Good manners -- questions. Not a sermon.

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oldthennew

Guest
#41
#41
good post, CROSS,

we ALL have a SLANT on things, according to the way we were raised..
the challenge IS, getting BY that SLANT so that we can SEE and DISCERN (((error FROM Truth)))

we all have a certain amount of 'error pattern' into our psyche - we refer to this as the 'spider-web-of-the-world' -
and it is only through the grace and help through God and the Holy Spirit that we can 'un-tangle' this
'babylonic-web'.

if we say that this web has not entangled us at some point in our lives, then we deceive ourselves and have
no need for our Saviour.

they wandered 40yrs. in the wilderness = and God was taking the Egypt OUT OF THEM....
and so, our journey is to get TOTALLY FREE from the bondage/influence that entangles us and keeps us from
growing Spiritually and bearing Spiritual Fruit.....

as it is written,
You shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you FREE!!!!!
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#42
#42
MarcR said:
Rom 15:14
14 And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another.
KJV


Col 3:16
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
KJV


Heb 3:13
13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
KJV


Heb 10:24-25
24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:
25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
KJV

We are certainly told not to judge one another; but that, IMO, means that we are not to determine the eternal consequence of another's faults.

The verses I have cited seem to confer on us a responsibility to guard both our own and our brother's or sister's testimony; especially when they seem to have lost sight of the fact that they are damaging their testimony.
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I also noticed I'm actually supposed to remember my bros are full of goodness and knowledge. I get this distinct feeling I go with "no they're not" right before I beat them over the head with whatever.

It's that grace thingy, isn't it? (Ah man, I'm really going to have to remember to pray and that patience thingy more often -- like every time.)
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#43
#43
peacefulbeliever said:
When I read a thread [probably dealing with a touchy subject] but it is of interest to me I will post but I always try to remember "How would I like to be spoken to?" "What will make me want to listen to what a person has to say?" I will tell you that it is not a post that degrades me or makes me feel like I'm just stupid!

This verse came to mind - Now I know we are not all apostles, prophets, evangelist, pastors but I do think that to some degree everyone on here has knowledge to impart so we all "teach":

And he gave some apostles; and some prophets; and some evangelists; and some pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints for the work of the ministry for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ: That we be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, Christ: From whom the whole body fitly joined together and compacted by that which every joint supplieth according to the effectual working in the measure of every part maketh increase of the body unto the edifying of itself in love. Eph. 4:11-16

"the truth in love" . . . just seems everyone has a different "truth"! Jesus was full of grace and truth - so I believe that the truth should be taught tempered with grace, grace, and more grace.

But believe me there are times when I do just wanna punch somebody!!!!
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And more of that patience thingy with heaps of grace thing. (Someone -- me -- is sensing conviction -- in a good way.)
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#44
#44
Magenta said:
to others show mercy, mixed with fear—hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

He seems to be speaking to the fear of being corrupted ourselves, after being purified by the blood of Christ. So we show mercy to those still living an unrepentant life, but with the fear of knowing how easily we can ourselves be deceived by sin.
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Ah! That makes sense. Thanks.
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#45
#45
BarlyGurl said:
I think Magenta answered this question accurately. But then I wonder if YOU are satisfied or were more wanting an actual situational example?
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Nah. All good. Magenta really did answer for me. I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to fear. lol
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#46
#46
crossnote said:
I think there is a small element of culture that affects perception.
My wife, for example, is East Coast, I am mostly West Coast.
On the EC people tend to be more blunt, in your face, direct etc.
On the WC people tend to be so 'sensitive', 'understanding', 'patient' in a word mushy.

So yes, the Holy Spirit works on the impetuousness of one and the hidden pride of the other.
...wait hold on...what's that?.. yes, dear!..sorry, the boss is calling LOL
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Yeah, I wonder about that, but you can't blame the entire east coast. That Mason-Dixon line is still in effect, if not for the old reason, many were born into the traditions. Even I (long-winded, story-telling me) got impatient with how long it takes Southerners/my family -- the southern half -- to "just say what you're thinking." The ones who spent enough time in the North can actually read the Yankee-impatient face too. The ones who didn't, can't. lol
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#47
#47
oldthennew said:
good post, CROSS,

we ALL have a SLANT on things, according to the way we were raised..
the challenge IS, getting BY that SLANT so that we can SEE and DISCERN (((error FROM Truth)))

we all have a certain amount of 'error pattern' into our psyche - we refer to this as the 'spider-web-of-the-world' -
and it is only through the grace and help through God and the Holy Spirit that we can 'un-tangle' this
'babylonic-web'.

if we say that this web has not entangled us at some point in our lives, then we deceive ourselves and have
no need for our Saviour.

they wandered 40yrs. in the wilderness = and God was taking the Egypt OUT OF THEM....
and so, our journey is to get TOTALLY FREE from the bondage/influence that entangles us and keeps us from
growing Spiritually and bearing Spiritual Fruit.....

as it is written,
You shall know the Truth and the Truth shall set you FREE!!!!!
Click to expand...
Oh yeah! 40 years, and even Moses never got his patience under control. I'm going to have to work on the Joshua part of me. :)
 
E

Elin

Banned
#48
Jan 19, 2013
11,909
141
0
#48
atwhatcost said:
[SUB]I'm a bit perplexed. I'm hoping to get some help.

I know we're supposed to love one another. I know we're supposed to press toward being more like Christ. I just don't know how to tell the difference between that and good manners, or even if there is a difference. I suspect there is.

I see people bending over backward and even maybe a little upside down to reprove in a loving way, and I really get they are loving. It's not an act. I'd like to be more like that.

But then I see others being just as loving and yet say things I don't dare say, because it doesn't seem mannerly. (Manners was really drilled into me as a kid -- even before I remembered having anything drilled into me. lol)

And, in both cases, I see the same results -- 90% of the time they get sliced-and-diced by the person they're trying to talk things out with. So, frankly, neither approach seems to work, and it feels like there is no approach that will ever work, except through a major miracle from God.

So, honestly asking? Anyone have any scripture that tells us how to do this? Anyone know the differences of "nice," "mannerly," "boldly," or "God's way" of handling it?

And, yes, I know the go-to verses.

Matt. 15:15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

I just don't know the Biblical way to "tell him his faults." I know what my training is. Not the same thing.

I don't want to be a doormat nor "brutally honest." I want it God's way, but I don't know what that looks like, so does anyone have any verses for that? Including how to react when it doesn't go well? (I'm thinking punching isn't it. lol)[/SUB]
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Speak the truth. . .in love.

Study what Jesus and Paul did.
 
dcontroversal

dcontroversal

Banned
#49
Dec 12, 2013
46,515
20,396
113
#49
atwhatcost said:
Yeah, I wonder about that, but you can't blame the entire east coast. That Mason-Dixon line is still in effect, if not for the old reason, many were born into the traditions. Even I (long-winded, story-telling me) got impatient with how long it takes Southerners/my family -- the southern half -- to "just say what you're thinking." The ones who spent enough time in the North can actually read the Yankee-impatient face too. The ones who didn't, can't. lol
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If I ever have another son I am going to name him Mason HAHAHAH guess that gives away my last name hey! HAHAH
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#54
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#54
dcontroversal said:
The truth is rather simple and come from the words of Jesus......

He sent John the Baptist who warned the vipers to flee the coming wrath
Jesus himself came warning of the wrath to come....
John was straight laced and in their face
Jesus ate and drank with them

At the end of the day they didn't dance........

Sometimes no matter how you say something it will not be received.....and to be honest boldness does not equate to rudeness and the problem with words typed on a page is the inability to see facial expression and or emotion....it is real easy to read attitude into a message typed out.....I am a blunt person, say it like it is and a lot of time people think I am being angry or mad or mouthy (I know sometimes I am) but for the most part I am usually a happy go lucky kind of guy just saying what is on my mind......

Another problem is that people are easily offended...one sign of spiritual maturity is not being easily offended and what I see here is the ones who claim to be so spiritual are very easily offended!
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Hey DCon - I usually like what you have to say, but can I wish that you would change your picture to what you seem to say you are: "a happy go lucky kind of guy"? You appear to be so militant for lack of a better word. How I would love to see a smile or something?
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#55
#55
dcontroversal said:
If I ever have another son I am going to name him Mason HAHAHAH guess that gives away my last name hey! HAHAH
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Just don't name her Vixon if that son ends up being a daughter. lol
 
A

atwhatcost

Guest
#56
#56
Joidevivre said:
Hey DCon - I usually like what you have to say, but can I wish that you would change your picture to what you seem to say you are: "a happy go lucky kind of guy"? You appear to be so militant for lack of a better word. How I would love to see a smile or something?
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LOL All the military men in my family laughed/laugh and smiled quicker than the rest of us. I'm used to thinking of those photos as proof there's another side to them. LOL
 
crossnote

crossnote

Senior Member
#57
Nov 24, 2012
30,721
3,659
113
#57
Dcon used to have another avatar, where he was kicking back watching Gomer Pyle reruns :D
 
MarcR

MarcR

Senior Member
#58
Feb 12, 2015
5,486
183
63
#58
Joidevivre said:
It helps to always pray before confronting and ask for the Holy Spirit to use you. And then be aware of the presence of Christ with you and the other person the entire time. I know this works - but I don't always remember to do this.

And you can be bold with manners.

Hard to see manners on a website - there is no smile, no soft eye contact, no gently heard words, and no one seen eye level with you. Sometimes I get the feeling that what is being said on some threads is from someone who is standing over you looking down at you!

Scripture tells us to always speak with grace. (Col. 4:6) And in words that minister grace to the hearer. (Eph. 4:29)
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While am not (or at least hope I am not) intentionally rude; I am aware that people tend to be content with the status quo; thus people sometimes need to be startled into awareness. Also sometimes what a person is doing is so destructive both to their own testimony and to the testimony of the Church; that it becomes necessary to 'tell them off'.

The problem arises that even if you tell someone off politely; it is often taken as rudeness!
 
dcontroversal

dcontroversal

Banned
#59
Dec 12, 2013
46,515
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#59
atwhatcost said:
LOL All the military men in my family laughed/laugh and smiled quicker than the rest of us. I'm used to thinking of those photos as proof there's another side to them. LOL
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HAHA amen to that........I was 18 in that photo which was my graduation photo from the Marine Corp Recruit Depot in San Diego California 1985 HAHAHHAH September that is......Once a Marine...always a Marine........ here is my smile ;)
 
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