Can a man love ONLY ONE woman?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,995
4,785
113
Because we are raised with people telling us what we should think, and we have an endless list of rules and guidelines, we think we need a concrete yes or no for everything. The problem with that is we lose the ability to make an intelligent decision.

God didn’t forbid polygamy and prostitution. It might not be his design but sometimes, although it’s not preferred, it’s practical. If there’s a war or sickness and many men have died, it might be favourable. We can’t wrap our heads around it because media has caused us to have this fairy tail concept of marriage. Maybe one man would be a better husband to three wives than another could be to one. The truth of the matter is that marriage is a big commitment, physically and mentally. As Christians, our calling to love, makes marriage an even greater challenge. Our commitment is to be for Christ. Marriage even to one woman divides this. Paul didn’t recommend monogamy because polygamy wasn’t permitted or problematic, it’s simply impractical.
1. Run a search in your favorite bible program for "one wife." Also, everywhere in the new testament that talks about how a guy ought to treat his girl, it's always talking about a husband and wife, never a husband and wives.

2. "Impractical" is putting it mildly. I'm single, but every guy I know who is married has all he can do with only ONE woman. Suggest he pick up another girl and he would probably turn as white as this forum's default background.

3. I'm reminded of a line from "The world as best as I can remember it."
Now Jacob got two women
And a whole house full of kids
And he schemed his way back to the promised land
And he finds it's one thing to win 'em
And it's another to keep 'em content
When he knows that he is only just one man


I mean sure, if you want to try it, go right ahead. You are free to do whatever you want, and justify it however you can. I can go out and hire a prostitute, cuss, get falling-down-drunk, whatever I want. We have freedom to choose. But you'll find out real quick why we're not supposed to do some things.

The reason it's a bad idea to find out for yourself why it's so bad, is once you've found out it's too late to not do it. By the time you discover for yourself why it's a bad idea (in this case) you got multiple women after your head. :p
 

Hungry

Senior Member
Nov 26, 2012
2,980
968
113
1. Run a search in your favorite bible program for "one wife." Also, everywhere in the new testament that talks about how a guy ought to treat his girl, it's always talking about a husband and wife, never a husband and wives.

2. "Impractical" is putting it mildly. I'm single, but every guy I know who is married has all he can do with only ONE woman. Suggest he pick up another girl and he would probably turn as white as this forum's default background.

3. I'm reminded of a line from "The world as best as I can remember it."
Now Jacob got two women
And a whole house full of kids
And he schemed his way back to the promised land
And he finds it's one thing to win 'em
And it's another to keep 'em content
When he knows that he is only just one man


I mean sure, if you want to try it, go right ahead. You are free to do whatever you want, and justify it however you can. I can go out and hire a prostitute, cuss, get falling-down-drunk, whatever I want. We have freedom to choose. But you'll find out real quick why we're not supposed to do some things.

The reason it's a bad idea to find out for yourself why it's so bad, is once you've found out it's too late to not do it. By the time you discover for yourself why it's a bad idea (in this case) you got multiple women after your head. :p
I would agree wholeheartedly with Paul on marriage...for me. I think times have changed enough to award women to compete in the job market and not have to sell their bodies for bread. When the law was given surrendering yourself as a concubine was just a means for survival. The Bible claims times may return to this in tribulation I think. Something about eating their own bread just to be called by their (the man’s) name comes to mind.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
Because we are raised with people telling us what we should think, and we have an endless list of rules and guidelines, we think we need a concrete yes or no for everything. The problem with that is we lose the ability to make an intelligent decision.

God didn’t forbid polygamy and prostitution. It might not be his design but sometimes, although it’s not preferred, it’s practical. If there’s a war or sickness and many men have died, it might be favourable. We can’t wrap our heads around it because media has caused us to have this fairy tail concept of marriage. Maybe one man would be a better husband to three wives than another could be to one. The truth of the matter is that marriage is a big commitment, physically and mentally. As Christians, our calling to love, makes marriage an even greater challenge. Our commitment is to be for Christ. Marriage even to one woman divides this. Paul didn’t recommend monogamy because polygamy wasn’t permitted or problematic, it’s simply impractical.
Rubbish. Go and read your Bible.
 
Apr 26, 2012
1,536
426
83
63
By your logic, homosexuality is also biblical, because Christ will be "married" to men as well as women.

By your logic slavery is also biblically justified. Lots of good people in the Bible had slaves.

By your logic wholesale slaughter and genocide is also justified and even commanded. In fact, king Saul got in big trouble because he didn't totally wipe those people out.

If you take everything in the Bible out of context, it can justify a lot.
I think you're missing the meaning there with the covenant vow. Marriage between a man and woman is a marriage covenant vow. The "marriage" between Christ and the church - all true Christians, is a covenant, where the church is compared to a bride. I've heard of some women who say they are "married" symbolically to the Lord and the church. But the church represents a bride where men and women are joined to the new Covenant. Let's not confuse the role of men and women in the Covenant which is compared symbolically to a marriage
But a marriage vow is different than a covenant relationship.
 

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
Aug 13, 2014
17,995
4,785
113
Yes I know this. But I didn't miss that point, you missed mine. Hopefully Elderdave got it.
 
Mar 28, 2016
15,958
1,526
113
Is it possible that a man can ONLY LOVE ONE woman?

God created ONE WOMAN for Adam, yet the kings of Israel had so many wives.

Probably need some kind of a definition of "love" so, I'm asking about a man loving a woman with all his body, soul and spirit.

Feel free to define love in the way you understand it.

I look forward to reading your posts!
One is to many and a thousand not enough. LOL
 
Jan 9, 2020
182
25
18
Laff,

I’ll speak hypothetically and practically. Yes hypothetically it is easier for maybe men to love more then one wife, maybe even just for physical needs but not true love. There are so many shades in between.

And when you think about it biblically, we are all brothers and sisters there is nothing special about wife husband especially when we get to heaven.

If you are a truly loving person I mean truly, of course you have the capacity to love multiple people equally.

What it seems like you’re asking is can a man be faithful to only 1 wife. Of course I’ve been faithful to an abusive Utterly abusive partner for 13 years, where any other men would of dumped her or cheated all over her.

But in reality it is rare for both sexes to stay faithful to each other. I would even argue women cheating is actually much worst, as women do it with emotions. Being totally betrayed emotionally is much harsher then a men cheating just out of physical lust but still only loving caring about his children wife.

Whereas the women 9 out of 10 times start to love the other person as much as their current husband.

It’s easier at least in my mind if my spouse cheated on me physically without adding loving emotions to the other person.

My gf cheated virtually online with someone and it felt utterly devastating because the things she was telling them, basically throwing my love out the window it felt like total complete betrayal.

If it had been just physical in person cheating because they were hot and that’s it would of been much less devastating emotionally.

After the rant yes they exist lol.
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
actually it does. the law says that if your brother dies without having a son: the brother is to take his brothers widow as his wife and raise up a son for his brother so that his brothers name will not be wiped off the earth. He is to do this regardless if he has a wife of his own or not! and if he is already married to a woamn: he is to take her as her second wife!
the parable of the ten virgins in the new testament is a blatant approval of polygyny! for in this parable there are ten virgins that are waiting to marry the same bridegroom! 5 go in are are married. 5 are rejected! thus we see Jesus condoning polygyny.
Please answer the question:
Are you a Mormon?
 
Jan 9, 2020
182
25
18
You guys are also asking very loaded questions, polygamy is biblical, polygamy was not magically made a sin, unless the laws of the land made it a crime.

There are still parts of the world that practice it and both men and women are happy.

Is it recommended though, probably not, as people have a hard enough time with just 1 relationship yet multiple.

Point again is answering the OPs question, yes it’s possible to love one women, kind of a silly question to ask.....
 

Butterflyyy

Well-known member
Oct 31, 2019
1,311
1,131
113
actually it does. the law says that if your brother dies without having a son: the brother is to take his brothers widow as his wife and raise up a son for his brother so that his brothers name will not be wiped off the earth. He is to do this regardless if he has a wife of his own or not! and if he is already married to a woamn: he is to take her as her second wife!
the parable of the ten virgins in the new testament is a blatant approval of polygyny! for in this parable there are ten virgins that are waiting to marry the same bridegroom! 5 go in are are married. 5 are rejected! thus we see Jesus condoning polygyny.
SO there it I see again then as I said earlier; a means to provide for and protect a widow.
I do not agree that the parable of the virgins is evidence of Jesus condoning polygyny.

Are you a Mormon?
 

lmd0137

New member
Jan 7, 2020
10
14
3
Love is more than a feeling it is a choice. It is an action. Yes I think it’s possible if a man intentionally loves the Lord and is intentional about loving his wife. Love takes work. It takes commitment. The Bible defines love for us in many ways. “In love” feelings are not true or biblical love.
 
May 6, 2014
66
21
8
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." ~ 1 Corinthians
One thing stuck out to me, as this passage points out: "Love does not dishonor others." So, one cannot have many wives or husbands then (concurrently), because to give yourself in marriage (to lay with and become one with someone who is not your spouse) is a dishonoring to not only yourself, but most especially your spouse, and not only that but it does harm to your spouse. The passage also states that love always protects, trusts, and perseveres. So to truly love your spouse as Christ loves the church, you would protect your spouse's honor and heart, and in turn you would trust that they would be faithful to you, and you would persevere through trial and temptation and stay true to your spouse and the bond of marriage that you formed with your spouse and God, and not allow any other to come between.
 
May 6, 2014
66
21
8
This website gave a very good, clear, concise Biblical view of polygamy.
https://answersingenesis.org/family/marriage/what-about-polygamy-in-the-bible/

God set up marriage in the very beginning as one man and one woman, who join together to become one flesh. He gave Adam one helper, not multiple. So while polygamy is recorded in the Bible, it is not commanded or condoned. Rather, in the New Testament, it is made clear by the disciples who went on to preach after Jesus ascended that marriage is to be one man and one woman, especially in church leadership roles where such men would be role models to those in their flock.
 
May 6, 2014
66
21
8
Evidently a king having 20+ wives is not considered ‘multiplying wives’. I suppose that God’s intent of this law was to keep kings from ‘harvesting’ all of the beautiful girls of the kingdom for himself and leaving only the ugly ones for the other men in his kingdom.
What a disgusting way to think of women, or any people, regardless of gender. God does not think of women as possessions, otherwise we would have been made with a mind closer to that of the animals. We were made with a free will and free to choose.

Genesis 1:27 (NLT)
"So God created human beings in His own image. In the image of God He created them, male AND female He created them."

In KJV, it says God created man; male and female he created them. In KJV, often the word 'man' was used, when what was meant was human beings as a species, which is made clear by Genesis 1:27 where it defines man as male and female.

Anyway, God only created one woman in the beginning. Why did polygamy and other terrible things happen in the Bible? It is all dependent on context for each situation, but the simple overarching explanation is that God gave man (male and female) free will. Freedom to choose, whether it be for good or evil.

And God is no respecter of persons, so He does not think of any woman as more beautiful than any other, so He would never make a law that saves the "beautiful" women for the other men, as though they were some kind of piece of meat on sale (two for one, anyone?).

It angers me greatly when I see people using scripture as a means by which to hurt, abuse, or treat other humans poorly, and then claiming that God condones it. I don't know what god you are referring to, but it's certainly not mine, who is the Father of Jesus our savior.

It is also worth noting that the practice of polygamy, or having many sexual partners in general, leads to disease and death, aka STDs of varying types. Following the plans that God lays out do not lead to such things. Rather, it is the way of sin that leads to such destruction.

To the OP and other ladies reading this thread, who are still single, my advice is to go out and serve the Lord without reservation. That is how I found my husband (who is a godly man of ONE wife), by serving and ministering together.

Remember, we are freed from the curse through our Lord Jesus, and stand on equal footing with the males of our species. We are all one in Christ Jesus! (Being one in Christ, though, does not give you permission to go out and have sex freely, you modern Romans!)

I feel that Galatians 3 is relevant to where this discussion has gone. I encourage you to go read it, as I won't post the whole thing, just this end part.

Galatians 3:23-29 (NLT)
23 Before the way of faith in Christ was available to us, we were placed under guard by the law. We were kept in protective custody, so to speak, until the way of faith was revealed.

24 Let me put it another way. The law was our guardian until Christ came; it protected us until we could be made right with God through faith. 25 And now that the way of faith has come, we no longer need the law as our guardian.

26 For you are all children[m] of God through faith in Christ Jesus. 27 And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes.[n] 28 There is no longer Jew or Gentile,[o] slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children[p] of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.
 
Jan 4, 2020
1,506
266
83
63
washburn Tn
Hebrews 13:4 , Marriage is honourable in all, AND the bed undefiled but whoremongers AND Adulterers GOD will judge.
And this is being with someone you are not married to.
 

Absolutely

Well-known member
Jul 23, 2018
9,154
2,359
113
There is a surpassing dynamic.

A man is engaged to the "perfect woman"
She does everything for him,is sacrificial,kind,loving,helpful,sweet,loves him immensely, and very beautiful.
As the wedding draws closer she says "I do have one request. One day a year I need to go out with my boyfriends,but come back after a day or 2."

Well,nobody in their right minds would covenant with her.

That is us. We are the one that strays from our groom.

If you read the ancient Christian writing of the martyrs conviction,we see the contrast.

The root is in honor,covenant,and divorcing my own impulses.

A man with a single eye is devoted to God first,his woman second.

A man with a roaming eye is "shopping"

There is an old saying "you can't stop birds from flying over your head,but you can stop them from building a nest in your hair"

David was an awesome man of God. But in his adulterous sin he was at leisure and not on the battlefield.

Men stay holy hidden in God,full of the spirit,and a settled conviction or "honor centered"
IOW, He had it down when he could have killed saul's but abandoned it for bath- naked-sheba.
Proof! It just left him.
(That is why we hunt deer in the rut)
 

Princesse

Active member
Feb 16, 2020
259
123
43
The men I’ve known and dated acknowledge an ability to be attracted to other women. But none admitted loving two or more simultaneously. They aren’t the sort to give their hearts haphazardly.
 

Silverwings

Senior Member
Jul 27, 2016
1,368
490
83
does that necessarily = "marriage" ?

couldn't you love your mother with all your body, soul and spirit, or your sister?
or even a stranger, robbed & beaten & left in a ditch on the roadside . . ?


;)
I believe to love with your body implies sexual intimacy, if so this would not apply to your sister or your mother. this is what the bible says about loving Christ; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."
but it does not say to love with your body.
 
Jul 20, 2019
1,228
878
113
yes and no. Love can be a decision, because she ticks all the boxes. But it can also be from the heart, and no amount of bad treatment from her, or her circumstance will never extinguish that love. Its to strong and from the Lord I believe.
 

posthuman

Senior Member
Jul 31, 2013
31,548
10,534
113
I believe to love with your body implies sexual intimacy, if so this would not apply to your sister or your mother. this is what the bible says about loving Christ; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself."
but it does not say to love with your body.
well, i got the word 'body' from Lafftur's opening post, that i had replied to.

but given that, with our '
strength and mind' -- isn't this relating to our body and brain? to loving in actions & deeds, and in thought. in the context of marriage, there are some very specific connotations to loving our spouse with our strength. but outside of the context of marriage, we still ought to be loving, and not only so with our words and thoughts, but in what we do.

i realize the intent of the thread, and how most people who have responded, has primarily to do with romantic relationships. but i don't think love is confined to this context, and i tried to pull the conversation into loving in a broader sense. something feels wrong to me about being asked to commit to loving only one person, ever -- maybe it's just the language; when it is a husband or wife who asks this of you, and it's about the body, that's one thing, and it's good. but isn't it a destructive kind of jealousy that asks a person to give up any love for anyone else, not just sexual intimacy, but loving thoughts, loving words, loving deeds?
in my mind, i wonder how else could a married man or woman have any friend apart from their spouse, or truly do good to even an acquaintance, if they are not allowed to have & express love for them?