Divorce: The line between fighting for your marriage and acceptance.

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Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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453
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#22
Perhaps because monogamy is so extremely important to most people that once that bond has been broken, it is near impossible to repair.
But it doesn't have to be impossible.
 

Magenta

Senior Member
Jul 3, 2015
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#23
But it doesn't have to be impossible.
I didn't say it was impossible :) But God allows for divorce under that circumstance because He knows how vitally important monogamy is. Hey, there is a good argument against polygamy :D
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
6,515
453
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#24
I didn't say it was impossible :) But God allows for divorce under that circumstance because He knows how vitally important monogamy is. Hey, there is a good argument against polygamy :D
I'm down with polygamy if I get to have several young, attractive, and mute women.
 

Tommy379

Senior Member
Jan 12, 2016
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#26
I'm not sure that having a valid divorce in accordance with God's word, grants any authority for a second marriage.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#27
Where is it? How long should you fight for your marriage? How long before you're just a clinger who can't accept the marriage is over?

It's been a month. I feel great about the direction my life is going. The changes I've made and am still making. I love my new church and the true fellowship that it offers. I'm keeping busy but I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.

I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space. I told her that IF she did really want a divorce that we have to take care of things for that to happen but she won't address it. Am I wrong to see hope in that? Sometimes I feel like I'm clinging to a chance I don't have. I pray and pray and I feel like God wants me to fight. Is that God or my own desires? I ask for signs but feel like I'm looking too hard.

As I said in the other thread, I've been attending this church for a month and they seem to be a great fit for me. They are coincidentally having their annual plunge night (baptism) on weds. I'm ecstatic about that. I just know Its something I'll always remember and I would love for her to be there.

As I also mentioned in the other thread; I went in last weds for baptism class and accidentally ended up in the next step program. I feel like my accident was God's purpose. I'm starting to meet good people (which I really need in my construction world). Couples that would be good for us to be friends with. But I'm there alone. She would absolutely love this church and lifestyle if I only got the chance to show her.

So since I rambled, how long? How long do I hold on to this marriage? I don't want to give up. I don't want to be "that clingy ex that won't let go" either. Advice please.
Practically speaking, "she won't address it," is where you are. No divorce papers served. No talking yet. Would I hope? Of course I would. I'm the eternal optimist, so I'm hoping right along with you.

Might I make one bold suggestion? (Don't know why I asked, since I'm going to anyway. lol)

Pick up a card at drug store or Hallmark store. I think they even have an "I miss you" section in card choices. Find one with very few words on it. (Nothing flowery. Nothing sappy. Nothing romantic. Nothing funny.) And, inside include something like "I'm sorry and I'm here when you are ready to talk."

That's it. No updates. No long-winded whatevers. (And we're both long-winded, so not a put down.) Just one simple sentence. And then mail it to her.

That let's her know you want this resolved. You are still interested, but you're letting her make the decision on when.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#28
Yeah that's what I meant. God have given me peace. As a converted catholic I've never experienced a relationship with Jesus. Before it was just reciting prayers to him. That's my peace. That I can talk to him about anything.

The people I'm meeting are not my source of peace. It's just refreshing to meet people who are equally yoked. I've addressed the anger. Read about it, started a management course. Ultimately nothing has helped me like me surrendering to God.

I've seen a difference at work already as far as dealing with stress and other people attitudes.
Heads up on the anger and patience thingies from someone who doesn't have either down pat yet. Neither one is a fix-it-and-forget-it thing. It gets better and better, but it doesn't simply go away, or come. And worse yet, the way God teaches us patience is by dunking us into frustration after frustration to teach us who our life jacket is. The very thing that causes anger in us is the thing God needs to use to teach us patience.

Dagnabit!
:eek:
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#29
The line is marital unfaithfulness. If your spouse did not cheat on you, you stay married no matter what.
Not really. That's assuming the other partner will stay in the marriage too.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#30
Sound advice. Thanks. I'm gonna give it a few days before I say anything to her. I want to focus on my baptism and not make it about her at all. Even though I do hope she'll be there.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#31
That's no joke. I haven't gotten "comsumed" by anger or anything like that but I have caught myself going into road rage. I have obtained the ability to pull myself out of it as quick as it starts and pray. I think as long as I remember that I can maintain it. I guess it's like an addiction. It may not ever be gone but you can control it.
 

Ruthiemo

Junior Member
Jul 23, 2017
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#32
I am too in the same boat. My husband left me about 3 weeks ago. After being married for almost 3 years, out of the blue told me he does not love me anymore. I have health issues and he could not cope with me and them. Heartbreaking. I trying to hold on to hope that my marriage will be restored but then, had people tell me its over so get over myself. I pray for you too.
 
Jul 4, 2017
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#33
I hate that for you. It's especially sad because it's not your fault. Mine is my fault. I'll pray for you as well. Sorry you're going through all of that.
 
D

Depleted

Guest
#34
Jesus says it does.
Actually,
a. There has been no unfaithfulness in this case.
b. No he didn't. He said because the hardness of man's heart, it is okay to divorce for that. He is the softener of the heart, so it is not a "says it does" at all.

Merely that you keep your heart hard on such things.
 

OneFaith

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2016
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#35
He never required a divorce for adultry.
God didn't leave when we are unfaithful, he sent Jesus.
Oh, I thought you meant you can leave a marriage for other reasons other than adultery. No, if your spouse cheats on you, you don't have to get a divorce. I was just saying you can't leave the marriage for any other reason.
 

shrimp

Senior Member
Aug 28, 2011
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#36
You two need to discuss what to do next. it's a tough discussion but it is necessary. you need a plan if reconciliation is what is decided.
Maybe agree to date for a while and see where it takes you. talk about your concerns and listen to hers. see what happens.
 

RBW8

Member
Jul 4, 2017
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#37
Well I got served my divorce papers last night. And a temporary restraining order because "I would not accept the divorce". At this point I don't really know what to do.
 

Jeshuvan

Pastor
Staff member
Apr 15, 2012
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#38
be strong in the Lord and the power of his might.Read Philipians 4:4-13 never give up your war is not against your husband but satan,to the pulling down of strongholds.God can do anything.I was in the courtroom,im a pastor with two people hating each other ,the judge stated i can give a minute for one last thought about this,for there is light in this tunnel they thought ,hearts were changed and there both serving God wholeheartedly ,adultry was part of the situation 2.They forgave each other,they r strong soul winners now busy 4 God with an amazing testamony,God can turn ashes to gold and weeping to joy what seems hard and impossible to us,is a piece of cake to him.GBU Jesh.
 

Nehemiah6

Senior Member
Jul 18, 2017
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#39
I haven't spoken to her too much. I try my best to give her space.
While I have no idea of what has transpired in your marriage, Christians may divorce for only one reason -- adultery. If that has not occurred and there are other issues to be resolved, then the longer you wait around, the worse things will get. The wise thing to do (as the husband) is to take the initiative and show some leadership. Arrange a meeting (on neutral ground) where everything is brought out into the open and each one honestly admits their own faults. Then there can be only one outcome for Christians -- repentance, reconciliation, and restoration. Uusally both are at fault, so both must make an effort to stop repeating their previous mistakes or attitudes.
 

EarnestQ

Senior Member
Apr 28, 2016
2,491
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#40
Would she be willing to go with you to a counselor? Getting the divorce papers sounds pretty final, and it may be, but God still works miracles.

If she is a true Christian then I think she is out of place filing for divorce when you are willing to change yourself to be a better husband. But she doesn't care what I think, and there may be nothing you can do at the moment.

I was going to invite you to send her flowers until I read you got the divorce papers. Now, I don't know what to suggest.

All I can really do is pray for you and her.