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Your friends Husband is wrong, just because he's a Pastor doesn't make him right. Grabbing your wrists might not be punching you, but he's restraining you. He wants control. I will suggest you talk a counselor at a domestic violence center. They can help you plan a way out. He doesn't need to know.
I am am sure it's a really difficult decision to make and I understand not wanting to break up your family, but this isn't him not putting the toilet seat down, this is serious. It will be hard, but it will get better. You don't have to do this alone. I would definitely call a domestic violence number and find out what you can do.
God bless you.
D
We went through that too. You're absolutely right. Why bother? The OPs want to be agreed with or want to get it off their chest. Instead, they get the entire spectrum of answers. To what end? Truly, why bother?
And would not responding to "I want/need a divorce/my spouse is horrible" post really close down family forum? I don't think so. Family Forum might actually become about family. At the absolute worse, this would stop being a forum for unhappy spouses to think they're doing something about their marriages simply because they're typing up never ending stories on a brand new site (to them anyway.)
Exactly what purpose does telling everyone to get out of their relationship serve?
So, good question. Why bother?
And would not responding to "I want/need a divorce/my spouse is horrible" post really close down family forum? I don't think so. Family Forum might actually become about family. At the absolute worse, this would stop being a forum for unhappy spouses to think they're doing something about their marriages simply because they're typing up never ending stories on a brand new site (to them anyway.)
Exactly what purpose does telling everyone to get out of their relationship serve?
So, good question. Why bother?
If you knew my situation with my other cat, you'd see why I said that kids added on top would make me nuts. Anyhoo, that doesn't even have anything to do with THIS thread, so stay on topic. 
I'm not dishing out blame, but they're BOTH to blame in this. I know what it feels like to be abused and discarded, so yeah it is personal with me. Would you rather I tell her to stay so she and the kids can be his punching bags? Cuz THAT ain't gonna come out of MY mouth..
I'm not dishing out blame, but they're BOTH to blame in this. I know what it feels like to be abused and discarded, so yeah it is personal with me. Would you rather I tell her to stay so she and the kids can be his punching bags? Cuz THAT ain't gonna come out of MY mouth..
Like I said before, I will NEVER tell an abused woman to stay and be abused even more. I honestly don't hate men at all. They're just fine as long as they are polite and respectful. I have no tolerance for wife beaters, I've been there, gone through that.. And like I said to Depleted, we NEVER get both sides of a story on here, so why do we even bother giving advice at all, since we only know one side of anyone's story?
And YOU don't have any power to tell me where to post, so please..worry about your own advice, and I'll worry about mine..
And YOU don't have any power to tell me where to post, so please..worry about your own advice, and I'll worry about mine..
A
Keep praying and asking God to help you in your heart mind and choices. He sees your heart. He will help you where you don't even know you need help. And lead you too. Keep keep keep praying! Ask The Lord his will! Ask The Lord for strength against temptation and guidance, and ask The Lord to help your husband with what he does wrong. Ask The Lord. He will hear and answer. I don't condone abuse. I don't have all the answers. None of us do.
Ask The Lord if you stay and pray, or need to leave. To make it clear to you. To help you know what to do for the children and yourself and even what might be best for your husband. Sometimes separation couple with intercession brings change. I remember one time we literally threw things at each other. I wasn't save yet and he wasn't. I moved it the next day. But never stopped praying for him. Then last summer we both were worked on by The Lord after all those years of prayers it even got him to start praying and reading the bible all our time apart. And we both just relented and said we wanted our family back. So we've been reconciling for a year. But Godnis still working out other areas in us to His glory. For the children. No mate rage problems on both our parts thanks to our God in heaven and Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. But like all relationships lots of them. Plus I have said the meanest ugliest things to my husband mean bad horrible you would hate me if I told you. Yet he told me such too. Yet we love each other. Our mistakes and carnality as sinful ways we learned behaviors didn't define us. Gods will us what's keeping us going and helping us. God! Amen! Glory to God! Amen!
Ask The Lord if you stay and pray, or need to leave. To make it clear to you. To help you know what to do for the children and yourself and even what might be best for your husband. Sometimes separation couple with intercession brings change. I remember one time we literally threw things at each other. I wasn't save yet and he wasn't. I moved it the next day. But never stopped praying for him. Then last summer we both were worked on by The Lord after all those years of prayers it even got him to start praying and reading the bible all our time apart. And we both just relented and said we wanted our family back. So we've been reconciling for a year. But Godnis still working out other areas in us to His glory. For the children. No mate rage problems on both our parts thanks to our God in heaven and Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. But like all relationships lots of them. Plus I have said the meanest ugliest things to my husband mean bad horrible you would hate me if I told you. Yet he told me such too. Yet we love each other. Our mistakes and carnality as sinful ways we learned behaviors didn't define us. Gods will us what's keeping us going and helping us. God! Amen! Glory to God! Amen!
Imo, what your doing is more emotionally damaging than the little physical abuse you've incurred. What he has done is known, and it seems he's been apologetic and is trying to stop. What your doing is hidden, and you have no desire to stop. I can't help but wonder what you were doing that caused him to push you out of the way? Why were you blocking his way or trying to prevent him from going? Why would he need to restrain you by grabbing your wrist? Usually when a man grabs a women's wrist or hands, its to prevent her from slapping the hell out of him
. No offense, but what you describe almost sounds more like self-preservation than physical abuse. In any event, from a guys perspective, I'd be much more hurt and devastated to learn that my wife was cheating and having a secret affair, I'd actually prefer being pushed around a bit. I could deal with a bad temper, but not a bad heart. You both have issues, fess-up, get counseling, and work on yourselves... jmo
C
To Dan58, I appreciate your honesty and I can see where you're coming from. I have never blocked my husband from leaving. You were wondering what I must've been doing for him to grab my arm, we were in the car, arguing, and I was trying to get out of the car and he grabbed my wrist and locked the door to keep me from getting out. Last night, I tried to walk away, while we were arguing and he grabbed my arms and shook me to keep me still. Yes, I was wrong for trying to walk away/get out of the car while we're arguing. I just didn't want it to escalate, I guess I made it worst.
You're right about the affair. I know I'm not innocent. I play a huge part in all of this.
Thank you for your post.
You're right about the affair. I know I'm not innocent. I play a huge part in all of this.
Thank you for your post.
Stop trying to justify your behavior regarding getting out of the car. You were right to walk away before it escalated, and HE was wrong once again to put his hands on (ABUSE) you.. You need to get away from this jerk while you can. He IS going to land you in the hospital if you don't. And you're foolish to think he'd never do that. It happens all the time with abusers..