Confused and need advice

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Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to.
If this person is genuinely a Christian, he does NOT have to *struggle* with any kind of unacceptable music. All he had to do it quit listening to garbage. Yes, just like that. Or if he had DVDs, or records, or whatever, all he had to do is destroy everything and throw it in the garbage bin.

So the real issue is whether he is self-deceived about his Christianity and his salvation. If you both attend church it would be a good idea for you both to sit down with a pastor or elder and determine his true spiritual standing.

One can understand someone who has been smoking cigarettes for years having a hard time quitting this addiction *cold turkey*. But rap music?

Christians constantly talk about *struggling* with this and *struggling* with that. As though they have no power from God to quit whatever needs to be rejected.


Junior Member
Dec 30, 2016
I shouldnt have to lead him as a baby Christian or especially as a wife. However, I will give him a fair chance. I know I can’t hold that back from him because of Christ mercy for me. I
Kmdavis, you are doing a great job studying this issue. I would just add that your choice of husband should be entirely selfish. If you believe that the marriage is a platform from which you can serve others, or whatever you believe, then make that platform strong and secure. It is not a place where you give someone a fair chance. I do not think you owe him a chance because of Christ's mercy for you.

Addiction, if that is what this attachment to dirty rap might be called, can become a strength for him. But I would keep it out of the marriage itself. This is his burden; he is to bring his best into your mutual relationship.


Senior Member
Aug 27, 2017
Hello, all.

I’ve recently been in a courtship for 6 months. The guy I’m dating works in ministry with inner city youth and serves sometimes as an elder. Recently I have found out some things about him that really disturb me. 4 years ago he vulunteered his time with some urban city youth. Well, they turned him on to this really dirty trill rap music. He told me when we met that he was struggling with it and knew he had to stop. So he told me that he was going to. Well the other day I asked when was the last time he listened to it an he said the other day. What should I do? He professes Christ on the outside but he listens to music I wouldn’t even have listened to when I was in the world.

well you say 'some' things but then go on to basically one thing. It does not mean he is not a Christian because he listens to that type of music (personally I cannot abide any type of rap but that's another story)

if it means that much to you, you have some decisions to make. you cannot force someone to change because you are uncomfortable with something and pressuring them to do so might cause nothing but resentment.

however, you are not engaged or married it seems and so you are free to disengage before anything else develops. better now, then later with a divorce. that's just the way it is. people can have nothing but good intentions but commitment is another story.

IMO, he is immature in some areas and it is up to you whether or not you want to work with him on that. However, as I said, if it bugs you that much, he might 'change' for you, but unless he changes for himself, it prob will just creep up again later.

I guess you have some thinking to do. Hope it works out one way or another.