The minute I read your OP, I thought, "her mom is a narcissist!" And if you have to go to a hospital in patient because of narcissistic abuse, even as an adult, your mom should be paying for it!
The biggest thing you need to learn is boundaries. You would not be debating in your mind about lying about your father molesting you, if you had boundaries.
My suggestion is to read Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They are both doctors, and biblical Christians. I would also check out Depleted's suggestion about getting on your father's medical to break free if your mother's manipulations.
Regarding "honouring" your mother. Notice that word is not obey. True, as a dependent child, Ephesians says to obey your parents.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Eph. 6:1-4
However, you are not a child! So, rather than blind obedience, you need the think in terms of respect, not answering back harshly, but still maintaining your boundaries. And notice, even in the above verse, obedience for children comes with the codicil that the parent does not provoke the child to anger.
Needing a hospital stay, panic attacks, depression, are all symptoms of anger turned inward. Your mother is not a good parent, time to separate from her.
I do hate the American health care system! You would probably not even be posting here if you were Canadian, Australian,, British, etc. As an adult, you would have your own, free, universal health care! I know! I was able to walk away from an abusive home with a narcisstic mom when I was 17. And, I managed to complete a Bachelor's degree and teacher's certificate without my parents help after that. Mind you, Canadian tuition was much less in those days. And I had tuition repayment scholarships for high marks all the way through.
Anyway, you can do this!
PS I did reconcile with my parents, but never again did I let them manipulate or abuse me.
The biggest thing you need to learn is boundaries. You would not be debating in your mind about lying about your father molesting you, if you had boundaries.
My suggestion is to read Boundaries, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. They are both doctors, and biblical Christians. I would also check out Depleted's suggestion about getting on your father's medical to break free if your mother's manipulations.
Regarding "honouring" your mother. Notice that word is not obey. True, as a dependent child, Ephesians says to obey your parents.
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Eph. 6:1-4
However, you are not a child! So, rather than blind obedience, you need the think in terms of respect, not answering back harshly, but still maintaining your boundaries. And notice, even in the above verse, obedience for children comes with the codicil that the parent does not provoke the child to anger.
Needing a hospital stay, panic attacks, depression, are all symptoms of anger turned inward. Your mother is not a good parent, time to separate from her.
I do hate the American health care system! You would probably not even be posting here if you were Canadian, Australian,, British, etc. As an adult, you would have your own, free, universal health care! I know! I was able to walk away from an abusive home with a narcisstic mom when I was 17. And, I managed to complete a Bachelor's degree and teacher's certificate without my parents help after that. Mind you, Canadian tuition was much less in those days. And I had tuition repayment scholarships for high marks all the way through.
Anyway, you can do this!
PS I did reconcile with my parents, but never again did I let them manipulate or abuse me.
