krazyk, it really wounds me reading the rest of your story. Now it makes even more sense to me what you mean. It is indeed very important to feel valued, loved, special and also beautiful by our spouses, and treated with respect. Your husband is doing wrong in treating others better than towards you, you should come first(after God)in a marriage. It really grieves me they way you get treated. I truly understand where you are coming from. Now I haven't dealt with divorce, nor been through it, and I am still a married woman. But I sure have been through a lot enough to understand how you feel.
I still struggle with low self esteem, and my husband has also had a bad past that is still difficult for me to accept, though he did got free'd out from this before we married, and is now a new man in Christ again. And I am sure happy that he has changed to the better, and he is also helping with building up again my self esteem. Still, it doesn't means that I can at times be still hurting and grieving about his bad past. But God is helping and healing me I beleive, and are now working in our marriage, we started around 2 weeks ago to spending more time together in God, and this is helping us to grow closer as a couple and also closer to God.
I do understand how deep it can go when our self esteem gets really low, and how unhappy we can get 'cause of it. Even more if he doesn't gives you any attention that you need and looks at other women, commenting their looks etc... Our husbands are supposed to find us being the most beautiful woman to them, and to have their eyes only for us. We are supposed being the ones that they admire, respect, adore and love the most! Even the sight of another woman shouldn't tempt them, nor be comparable to the beauty they find and have in their own wives. We are supposed to feel beautiful, and know that we ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! God created You to being Gorgeous, God sees you that way, and so are your future mate supposed to be doing as well. Also your future mate is supposed being so proud of having you, that even when people sees you together they can see it on him. This is how it is supposed to be. We aren't to be looking down on ourselves, comparing ourselves with others, and feeling worthless as a woman and wife. We are to be happy the way we are, and our husbands are to affirm that, making us feel beautiful, special, respected and valuable as their women.
It grieves me how he can't see what wrong he is doing towards you, and that he fooled you into having sex with him even before marrying. he is the one who should be ashamed of this, because he is the one who is still sinning, and that drags you down. Even to be looking at other women is a form of cheating on you too, Jesus said that if a man lusts after a woman he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. I really don't like the thought of divorce, and I really think one should try everything that there is of help before coming to the thought of doing a divorce. Still, you aren't meant to stay unhappy whole of your life. There is a book that maybe might help you, or at least, I think it is worth a try; "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace (A Biblical Perspective, Expanded Edition). Also spending more time in prayer, reading in God's Word(though I know that can be a bit hard at times when feeling unhappy, except of when God touches or comforts you through some bibleverses), listening to worship music, seek for Christian Fellowship(is there any biblecellgroups for only women at your church, for example?), etc... Also counselling can be of great help, but not if he just puts on a role over himself whilst he is there, and then doesn't let any change come over him. Except of if you go to that kinda Holy Spritited Counselling where the Holy Spirit reveals and confronts you with the real truth. That's the best way of counselling, especially in such situations like in the one you are into. It is really sad that he is so blinded by his sinning, and only God can indeed change him, as long as he is also willing to let himself get changed too.
Also separation can be healthy and good too for some people, not that kind that you make when wanting to divorce, just to live away from each others for some time, so that you can think over things, pray, have some time for yourself in God, etc.... This has helped many people, and also many has realized what's really going on, some has changed to the better, and sure, some might not still understand anything nor be willing for a change. But also I beleive it might be easier for God to reveal the right things and decisions to make for us, because then He has easier acces to us when we have more time to focuse on Him and pray. And yeah, it will be difficult in the start if this is something you would find out necessary to do, and your husband and others might not agree nor understand why this should be done. But if this sounds right to be doing for some time, then I beleive it is all worth it, for the best for you and your relations.
