@jackrosie do not get too caught up is these things that go on here. God alone is the judge and he alone will judge you in the last day.
Now I have noted that you
have kinda gone back and forth a little; but it seems to me (and I rather assume this for loves sake) that you remain open and are still seeking.
But all the answers are in the holy scriptures.
Not in me, not in any other person here. And an honest Bible teacher should just repeat what the scriptures say.
If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God (1 Peter 4:11).
Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way (Psalm 119:104).