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So from an objective point of view, you have stated some facts, but also made many assumptions. And assumptions can be mistaken.
Was this alcohol addiction not evident before you married? Assuming it began after marriage, why did you allow three years of "hanging out at bars" to go by without dealing with this issue? You do not need to disclose the reason publicly, but ask yourself some hard questions.
This was not good at all, but what you could have done immediately is (a) take snapshots of everything and (b) ask your husband to come home immediately to explain what all this meant (preferably in the presence of a reliable witness).
Assuming you are a Christian, the best thing to do immediately is to meet with your pastors/elders (preferably 2-3 men) and lay everything out before them. Then request a meeting at which they can hear your husband's explanations/excuses/whatever. Following that there should be some kind of counseling to see if your husband is willing to repent and retain his marriage. Unless he is genuinely converted (and the sooner the better) your marriage could be doomed.
"Gut feelings" are emotions and you cannot simply keep responding emotionally to such things. Obviously you are very upset and hurt, but it is time to deal with the underlying issues honestly and directly, and without beating around the bush. Also, it may be time for some serious self-examination. Are there any things which you should have dealt with in your own attitudes, behaviors, or lifestyle which may be driving your husband to alcohol or other women?
So what you both need are some wise and spiritual godly counselors who will counsel on the basis of Scripture, not humansitic ideas and not trying to sweep serious sins under the rug.
Was this alcohol addiction not evident before you married? Assuming it began after marriage, why did you allow three years of "hanging out at bars" to go by without dealing with this issue? You do not need to disclose the reason publicly, but ask yourself some hard questions.
This was not good at all, but what you could have done immediately is (a) take snapshots of everything and (b) ask your husband to come home immediately to explain what all this meant (preferably in the presence of a reliable witness).
Assuming you are a Christian, the best thing to do immediately is to meet with your pastors/elders (preferably 2-3 men) and lay everything out before them. Then request a meeting at which they can hear your husband's explanations/excuses/whatever. Following that there should be some kind of counseling to see if your husband is willing to repent and retain his marriage. Unless he is genuinely converted (and the sooner the better) your marriage could be doomed.
"Gut feelings" are emotions and you cannot simply keep responding emotionally to such things. Obviously you are very upset and hurt, but it is time to deal with the underlying issues honestly and directly, and without beating around the bush. Also, it may be time for some serious self-examination. Are there any things which you should have dealt with in your own attitudes, behaviors, or lifestyle which may be driving your husband to alcohol or other women?
So what you both need are some wise and spiritual godly counselors who will counsel on the basis of Scripture, not humansitic ideas and not trying to sweep serious sins under the rug.
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