Does God choose your spouse or do you with God's guidance?

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Lanolin

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i think its problematic when a much older marries someone much younger because the younger will still be working by the time the older one retires. And if thats the case the younger might start to resent this but they cant just quit their job otherwise they have no money for the both of them to survive. But they cant expect the older one to continue working either.

20 years difference is huge. People dismiss it when they first start going out and courting but it sure catches up on then when they realise its an entire generation gap.
 
T

TheIndianGirl

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Just make sure you pay them well if you are rich cos they are doing a job parents ought to be doing but for some reason cant.

This is why many children identify with the hands on love and care their nannies gave them over their mothers and fathers (too busy doing OTHER things I suppose)
Some nannies are good, but not all. My friend has gone through a few nannies. Her latest nanny didn't like to play with the child; she just wanted to overfeed the child, tire him, and put him to sleep.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

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i think its problematic when a much older marries someone much younger because the younger will still be working by the time the older one retires. And if thats the case the younger might start to resent this but they cant just quit their job otherwise they have no money for the both of them to survive. But they cant expect the older one to continue working either.

20 years difference is huge. People dismiss it when they first start going out and courting but it sure catches up on then when they realise its an entire generation gap.
That age gap is the perfect recipe for disaster. Not always, but nearly most of the time. I would NEVER do that . . . ESPECIALLY if she were "Miss Universe."
 

2ndTimothyGroup

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Some nannies are good, but not all. My friend has gone through a few nannies. Her latest nanny didn't like to play with the child; she just wanted to overfeed the child, tire him, and put him to sleep.
Wow. That is just incredible. Reminds me of my biological father . . . just wanted to shut me up all the time.
 

Lanolin

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what..childhood is all about play

that is the best part! (sleeping and eating come close second and third)
 

Genipher

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I said pretty much kidnapped (as she was so young)
In that time era, in that culture, it was perfectly acceptable for a teen to marry. She wasn't "too young".

*Edit: I need to look it up but I'm pretty sure the Bible says Isaac was 20 years older than Rebecca and he was roughly 40 when they married, so she was probably 20. That wouldn't have been "young" in those days.

As an aside, my grandma married when she was 15. It was completely legal and she and grandpa were happily married for 65 years. It wasn't too long ago that marrying at such a young age was "normal" and nobody viewed it as "kidnapping".
Though it seems men and women 100 years ago generally were more mature and responsible than today's teens, which is probablywhy it worked out.
 

Genipher

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I personally would like a FREE dental plan that would be great but that isnt neccessarily Gods plan for me. (apparently only children under 18 are ever going to get free dental plans)
You know, I was thinking kids have less teeth issues so that may be why insurance can completely cover them but then I remember how my kids (as a whole) have had more cavities than I ever have had in my 40 years on this planet. Kids have teeth pulled and braces (the latter isn't covered by most insurances) so, yeah! Where's my free dental?? 😆
 

presidente

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ha nobody is THAT keen to marry a tv star or magazine cover model...your private life would be splashed on the pages, the tv and online all the time by the nauseating couple taking selfies and inviting reporters into their home filming their lifestyle for cash. Harry and Meghan anyone.

be realistic!
Some people dream about that kind of marriage, without thinking of the consequences.

But what I meant is that modern people's concepts of beauty are influenced by TV, movies, internet, print journalism etc. which shows extremely attractive people in the 90+ percentile of looks. This affects some individuals ideas of their own criteria for marriage.
 

presidente

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I have no idea. I would say, however, that considering that a person can walk into any church in the world and hear people acknowledge that God has a plan for their life, this is a rational and reasonable deduction of God's Holy Word. The real question that should be asked is, "Which of the following do I relate with? Am I controlled by the Sinful Nature or by the Spirit? And if I don't relate to my life being controlled by the Spirit, then I cannot belong to Christ AT ALL."

Romans 8:9 NLT - "But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.)"

Presidente . . . tell us if you feel like God is controlling your thoughts and decisions? Are you running your life or is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit dictating? Remember, if you don't identify with a "controlling" Spirit in your life, then it means that you do not belong to Christ "at all."
Some of the other translations say 'led by the Spirit.' I suspect the NLT went with a suboptimal choice of words because it was what was left. If your wording is too much like other translations, it's hard to get a copyright.

Be that as it may, I have noticed for a long time that the led by the Spirit passages in Romans and Galatians are not in the context of a discussion about decided what color car to by, what state to work in, or who to marry. Recently, I heard a preacher put it this way, that this passages are about moral leading not directional leading (not sure if he said directional, but he did say moral.)

Galatians has to do with bearing the fruit of the Spirit and not fulfilling the lusts of the flesh, and there is a list of fruits of the Spirit and a list of works of the flesh. Romans 8 says if you walk after the flesh, you shall die, but if you, through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, you shall live.

Neither of these passages address the issue of whether God has preordained every choice we make, or the idea that if the Spirit does not tell us which decision to make and we don't make it that we would sin, or the idea of whether every decision we make is guided by God and we don't know it. Nor are they about sensing the Spirit direct us to do one thing or another-- and if that is what they refer to, it isn't explicit.

I would say based on other passages, and my own experience, there are times I pray, trust God, and make a decision and things work out. There have been times I have prayed and gotten specific direction. There are times I've gotten specific direction when I wasn't even praying for it. And I've felt like I was being urged to do different things at differen times.

Since I mentioned campus crusade, I don't think 'God has a wonderful plan for your life' is part of the gospel message the way it is presented in scripture. What is God's plan for someone who rejects the Gospel and does not believe? Whether one is a Calvinist or believes the sinner is on a bad path, either way, the end of the road the sinner is on is death. It's not a very great plan from their perspective.
 

Genipher

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In that time era, in that culture, it was perfectly acceptable for a teen to marry. She wasn't "too young".

*Edit: I need to look it up but I'm pretty sure the Bible says Isaac was 20 years older than Rebecca and he was roughly 40 when they married, so she was probably 20. That wouldn't have been "young" in those days.

As an aside, my grandma married when she was 15. It was completely legal and she and grandpa were happily married for 65 years. It wasn't too long ago that marrying at such a young age was "normal" and nobody viewed it as "kidnapping".
Though it seems men and women 100 years ago generally were more mature and responsible than today's teens, which is probablywhy it worked out.
Meh. Looked it up and apparently I confused the 20 years Rebekah was married before conceiving, to a 20 year age difference between her and Isaac.

Still, Biblical culture of that time would probably have her at 15ish years old. She agreed to go. Her parents agreed she could go. There was no kidnapping involved.
 

Lanolin

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Some people dream about that kind of marriage, without thinking of the consequences.

But what I meant is that modern people's concepts of beauty are influenced by TV, movies, internet, print journalism etc. which shows extremely attractive people in the 90+ percentile of looks. This affects some individuals ideas of their own criteria for marriage.
what has beauty actually got to do with marriage.

marriage is hard work its not taking photo ops all the time.
 

presidente

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what has beauty actually got to do with marriage.

marriage is hard work its not taking photo ops all the time.
It sparks initial interest for a lot of people, maybe men moreso than women.

It is important to a lot of single people looking for a partner. It may be one of those things that feel like they can't help caring about. Watching TV shows, movies, social media, etc. that feature extremely good looking people all the time might lead some people to apply these standards to their choices for dates.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

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If your wording is too much like other translations, it's hard to get a copyright.
Wow. That is a rather intuitive statement. I'd never heard nor considered that before. I appreciate that a lot.

I also both like and appreciate all that you said. There is absolutely no doubt that Scripture seems clear that we have choices in this life. I cannot outright deny that. Does the Lord control us in terms of, "Should I use the bathroom now or later" kinds of decisions? I don't think so, but . . . maybe. What if the Lord knew that by slowing us down in using the restroom might prevent us from a car collision? How do we know?

What I know about my life is this: I have been purchased, thus my life is no longer my own. I have offered myself to Him as a Living Sacrifice, making myself fully available to Him so that His objectives would be manifest through me. I have specifically told the Lord to use me according to His every wish and Will. While that is somewhat nerve-racking, considering that torture is real within this world, nonetheless, I still offered myself to Him in any way if it would so benefit His Eternal Plan . . . not that I can stop it or prevent it.

Since I have submitted, fully, to the Lord . . . my life has been nothing but chaotic and filled with hatred. My own "christian" families have hated me and the majority still do. We're talking about active pastors, missionaries, elders, etc . . . and their wives. Why? Because I Share the True Gospel of Jesus Christ. Why? Because I have Godly Confidence. Why? Because I Obey. Why? Because I have Submitted to the Lord. Why? Because what I believe about His Gospel is accurate. I am Believe, have Submitted, am thus Obedient, therefore am Confident and am in conclusion . . . able to share with anyone the True Gospel of Christ. I teach that the Gospel is the Purpose of Christ, the Work of Christ and that there is a Holy result or Effect of Christ. Part of that Effect is being Controlled by the Spirit, hence . . .

2 Corinthians 3:14-18 NKJV - "But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. Nevertheless, when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord [is], there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."

The above NKJV 2nd Cor passage is a clear description of what it means to be controlled by the Spirit, for those who are being Transformed are those who have received the Circumcision of Christ . . . the lifting of the Veil so that one can Understand, hence so that one can properly Believe, Submit, Obey, become Confident and finally Share the Gospel of Christ with anyone and everyone they meet.

So, I think that it is worthwhile considering the idea that perhaps even our "bad" decisions are decisions that the Lord uses to establish His Holy Discipline in our lives. For, what kind of Discipline would the Lord use if there were never any circumstances of hardship? Did not Peter become more "calm" after Paul jumped down his throat (Gal 2) for leading so many people astray from the Word of Truth? And wasn't it the Lord who hardened Peter's heart so that instead of rushing to Christ's aid and lopping off a soldiers ear, setting him back to denying Christ . . . were these not controlling acts of God so as to prove His Almighty Power?

Certainly, we can agree that Peter's change from being ultra-aggressive in nearly murdering for Christ and being converted into a fearful man . . . this was not the mind of Peter, but a controlling force of God by which to demonstrate Himself in His Almighty, Omnicient Power.

Sorry for the short book . . . I could keep writing and writing and writing. Too easy.
 

Lanolin

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Meh. Looked it up and apparently I confused the 20 years Rebekah was married before conceiving, to a 20 year age difference between her and Isaac.

Still, Biblical culture of that time would probably have her at 15ish years old. She agreed to go. Her parents agreed she could go. There was no kidnapping involved.
well a 'ransom' was paid I kind of think of it in terms of a kidnapping cos they wanted her and bought (with lots of jewellery) her and just took her away. Rebekah hadnt even met Isaac before she agreed! She met his camels before she ever laid eyes on him.

but she was blessed to be the mother of 'thousands of millions' so I guess it was alright, even though she actually only ever had two children (twin boys)

not something thats done much these days...well, is it done in your family? someone comes and tells you I'll give you money/jewellery for your daughter to marry my boss is that ok. And she has to leave with us right this minute.

I just find it funny thats all, they didnt even wait ten days.
 

Lanolin

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Dec 15, 2018
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It sparks initial interest for a lot of people, maybe men moreso than women.

It is important to a lot of single people looking for a partner. It may be one of those things that feel like they can't help caring about. Watching TV shows, movies, social media, etc. that feature extremely good looking people all the time might lead some people to apply these standards to their choices for dates.
I dont think so you assume a bit much there.

women are looking for kindness and someone who will make a good dad

men basically look for someone whos female! any woman can dress up and look good if they have time and money to do so. if someone is young they already look good physically but youth often attract predators wanting to take advantage of youth.
 

Lanolin

Well-known member
Dec 15, 2018
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Wow. That is a rather intuitive statement. I'd never heard nor considered that before. I appreciate that a lot.

I also both like and appreciate all that you said. There is absolutely no doubt that Scripture seems clear that we have choices in this life. I cannot outright deny that. Does the Lord control us in terms of, "Should I use the bathroom now or later" kinds of decisions? I don't think so, but . . . maybe. What if the Lord knew that by slowing us down in using the restroom might prevent us from a car collision? How do we know?

What I know about my life is this: I have been purchased, thus my life is no longer my own. I have offered myself to Him as a Living Sacrifice, making myself fully available to Him so that His objectives would be manifest through me. I have specifically told the Lord to use me according to His every wish and Will. While that is somewhat nerve-racking, considering that torture is real within this world, nonetheless, I still offered myself to Him in any way if it would so benefit His Eternal Plan . . . not that I can stop it or prevent it.

Since I have submitted, fully, to the Lord . . . my life has been nothing but chaotic and filled with hatred. My own "christian" families have hated me and the majority still do. We're talking about active pastors, missionaries, elders, etc . . . and their wives. Why? Because I Share the True Gospel of Jesus Christ. Why? Because I have Godly Confidence. Why? Because I Obey. Why? Because I have Submitted to the Lord. Why? Because what I believe about His Gospel is accurate. I am Believe, have Submitted, am thus Obedient, therefore am Confident and am in conclusion . . . able to share with anyone the True Gospel of Christ. I teach that the Gospel is the Purpose of Christ, the Work of Christ and that there is a Holy result or Effect of Christ. Part of that Effect is being Controlled by the Spirit, hence . . .

2 Corinthians 3:14-18 NKJV - "But their minds were blinded. For until this day the same veil remains unlifted in the reading of the Old Testament, because the veil is taken away in Christ. But even to this day, when Moses is read, a veil lies on their heart. Nevertheless, when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord [is], there is liberty. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."

The above NKJV 2nd Cor passage is a clear description of what it means to be controlled by the Spirit, for those who are being Transformed are those who have received the Circumcision of Christ . . . the lifting of the Veil so that one can Understand, hence so that one can properly Believe, Submit, Obey, become Confident and finally Share the Gospel of Christ with anyone and everyone they meet.

So, I think that it is worthwhile considering the idea that perhaps even our "bad" decisions are decisions that the Lord uses to establish His Holy Discipline in our lives. For, what kind of Discipline would the Lord use if there were never any circumstances of hardship? Did not Peter become more "calm" after Paul jumped down his throat (Gal 2) for leading so many people astray from the Word of Truth? And wasn't it the Lord who hardened Peter's heart so that instead of rushing to Christ's aid and lopping off a soldiers ear, setting him back to denying Christ . . . were these not controlling acts of God so as to prove His Almighty Power?

Certainly, we can agree that Peter's change from being ultra-aggressive in nearly murdering for Christ and being converted into a fearful man . . . this was not the mind of Peter, but a controlling force of God by which to demonstrate Himself in His Almighty, Omnicient Power.

Sorry for the short book . . . I could keep writing and writing and writing. Too easy.
what....your life has been filled with hatred?

I have this friend who complains that when she posts on twitter she attracts hate filled posts and these are from people she doesnt even know

I personally do not post on twitter and I wouldnt even respond to anything that was full of hate. Jesus said if they dont accept your message then shake the dust off your feet and move on.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

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what....your life has been filled with hatred?

I have this friend who complains that when she posts on twitter she attracts hate filled posts and these are from people she doesnt even know

I personally do not post on twitter and I wouldnt even respond to anything that was full of hate. Jesus said if they dont accept your message then shake the dust off your feet and move on.
Yes. After my Damascus-Road-like Spiritual Experience, at one point, I lost 100% of all former friends and family members. No joke. Multiple times I would ask myself, "Is there REALLY no one in my cell directory that I can call and talk to?"

My level of persecution over the last five years is worthy of Movie Status . . . and at least Documentary Status. What has happened to me can only be attributed to the Almighty Power of God. To be hated so much is to recognize the Power of God in my life. Incredibly, I feel like the luckiest man on the planet!

Slowly, the Lord is reviving old relationships . . . whew . . . which feels good, let me tell you.

Matthew 5:10-12 KJV - "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute [you], and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you."

My own religious leaders and family members have openly mocked me on Facebook. Nice! I love it. :D
 

presidente

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I dont think so you assume a bit much there.

women are looking for kindness and someone who will make a good dad

men basically look for someone whos female! any woman can dress up and look good if they have time and money to do so. if someone is young they already look good physically but youth often attract predators wanting to take advantage of youth.
It depends on the person.

I read that men 'swipe right' (I think that's the direction) on the Tinder dating app a lot more than women. It may be that women care about looks even more than men. Or it could be, minus personality, charisma, etc., women are more picky about looks, but don't care as much in an in person meeting.

For me personally, when I was single and looking, I wasn't really attracted to more than maybe 5 or 10% of single thin women, probably more like 5 to 8%. I've heard that psychologists say we look for people like our parents, women for men like their fathers and men for women like their mothers. Men with heftier mothers may end up with heftier wives. My mom was thin with model good looks when I was in my formative years,, so maybe that had something to do with it. It was was not something I felt like I had any control over. I suppose I could have dated a woman I was not attracted to. But why? But is also notice that different men are attracted to different women, so I guess it can work out. Physical beauty is one little variable, but it is not the most important thing, and looks and an outgoing personality... or whatever type of personality one likes, is far less important than character and the fear of the LORD.
 

Genipher

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well a 'ransom' was paid I kind of think of it in terms of a kidnapping cos they wanted her and bought (with lots of jewellery) her and just took her away. Rebekah hadnt even met Isaac before she agreed! She met his camels before she ever laid eyes on him.

but she was blessed to be the mother of 'thousands of millions' so I guess it was alright, even though she actually only ever had two children (twin boys)

not something thats done much these days...well, is it done in your family? someone comes and tells you I'll give you money/jewellery for your daughter to marry my boss is that ok. And she has to leave with us right this minute.

I just find it funny thats all, they didnt even wait ten days.
Many cultures had "dowries" and/or arranged marriages. It's not a new concept.