Speak Your Mind.

[Magenta]

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[PrynceNY]

Had a dream about spending time with Jesus while he did various kinds of miracles in the world then he took us in a limo to get pizza lol. It was awesome.

 

[88]

now, if only they would make envelopes that are pre-glued.

**** they do--- you peel off the edging and they seal...

 

[blue_ladybug]

Good morning everyone..

 

[blue_ladybug]

Happy Saturday!

 

[mailmandan]

Good morning everyone.

 

[p_rehbein]

Brrr.............morning Dan.........brrr........

 

[EarnestQ]

Voila! Adhesion happens.

That's a phrase you don't hear everyday. lol

 

[WineRose]

Good night, everyone

 

[notmyown]

Stamps are pre-glued?! Why did no one ever tell me? That explains a lot.

you have a bunch of stamps stuck to the inside of your mouth, don't you, bear?

 

[renewed_hope]

Good morning everyone.

Awe! A cute little piggy

(This little piggy cried wee, wee, wee all the way home in excitement of having a couple days off...heck, it can even squeal, I wish I could squeal.....oh wait ;p)

 

[blue_ladybug]

There was a car accident about a week ago, 2 women were in the car. The driver was drunk, they went off the road into the river. The driver got out okay but the passenger, for whatever reason got out of the car and ran into the river and was swept away. The search for her was called off, but please pray that she will be recovered soon. This is so sad.

 

[JesusLives]

Cat medical advice for the blue lady bug:


How to Give a Cat a Pill

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

You had me laughing until I was crying......How many of us Blonds can relate? lol

 

[JesusLives]

Stamps are pre-glued?! Why did no one ever tell me? That explains a lot.

Where would you like us to mail you?

 

[kodiak]

you have a bunch of stamps stuck to the inside of your mouth, don't you, bear?

It was all an elaborate plan to get someone to mail me to a colder place during the summer, but no one would.

Where would you like us to mail you?

Somewhere cold please.

 

[EarnestQ]

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much is a beer?" The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

A proton walks into a bar and says to the barman "I hear there's a special on beer?” The bartender asks, "Are you positive?"
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An electron walks into a bar. "What a dingy place," he says. "Stop being so negative!" replies the barman.
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A Higgs boson walks into a bar. The barman says, "We haven't seen many of you around here!"
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An alpha particle tries to enter a bar, but can't get further than the door.
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A beta particle enters a bar... through the window.
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A gamma ray comes into a bar through the window, and goes out through the floor.
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The tachyon orders a beer. A tachyon walks into a bar.
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Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind in this bar." The helium doesn't react.
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A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any neutrinos in this bar." The neutrino replies, "Don't mind me; I'm just passing through."
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A room temperature superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! There are no superconductors allowed in this bar." The room temperature superconductor leaves without putting up any resistance.
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Two bacteria walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve any bacteria in this bar. The two bacteria reply, "What? But we work here. We're staph."
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Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar... and doesn't.
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A parasite walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out! No parasites are welcome in this bar." The parasite responds, "Well, you're not a very good host."
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An egg walks into a bar, thinks about having a beer, but then chickens out.
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A young Tritium atom walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Sorry", says the barman, "but you have to be 18 years old to drink in here." "But that's more than half my life!" replies the Tritium.
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A molecule of Carbon dioxide goes into a bar and orders a beer, looks down at all the bubbles, and says "Hi, guys!"
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An infrared photon walks into a bar and says, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
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[EarnestQ]

Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?

So, one day, I let my mind wander,
but, it never came back.

Sometimes, I wake up grumpy,
other times, I let her sleep.

On the other hand,
you have different fingers.

IRS; We've got what it takes,
to take what you have got.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!!!


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"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that it's difficult to discern whether or not they are genuine." - Abraham Lincoln
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[EarnestQ]

Instructions for cleaning your toilet1. Lift both lids and add 1/2 cup of pet shampoo to the water.

2. Pick up your cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, toss the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to sit on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate, making ample suds. The noises that come from the toilet insure that the cat is enjoying himself immensely.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power-wash and rinse and is also very enjoyable for the cat.

6. Open the front door of your home and be sure that there is no one between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket through the house, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean




Sincerely,
Rover

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[EarnestQ]

[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.[/FONT]
[FONT=Arial, sans-serif]The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."[/FONT]

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[EarnestQ]

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys.

When he finally returned home on Sunday night , his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a couple of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him and offer. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?"

The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!"

Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of one of his eyes.