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I fell in love with a friend about 3 years ago. He led me on, I bared my heart over and over to him. He kept coming back to see me. Not once did he say he didn't care. I gave him a travel coffee mug as an Easter gift filled with chocolate. I never saw him after that. No thank or anything.That was a year ago. I sought him out and confronted him. I told him that everytime I told him how I felt that he had the opportunity to stop it and he said nothing. I grieved him and moved on or so I thought. Old wounds have been reopened and I'm back to square one. If I listen to the bible, it tells me to turn the other cheek 77 times I think. I see him at work on occasion. He says hello. I say nothing. I feel like he was sent by the devil to ruin me. I have prayed so hard in every possible way. God will not take these feelings away again. I do not say hello because I feel hatred in my heart for what he has done. He has not repented and apologized. I have decided to stay away from his side of the building even though it means spending less time with my female friend chatting.It has come to my ears that he has started to use my coffee mug and takes it everywhere which he refused to before. When i see him, I don't feel an inch of christlike. I want him to pay for what he did and feel the pain I felt/feel. I can't bring myself to say hello. I want him to burn in hell. I'm in spiritual warfare right now. I do not know how to act as a Christian. I don't feel like I should acknowledge him after the way he treated me. I don't feel like there is anything left to say nor do I believe in fake niceties. I try so hard to be a Christian in my life but I'm always tested. The more I become closer to God the more I'm tested. Its been one bad thing after another since I made another major change in my life to bring me closer to God. And these feelings coming back up after all these months is part of this spiritual war. I think it best to stay away so I don't have to be given the choice to act Christ like or not. And to do what's best for me. Maybe, If I don't see him, I will forget about him again. Everyone says it is just a simple hello. It's not that simple. I don't want to do what the bible says. I need help. I also feel like the devil does his worst damage through my dreams. It's like he wants to pull me back in.
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Step 2: Once you realize you're in the wrong and need to change, then you come face-to-face with what we all have to face. It's not your imagination. You've got this fully in focus. You cannot change. So, with that realization, ask God to change you. Beg for his help, because we really cannot change except through him working through us. Ask him to change this in you, and scootchy over to give him rein to change your direction and to change you. Don't think you can muscle your way through this. Don't take the reins back. Humbly let him do it through you.
Step 3: You're going to take those reins back. The guy is going to irritate you once again, or you're feelings will resurface of that hurt, and you're going to do something about that sooner or later, because that guy is a coworker, so you just can't leave him behind and forget about him. You will take the reins back. BUT after you do that, eventually you're going to realize you pushed God to the side and started walking on your own again. In which case, Repeat Step 1 and 2.
Keep repeating Step 1 and Step 2 as often as is needed.
God's goal is "love your neighbor as yourself." The neighbor isn't always Mr. Wilson. (Dennis the Menace's neighbor. If you don't get the reference, it might be worth checking out some old YouTubes of Dennis the Menace shows or finding the old comic strips online to get it, because Mr. Wilson always got the worst side of Dennis, and yet loved the kid as only crotchety Mr. Wilson could do.) Sometimes the neighbor is more like Draco Malfoy, Gallum, Darth Vader, or Kahn. God doesn't differentiate. He gives us mercy when we weren't worthy too, so he asks we do the same, and then gives us himself to do so.
Yes, it's hard. On the other hand, it's impossible without God working through us. Keep realizing you're the one who needs help, and God will help you, even when you keep finding yourself back at Step 3.
The bad news is when you first do this, you will find yourself at Step 3 moment by moment. The good news is with years of making it a habit, you can get to the point of hitting Step 3 every other minute or so. Keep working at it, and some day, you might find yourself only hitting Step 3 once every few days.
God's worth it.