That tactic is called manipulation. Its an effort to control you by eliciting feelings of guilt. Its the "poor me baby" approach to make you feel bad. Its sounding like he's more of a control freak than anything else, he wants his way and all of this criticism and pouting is his way of getting it. He can't logically argue the subject, so he's now resorting to emotional blackmail by trying to weigh on your conscience. I suspect all of this is coming to a head? I'd just tell him that your a Christian now, he doesn't need to like it, but he needs to accept it or get out. I know that's harsh and its easier said than done, but sleeping on the couch is no picnic either. Relationships are all about compromise, if he can't bend on this, I guarantee the future won't be much better. jmo
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I'm starting to get a tad silly so back to business.
Does he love you or not? Tell him you're not giving up your faith for him. You don't want to roast in Hell just to keep a man.
Maybe tell him that you are willing to work this out up to a point but be adamant in stating that in no way will you give up your faith for him or anyone else.
He needs to make up his mind whether he loves you enough or not to make allowances for your new found faith. Only he can make that choice and hopefully he makes the right one.
But the locked in the bedroom doesn't sound good unless you are in there with him. My husband has been pouty sometimes and slept in the living room chair. I waited for him to come upstairs and when he didn't after a while I went down there and asked him what his problem was. I basically told him to stop acting like baby and to come upstairs. Worked for me every time. This happens very rarely but when it does I chase him upstairs. Then I tickle his toes.
Does he love you or not? Tell him you're not giving up your faith for him. You don't want to roast in Hell just to keep a man.
Maybe tell him that you are willing to work this out up to a point but be adamant in stating that in no way will you give up your faith for him or anyone else.
He needs to make up his mind whether he loves you enough or not to make allowances for your new found faith. Only he can make that choice and hopefully he makes the right one.
But the locked in the bedroom doesn't sound good unless you are in there with him. My husband has been pouty sometimes and slept in the living room chair. I waited for him to come upstairs and when he didn't after a while I went down there and asked him what his problem was. I basically told him to stop acting like baby and to come upstairs. Worked for me every time. This happens very rarely but when it does I chase him upstairs. Then I tickle his toes.
Sometimes, it's hard to see honest and sincere intentions in those we disagree with. For example, many pro-choice activists will claim, "Pro-lifers just don't want women to have rights," failing to see how people who are pro-life aren't trying to restrict women's rights, but protect the lives of the unborn. Another example (from an atheist's perspective) is when people claim Atheists don't believe in God because they hate God and want to sin, when that's not the case at all. I believe this is the problem with your husband, he has a hard time sympathizing with people who's views or lifestyles differ from his own. It's hard for him to understand how anyone could be religious, so he assumes religious people must be corrupt or stupid.
I think I have an idea of what the problem is and maybe you can find a way to use this knowledge to help you.
Your husband clearly finds religion to be incredibly offensive to the point where he doesn't want anything to do with it what-so-ever. Now that you're a Christian, he has to accept that the woman he loves is now religious. The best way I can describe it is to compare it to homophobic parents who scream, belittle, and insult their children when they come out of the closet.* I won't candy coat it, I'm pretty sure your bf is a bigot.
*It's one thing to believe homosexuality is wrong and to show concern towards homosexuals. It's another thing to hate someone for being a homosexual.
I wish I could speak to him one on one. I'm sure me and him would agree on a lot of things concerning religion, but he needs to know that you can be incredibly critical of someone and still love them.
I highly doubt this will work, but if you're desperate for ideas...
Warning: Major profanity and belittling of the Bible!: https://www(dot)youtube.com/watch?v=Y_sb2fSRByI
*I replaced the period with (dot) because there's profanity in the title and I don't want it to appear in the post.
After showing him that video, show him this video:
[video=youtube;6md638smQd8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6md638smQd8[/video]
The point of the first video isn't to further convince him the Bible is wrong. The point is to show him you can be critical and understanding at the same time. (It might help to mention he's an actor and doesn't act that angry in real life - which is apparent in the embedded video)
Let him know that you can be incredibly critical of the Bible while also appreciating people who are sincerely trying to help others. Of course there are charlatans, anger towards them is justified, but there's no reason to get upset when people proselytize with the sincere intent to saving others - even if they are completely wrong. This doesn't mean we should keep our mouths shut about the things we disagree with, it means we need to show respect towards those we disagree with and appreciate their good intentions before explaining how they're wrong.
Honestly, I doubt my idea will work and I only recommend you do it at your own discretion. But, if you're desperate enough, who knows?
I think I have an idea of what the problem is and maybe you can find a way to use this knowledge to help you.
Your husband clearly finds religion to be incredibly offensive to the point where he doesn't want anything to do with it what-so-ever. Now that you're a Christian, he has to accept that the woman he loves is now religious. The best way I can describe it is to compare it to homophobic parents who scream, belittle, and insult their children when they come out of the closet.* I won't candy coat it, I'm pretty sure your bf is a bigot.
*It's one thing to believe homosexuality is wrong and to show concern towards homosexuals. It's another thing to hate someone for being a homosexual.
I wish I could speak to him one on one. I'm sure me and him would agree on a lot of things concerning religion, but he needs to know that you can be incredibly critical of someone and still love them.
I highly doubt this will work, but if you're desperate for ideas...
Warning: Major profanity and belittling of the Bible!: https://www(dot)youtube.com/watch?v=Y_sb2fSRByI
*I replaced the period with (dot) because there's profanity in the title and I don't want it to appear in the post.
After showing him that video, show him this video:
[video=youtube;6md638smQd8]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6md638smQd8[/video]
The point of the first video isn't to further convince him the Bible is wrong. The point is to show him you can be critical and understanding at the same time. (It might help to mention he's an actor and doesn't act that angry in real life - which is apparent in the embedded video)
Let him know that you can be incredibly critical of the Bible while also appreciating people who are sincerely trying to help others. Of course there are charlatans, anger towards them is justified, but there's no reason to get upset when people proselytize with the sincere intent to saving others - even if they are completely wrong. This doesn't mean we should keep our mouths shut about the things we disagree with, it means we need to show respect towards those we disagree with and appreciate their good intentions before explaining how they're wrong.
Honestly, I doubt my idea will work and I only recommend you do it at your own discretion. But, if you're desperate enough, who knows?
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G
You are already married... We are all as believers the bride of Christ. God takes care of his bride the way no earthy husband can. You should marry if you love him, but it sounds like you are not sure yourself. You say you would leave if it wasn't for the kids. If that is the case then your marriage will never last. Make sure you know what you want before making any descion. Pray everyday, flash pray ever hour, let your God know what you want when you know what you want and he will give his bride the desires of your heart. I know what ugly words can do. People say sticks and stones.. Word are the most damaging of all. I to have learned to bit my tongue. It has stopped many arguments. Sometimes though I just want to scream in his face and have him hear me, the fact his he will not hear me until God opens his ears. So I sit and wait. I pray for you and your family to find the love you deserve.
M
I have witnessed an abusing husband being helped by The Lord. The Lord can do anything. I think any angry human being, acts abusive, or make other people feel abusive. My daughter feel I abuse her, when i raise my voice, or I have a deep unhappy tone. She is very sensitive. I feel abusive, when I think my husband pick on me, and my husband feel abusive, when I nag, or I am unhappy, and anything I say, he will feel harmed! But with the love of Jesus, we learned to show our love and respect to each other, and all problems will be solved.
ephesians 5:33
each of you must love his wife as he love himself, and the wife must respect her husband
ephesians 5:33
each of you must love his wife as he love himself, and the wife must respect her husband
I think some people go too far when they label everything as abuse. You can argue and it isn't necessarily abuse. Real abuse is a systematic attempt to demean, degrade, and destroy a person over time. It is done on purpose for the reason of power and control over the target. Real abusers don't love and are incredibly selfish. Somewhat like a psychopath or narcissist. They are empty shells and have no conscience.
Just because you have an argument with your spouse, even if it is heated, does not necessarily mean it is abuse.
I've come across some people that think every little thing is abuse.
Also take note that years ago what was considered a normal marital argument in the course of a marriage is often now interpreted as abuse.
It is no wonder there are so many divorces and commitment is not valued.
Marriage has conflict at times and that is normal. The key is to resolve the conflicts as soon as they come up and try not to ever go to bed angry with unresolved conflict.
Marriage teaches you how to love, forgive, and self-sacrifice.
Actually when you've been married for a very long time the person kind of becomes part of you so it would be really hard to separate even if they are making you angry at times.
Just because you have an argument with your spouse, even if it is heated, does not necessarily mean it is abuse.
I've come across some people that think every little thing is abuse.
Also take note that years ago what was considered a normal marital argument in the course of a marriage is often now interpreted as abuse.
It is no wonder there are so many divorces and commitment is not valued.
Marriage has conflict at times and that is normal. The key is to resolve the conflicts as soon as they come up and try not to ever go to bed angry with unresolved conflict.
Marriage teaches you how to love, forgive, and self-sacrifice.
Actually when you've been married for a very long time the person kind of becomes part of you so it would be really hard to separate even if they are making you angry at times.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1peter3:1
1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.…
With God all things are possible.
1peter3:1
1In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.…
With God all things are possible.