Does familiarity breed contempt

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EliB

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Sep 24, 2022
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#21
No, it is not true.
it seems to be true only because we tend to recognize contempt more readily with those we become closest to.
this isn't because of familiarity.
Familiarity only allows us to see what a person is. it allows us to see who they really are, and, quite often, we don't like what we see. now, there is another reason for this saying as well and it is based in the confines of our own little nuggets of personal evil.
we, as people, are discontent and reject contentment with full vigor, we are also prideful, vain, covetous and vengeful. All of these things breed contempt, not familiarity. if this were true, then there would be no such thing as familial affection. familiarity breeds understanding and affection if one puts selfish notions and desires aside as is proper.
 

markss

Active member
Feb 10, 2020
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#22
Is this true, even for Christians? Just wondering..whether you start hating your family cos its your family. After all you know what they are like, whereas with friends you dont see them everyday or are obligated in the same way family is.

Of course all domestic violence happens in families. Probably you are more likely to be hurt by a family member than a random stanger who doesnt know you.
I think familiarity breeds contempt in those who do not love those with whom they are familiar, and I think familiarity breeds endearment in those who do love those with whom they are familiar.

Much love!
 

persistent

Well-known member
Sep 11, 2022
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#23
Lanolin said:
Is this true, even for Christians? Just wondering..whether you start hating your family cos its your family. After all you know what they are like, whereas with friends you dont see them everyday or are obligated in the same way family is.

Of course all domestic violence happens in families. Probably you are more likely to be hurt by a family member than a random stanger who doesnt know you.
Domestic violence........
violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.

Not necessarily family. I personally have had neighbors call police thinking must be something serious but police LOL when they realize she is attacking me and I am so drunk to not care. Contempt probably not. She loved me but drinking took precedence. Difficult to comprehend even at a distance. Alcohol is hard to quit.
 

Hazelelponi

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2019
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#25
Is this true, even for Christians? Just wondering..whether you start hating your family cos its your family. After all you know what they are like, whereas with friends you dont see them everyday or are obligated in the same way family is.

Of course all domestic violence happens in families. Probably you are more likely to be hurt by a family member than a random stanger who doesnt know you.
My ex-husband immigrated here from Syria right before we got married. Prior to that he had never been in a western nation.

The longer he was here, the more he grew to hate, literally hate, everything about the culture and the people. It was a disgust which grew with time instead of abating with integration.

So, while "familiarity breeding contempt" won't apply in every single instance or with every single person, it's something that's very very possible in any situation.

That's why, when you're considering any long term relationship, whether that relationship is spousal or an employment situation, you make sure you won't end up wishing you'd not gotten yourself into such a horrible situation.

For instance, I love my current husband (#2, yes) more and more every day. We've been married 10 years now and the love still grows so it's possible for the opposite to be true.

little things that you may think are cute or quirky once or even twice - when it's every day you are less likely to feel the same.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#26
I remeber going to a foreign country, meeting some men who tried to latch on to me just because I was a foreigner, and wanting to run away with me because they hated their own country. ?! Or family

Whereas, I had wanted to get away from my own country/family, well at least for a little while lol But not enough to marry a foreigner and leave it forever
 

EliB

Member
Sep 24, 2022
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#27
Fair, but, as I said, "as is proper"
A better way to say it would probably be "as we are commanded" haha
This isn't the point though, the point is does familiarity that breeds contempt?
No. Ot does not.
Asking that question is like asking if bullets murder people.
Not being mean to the OP here, just giving a clear example.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#28
Fair, but, as I said, "as is proper"
A better way to say it would probably be "as we are commanded" haha
This isn't the point though, the point is does familiarity that breeds contempt?
No. Ot does not.
Asking that question is like asking if bullets murder people.
Not being mean to the OP here, just giving a clear example.
not really understanding what you posted sorry

Familarity breeds contempt is a common saying.

Im thinking in church families that everyone keeps their proper distance and gives each other space and freedom to be themselves perhaps? Like how Jesus calls his disicples friends instead of servants.

or am I getting it mixed up. What about Philemon, former runaway slave, now brother in Christ.
 
Sep 24, 2022
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#29
not really understanding what you posted sorry

Familiarity breeds contempt is a common saying.

I'm thinking in church families that everyone keeps their proper distance and gives each other space and freedom to be themselves perhaps? Like how Jesus calls his disciples friends instead of servants.

or am I getting it mixed up. What about Philemon, former runaway slave, now brother in Christ.

sorry, a lot of my comments I do on my phone

I'm not saying that people don't use the saying. what I'm saying is that it isn't technically accurate.
Familiarity produces knowledge about the person with which we are becoming familiar.
if we do as God commands us, then familiarity will do what it is supposed to and breed understanding and this understanding produces affection and Love, not contempt.

if a person is finding that "Familiarity breeds contempt" then there is probably something wrong in them or what they are trying to do.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#30
ok, well i did find anothe proverb that talked about contempt

Proverbs 18:13

but it was talking about the wicked, not the familiar.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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#31
Children were asked if they ever fought with their siblings.

Everyones hands quickly shot up.
 
Nov 23, 2021
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#32
Everything tastes better with bacon. Neverminding
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
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#33
Is this true, even for Christians? Just wondering..whether you start hating your family cos its your family. After all you know what they are like, whereas with friends you dont see them everyday or are obligated in the same way family is.

Of course all domestic violence happens in families. Probably you are more likely to be hurt by a family member than a random stanger who doesnt know you.
I think this depends on how you view someone. If you think they will solve your problems in life and will always be helpful, encouraging, kind etc. then yes it will breed contempt. There are unrealistic expectations.

But if you know that the more you get to know someone you will see more flaws and weaknesses as well as strengths and abilities I think familiarity can breed intimacy.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#34
hmm food for thought Krumbeard

Im into problem solving but mostly my own problems not really other peoples lol

as for being familiar with stengths and weaknesses I think that more of a mentorship than an intimacy thing. Eg a coach knows these and trains their protege so they can do better. Or teacher to student.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
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#35
hmm food for thought Krumbeard

Im into problem solving but mostly my own problems not really other peoples lol

as for being familiar with stengths and weaknesses I think that more of a mentorship than an intimacy thing. Eg a coach knows these and trains their protege so they can do better. Or teacher to student.
I wasn't so much implying solving their problems as much as I was try to give my opinion on the OP.

Trying to solve someone else's problems is a whole other topic.

But that is something that won't work if they aren't willing to see or do what needs done. And even before that, they need to see their problem as a problem.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#36
How would a family solve your problems?

why would your family solve your problems for you? not really getting it. A baby really doesnt know they are born to solve their parents problems.
 

Krumbeard

Well-known member
Apr 15, 2019
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#37
Did someone say that a family will solve their problems?
 

Runningman

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Mar 4, 2020
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#38
Does familiarity breed contempt
It's just that people can't get a break from the problems they have with familiar people. It's one thing to tolerate someone in doses every now and then, but people who have contempt for family, people they live with every day, they might not have any escape. If they can't resolve their problems it might become a very toxic/hostile environment in their home.

Imagine working a job where you're bullied, belittled, harassed, and assigned difficult tasks every day. I use this as an example because this happens. People either quit or explode. Same thing happens in houses sometimes.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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#40
It's just that people can't get a break from the problems they have with familiar people. It's one thing to tolerate someone in doses every now and then, but people who have contempt for family, people they live with every day, they might not have any escape. If they can't resolve their problems it might become a very toxic/hostile environment in their home.

Imagine working a job where you're bullied, belittled, harassed, and assigned difficult tasks every day. I use this as an example because this happens. People either quit or explode. Same thing happens in houses sometimes.
this is what I thought...family being people you live with right. Not necessarily always related to you