Does a man OWN his family?

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Immawildthing

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2013
1,371
14
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#1
When I was younger, I believed a man basically did OWN his wife and his kids. I was told by other women, not to get married, because men think they own you. I told my older step-sister, "I thought after you were married, he basically did own you."
She told me that a man doesnt necessarily OWN you as much as he is responsible for you, and he is the head of the family, and the provider, but he doesn't really own you. My mom wasn't very happy with life, when she believed that my dad owned her, and she would follow his every demand because she believed he owned her (that and my mom is just a natural follower).
I'm not saying my husband thinks he owns me, Im asking, because now my little sister thinks that a man will OWN her, when she gets married, and she says that she'll have no say in the matter of where she wants to live, or what she wants in life, if her husband doesn't agree with it.
I thought it was give and take from both sides, and where you don't agree, there's room for negotiating and discussing things like adults should.
Id hate to see my little sister grow up, get married and live under her husbands foot. She'd be miserable. A woman has every right to be a person of her own, am I right? She deserves respect too right?
Im not necessarily a feminist, I know women have rights, but I also believe what the Bible has to say about it. Yes, a woman is to be a help-meet to her husband, and she is under him in authority, but I don't think that means that she should be under him in everything else as well. I thought a man and a woman were supposed to be equal to each other.
Yes, I believe a woman should be submissive to her husband, but I don't believe that means she shouldn't have a say. They don't need to argue about it, she doesn't need to fight her way through it, people can talk things out like adults and she'll still be submissive to him, because she's not fighting him.
I think that my marriage, and my growing relationship with my husband, is still young, and we're still learning, but to work together on things (so the wife can be a help-meet and a companion, like she's supposed to), is so much better when neither of them are OWNED by the other.
Am I right?
 
D

dashadow

Guest
#2
I've been married for almost 16 years. Wow! That's almost as long as you've been alive. Both my wife and I believe in God and His Word. But my wife certainly doesn't do everything I say. I don't know why given my perfect wisdom. :) Anyway, there isn't much I ask of her, except to give me some space now and then. :)

People like to debate this submissive thing into the ground. But they keep forgeting about the rest.

Ephesians 5 [SUP]25 [/SUP]Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [SUP]26 [/SUP]to make her holy, cleansing[SUP][a][/SUP] her by the washing with water through the word, [SUP]27 [/SUP]and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. [SUP]28 [/SUP]In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

So, if a husband loves his wife thus, it seems there is no harm in submitting. The question is, what if he isn't loving her thus? Let the spirit show you the way.

God Bless!
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#3
When I was a child (look at my age), there were still some laws around from a time when legally, a man did own his wife and kids. I even read in some books how the laws were changing when I was a child. It varied from place to place, but European law, being older, had quite a bit of it, even into the 1940's. These laws have all changed, as far as I can tell. Your flag is US, you are 100% safe. Same for Canada, UK, Australia, as far as I know. There may be some little places where English is spoken that a few such laws are still on the books.

To put it in context remember that even into the 1600's, farmers were owned by the lord of the land, so it has been a slow change. Scripturally, there is no basis for such ownership. These laws were introduced to keep order in ancient society, and gradually filtered in to society's way of interpreting Scripture. Even the "submission" thing is based on an ancient understanding that the woman is closer to earth and the man to heaven, and the ancient idea (taught nowhere today) that they were once joined face ot face into one person. It's too complicated to go into (because of Hebrew and Greek, and a bunch of scriptures that need to be put into cultural context), but many Christian couples live as my wife and I did, with submission of the other going to the one who was following God's leading in a particular direction at the time.
 
Mar 3, 2013
44
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0
#4
No he most certainly does not, he is they to protect his family and guide them down the right road in life but know body owns anybody we are all individuals with our own minds and choices in life. If you have no space then be specific with your wife explain that you need more space but your not pushing her away you just need time to yourself now and then don't bea around the bush just come right out and say it, take up fishing or something. If your only telling her in so many words because your affraid to hurt her feelings....don't be.
 

leelee

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2011
1,258
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#5
nobody owns you! ever. you are you and have the right to be your own person. God does not even try to own you. he made you and wants the relationship with you but he allows you to make that decision.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#6
How can you be equal.. and submissive both? Submissive means to submit to authority, they person over you. Equal means there is no single authority to submit to. That is a contradiction in concepts.
 
J

jinx

Guest
#7
I've been married for almost 21 years, my husband is a great man to put up with me. But he is also a great leader as seen of him at his work place. He is a .... lets say "manager" for lack of better terms. And he always says he wouldn't ask anyone to do anything he wouldn't do himself. and that you don't drive people to do things, you lead them, showing them by your own example. He has carried this into our marriage. And because of this kind of leadership, I CHOOSE to follow him because I know he has my best interest in mind. we do have talks about each others wants and things, but when it comes down to it, what he says goes, but he is such a leader that it don'tbother me as much.
The husband is the head of the wife, he is to love her as Christ loved the church. GOD doesn't make us do anything. But because of who HE is, we WANT to follow HIM.
 
N

nonicknametouse

Guest
#8
Hi, Marraige is not about ownership, it is about partnershiip. God puts things in order. The man is the head of the household as God is the head of men. Ephesians 5:22thru33. We do not own anything in this life because God provides everthing for us. Yes women are to be submissive to their husbands , however husbands are to be submissive to their wives as well. Men who think they own their wives are not living God's word or maybe don't truely know God's word. Some men abuse God's word. 1Corinthians 11:3-12 I hope this helps you understand. There is always more to say, however sometimes too much reading turns some people off, and it woun't get read. God bless you.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#9
No, the patriarchal model of family and marriage is non-biblical. The husband/father is to be the leader but he must lead with selfless love for his family, taking into consideration his wife's thoughts and putting her and their children first.
 
N

nonicknametouse

Guest
#10
Hi, Submission means that your putting the other persons needs before your own. God's word does not controdict itself. The job that the Lord gave a husband is to protect, pray, lead, provide and guide their families. They are responsible to teach God's word and be sure their family in envolved in a home church where they can grow and mature in God's word. Wives are their husbands help-mates, who are to support their husband and trust his desisions because he has her and the families better interest in mind. He will answered to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:7. A wife keeps the house in order, brings peace to the home and care for the children. She usually will take care of the finances if they are in agreement . God simply has an order to the family as the church. If He didn't there would be disorder in the home and the Holy Spirit does not bring disorder and confusion .




To Ugly
 
M

MissCris

Guest
#11
Hi, Submission means that your putting the other persons needs before your own.

[h=2]Definition of SUBMISSION[/h]1
a : a legal agreement to submit to the decision of arbitrators
b : an act of submitting something (as for consideration or inspection); also : something submitted (as a manuscript)

2
: the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant

3
: an act of submitting to the authority or control of another
 

leelee

Senior Member
Sep 5, 2011
1,258
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#12
the original definition of submission means under the same mission.
 

jb

Senior Member
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
589
113
#13
Does a man OWN his family?
He certainly does NOT own his family, either wife or kids!

Anything that says that he does is a lie which has its origin from the Devil...

Yahweh Shalom
 

Immawildthing

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2013
1,371
14
38
#14
I'm submissive to my husband, why do you think I live in Utah? I never wanted to move from Wyoming. I accept that he has authority over me and "legally" he "owns" me.
The second definition of submission in MissCris's post fits what I've always thought submission meant in this case.
Submitting to my husband and being lower in authority, I do not fight his opinions or his decisions, if it's against my better judgment or something I don't like, I'll tell him how I feel, not fight with him. Not fighting his decisions, that by itself, is being submissive to him. In our vows though, we promised to treat each other equally.
Somehow I knew the guys and girls would have different oppinions.
 
Last edited:

Elizabeth619

Senior Member
Jul 19, 2011
6,397
109
48
#15
I'm submissive to my husband, why do you think I live in Utah? I never wanted to move from Wyoming. I accept that he has authority over me and "legally" he "owns" me.
.
To indicate your husbands owns you is saying you have no will of your own, and submission is a one-way street. Submission is mutual. He doesn't own you. The bible does not say a Christian husband owns his wife.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#16
Hi, Submission means that your putting the other persons needs before your own. God's word does not controdict itself. The job that the Lord gave a husband is to protect, pray, lead, provide and guide their families. They are responsible to teach God's word and be sure their family in envolved in a home church where they can grow and mature in God's word. Wives are their husbands help-mates, who are to support their husband and trust his desisions because he has her and the families better interest in mind. He will answered to the Lord. 1 Peter 3:7. A wife keeps the house in order, brings peace to the home and care for the children. She usually will take care of the finances if they are in agreement . God simply has an order to the family as the church. If He didn't there would be disorder in the home and the Holy Spirit does not bring disorder and confusion .




To Ugly
I didn't say anything about Gods word contradicting itself. My post was directed to the words of the OP. She said marriage is 'submission' and 'equal partners'.
 

Immawildthing

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2013
1,371
14
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#17
You can be submissive to someone equal. It's true. My husband treats me like an equal, and Im submissive, meaning I don't fight him. But what adult should fight with another?
 
Sep 8, 2012
4,367
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#18
WoW! Men used to literally OWN their families?
(I wonder how much they could get for them on the open market?):rolleyes:
 

Immawildthing

Senior Member
Jan 20, 2013
1,371
14
38
#19
That's terrible! And hilarious at the same time.
 
Nov 26, 2012
3,095
1,050
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#20
It's already been pretty much summed up but I'll add this. The man is to rule but more like a captain than a dictator. The focus is supposed to be for the good of the team not for self indulgent glory. It is wise for a ruler to listen to advice before making hasty decisions. Just a question here but is your husband as young as yourself? The reason I ask is most younger men, but not all, I've encountered have barely enough life experience to direct themselves let alone a family. Hopefully he has a good relationship with a father figure who can offer some wisdom. What denomination would you say you fall under?