can you guys post something funny please?

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Poinsetta

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Nov 24, 2018
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Ahh . . . Friendship
A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read: "I am perfectly well."
A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel...collect...on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had this message:
"This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind."
 

TheLearner

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Jan 14, 2019
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Maybe a Methodist knows this joke because I can not think how it goes.

Ephesians 6:11 English Standard Version (ESV)
11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.

2 Corinthians 2:11 King James Version (KJV)
11 Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

Satan is a Methodist because... it is a play on words from one of these above verses or a similar one.
 

TheLearner

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Jan 14, 2019
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That's exactly why cats can not be trusted... lol...

How to Wash a Cat
BYMICHELLEONJUNE 30, 2013•( 20 COMMENTS )
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At this point the cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet – the cat is actually enjoying this!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash” and “rinse.”

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours sincerely,
The Dog





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Poinsetta

Well-known member
Nov 24, 2018
6,403
4,309
113
Battling Salons
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"
Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"