WWJD?

[Terrie431]

I have severe anger issues that, most likely, go way back. For as long as I can remember I've been an angry person. I can't seem to control it either. I know the Bible says, "Be ye angry and sin not". I'm definitely sinning in my anger. It comes out the worst when I perceive I'm being done wrong (e.g., ignored or not heard, excluded, rejected, blamed, &/or falsely accused); & when I'm involved in a conflict & the other person doesn't take responsibility for their part, or, in other words, entirely blames me for the problem, which makes me even more angry. Ugh!

I know my perception of being done wrong is more often than not a result of one of my many dysfunctions. I will take the bulk of the responsibility for that.

I also know I can't make someone admit to their wrongdoing, so how do I truly love this person, while at the same time standing up for God's Truth? Do I let them stay in my life, even though I've forgiven them? I'm only willing to take responsibility for my part in the conflict, which, I think, is no more than the other person. Is to think, & believe that, Biblical? Is it Biblical to not take them back as long as they refuse to acknowledge their part?

I know I need professional help with the lack of self-control and I've prayed about it. It just seems to break loose at a moment's notice. So, I'm asking if whomever reads this to pray for me also?

I've lost a lot of people from my life because of my anger & I just can't let it go on like this any longer. Still, it seems to me, I have this deep need to be validated, but it also seems to me I don't ever get it. I just get blamed & rejected.

What Would Jesus Do?

Thank you all for any help y'all can give because I desperately need it!

 

[Nehemiah6]

What Would Jesus Do? ...Thank you all for any help y'all can give because I desperately need it!

Terrie,

1. The first thing Jesus would do if he walked into your home is put His arms around you and say "Terrie, I love you in spite of all your sins and failures". So you should settle that in your mind. Christ died for YOUR sins according to the Scriptures, and rose again for YOUR justification according to the Scriptures. If you have repented and believed on Him some time in the past, then you are a child of God.

2. The next thing Jesus would do is explain to you that there is righteous anger and there is also unrighteous or sinful anger. When Christ cleansed the Temple, He displayed His righteous anger. But when He was mocked, and beaten, and spat upon, He remained calm. And that is what he would expect from you. You will need to distinguish between the two types of anger.

3. As you mentioned, you are angry when people do not validate you and your worth. And you can easily overcome this by making up your mind that from now on, the good or bad opinion of people about you will not affect your mental attitude. You are the one who controls your attitude, not others. God says that you are a child of God, an heir of God, a joint heir with Christ, and a king and a priest. So God has placed tremendous value on you (if your are indeed a child of God, and only you and God know the truth of this matter). So if that is the case, no one can hurt you except yourself. If you are indifferent to the opinions of others, and only care about how God views you, then you should simply do the will of God and obey Him, and rest in Christ.

 

[Ugly]

Anger is often a secondary emotion, meaning there is usually another emotion behind it, typically one we hide, as a defense against others.
So counseling will be good to help you uncover what the source emotion is. Or determine if there is more of a brain issue.
But often times people with anger issues use anger to control 9thers. People who control others often feel they are not in control of their own lives, so they try to control people and situations around them.
Get some counseling. Avoid medication at first. Try to learn how to find the root problem and to change your habits and expectations of others.

As far as whether you should keep someone in your life, it's a difficult answer to give flatly. It depends on how severe the offense was, how important the person is to you and how legitimate your perception is. Chances are your perceptions and expectations are unrealistic. I used to have problems with my perceptions and expectations of others and often felt frustrated or angry because if it too. Once I learned to have more balanced expectations I handled things better.

 

[Terrie431]

Thank you both for your responses. They are a blessing to me.

Nehemiah (one of my favorite prophets ) I completely agree with everything you said. Sadly, I only believe it with my head, in spite of all the "knowledge" I have of God's Truth. If I could learn to do that, the opinions of others wouldn't hurt so much. Perhaps, I'm even selfish in thinking I'm as important to them as they were to me.

Ugly, it has never even occurred to me I might be trying to control others with my anger. That makes sense, though, especially as I have no control over me. I always thought I was doing unto others as I would have them do unto me, until the anger reared its ugly head.. I know that sounds both arrogant and selfish, & it probably is. I will pursue therapy to aide me in improving my misperceptions and wrong thinking.

You both have raised very good points, worthy of deeper consideration. May God bless y'all, like He has blessed me through you.

 

[Ugly]

Don't beat yourself up so much. We all struggle here. My stuggles may be different than yours, but we all have problens and we all answer to God for them. God gives grace, live in it as you work out your issues. It will make things much easier for you.

 

[Tinkerbell725]

We are called to be at peace with everyone. Being at peace with everyone does not mean not being angry ever. Anger is a sign that something is not right in your relationship with another person and that you need to do something to make it right. Emotions must be expressed because suppressed emotions are not good. It could turn you into a psychopath when the time comes that you found someone to pour all your suppressed emotions to. I would rather be hated than be ignored. That way I can try to fix whatever is wrong than not knowing what went wrong. Sometimes fear of something makes us angry. Maybe there is something you are afraid of like fear of abandonment or fear of losing control over people you are with. You need not to fear losing control, you dont have it in the first place. We can never control people. It will only lead to frustration. Try to relax and let it go.

 

[Willie-T]

Anger usually isn't lack of control. It is generally lack of confidence.

 

[Dino246]

I used to have anger issues. When I was receiving counsel after my marriage ended, my counselor said that he had a strategy whereby I could deal with about 80% of the anger in about three weeks. Though somewhat skeptical, I followed the strategy he gave me because I really wanted to deal with the junk in my life. The process worked... very well. In my case, it was more like 95% of my anger, sorted, permanently.

 

[Dan58]

Nothing wrong with getting angry, there's a lot in this world to get angry at . God gets angry and Jesus got angry, but its got to be controlled anger. If you ever find yourself extremely upset, don't react initially to your immediate feelings. Walk around the block 3 or 4 times until you cool off. And don't ever feel like you've got to correct everyone and make everything right, that's an impossible task that will only leave you frustrated and burnt-out. You wrote that your only willing to take responsibility for your part, but compassion and empathy for others requires more. Remember our example, he wasn't only taking responsibility for his part while hanging on that cross.. jmo

 

[OneFaith]

I have severe anger issues that, most likely, go way back. For as long as I can remember I've been an angry person. I can't seem to control it either. I know the Bible says, "Be ye angry and sin not". I'm definitely sinning in my anger. It comes out the worst when I perceive I'm being done wrong (e.g., ignored or not heard, excluded, rejected, blamed, &/or falsely accused); & when I'm involved in a conflict & the other person doesn't take responsibility for their part, or, in other words, entirely blames me for the problem, which makes me even more angry. Ugh!

I know my perception of being done wrong is more often than not a result of one of my many dysfunctions. I will take the bulk of the responsibility for that.

I also know I can't make someone admit to their wrongdoing, so how do I truly love this person, while at the same time standing up for God's Truth? Do I let them stay in my life, even though I've forgiven them? I'm only willing to take responsibility for my part in the conflict, which, I think, is no more than the other person. Is to think, & believe that, Biblical? Is it Biblical to not take them back as long as they refuse to acknowledge their part?

I know I need professional help with the lack of self-control and I've prayed about it. It just seems to break loose at a moment's notice. So, I'm asking if whomever reads this to pray for me also?

I've lost a lot of people from my life because of my anger & I just can't let it go on like this any longer. Still, it seems to me, I have this deep need to be validated, but it also seems to me I don't ever get it. I just get blamed & rejected.

What Would Jesus Do?

Thank you all for any help y'all can give because I desperately need it!

WWJD? Jesus took thought before He reacted. He drew in the sand before He forgave the adulteress woman. He made a whip before He cast the money changers out of the temple. Do you know how long it takes to make a whip? It is not anger flying off the handle, but self-controlled. WWJD? He would cause a pause between thinking and reacting.

First you have to decide if anger is needed or just a false alarm. Anger gives us the adrenaline to have the muscle and the bravery to serve and protect. But it can also be ignited as a false alarm. This is why we are to be slow to become angry- so that it can be assessed and controlled.

Another problem is that you are judging them, and allowing them to judge you. We are not each other's judges- God is the only Judge. We are only to judge between right and wrong in both ourselves and others- not judge our souls or other's souls. You have a sensitive conscience- that's good, you just need to channel it. Only care about one opinion- God's. When Peter was walking on the water, he started to fall when he took his focus off Jesus to look at the wind and waves. You don't have to attend every argument you are invited to. The Bible says we don't have to endure the storm, we can fly above it as an eagle flies.

Self-control is hard, it takes training. Train your mind, and it will become your reaction. After your anger is completely gone, go to a quiet place and relax. Then play the situation over again in you head. But this time envision yourself reacting differently, then compare that reaction to what Christ would do. Do they match? If not try again. If you fail a test, retake it. That's all this life is- a test to see who will go to heaven and who will not.

Therefore, expect wrongdoing- that way if wrong does not happen you'll be delightfully surprised, and if it does happen you will be prepared to pass its' test. Jesus told us in advance to forgive, because He knew there would be things to forgive- so don't be surprised that they happen, and don't be off guard.

If someone said "Trees grow on clouds in the sky." don't argue with them or get angry, trying to make them have the same opinion as you. You know it's not true, God knows it's not true, don't care what they think, only care about pleasing God in every situation. Solve and conclude every situation as quickly as possible, and do not carry a bit of it with you into another day.

If you squeeze a lemon, you'll get sour lemon juice. If you squeeze an orange, you'll get sweet orange juice. It is not until we are under pressure that who we truly are on the inside is revealed. Listen to the sweetest 'juice' ever witnessed... "Father please forgive them." Jesus said this as they were torturing Him. But He says our burden is light. We just have to forgive little things instead of extreme torture. Can we not do that for Him since He took our torture for us?

You can control your emotions by 'changing the channel'. Make the facial expression of the emotion you want, and the feeling will come about.

Your core anger comes from the frustration of trying to do something you can't do, and would be wrong to do anyways- and that is control other people. They have freewill just like you, and the statistic of those who misuse that freewill is 100% in every human who ever walked this earth, except Christ. This includes you, so watch out for being a hypocrite. Instead forgive how you yourself want to be forgiven.

 

[Terrie431]

Thank you all for your kind & encouraging words and your advice. I'm going to make a list of everything y'all said in where I am going wrong in my heart and my mind.

I want to do that, so when I pray, I can ask for God's wisdom, acceptance, & courage (i.e., serenity ) I also want to do it, so I have a specific target for therapy. Furthermore, I want to do it, so it stays in the forefront of my mind, after worshipping God with my whole being, in His Spirit & in His Truth, which I'm currently learning to do.

I can't express what your responses mean to me. I am beginning to have hope again in finding my way Home.

Thank you all & God Bless,