seeking advice, boyfriend attracted to children and men

[London2015]

This post is not a joke. I don't know how the profile thing happened. I'm just really seeking any advice which I think is wise considering this is a big decision. I have not slept in weeks and am willing to try anything at this point. And yes that includes posting on here, which I think I will take my chances with...

 

[blue_ladybug]

Wake up!! You have 5 solid pages of advice telling you to leave this guy, to stop encouraging him to become a teacher, get him professional help and not marry him!! That is all very wise advice, and you're foolish not to follow it.. Stop flip-flopping and what to do. Pull yourself together and make the decision to leave him. This relationship is a disaster in progress.

 

[Stonemason]

You are a fool if you believe that he won't act on his desires towards children some day. And you're playing with fire by trying to sweep his behavior under the rug and ignore it. You don't need sex ed to teach you how to take down a child's pants and touch them in their privates. :/ Stop making excuses for him. You're living a pipe dream right now. HE IS A PEDOPHILE!! If you marry him, you're in for a world of regret and distrust. If you encourage him to become a teacher, you're endangering those children. What happens if you DO marry him, and have a kid, and he starts going to her room at night, and tells her, "this is our little secret, don't tell mommy"? He is a pedophile, he WILL act on it someday, and he is a dangerous person because of it. Wake up...

You know, I warned you to settle down. Let me provide a little insight into fervency, a little exercise I do when I work to gain another's point of view. The way we see others, we measure from our own experiences, our own feelings, our own shortcomings. If in, this message from you, we replace every instance of "he" or "him" with "I" or "me", where the fervent messenger (blue ladybug) is speaking from her own self, we see the nature and gravity of the loathing.

Now, you're going to say I'm sick, but these are your words, these are your thoughts, this is your projection. Deal with that, whatever way possible, then come back and figure to render aid.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

You are a fool if you believe that he won't act on his desires towards children some day. And you're playing with fire by trying to sweep his behavior under the rug and ignore it. You don't need sex ed to teach you how to take down a child's pants and touch them in their privates. :/ Stop making excuses for him. You're living a pipe dream right now. HE IS A PEDOPHILE!! If you marry him, you're in for a world of regret and distrust. If you encourage him to become a teacher, you're endangering those children. What happens if you DO marry him, and have a kid, and he starts going to her room at night, and tells her, "this is our little secret, don't tell mommy"? He is a pedophile, he WILL act on it someday, and he is a dangerous person because of it. Wake up...

You know, I warned you to settle down. Let me provide a little insight into fervency, a little exercise I do when I work to gain another's point of view. The way we see others, we measure from our own experiences, our own feelings, our own shortcomings. If in, this message from you, we replace every instance of "he" or "him" with "I" or "me", where the fervent messenger (blue ladybug) is speaking from her own self, we see the nature and gravity of the loathing.

Now, you're going to say I'm sick, but these are your words, these are your thoughts, this is your projection. Deal with that, whatever way possible, then come back and figure to render aid.

I personally replaced every "he" and "him" with "I and "me" and it sounds like something a pedophile should say about their own self. Where is Blue wrong in this? Please enlighten me. Because it seems like you just don't like how she said it. Especially given that she didn't say anything vastly different than others here have said (that the pedophile shouldn't be around children, that he may act on his desires, that the OP shouldn't marry him, etc.)...

It appears you don't like the delivery of the message? Is this the hang up here? I kinda don't get why Blue should start speaking sweetly about a pedophile...

 

[blue_ladybug]

You know, I warned you to settle down. Let me provide a little insight into fervency, a little exercise I do when I work to gain another's point of view. The way we see others, we measure from our own experiences, our own feelings, our own shortcomings. If in, this message from you, we replace every instance of "he" or "him" with "I" or "me", where the fervent messenger (blue ladybug) is speaking from her own self, we see the nature and gravity of the loathing.

Now, you're going to say I'm sick, but these are your words, these are your thoughts, this is your projection. Deal with that, whatever way possible, then come back and figure to render aid.

You warned me? Excuse you, but YOU don't get to tell ME how and what to post on here. If I were the OP, I would realize that this guy needs help. I would realize he's a danger to kids. I would know enough to not marry him, and drop him like a hot potato. That is what I know. These are NOT just MY words, they are words echoed by nearly every person who has posted on this thread. YOU would just rather see her marry him, and allow him to do his pedophilia in private in some kid's bedroom, or bathroom, or classroom.

If you're here to give advice, give it to the OP, and not ME. I don't need your useless type of advice. ​I know what I would do if this OP were me.

 

[Stonemason]

Because as I stated before, not every man who lusts, rapes. Not every man who covets, steals. I get angry and think mean things to people who offend me or people I hold dear but don't act on them. Somehow, though, to the unforgiving fervent, this means there's no control, or no control possible, and no forgiveness, no possible other way. It's not right.

 

[Stonemason]

You warned me? Excuse you, but YOU don't get to tell ME how and what to post on here. If I were the OP, I would realize that this guy needs help. I would realize he's a danger to kids. I would know enough to not marry him, and drop him like a hot potato. That is what I know. These are NOT just MY words, they are words echoed by nearly every person who has posted on this thread. YOU would just rather see her marry him, and allow him to do his pedophilia in private in some kid's bedroom, or bathroom, or classroom.

If you're here to give advice, give it to the OP, and not ME. I don't need your useless type of advice. ​I know what I would do if this OP were me.

Yes I do, because you're affecting people caustically, vitriolically, and it is not ok.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Because as I stated before, not every man who lusts, rapes. Not every man who covets, steals. I get angry and think mean things to people who offend me or people I hold dear but don't act on them. Somehow, though, to the unforgiving fervent, this means there's no control, or no control possible, and no forgiveness, no possible other way. It's not right.

He likes working with kids. He wants to become a teacher. She is encouraging him in this vocation. Thus he's exposed to alot more temptation than the average pedophile is. And ANY person who desires, or lusts, after another HAS already committed that sexual act. In essence, he's already raped children. I am hoping the OP can get him help BEFORE he acts on it in reality and messes up a kid's life..

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yes I do, because you're affecting people caustically, vitriolically, and it is not ok.

It seems like I'm only affecting YOU caustically, because pretty much everyone else on this thread, and EVEN THE OP HERSELF, agrees with the advice that I, and others, are giving her. And it's obvious that rubs you the wrong way, us telling her to distance herself from him, instead of staying and subjecting herself to a disastrous outcome. :/

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

Because as I stated before, not every man who lusts, rapes. Not every man who covets, steals. I get angry and think mean things to people who offend me or people I hold dear but don't act on them. Somehow, though, to the unforgiving fervent, this means there's no control, or no control possible, and no forgiveness, no possible other way. It's not right.

So? Lusting and coveting are wrong in and of themselves, and the Bible is clear on this fact.

 

[Stonemason]

In essence, he's already raped children.

No. Stop. He has sinned in his heart, but to the understanding of the subject he has not victimized. He has not exploited others, rather he has been honest and confessed the sins in his heart and now you want to punish as if he has already performed evil deeds. This conflation is not ok. This is the "cast the first stone" thing. You've judged and condemned, but his crime is a thought. You're thought police, when you have had impure thoughts yourself. You want to punish him for your own misgivings.

 

[Magenta]

So? Lusting and coveting are wrong in and of themselves, and the Bible is clear on this fact.

That is true. And it is not normal to lust after children as has been portrayed.

 

[Stonemason]

It seems like I'm only affecting YOU caustically, because pretty much everyone else on this thread, and EVEN THE OP HERSELF, agrees with the advice that I, and others, are giving her. And it's obvious that rubs you the wrong way, us telling her to distance herself from him, instead of staying and subjecting herself to a disastrous outcome. :/

I have no problem standing on a bridge while 5 or 50 jump off. If they'd listen to me, maybe they wouldn't jump, themselves. There's no "train coming", the bridge is a fine, sturdy structure.

 

[MultilingualMessenger]

No. Stop. He has sinned in his heart, but to the understanding of the subject he has not victimized. He has not exploited others, rather he has been honest and confessed the sins in his heart and now you want to punish as if he has already performed evil deeds. This conflation is not ok. This is the "cast the first stone" thing. You've judged and condemned, but his crime is a thought. You're thought police, when you have had impure thoughts yourself. You want to punish him for your own misgivings.

It's called discerning and warning someone else of evil. It doesn't have to be done nicely or calmly. You sound more like you want to punish her for her tone, which somehow affected you...? Because here you are wagging the finger at someone who gave a fair word of warning.

Come off it.

 

[blue_ladybug]

No. Stop. He has sinned in his heart, but to the understanding of the subject he has not victimized. He has not exploited others, rather he has been honest and confessed the sins in his heart and now you want to punish as if he has already performed evil deeds. This conflation is not ok. This is the "cast the first stone" thing. You've judged and condemned, but his crime is a thought. You're thought police, when you have had impure thoughts yourself. You want to punish him for your own misgivings.

I've been happily single for decades. I DO NOT have impure thoughts about men. I dang sure don't have impure thoughts about touching children. Read your bible, it SPECIFICALLY states if a man has lusted or desired after another, he HAS committed that act. This guy IS attracted to children, and I'm fairly sure he's lusted after them, which means he HAS had sex with them. He has been honest, good for him. I hope he gets the help he needs BEFORE he DOES start touching children.

 

[Stonemason]

I've been happily single for decades. I DO NOT have impure thoughts about men. I dang sure don't have impure thoughts about touching children. Read your bible, it SPECIFICALLY states if a man has lusted or desired after another, he HAS committed that act. This guy IS attracted to children, and I'm fairly sure he's lusted after them, which means he HAS had sex with them. He has been honest, good for him. I hope he gets the help he needs BEFORE he DOES start touching children.

This is a gross misrepresentation of the scripture's intent. When a person lusts in their heart they have sinned, that is between them and God. It does not mean something or someone else has been physically affected, victimized and/or damaged. That is nonsense. You know it's nonsense and you're begging it to dig yourself out. Stop, just stop.

 

[London2015]

He likes working with kids. He wants to become a teacher. She is encouraging him in this vocation. Thus he's exposed to alot more temptation than the average pedophile is. And ANY person who desires, or lusts, after another HAS already committed that sexual act. In essence, he's already raped children. I am hoping the OP can get him help BEFORE he acts on it in reality and messes up a kid's life..

Thanks for all you replies and advice. Please can I note whilst I can see that is a good teacher, I am not encouraging him into teaching full time. I hope that my posts didn't send across that message. I also think that if we want to sin, we will find a way even if we have distanced ourself from the situation, dosen't mean we wont fall again... only with gods love and help can we begin to stop sinning. And we will never be perfect, thats why Jesus died for us. As payment for all that is wrong with us..

He is truely sorry for his feelings towards children and men, and I can see how much is is trying to make an active change in his thoughts. God is a righteous judge, and the only righteous judge.

 

[blue_ladybug]

I have no problem standing on a bridge while 5 or 50 jump off. If they'd listen to me, maybe they wouldn't jump, themselves. There's no "train coming", the bridge is a fine, sturdy structure.

Your statement here is utterly ridiculous, makes no sense and doesn't even relate AT ALL to the subject of the OP. And that phrase, "if they'd listen to you", proves you just want people to hear you speak.

 

[Magenta]

Thanks for all you replies and advice... God is a righteous judge, and the only righteous judge.

You are welcome, and good luck!

The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things,
but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments,
for, "Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Thanks for all you replies and advice. Please can I note whilst I can see that is a good teacher, I am not encouraging him into teaching full time. I hope that my posts didn't send across that message. I also think that if we want to sin, we will find a way even if we have distanced ourself from the situation, dosen't mean we wont fall again... only with gods love and help can we begin to stop sinning. And we will never be perfect, thats why Jesus died for us. As payment for all that is wrong with us..

He is truely sorry for his feelings towards children and men, and I can see how much is is trying to make an active change in his thoughts. God is a righteous judge, and the only righteous judge.

While it is good that he is repentant and sorry, it is still a good idea to get him some professional help for this desire towards children. Only God can take away these feelings from him, but therapy is an excellent idea also.