@Blain sent me a message to my old username thanking me with a kind message of how much he appreciated our friendship ๐ just last week
He's a warm kind person would nice to be hear from him today it would make my day ๐
Your words tocuhed my heart and I needed it, I cannot begin to to explain all I had have to go throught ever since I stated that I was dead serious that I was after the real thing how I was done studying the word of God rather I wanted to prove it I speak on here how there doesn't have to be any seperation with God how he will literally move in with you and when he does he is not a mere God to pray to or have faith in he is real as any person but this has been at least a two year endevor I only know to speak my heart what you see is what you get and I have ever since the first thread I made coming back here only spoken what he placed on my heart in faith regardless of all the mockery all the accusations all the ttacks spoken of the wonder of his perspn I share everything I recieve from him but was only met mostly with oppoaition my health only got worse I have almost died seven times I have not even began to express all I have had to go thrpough because I decided I WAS AFTER THE KINGDOM AND i AM BRINGING IT HERE.
The kingdom is way way more than most realize it isn't what many think this is evident by how if you pay attentiopn to everyone online it isn't about the wonders of God and his kingdom it is about your knowledge of scripture your doctrine it is about you not him I do not use scripture lightly many think because I do not use use scripture with what I say that I am instantly discredited but hid word is holy sacred a treasure not a toy or to use so casually to make arguments or prove yourself right and anyone claiming to using it for truth I mean look at the bdf they don't care about truth they base it on their own knowledge what they percieve to be truth their views their understanding their studies yet as I have said many times before this system is the fruits of the devil
he knows more than anyone that to win a war you divide confuse and conquor yet it seems many do not take what I say or at least consider it instead they attack mock make false acussations calling me deluded a false prophet but I have experienced him in ways that I cannot express in words simply because there are no words to express it you cannot define the wonders the mystery that you even with all the IQ ib the word express I could tell you how real he is how many pray to him but only as someone in distance I sayt many times how he can and will move in with you but speaking these these things comes at a cost
Ever since I first decided to refuse anything less than the real thing ever since I discovered the wondewr of utter surrender throwing away whatever you thought you knew was truth y health my living situation my finincial issues have all taken to the worst I am an open book I tell things as they are I have saiud how many times I have almost died I spoke how even with all my health issues I still came on here sharing speaking and hopefully spreading the kingdom not for empathy but as a point that many who have the health who have the ability who have the capability but all they do is come online for the exact reasons that dusgust me
How everyone so casually uses his word as if it is just ink and paper how everyone uses it only to prove their own views and what they see as truth it infuriates me to be honests how little his word actually means to people
But yet because people cannat recognize someone who n has tasted and seeb who dared to go that far for the actual truth the real thing I am in a very dark place I often ask myself what was the point I feel like t down him and everyone else I have more than physical or spiritual problems suddenly everything life has to give as a punishment has befallen me and I cannot deal with it anymore it is to much I often times curl up in bed pretending I don't exist safe from any more pain or suffering just wanting with more than anything rest just rest
Many do not know what I gave up or what I had to go through because I could not accept this so called Christianity to refuse to accept any excuse or understanding it isn't enough for me either it is the real thing or nothing and if faith dictates then anything I said or spoke is only the tip of the iceburg
But no it's about doctrine it's about the scripture you know and if someone like me who comes along who dares to speak whp dares to defy tyhe norm this is what happens
I am not able to come online much anymore not just because of my health but also because what is the point?
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As far as I have seen it was all pointless what difference was made the garden I have spoken of
I have to see the results all the while makes me feel like I failed him and everyone else and so now I have no hope my faith my belief my prayers all of them seem like garbage it doesn't matter and I hope for those who attacled me who called me delusional are happy because they won I am broken defeated I dare not even try anymore hope is a farce fake
How many times I have said words have power well it is proven I have lost my faith to beaten down and for those like who I will not mention right now well they got what they wanted They won I admit defeat people like resident alien who was from the start exactly this to me well I lose I admit defeated clearly I was a false prophet all talk just like they said and I dare not try anymore even if I did if all I get in return is more suffering more loss more of how life can just be so unfair syruggling to survive what reason do I have to believe that anything will work out at all that I can just have a somewhat decent life?
No I am done faith hope belief it's useless pointless I give up I need a miracle an actual miracle but I dare not even try anymore I am done they won I have nothing more in me