When the scriptures state the elect of God, God is doing the electing, not man. Rom 9:9-11 - God brought this to our attention to show us that man does not do the electing, but God. Did Jacob or Esau have a choice? In order for the scriptures to not contradict each other, you have to understand that salvation is a deliverance, and most of the salvation scriptures are pertaining to deliverances we receive here on this earth. God's elect are through Jacob and God even changed Jacob's name to Israel (Gen 32:28). Israel is often used in the new testament as representing God's elect people. These Jews that had a zeal of God, but not knowledge, did not lose their eternal salvation, but did lose their relationship with God. If they would repent of going about by their own knowledge and accepting God's knowledge, then they would be saved (delivered) from the sin of not acknowledging God's knowledge.
In Rom 9, Paul speaking about Jacob and Esau has nothing to do with their (or our) personal salvation. Paul was using Esau (Edom) and Jacob (Israel) to prove to the Jews that just because they are the physical descendants of Abraham does not mean God must choose them to salvation. Paul reminds them that Edom was as much a direct descendant of Abraham/Issac as Israel but Edom was not chosen so the Jews have no argument thinking God must choose them.
Ironically Rom 9 refutes Calvinistic predestination for in the OT the Jews were God's chosen, His elect but in Romans chapters 9, 10, 11 we read God cast that Jewish elect off and they were lost (Rom 10:1) and God also grafted in the once non-elect Gentiles. God made "Christians" His elect and both Jew and Gentile can become a Christian.