Cheating?

[kaylagrl]

Thanks for your responses and yes I will hang around
He goes to church, helps in church. They are aware he is an alcoholic and support him. Yes he married me and then went back to England, I remain here as I have a now 17 year old daughter I have been raising. He has never saved the money to be able to immigrate here which would cost about 7/10 thousand NZ dollars. He has tried rehab, AA, detox and still drinks every night, not heavily during the week. But heavily in the weekends. I do not know why his church does not confront him with it, they have a compassionate approach to him.
Blah, it all comes down to should I be with an alcoholic who swears he has not cheated ever on me because of his christian morals.

Whatever advice we give will hurt you. We only know what you are telling us.Only you know if this man really loves you. My thought is if he really loved you he'd find a way to be with you. I dated a guy like that.He took a job on the other side of the country. I would call and text and email,little response. A family member,who's very direct, told me " he doesnt love you" and it hurt and made me mad. He said "if he loved you he'd find a way to be with you" I made excuses but it made me think.Well I found out he was LIVING with another woman out there!!" We had only been dating! His brother told me,the guy never had enough guts to break up with me after a year of dating. He was a drinker too.

On the other hand,the guy I married,and we met online,lived over an hour away from me.He drove every weekend to come stay at my parents house to see me. Rain or snow he'd be there. He waited several years before I was ready to say yes to marriage. And he put up with a lot from my family who tried every way they could to get rid of him. So I think you need to be honest with yourself,and I think you're getting there. Does this man care enough about you that he wouldnt cheat,in your heart you know the real answer no matter what he tells you. How can you go to counseling if you dont live in the same area? Talk is cheap,anyone can say I love you.Actions are the proof. That should help you with your decision. I hope things become clear and your life starts changing for the better soon.

 

[Magenta]

Marriage is meant to be a picture of the unbreakable covenantal relationship God has with His people. As a Christian I understand how the command not to commit adultery, and all the Scriptures concerning marriage and divorce, are impacting your thoughts and feelings on this untenable situation you are in. When we become Christian, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit. He cleaves to you, and you to Him. The Holy Spirit of God does not then go off and leave you to do things elsewhere, leaving you alone. No! He stays with you, He works with you, you are in constant relationship with and to Him. Your marriage does not in any way reflect the image God intended. If the man you married is drinking, and identifies as an alcoholic, then that is where his relationship is. He is engaged with his disease, and might as well be married to it. If he were in recovery I would not say that. Many people from all walks of life have recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body that is known as alcoholism, and they all started with the willingness to stop picking up that first drink. Usually it is consequences, and what is called hitting bottom, that moves a person to that point. God is working in his life, too. Prayerfully seek His will for you in this, and I shall pray for both of you also.

 

[tourist]

Hi all members viewing this post. Right now I am really confused. My husband and I met online. He lives in England, I live in New Zealand. After a 7 month online relationship he came to New Zealand and married me saying he would be back in 7 months to continue our marriage.
He became a christian during those 7 months before we met.
He is an alcoholic, yes God warned me, but I was naive and full of faith God would sort it out.
As it is, now it has been 2 and a half years I have been waiting for him to get it together. Now he has started a friendship with his landlady whom he drinks with. I know nothing about her, except he has spent time with her and ignored me.
Is he cheating?
As it is our marriage is beyond fragile, now this.
What would be your opinion?

Your marriage was over from the start. Cut your losses and move forward.

 

[mokie22yrold]

Well i been reading this thread and i have to agree hes probably cheating on you. I married a man i thought loved me. I loved him unconditionally. Hes a registered sex offender but that never bothered me. He was my cousin's ex. They were together 4 years. She cheated on him. He was devistated. We got to talking for hours on the phone. As time went on i fell in love and moved to be with him. We married. When winter came i was getting depressed if the snow and cold. We talked about moving back to where i was from. I went back first to find us a place. We kept in constant contact via Skype and cell phones. As time went on i heard less and less from him. To make long story short i found out he was having an affair. I begged him for us to work it out. He took the coward way out of our marriage. I eventually filed divorce to protect myself and finances. Im Christian. He to proclaimed to be Christian. I really felt we belonged together. Now i see the real him and hes alot of mean things. Anyway you havent seen your spouse in 2 plus years...he never loved you or he would be doing everything to be wirh you. I never thought id be divorce. I married to be for life. Well, also wanna mention if hes nit much of a huaband how can he be a father, dad to your 17yr old daughter ?

 

[Starsdance]

Sister, be careful and cautious. Just Pray, God knows the guy's heart and leads the way in front of you.