Hello again Confused6238
Some people I have known are under the misconception that we only answer to God and only confess to God.
This is untrue reasoning as the one we offend we should also confess to.
Gods word also tells us to confess our sins
to one another.
What sin would be more important to confess to another than the sin we have committed against them.
Humbly confessing shows the that we have actually learned our lesson (repented)
and are willing to be held accountable to NEVER do it again (atonement for our sin)
saying sorry may be the first ...but is not the last step.
Making up for an offense is the next step, but in the case of cheating it will be an ever continuing step of cutting off not only that which offends you but that which offends others. Your husband being a part of not only your body but a part of the body of Christ.
Understand that Adultery, cheating, (even mentally) and lying mock the unity which God holds dear within the church serving Christ.
-----As God is a jealous God he does not tolerate us serving another.
For the same reason, as the husband is the head of you. when the same unity of Christ to church mirrored by a husband and wife is mocked this is why Christ allowed divorce for infidelity.
Its the same thing as the church serving a different master than the true Lord who reigns over us.
If we serve another God we cannot be one with our true Lord.
If one serves another person other than their spouse either mentally OR physically they cannot be one with their partner, and infidelity is an action of showing rebellion against this unity.
Your husband will find out, the other will always find out and if not through your actions God himself speaks to his followers, God will tell him.
Would you prefer your husband find out to have to come and confront you?
Would you like to live every day of your life preparing for the moment your husband confronts you?
Or do you think its best to come clean on your own.
Lets say for instance one of your kids breaks something precious to you.
Would you like to discover it on your own likely angry at the time to have to go confront your child.
Or would you have preferred your child come to you on their own, showing the utmost respect and integrity for you as the person who is the head of their life.
When your husband does confront you, I can assure you he will already know the answer he will just wait to see what your reply will be and how honestly you respond.
Not confessing, lying or hiding anything could only help to solidify a decision on his part to divorce or worse.
As Christ is the head of the church, man is the head of his wife.
A mans wife is his church, who he cares for, protects and sacrifices of himself for her well being.
Worse can be found in this next verse, as God himself created man in his own image, he also instilled the same jealousy for his church serving another.
Proverbs 6
34For jealousy arouses a husband’s fury,and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.35He will not accept any compensation;he will refuse a bribe, however great it is.
The act of cheating and serving another can acutely arouse a husbands fury just as serving another master arouses the fury of Gods wrath.
Which is why God allows us to repent, confess and make it up to him by atoning(sinning no more after we confess)
Which is how forgiveness is achieved isnt it?
Therefore you have a choice, to be upfront open and honest about it to show you are a person who is willing to practice honesty at any cost, not to lie or hide things like a child does for fear of getting in trouble, but an adult who is willing to fully be honest and confess and deal with any and all consequences for your actions.
It's going to be difficult, and you may have to show and prove your fidelity and re-earn your husbands trust.
Earning it back not according to your own predetermined amount of time, not until you say so but until the point he feels comfortable and says so. Be prepared for this.
Have you ever known those teachers who give their class an 'A' at the beginning of the year and the students (followers) have the responsibility to keep that 'A'.
Ya see some people, such as myself go by the belief of giving an individual the grade of an 'A' as a person until wronged.
Trusting someone right from the get go until lied to, wronged or cheated on.
Once that has happened they now have an F.
It takes along time to earn that 'A' back.
It may even take a little extra credit effort which can go along way.
Some may say forget it I'll just take the 'F' then and find another. (which would be taking the easy way out, just like cheating on a test in school, perhaps the habits practiced in school also carry on into adulthood unless unlearned).
Therefore, it depends upon how much you desire that 'A'.
Very similarly, when we first come to Christ, and are forgiven, we also right then have an 'A' so to speak.
But we also in like manner must work to keep it.
As we are told no one who comes to Christ keeps on sinning (but forsakes sin and are crucified to the flesh)
This is the kind of thing that needs to be made up for as opposed to a simple sorry.
Understand that you are not the one who issues the grades. That it is the one who is in authority over you who does.
Just as your boss at work is the one who decides your work performance.
And your husband is placed in much more of higher position of authority over you than your boss at work.
The fact of the matter is, your husband is also placed and ordained by God as a higher authority over your life than your own father was when you were growing up.
---It is your husband who is the only one you are suppose to be one flesh with.
---It is your husband who is the only one you are an heir to the kingdom of heaven with.
When you do confess, you may pray for mercy, but remember God has mercy on whom he chooses to and we are not entitled to demand of that.
Therefore expect what is deserved as cheating is the highest form of disrespect to a man, and it is a command held dear for a wife to respect her husband, just as a husband is to love his wife.
Your respecting your husband is not an action dependent upon your husband loving you.
It is a command of God when you entered into marriage regardless and independent of your husbands actions.
If your husband has faulted in any way, God will deal with that as God never does allow anothers actions as an excuse or justification for our own sin.
Loving one's wife does not entail allowing for her to make her own decisions when her choices are not beneficial to the sanctification of God's righteous decree and the marriage both partners are bound to.
Loving his wife will entail protecting the investment of not only himself in her but to help protect her from making choices which harm her if she is not good with her freedoms, they will be taken away from her.
If you rebel against your husband as your head, then God will take away your freedoms himself until you show to make decisions which are:
ONLY conducive to showing you understand the purpose of your creation is to be the Glory of your husband.
And that is how you serve and fulfill your purpose under God here on earth.
If he says to quit your job because of this, I encourage obeying as opposed to showing any rebellion as if sending any kind of message that you are hear on earth to be your own glory.
Then rebuild the relationship founded upon the proper guidelines and principles which are found in Gods word.
Don't transfer blame or guilt of your actions onto your husband in this process.
You will lose that battle.
God will not judge you on the last day for your husbands actions but upon your own.
Meaning, it doesnt matter what your husband does, what matters to God is what YOU do and how honorable you can be as a representative of God for your husband.
From your post you seem to think you job is pretty important.
Your job to God is of even higher importance and anything placed of higher importance above God ....
can quickly be taken away.
I dont mean to be putting you down or cause you to feel worse than you already may be feeling, but it must be more easily understood how serious the act of infidelity is and that we cannot take a worldly viewpoint on infidelity.
Lightening such matters or making excuses for it will be watering down Gods word which in itself is mockery of Gods principles and values and what our Lord holds dear for us as a believer to represent to others as a reflection of him.
We are called to be upholders and doers of the word, Actions through faith.
As love is an action not a feeling and not something simply said. (we derive feelings from the actions of love)
We show a person we love them by action, just as we show God and he shows us. God doesn't just say it neither.
He shows us with his devotion toward us, his discipline for correcting us when were wrong, and mercy and forgiveness when we repent with a clean heart. (a clean conscience is also a part of a clean heart)
A clean conscience and a clean heart comes from being renewed by Gods word.
I encourage you to become familiar with Gods word---on your own
Not looking to Gods word as the heathen does by looking for justification or excuses but instead as a means of bettering yourself and taking the plank from ones own eye.
Bettering ourself also means to accept what we have coming to us without trying to get out of it.
You may be thinking "well yes but if I tell my husband he may do this or that and he may get angry and he may leave etc"
Would you be able to trust someone who hid something from you only to find out the truth on your own later?
Would you not think they would then always possess the capability of keeping something from you in the future if they only fessed up to their actions if called on it, if they were only sorry when caught?
I can assure you if you are going to hurt someone, they would rather be hurt by the truth rather than a lie.
And to many people who hold truth and honesty of the highest attr4ibutes of Nobility, keeping a secret is the same as a lie.
The same as deception.
It is our enemy who uses lies, half truths and deception against us.
Our enemy who tries to make himself look good and save face through pride.
We on the other hand are called to be humble and throw pride out the window and if we boast at all we may boast in the Lord and what he has done for us.
I dont believe you would want your husband to view you as the enemy.
However if you choose not to tell him, be prepared each and every day... this may be the day you are taken by surprise to have to answer for your actions when it could have been nipped in the bud long ago responsibly by your self and much progress have been made from that point on.
Hopefully by asking your husband to lead and guide you.
Our prayers are with you.
JAMES 5
16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
Matthew
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
This is saying Make ammends with the one who has something against you BEFORE you present yourself as a clean and unblemished sacrifice before God
God Bless,
Midnite
Pray.