Cheating husband

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Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#1
Hi, I'm new to this chat..I would like to seek advice about my husband, I found out that my husband is talking and texting to his high school friend and when I confronted him, he admitted to me and said that they have relationship already and he feels that he loves this woman already. She's in another country, my husband went back to our country becoz of a death in family, while he's in there ( and me and my son is here in USA), he became close again with her and my husband told me that he does not understand what's happening but he feels happy when he's talking to her..there was no physical contact he said. I asked to stop talking or texting to this person so that whatever he's feeling will be terminated but he said he cannot and he will not. It hurts me becoz I feel like he's sharing his life to this person than me, they are miles away so I am praying that this will end and I promised to myself I will never allow my husband to go back to our country by himself...
 

nimbus3852

Senior Member
Dec 23, 2013
132
0
0
#2
You've already confronted him about this, it's time to involve a third person in the problem. Talk to an Elder in the church, the pastor, or a therapist.

The church is likely to tell him outright to stop, and if he says no then you're stuck.

The therapist is more likely to use a round-about method to find a solution. This is more likely to give long term results.
 

nimbus3852

Senior Member
Dec 23, 2013
132
0
0
#3
Frankly, it could just be a passing phase.
 
J

jb800m

Guest
#4
i thnk you have done well by stating what you have.. thing i would suggest you ask your self and perhaps your husband.. what is he sharing with her and why doesnt he seem to share with you...ie is there some walls that need to be broken. so he isnt sharing with you..i do feel it is it is proper for your husband to share things about his life and or relationship with another lady, it would be far better to share with a respected man , there is far more chance of issues to happen .. your in my prayers
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
67
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#5
Hmm!

Perhaps he is cheating... Have you asked him how he would feel if you were the one cheating?

Obviously you are jelous (I will feel the same). Is there something she has that you don have?

Just think that, if he is actually cheating on you, HE COULD CHEAT on whomever he draws near.

If I'm plenty in the relationship I might have, I don't need more poeple in my life (and that's one of those things I don't undertand on married couples: Theyŕe married and feel the need to have more friends).

Will ANY explain to me why many women (or men) need more emotional relationships -and romantic affection- outside his/her home? :confused:
 

Toska

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
21
38
#6
Hmm!

Will ANY explain to me why many women (or men) need more emotional relationships -and romantic affection- outside his/her home? :confused:
I don't look for romantic affection outside of my home, I only want that from my husband. I do have emotional relationships with several people outside of my home. Some are lifelong friends, women I have been friends with since before I met my husband. Others are fellow Christians that I enjoy fellowship with. For the most part, I prefer staying home with my husband instead of going out all the time.

For me, I sometimes need some "girl time". Time to talk about things that my husband is not that interested in (even though he would talk to me about these things if I wanted him to). We talk about books we have read, movies we have watched, new music that we like, different exercise and diet tips to stay healthy, we share cooking ideas and new recipes. We talk about our jobs and their children. Sometimes we go shopping. I usually spend this time with my friends when my husband is busy doing something else.

I also spend time with several women from my church. We have ladies bible study and get together for lunch when we can. I really lean on these women to help me with my spiritual growth as a woman. Being a new Christian, I have a lot of questions. I talk to my husband about these questions but, it is refreshing to hear from the other women who share my faith, too.

Not sure if I answered your question exactly but, this is how I feel.
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
67
0
#7
I don't look for romantic affection outside of my home, I only want that from my husband. I do have emotional relationships with several people outside of my home. Some are lifelong friends, women I have been friends with since before I met my husband. Others are fellow Christians that I enjoy fellowship with. For the most part, I prefer staying home with my husband instead of going out all the time.

For me, I sometimes need some "girl time". Time to talk about things that my husband is not that interested in (even though he would talk to me about these things if I wanted him to). We talk about books we have read, movies we have watched, new music that we like, different exercise and diet tips to stay healthy, we share cooking ideas and new recipes. We talk about our jobs and their children. Sometimes we go shopping. I usually spend this time with my friends when my husband is busy doing something else.

I also spend time with several women from my church. We have ladies bible study and get together for lunch when we can. I really lean on these women to help me with my spiritual growth as a woman. Being a new Christian, I have a lot of questions. I talk to my husband about these questions but, it is refreshing to hear from the other women who share my faith, too.

Not sure if I answered your question exactly but, this is how I feel.
Yes! you helped me a lot. Now I know I didn't need "boy time". I am diferent and everybody is diferent.

When I was married, somethings you've metioned, were found outside my bond or relationship with my ex (I guess that's why I ended up divorced).

Here (this counrty) I don't have problems to find who I could talk too, but it's hard to get the ideal fellowship we can find online (sometimes). I have no problem to talk to peole, but Christians we are are not easy found, not even inside the church or sinagogue.

I do know you GIRLs and women have a big heart to share, to give yourselves, but I am not like that, perhaps I am too homie for my likes, but I am a homie friend for me or those I have enjoyed.

Those old friends I liked are doing their life. I don miss them, it is not a miss that I could have and, when I moved to Colombia, I didn't miss my own children! It is I who are learning to be without bonds.

I remember when I was a teen. I loved my friends more than I was supposed to love my dad (and I despised some tips he gave me) and, later on, I knew those friends I thought were friends were not, so I think I developed an emotional shield to avoid being disapointed more than twice (or thrice). He! He!

My personal rule is staying away from married women, those who are not legally and EMOTIONALLY divorced. I know how some things can change to develope feelings that are proper to real spouses, so -without knowing mind and people's hearts- I decided to stay away, even on "social" sites, because I learned loneliness (and emotional loneliness) exists on well-married people and, on line.

At least I know women hearts are deeper than mine (one "secret" heart I don't personally trust)

Thanks, Toska!

Now I know how a woman's heart is.
 

Toska

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
21
38
#8
Well, at least you know how my heart is. There are probably a lot of other women who think differently than I do. I am like you about staying at home, I prefer being at home instead of going out all the time.

I do understand your rule about married women and staying away from them. You are showing a lot of respect to their husbands by keeping that mind-set, I am sure they appreciate that.

I am glad that you have found fellow Christians here that you can chat with. It has to be hard, not having as many Christians around you.

God Bless.
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#9
I can't share with my pastor because I don't want them to look at my husband differently..the truth is he sad he feels guilty s he actually stop going to church because he said he knows he's doing something wrong..I am talking to a counselor now without my husbands knowledge coz i need to vent to somebody..I don't have friends outside church that I could talk to...
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#10
Frankly, it could just be a passing phase.
I am thinking maybe he's in midlife transformation or crisis? He's 45, he lost 3 of his high school friends, he lost his sister, he recently had a surgery to his left arm, and all of this happened in a year...
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#11
Hmm!

Perhaps he is cheating... Have you asked him how he would feel if you were the one cheating?

Obviously you are jelous (I will feel the same). Is there something she has that you don have?

Just think that, if he is actually cheating on you, HE COULD CHEAT on whomever he draws near.

If I'm plenty in the relationship I might have, I don't need more poeple in my life (and that's one of those things I don't undertand on married couples: Theyŕe married and feel the need to have more friends).

Will ANY explain to me why many women (or men) need more emotional relationships -and romantic affection- outside his/her home? :confused:
i asked him about that and he said he does know what he's reaction would be...you're right in saying that he could cheat whomever he draws near..and I am scared of that....
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#12
i thnk you have done well by stating what you have.. thing i would suggest you ask your self and perhaps your husband.. what is he sharing with her and why doesnt he seem to share with you...ie is there some walls that need to be broken. so he isnt sharing with you..i do feel it is it is proper for your husband to share things about his life and or relationship with another lady, it would be far better to share with a respected man , there is far more chance of issues to happen .. your in my prayers
i asked him about that and he said, its just "stuff"...they went to school together so they were just talking about old friends,their old lives, their lives now...he said nothing serious really...coz I told him I am your wife if anything happens to you, I will be the one to take care of you and nobody else...
 

my_adonai_

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2012
818
20
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#13
There is nothing too hard for our God.!!.

Go back to HIM in repentance, asking mercy for your husband and you.
Seek HIS face, and HE will give you a word to stand on for your marriage.

God bless...
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#14
There is nothing too hard for our God.!!.

Go back to HIM in repentance, asking mercy for your husband and you.
Seek HIS face, and HE will give you a word to stand on for your marriage.

God bless...
you are right..I am right now seeking Him and asking forgiveness..I realized me and my husband weren't really praying together in the past and maybe God is just reminding me something...please continue to pray for me and my husband...
 

ServantStrike

Senior Member
Aug 27, 2013
3,461
55
0
#15
Frankly, it could just be a passing phase.
This is terrible advice.


An emotional affair is a really bad sign, it means one or both parties in the marriage is looking to someone other than their spouse for fulfillment.

i asked him about that and he said, its just "stuff"...they went to school together so they were just talking about old friends,their old lives, their lives now...he said nothing serious really...coz I told him I am your wife if anything happens to you, I will be the one to take care of you and nobody else...
Just "stuff" can turn into something more serious though. Don't nag him, but tell him you should be the one who he talks to about "stuff." If you're not already easily approachable, then make yourself more approachable. He confessed to having romantic feelings for another woman, that's bad, it means his don't-have-an-affair defenses are rusty or nonexistent.
 

my_adonai_

Senior Member
Mar 19, 2012
818
20
0
26
#16
you are right..I am right now seeking Him and asking forgiveness..I realized me and my husband weren't really praying together in the past and maybe God is just reminding me something...please continue to pray for me and my husband...
GOD knows and understands what you going through and only HE has a solution to your problem.
So ask HIM for a way to get you two back together... or what you should do or pray about ..
 

Sadwife4

Junior Member
Dec 30, 2013
9
0
0
#17
This is terrible advice.


An emotional affair is a really bad sign, it means one or both parties in the marriage is looking to someone other than their spouse for fulfillment.



Just "stuff" can turn into something more serious though. Don't nag him, but tell him you should be the one who he talks to about "stuff." If you're not already easily approachable, then make yourself more approachable. He confessed to having romantic feelings for another woman, that's bad, it means his don't-have-an-affair defenses are rusty or nonexistent.

I know that's how I feel when he told me he's just talking about stuff, I told him I'm your wife I'm supposed to be the one you're telling stories to...I don't nag him anymore coz I believed nagging him will just make it worse. But here I am, should I just pretend that he's not doing it anymore.. So I don't get hurt..I could see in our online phone account that he's talking and texting to her but I stopped doing that also coz, for what? I'm just getting hurt whenever I see her number...
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#18
Best you can do right now, if you really want to keep your marriage, is to pray like crazy about it. You will also need to keep in mind though, that marriage is a partnership, whether you really ignore what he's doing or not could you really be happy if 5 years from now he is doing the exact same thing? Chances are, he's going to be doing a lot more than talking if that's the case, and chances are, you are going to be horribly depressed, because he is not treating you the way he should be.
 
May 3, 2013
8,719
67
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#19
A cheater could be married, engaged or single... At the long run, she or he could be long-termed single.

The importan issue -here- is you, your feelings, your children... God knows the best. Just ask HIM what to do.
 

Lucy68

Senior Member
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
20
0
#20
Is your husband a Christian? If he is then he should understand about offending God by not honoring his marriage vows. Satan is tempting him away from you AND away from God. He needs to realize that. Love is a choice and an act of will much more than it is an emotion. Some confuse love with lust.

Praying for your hurt...may the Spirit lead you and comfort you. Keep praying for him and talking to him...he may need your strength to resist temptation.