthians 7:9).

Can I ask what denomonation of church do you attend? because the answer will say a lot about their teachings on marriage and the type of men/women there leadership will produce.

 

[NukePooch]

I wish I could see this in action/experience it. I've broken my arm three times, once from childish stupidity, and twice from being clumsy. If someone could twirl me without me somehow injuring myself, they'd get a gold star sticker.

...but instead of placing the sticker on his forehead, she'd miss and stick her finger in his eye.

 

[NukePooch]

Tisk Tisk, NukePooch... SO Un-Biblical of you. You know my divorce is still stalled out and pending!


I'd rather take my daughter to a tea party and delicately stitch the arm back on my son's stuffed hedgehog than go to a gun show held on the grounds of a monster truck rally, and I am thankful God made me manly enough to make that choice, hypothetical though it may be.

Sorry? You pass on the gun show AND monster trucks? We are so over.

 

[seoulsearch]

Sorry to avoid the question but this issue is very important. I find it almost impossible to believe so many christians do all they can to, but just cannot find a husband/wife.

Firstly, if you desire a husband/wife, it is God's will that you have one (as long as you are not divorced on non-biblical grounds) 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Matthew 19:12, Matthew 19:9. Now God wouldn't have a practical will for your life that he doesn't enable you too achieve. I believe there are so many older people in the church who desire to get married but are single because they are either too picky, too selfish or too proud/thinking they dont have to make an effort and God will literally drop a suitor on their doorstep. There are some rare exceptions but i think this is true for the most part.

I think its so important that people who desire to get married do get married because not only is it called 'the grace of life' (1 Peter 3:7) but its designed to keep you from sinning sexually in thought and action (1 Corinthians 7:9).

Can I ask what denomonation of church do you attend? because the answer will say a lot about their teachings on marriage and the type of men/women there leadership will produce.

SeanS--at age 23, I thought a lot like you, and your thoughts are very valid. But, keep in mind, everyone's experience does differ.

But, I will say, when you're 40, come back and talk to me about it. As I said, at 25, everyone told me I'd be remarried in a few years. I was raised all-Lutheran, including schools, in a very conservative background. As life has taken me in different directions, other churches I have actively participated in have been Pentcostal, Baptist, and now Methodist. No, I'm not shopping for churches. It's just where I've wound up as God has taken me in different places.

If anything, I was too lenient rather than too picky due to Christian criticism and thought such as yours. People always telle me I could have a relationship if I really wanted it but when I ask them, "Sure, but would it be one worth having?" and then they don't answer so quickly because they're having multiple problems within their OWN relationships.

My good Christian friends told me I was being too judgmental and should give such-and-such a chance. I spent ages 17-29 in nothing but long-term relationships that included putting up with an abusive alcoholic and raising his kids, a potential future mother-in-law who threatened us when she didn't get her way, and as, most everyone has dealt with, significant others who cheated. I was also once married to someone who left for someone else. I eventually found that the best thing for me was to stop listening to other people's "Well, this is how it should or shouldn't be," because they weren't living my life.

And I know age is relative. For me, I'm looking at you with respect but also want to tell you, get another couple decades under your belt and we'll talk, because as I said, when I was in my early 20's, I thought the same as you. But, I also know the 50-year-olds reading my posts are thinking the same of me. And, my Grandpa, who is a very healthy and in his late 90's would say that anyone under 80 is still just a toddler.

 

[Perseus]

I think that this is really an unprecedented time to live in for certain individuals, particularly in the Western world. The debauchery has ruined many of the people subjected to the constant pornographic images projected to them through the media.

This was bound to happen because sin is reaching stratospheric levels. Everyone is becoming homogenized who does not have a firm anchor. You may be despairing, but what we are witnessing is the very real falling away and conformity of tens of millions of individuals. Sometimes the best choice is solitude over forcing a relationship with spiritually diseased individuals.

I would also consider moving other places if the area or culture around you is not producing righteous-minded people. Also remember that church does not have to be the only place to find a significant other. As long as you meet someone who is a decent person and will respect your commitment to Christ, be open to a relationship like that, as Paul tells us.

Never lose faith, OP. Just because you may be surrounded by evil, do not succumb to it, but keep the faith that there are always brighter days. And don't give up trying to look attractive and feminine simply because you are losing hope. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes it is darkest just before dawn.

 

[seoulsearch]

I think that this is really an unprecedented time to live in for certain individuals, particularly in the Western world. The debauchery has ruined many of the people subjected to the constant pornographic images projected to them through the media.

Never lose faith, OP. Just because you may be surrounded by evil, do not succumb to it, but keep the faith that there are always brighter days. And don't give up trying to look attractive and feminine simply because you are losing hope. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes it is darkest just before dawn.

Thank you for the very thoughtful post .

The lesser amount of interest in "working on myself" isn't completely due to disinterest, believe me--though I never wore garish makeup, the reason I can't wear it anymore is because I've developed extreme allergies and can't find anything that won't cause a severe reaction, and that used to be something important to me. A coworker asked me why I never take the time to "dress up my face" with makeup and didn't understand when I tried to tell her, I simply can't.

As we change through life, some things we deem as simple everyday routines can be easily taken away from us in the blink of an eye, literally.

I'm always grateful though for family, friends, and the strong support group we have here at CC.

 

[leelee]

I'm a Man. I can skin a deer, fix a car, build new stuff from broken stuff. I smoke meats. I hang out on the lake. I kill bad things that make people squirm (poisonous snakes where kids play, spiders in the house, any wild rat that shows up for the neighbor's horse feed, etc). I can twirl even the most double left footed dance partner. I successfully heat my home with wood, and I don't buy it in those little bundles at the corner store either. Cut, seasoned, split and stacked, I know my firewood long before it comes time to burn it.

I am a total tomboy and I am aware of this, but the only part of your man list I don't do is the spider killing. IDK if I can skin a deer but I can skin a sheep and it can't be all that different. Also we don't really have lakes but I have done plenty of white water kayaking. I am also a very girly girl. I guess I am just odd.

 

[Perseus]

A coworker asked me why I never take the time to "dress up my face" with makeup and didn't understand when I tried to tell her, I simply can't.

I don't know about others, but I don't like women who wear makeup because it's presenting a false picture. So I don't see anything wrong with that. There's still other things you can do, such as styling your hair nicely or wearing nice feminine dresses and such.

But there is also a natural beauty to spiritual qualities like kindness, meekness, and gentleness, which men find very attractive in a woman. Society nowadays has brainwashed men and women to prize physical qualities above all else, which is how we have ended up with so many who are spiritually barren, empty, selfish individuals. I could be drawn to the plainest-looking girl if her spirit was emanating kindness, thoughtfulness, and virtue. I think if you place your confidence in those as well as the exterior, I'm sure a man will appreciate you for those as well. Just one person's opinion.

 

[BarlyGurl]

I'm also a man. I do many of the things mentioned above. I generally have not had any issues losing my gender until a few minutes ago. Ladies? If one of y'all don't snag Mr Seatbelt, then I will.
~swoons~
You had me at "I smoke meats".

Sneaks up behind nuke ..bonks him on the head.... kidnaps seatbelt...

.... he sealed his fate with "wood chopping, dairy hand, who owns his own sewing maching".... when he quits screaming I will show him my pressure canner.

 

[seoulsearch]

Sneaks up behind nuke ..bonks him on the head.... kidnaps seatbelt...

.... he sealed his fate with "wood chopping, dairy hand, who owns his own sewing maching".... when he quits screaming I will show him my pressure canner.

If they make this into a movie, I'm thinking the starring actress should be Kathy Bates...

 

[MelissaSky]

i really like this post too...i also can relate...and i used to have very bad depression from 15-19 years old that left me very numb/jaded and unsure how to go about moving on..'life after depression'...i dont know how to do it...im just awkward now...

 

[SeatBelt]

Sorry? You pass on the gun show AND monster trucks? We are so over.

I knew you were too good to be true, Nuke. That's it, I want my back my plasma cutter and my cardigan.

It's not that I'd pass on guns & Monster Trucks... thems so me good stuff!
It's that I'd pass in favor of my kids. Their even better than the stuff on line above.

I am a total tomboy and I am aware of this, but the only part of your man list I don't do is the spider killing. IDK if I can skin a deer but I can skin a sheep and it can't be all that different. Also we don't really have lakes but I have done plenty of white water kayaking. I am also a very girly girl. I guess I am just odd.

Not sure if this is a confession, Lee^2, or a proposal, said the married man. You sound like swell gal, all the same.
For the record, "man list" (as well as the other one) was not intended to be a complete list, but rather simply enough to make a point.

This. It's jokes/stories like that that make me apprehensive about marriage. That I'll eventually become a chore for him to deal with.

We have mocked marriage so much and so long that we have made a mockery of marriage.
The jokes eroded society's view of marriage to the point that the expectations of marriage dropped. Society in turn lowered its performance to meet the expectations. Meanwhile the jokes became less funny, so the mocking became worse. Things continued to spiral towards the drain so fast that I've lost track, have we heard the gurgle yet?

In the face of what became of my good intended marriage, I still believe that marriage should and can be what God intended. Loose not hope, guard your heart, Be brave enough to laugh. Jeremiah 29:11, NIV: "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Yes, this is true. I'd hope that should that happen, that the husband (or wife, whoever it may be) is patient and thinks of her and is willing to wait even longer, even if that's the night it's "supposed" to happen.

If the ladies would conspire to hold out for someone that Would patiently understand, and eventually all the fellas would learn to be patient. This is the opposite of how women stopped Demanding that men hold doors for them etc and now lets see you find a dozen men that do. Guys Want to do the bare minimum, and as expectations drift, so does the minimum.

I wish I could see this in action/experience it. I've broken my arm three times, once from childish stupidity, and twice from being clumsy. If someone could twirl me without me somehow injuring myself, they'd get a gold star sticker.

Does this mean you will give me an opportunity to collect?
This Saturday is our next dance (not that I expect Anyone from here to be there). The group that puts the dances on is not a religious group, but the 2nd Saturday of the month dances are held at a historic Methodist church. No smoking, no drinking, and no cologne or perfume is allowed (this one for the sake of those with allergies). More than half the people there are old enough to be my parents, but others are young enough they may have been born sometime in the 90's. It is absolutely the most non-threatening environment I have ever found to be able to have multi-gender interactions, and has helped me regain some of the confidence that had previously fled me.

 

[SeatBelt]

Sneaks up behind nuke ..bonks him on the head.... kidnaps seatbelt...

.... he sealed his fate with "wood chopping, dairy hand, who owns his own sewing maching".... when he quits screaming I will show him my pressure canner.

{Begins fearing that Caucasian may be the other white meat. Screams in terror.}

 

[violakat]

My gender has always been tomboy, so I'm not sure I can answer appropriately.

I'm pretty picky about my health and appearance because it has such a tremendous effect on my mood and perspective. If I dress sloppy, I feel sloppy. If I dress like a woman, I feel like a woman.

I think when you are a single parent it can become even more of an issue because you are both mom and dad so often.

Tomboys unite.

 

[SeatBelt]

Tomboys unite.

Dyslexics untie