Daddy's (or Mommy's) Favorite.

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seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#1
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,584
113
#1
Hi Everyone,

I'd like to hear some thoughts from a Christian perspective about whether or not anyone out there as a Christian parent (or relative in general) struggles with having a "favorite" and if you see this as Godly or not (we all know the story of what happened when Jacob picked Joseph as his personal favorite, and then Benjamin after that.)

I personally think it's natural to feel closer to someone who is more like you and/or listens to what you have to say... but do you feel that all of your children should be treated "equally" and how do you accomplish that if you have one (or more) who is rebellious or won't listen to you at all?

I am very blessed in that my parents, I believe, do their best to treat my two brothers and myself equally (and two of us are adopted, which has never mattered to them.) For example, we are scattered around the country, but if one of us needs help with moving, a surgery, etc., my parents will drop everything and go to whichever one of us needs help. And if they give a gift to one of us, they will spend an equal amount on the other two (so they won't give gifts unless they are able to give something to all three of us.)

However, I would definitely say I'm probably closest to my parents--I wouldn't call myself the favorite at all, it's just that we talk more often and connect on more subjects and experiences in general than with my brothers (I realize it might also be that I'm a girl and am more openly emotional).

What about all of you? Do you struggle with trying not to show favoritism to a certain child, sibling, cousin, niece, nephew, etc. as compared to any others you may have? What is a Godly way to handle this? OR, maybe you ARE the favorite... or maybe you grew up resenting someone who was a favorite?

I'd like to hear your stories.
 
J

JesinFL

Guest
#2
#2
seoulsearch said:
Hi Everyone,

I'd like to hear some thoughts from a Christian perspective about whether or not anyone out there as a Christian parent (or relative in general) struggles with having a "favorite" and if you see this as Godly or not (we all know the story of what happened when Jacob picked Joseph as his personal favorite, and then Benjamin after that.)

I personally think it's natural to feel closer to someone who is more like you and/or listens to what you have to say... but do you feel that all of your children should be treated "equally" and how do you accomplish that if you have one (or more) who is rebellious or won't listen to you at all?

I am very blessed in that my parents, I believe, do their best to treat my two brothers and myself equally (and two of us are adopted, which has never mattered to them.) For example, we are scattered around the country, but if one of us needs help with moving, a surgery, etc., my parents will drop everything and go to whichever one of us needs help. And if they give a gift to one of us, they will spend an equal amount on the other two (so they won't give gifts unless they are able to give something to all three of us.)

However, I would definitely say I'm probably closest to my parents--I wouldn't call myself the favorite at all, it's just that we talk more often and connect on more subjects and experiences in general than with my brothers (I realize it might also be that I'm a girl and am more openly emotional).

What about all of you? Do you struggle with trying not to show favoritism to a certain child, sibling, cousin, niece, nephew, etc. as compared to any others you may have? What is a Godly way to handle this? OR, maybe you ARE the favorite... or maybe you grew up resenting someone who was a favorite?

I'd like to hear your stories.
Click to expand...

I think, between my brother and I, there isn't really a favorite, just that my parents were more aware and mature when my brother was born. I was born before my parents were married and my brother was born after. They may have opinions about what we do with ourselves and I know that my brother is more confident than me. But, I never felt there was favoritism.

Now, with my children, I have an 11 year old stepson, and my own sons who are 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I'm sure that my stepson thinks there is favoritism, but it's not because I love them more. It is because he fights me every step of every day. I would love for the Lord to bless me with an answer that will turn him around.

Between my two birth sons, I try to be aware of how I treat them. They each have certain facets of their character that are different. The youngest is extremely lovey. And the 3 year old is tough. Luckily, they get along quite well. But, if I want to snuggle with someone, it's likely going to be the 1 year old - although, I try to take note and give the 3 year old some lovey time even though it's not always his thing. And, I try to give them each time alone. For example, if we go to the grocery store and my husband just drops me off, I'll take one with me each time.

I don't think I'll ever see one or another as my favorite. I just know that I have to approach instruction and correction differently with each of them sometimes.

I hope that made sense...I might not be awake yet. :p
 
D

Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#3
#3
This is something that I find strange in the bible because I think that favoritism produces sin. Many feelings are hurt, people are treated unfairly, and can produce bitterness. Not saying that i'm right but I dont know why I'm wrong.

As for in my house, I am not my mothers favorite. I'm cool with that-we're just too different. My sister is my mom's and I probably think I'm my dads.
 
M

Matthew

Guest
#4
#4
I think there is a big difference between being a parents favourite and just being more like them than other sibling, in my family my older brother and younger sister take after my mother, and my older sister after my father, my twin and I are different from them both, I am not sure there is a favourite, but I do know that we both have less common ground with our parents than the rest.

When I was growing up it seemed important but it caused a lot of confusion, I felt special when I convinced myself I was the most loved but then I soon started feeling bad because it seperated me from my brothers and sisters so then I didn't want to be.

I don't think good parents would ever have a favourite, they may identify more common traits with one child over another but that doesn't mean they have a preference, I am not sure if I was a parent I could ever feel like that, I have known people whose family actively embraced one child more and it did huge emotional damage to the neglected child, they had a lot of confusion.

I think growing up children are quite sensitive to this and so parents just need to be aware of that and make sure they don't do things that will isolate any of their children or make them feel less valued, for me, I would simply make a point of giving personal attention and try to give as much affirmation as I could.
 
Kathleen

Kathleen

Senior Member
#5
Oct 13, 2009
3,570
6
38
#5
faviritism for a certian child , imo, isjust wrong. period.

all it does is makes people jelious, hurt, unloved.

My dad was one of four, and he said he experienced favritism, except he wasnt the faviroute, and he had a crap childhood because of that.

i perosnally feel it is wrong, and in no way, do i belive it is right.

... :D ...
 
T

tryingtofindhim

Guest
#6
#6
I think sometimes the parents do it on accident. Also, sometimes its the kids jealously kicking in thinking that their parents have favors. Some parents, sadly do like one child better than another. I am a witness. My parents wanted a girl and I ended up being a boy. My mom got over it, but my dad still talks about it. It's something I, as a child, had to get over.
 
Christianrkchk89

Christianrkchk89

Senior Member
#9
Aug 27, 2005
1,282
12
38
34
#9
I don't think favoritism is a good way to go about things... but I do think that if you are the only well-behaved one in the family... you shouldn't have to be punished for what the other kids did? So, because you aren't being punished and they are... it can come off as favoritism?

I dunno... in my family I have alwayz been labeled the "goody two-shoes." I'm the middle child of 6 these days (due to some divorces and re-marriages). And at one time 3 of my siblings and I all lived together. They were all blood-related and I was the odd (wo)man out. They had had more of a permissive upbringing that I had... and they had some problems. So at least one of them was alwayz in trouble ( there was an older brother, older sister and younger brother) ..and because I didn't cause trouble I got more privileges...and that made them really mad...all the time.

I don't really know what to do in that case... I can tell you though... that when I did mess up... my punishments were worse than theirs and lasted longer than the others'. *shrugs*

That prolly didn't help at all! hahaha but umm I just figured i'd share.
 
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