In the Old Testament, we see fathers giving their daughters away in marriage. Jesus even mentions about 'marrying and giving in marriage' happening when the Son of Man comes. Grooms marry. Fathers give their daughters in marriage. One interpretation of part of I Corinthians 7 is that it mentions fathers giving their virgin daughters in marriage. That's the part that has a long footnote in the NIV. They went with the interpretation of the potential groom marrying the one promised to him in the main text. (The NIV likes to interpret things like that for the reader.)
In the Old Testament laws about marriage indicate that it is the father giving his daughter in marriage that makes it legal. There were some exceptions, like when the father was dead. There were women with no brothers who received an inheritance and they could marry whoever they wanted in their father's clan. In the New Testament, a widow could marry whoever she wanted, but only in the Lord. Also, in the Old Testament, there was a time when Benjamites stole brides at a festival because fathers had put themselves under a curse not to give their daughters to a Benjamite. After the Benjamites stole brides, the elders who had conceived the plan talked them into doing nothing about it. If a woman and a man fornicate, the father can decide whether or not to give her to him in marriage. He still had to pay the bride price for virgins. I assume the father had the same decision in the case of rape.
I've read that the account of the creation of Eve tells of God bringing Eve to Adam and uses the same word when it says he brought her to Adam that is used of giving daughters away in marriage. God, in a sense, we could argue, was Father to both of them. Of Adam, this is explicitly stated in Luke that he was the son of God.
Some people say, "Oh that was just their culture back then. We have a different culture where children choose." But based on what we have in scripture, I'd say it's better to hold to the idea of the father giving the daughter away, if he is still alive. It makes a lot of sense if both father and daughter are believers.
I'm teaching my kids to treat the idea of 'teen dating' in movies as a fairy tale. It aint gonna happen, at least not in the early teens. "Do not awaken love until the proper time." Why should I let my children date if they aren't close to an age where they would realistically marry? I have no plans to send my children out at 16 in a car with someone of the opposite sex that is interested in them, romantically. It makes no sense.
I am also teaching my daughters that I am to approve of their future spouses and be involved in picking them out.
If you think about it, the way we do things in the US makes little sense. We have a high divorce rate, and the kids are free to choose without a lot of family input. I don't want my kids to marry someone they don't like. I am okay with them finding their own spouses. But I want to be involved and at the least have 'veto power' over dating (preferrably courting) and especially marriage. I also consider myself to be a guardian of my children's virginity. The woman in the Old Testament who lost her virginity but was married off as a virgin and it was discovered was stoned to death-- what for, playing the harlot in her father's house. She brings shame on her father in addition to everything else.
For thousands of years, parents have chosen spouses for their children. Some Indians are on the far end of the 'arranged' side of the spectrum, but a lot of Indian young people in their 20's think the concept is just fine. There are some positive things about it. They seem to engage the rational parts of their brain in getting married, the candidates for marriage that is, and the parents help them spot things they might not have considered if they had gotten married based on solely on looks and feelings like a lot of Americans.
Americans so often rely on looks and feelings that it is pretty obvious they aren't relying much on common sense. I'm speaking of secular Americans. In some countries, single parents are damaged goods and it's hard for them to remarry. It's hard for divorced people to remarry. In the US, you can find cases of a single woman whose never been married who will marry a man whose been divorced twice, or a really young man who marries a woman many years older who has lots of kids, and he knows nothing about parenting. The parents of those getting married just don't have a say, and it shows sometimes in their children's choices. In countries where parents choose or have veto power, then the parents say why are you wanting to marry this person. It's not a good match. They can also spot differences in personality and values, sometimes, that will cause problems.
My wife is from a country where people generally don't marry if the parents don't approve, even 30 year olds who have been dating for a year. I had a friend who waited a couple of years for his father's approval. He was Chinese, but his potential bride wasn't. His dad was a preacher, and he was a minister of the gospel, too. The woman, his wife now, was a believer active with him in ministry. He waited until his father approved. That probably wasn't the best situation, but I think it is good he honored his father, apparently.
On our wedding day, I don't think the civil registrar would have approved us for a license if her parents hadn't given consent. She asked.
I wouldn't want to choose some spouse they are physically unattracted to and order them to marry. I wouldn't have wanted that for myself.
