Churches where marriages are arranged

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didymos

Guest
#21
I bet a lot of singles here secretly would LOVE to have their marriages arranged for them... ;)

[video=youtube;59Hj7bp38f8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59Hj7bp38f8[/video]
 

mustaphadrink

Senior Member
Dec 13, 2013
1,987
372
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#22
Well I think most marriages were arranged way back when, at the time of Christ, anyway. That's not true now, obviously. I can't imagine such arrangements working nowadays, but we also don't a lot of room to brag when it comes to how successful modern marriages are these days, considering today's divorce rate, that is. So hey, I don't know what to tell you. :D
My marriage was an arranged marriage. My future wife and I were at the same meeting and a lady in the meeting who my future wife was visiting said she looked across the room at me and said to herself "That young man is going to be Anne's husband."

She never said anything to either of us. One holiday weekend she, unbeknown to us, had invited us both to spend the weekend with her and her family. That weekend sealed the deal and four months later we were married. 44 years later we are still married.
 
Oct 31, 2011
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#23
The arranged marriages I have read about are ones from communities that believed in following all the laws spoken of in scripture, and they were from a close community so if they didn't follow those ideas, they were frowned on.

They were to support each other in every way as the first law. Part of their teaching from the time they were very young children was about the family as a supportive unit. Part of the marriage itself was the Friday night meal that was a sort of singing and playing party of family with a lot of singing at most of these parties. Husbands were to be quite involved with this celebration, so most were very interested in the working of the household. There was lots of ritual involved, and one ritual in most of these Friday night get together for a meal times included blessing and thanking the wife for all she did. They had a special song they sang for that.

If our marriages that aren't arranged were to be this kind of marriage, there would be little divorce in our kind of marriages.

Most of our marriages are not even based on the primary principle of marriage that "the two shall become one". It is everyone for himself in most marriages, a sort of power struggle instead of being one together.

My daughter and her husband spent 30 days at sea on a small sailboat with one other couple as crew members. Imagine two marriages and four people in that small an area for 30 days!! She found that both her and the other couples marriage was a power struggle. Both my daughter and her husband are powerful people used to working as "the boss" where they worked. Their power struggle was loud, explosive, articulate. Neither always came out the winner, but when the explosives were over that struggle for power was done until the next time. The other couple was made up of a smart woman with only two years of college and a dumb philosophy major with a masters degree, working on his doctorate. He worked constantly to establish his intellectual superiority that just wasn't there. They were both miserable. None of the four understood Godly marriage that could have led all four to greater happiness, although my daughter and her husband managed to be very happy. The other couple was miserable. She cried every day. He sulked.
 

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
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#24
They told me when I lived there that the arranged marriages had lower divorce rates. I think part of it is the fact that the marriage isn't based on feelings. Americans aren't always aware of our assumptions, but we've been programmed by TV, movies, even cartoons from childhood to emphasize the importance of feelings when it comes to marriage-- phrases like 'happily every after.'
I come from a country where arranged marriages are the norm. Parents and relatives think it is "their duty" to marry off their children - doesn't matter if they're not ready or if they don't want it. Girls are 'married off' at a young age. In some places it is as young as 11 (though it is banned now), but usually between 20-22 right after college. In some cultures (like, my church or among muslims), the couple do not even get to talk to each other. In my church, the maximum time they converse is 30 minutes throughout the whole courtship period. And the courtship period lasts for a maximum of 2-3 months. Of course these marriages last the distance. Why? It is because both have no other choice - the girl is expected to be subject to the husband no matter what. There are so many instances where the girl gets physically assaulted by the husband but she cannot leave him. Why? Because she is married to him - it is her fate.

In my church, those who go against this rule of arranged marriage are punished. Their argument is that Abraham found a wife for his son, Isaac and that ended well. On the other hand, they say, Jacob loved Rachel and Samson loved Delilah and we all know how painfully it ended. People who go against this rule are suspended from church (more like ostracism) for about 6 months. The parents of the couple will be given two options - either abstain from the wedding or attend it and be ostracised for 6 months. This is the practice in my church and believe it or not we have a following of more than 3 million worldwide! Unfortunately, despite all their claims that this is the way God wants a couple to be married there is a growing number of couples who are either divorced or separated. Their logic was perhaps true for a generation that did not have any identity of their own, but not anymore. Personally, I am at a cross-road myself - stuck between continuing in this church to avoid causing problems for my parents and moving out to a more 'reasonable' church.
 
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
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#25
I come from a country where arranged marriages are the norm. Parents and relatives think it is "their duty" to marry off their children - doesn't matter if they're not ready or if they don't want it. Girls are 'married off' at a young age. In some places it is as young as 11 (though it is banned now), but usually between 20-22 right after college. In some cultures (like, my church or among muslims), the couple do not even get to talk to each other. In my church, the maximum time they converse is 30 minutes throughout the whole courtship period. And the courtship period lasts for a maximum of 2-3 months. Of course these marriages last the distance. Why? It is because both have no other choice - the girl is expected to be subject to the husband no matter what. There are so many instances where the girl gets physically assaulted by the husband but she cannot leave him. Why? Because she is married to him - it is her fate.

In my church, those who go against this rule of arranged marriage are punished. Their argument is that Abraham found a wife for his son, Isaac and that ended well. On the other hand, they say, Jacob loved Rachel and Samson loved Delilah and we all know how painfully it ended. People who go against this rule are suspended from church (more like ostracism) for about 6 months. The parents of the couple will be given two options - either abstain from the wedding or attend it and be ostracised for 6 months. This is the practice in my church and believe it or not we have a following of more than 3 million worldwide! Unfortunately, despite all their claims that this is the way God wants a couple to be married there is a growing number of couples who are either divorced or separated. Their logic was perhaps true for a generation that did not have any identity of their own, but not anymore. Personally, I am at a cross-road myself - stuck between continuing in this church to avoid causing problems for my parents and moving out to a more 'reasonable' church.
I am so sorry for the grief that not understanding scripture is bringing in your land! If their interpretation of scripture was correct and we were to follow Abraham and Isaac instead of the Lord, then David would teach us to murder and commit adultery!!
 
T

ThePottersClay

Guest
#26
There is such a church or missionary station here in the Midlands where I live. They are known as Kwasizabantu

Basically it works as follows. Boy sees girl (from afar) --> Boy prays --> Got Says Yes --> Boy goes to minister --> Minister prays --> God Says yes / no --> if yes Minister goes to Girl --> Hey suzie, God says Jim will be your husband --> 2 weeks later : ENGAGED. 4 Weeks LATER. married... no relationship nothing...

Does anybody join a church where the parents are allowed to choose the partners for their children? The latter ones have to marry that partner even if they do not love him as the church leader agreed on that. Will that person be banned if he rejects the partner?

I would not join such a church, but keep away from it. Such practices are non-biblical.